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Initech

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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 03:11 PM
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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Skull Island Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-21: Wheel Of Corruption: Skull Island Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! For more information please see our ad in Redbook Magazine! So you know one of my favorite subjects besides politics is music. But I do have to show this recent fail from a Chainsmokers show in Pittsburgh. And I mean really this falls under the “you have one job” column. Seriously, how do you fuck this up? Well, let’s show it.



Yeah…



Yet another good idea for those “Wanna Get Away” commercials. Call me, Southwest! And Coachella recently ended and man there was a lot of good stuff as far as music goes. You have everything from Illuminati mind controller Lady Gaga, a guy who says “DAMN” better than Will Smith – Kendrick Lamar, to the weird and eccentric Australian band King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, to alt rock staples like Bastille, Lorde, Empire Of The Sun, Capital Cities, The XX, and Radiohead, to hip-hop heavyweights Future, Thundercat, Mac Miller, and Schoolboy Q. And one of my all time favorites – legendary Jamaican reggae mainstay Toots & The Maytals. However, with most of Coachella there’s lots of crazy shit happening. And then there’s the douchebag who stole 100s of cellphones using the Google and Apple “find my phone feature”. Yeah fuck that guy. But of course the annual Gathering Of The Hipsters brings lots of crazy food, like the Fresno Burger – which like most things that come from Fresno, is unusually large and full of crap. I kid. Oh come on, it’s Fresno. It’s California’s Florida! I kid, I kid! Or how about the pulled pork flaming mac and Cheetos tater tots? I mean really, is the goal of modern American street food just to take French fries and dump tons of unnecessary crap on them? Or my personal favorite – the gold flaked donut? I mean come on, Coachella has evolved from an innocent music festival into a full blown “fuck you” to poor people in the last few years anyways, maybe all the rich people who party there should put their money where their mouth is! And literally in this case! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to this week. But first – John Oliver is back and he explores the impact Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump have on the Trump White House:



Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!! Oh the kids love the Wheel Of Corruption don’t they? Well the number one slot this week is none other than Fox News. Well not so much Fox News as it is Bill O’Reilly who is finally seeing the end of… The Factor. Does this mean no more War On Christmas? But they’ve got to have an armchair general in a fake war that nobody asked for and doesn't want! Taking the 2nd slot is Jason Chaffetz (2) who is making a very mysterious and interestingly timed exit from Congress. Taking the number 3 and 4 slot is of course president Donald J. Trump. In the third slot this week is of course President Donald Trump (3). Who is quickly approaching his first 100 days, and guess what he’s doing? If you guessed “bragging about ratings”, you are correct! In the 4th slot is also President Trump (4) and some very special guests who he had over for dinner last week. And if you guessed it was all about giving the middle finger to liberals, you are once again correct. In the number 5 slot is Donald Trump once again – with his recent AP interview, there’s some pretty shocking stuff. Mainly that nobody could understand what he was talking about. So we’re going to apply this to history. Taking the 6th slot, we have a new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. And this week – it’s Iowa representative Steve King (6), and if you were to look up “American racist” in Urban Dictionary, you’d see his picture. In the number 7 slot, Alex Jones is back in the news. And in case you were wondering if Alex Jones was smoking some seriously strong shit, the answer to that question is an overwhelming yes! In the number 8 slot, is Ann Coulter (8) and her on again, off again speaking engagement at UC Berkeley. If you think that what happened last week is over, oh no it isn’t. not by a long shot! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, we’ve got another installment of “I Need A Drink”, but this time we’re actually going to ask “Millenials – what you sipping???” . Yeah that’s right – the 9th installment is going to talk about Starbucks (9) and their latest offering. Finally this week – we’ve got yet another installment of our ongoing Stupidest State Contest, but this time we’re getting down to the end. It’s the last matchup of round 2, and this time we have an old fashioned shoot out as Montana’s white supremacists are going to take on Missouri’s heavily armed police force. Plus we have some live music for you, this time from “Dreamcar”. A new band that combines Davey Havok from AFI with No Doubt’s backup band, and their music is so new, their album isn’t even out yet! They’re also playing Coachella both weekends. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Bill O’Reilly


Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!



The wheel is back everybody! And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. Yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. And by the way this week – to celebrate the end of the O’Reilly Factor, the Clips Without Context will either be featuring something crazy someone said about Bill O'Reilly, or will feature Bill O'Reilly himself saying something crazy - and that's pretty easy to find! So this week the items on the wheel will be:

- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Voter Fraud
- Nazis
- Booze
- Chance
- “Going Rogue”
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Seinfeld
- Bathrooms
- Double Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Guns
- Stupidest State Contest
- VR Headset
- Twitter
- Whammy
- I Need A Drink
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- North Korea
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Talk Shows
- Golf
- Twitter
- Fox News
- 15,000
- Polls
- Hate Crimes
- A Random Tweet
- Conspiracy Theories
- Russia
- Something random in the news
- VR Headset
- ??? (Mystery)
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Talk shows!



Spin it again! And it lands on…. Fox News. You know I don’t have to tell you unless you’re living under a rock now about the fact that Bill O’Reilly has left the building. You know Bill O’Reilly – the author of such gripping literature as Killing Kennedy, Killing Lincoln, Killing Jesus, Killing Patton, and his latest – Killing The Rising Sun. Bill O’Reilly loves him some sweet, sweet death doesn’t he? Well, he should title his latest book “Killing My Career”. Hey o!!! Thank you I’m here all week! Before we go down the wormhole though, Michael Regan explains the Fox News Gentlemen’s Club in a nutshell:

Conservative commentator Michael Reagan, the son of former president Ronald Reagan, defended Bill O’Reilly this morning over claims that the recently fired Fox News host sexually harassed women.

Reagan, a contributor to the conservative outlet Newsmax, shared posts on Facebook and Twitter insisting that if women wear “low cut dresses,” then men should consider suing “for sexual arousal”:

If women are going to wear low cut dresses that show cleavage don’t be harassed when we men look.Or shld we sue for sexual arousal?
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/michael-reagan-men-should-sue-women-for-sexual-arousal/




And he is definitely not helping. Suing women for looking too pretty? I mean seriously what kind of backwards ass place do we live in where that could happen? I mean do we live in a country where Donald Trump is still president? We do? Shit!!! Well, in all seriousness here’s what happened:

The fact that none of these sources were willing to go on the record speaks to the delicate maneuvering underway.

The network's parent company, 21st Century Fox (FOX), will hold a board meeting on Thursday, a spokeswoman told CNNMoney. One of the sources said O'Reilly will be a primary topic.

The Murdochs, the men who control 21st Century Fox, are pointedly not commenting on any of this. ..................

Read more: http://money.cnn.com/2017/04/18/media/bill-oreilly-fox-news-exit/index.html




I like that one. And how much does poop come out of Bill O’Reilly’s mouth? Well, we don’t have to tell you about this one particular incident. I mean seriously, Fox News and the modern republican party are blurring the line between human and animal at an alarming rate. I mean really? Grunting and treating women like shit is what passes for being a man in this day and age? They might as well fling feces at each other because that’s what gorillas do.

Coming forward publicly for the first time, Perquita Burgess, along with her attorney Lisa Bloom, appeared on “The View” Thursday to discuss the sexual harassment she claims Bill O’Reilly directed toward her.

O’Reilly was let go from Fox News the day before, and co-host Whoopi Goldberg introduced Burgess as potentially “the final nail in the coffin of Bill O’Reilly’s career at Fox News.” (RELATED: Bill O’Reilly Responds To Being Let Go By Fox News)

According to Burgess, the harassment started pretty much immediately. “Within the first week and a half of me working … he always walked past my desk, and he made, like, a grunting noise.”

She recounted her previously reported claims of him regularly grunting and leering at her whenever no one else was around. After some time, she started trying to ignore him, leading him to pass by her and say, “Hey, hot chocolate,” without looking at her.
http://dailycaller.com/2017/04/20/bill-oreilly-accuser-hot-chocolate-comes-forward-on-the-view-video/




Yeah you can’t have it both ways! I mean even the Murdochs have had enough of O’Reilly’s sexually harassing ways. I love Saturday Night Live last week when the Weekend Update guys said “You must be so good at sexual harassment that every time it happens, you have to pay out $3.5 million.”.

Bill O’Reilly’s position at Fox News grew increasingly tenuous on Tuesday as support from the Murdoch family showed signs of eroding, according to three people briefed on discussions about his future.

Mr. O’Reilly’s fate at the network is expected to be discussed on Thursday at a board meeting for Fox News’s parent company, 21st Century Fox. Chief among the considerations is a continuing investigation into Mr. O’Reilly’s behavior conducted by the law firm Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison.

Pressure on the company increased on Tuesday when another woman reported sexual harassment allegations against Mr. O’Reilly to 21st Century Fox.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/18/business/media/fox-bill-oreilly.html?ribbon-ad-idx=8&rref=business/media&module=Ribbon&version=context®ion=Header&action=click&contentCollection=Media&pgtype=article




And then there’s so much more and we’re only beginning to scratch the surface of the Fox News Gentlemen’s Club. So Roger Ailes? Gone. O’Reilly? Gone. And now King Deplorable Sean Hannity might be going away as well:
Sean Hannity is the latest Fox News host accused of sexually harassing a woman appearing on one of the network's programs.

In an interview this weekend, former Fox News contributor Debbie Schlussel said Hannity once invited her back to his hotel room while they were at an event in Detroit.

"He had some event at a bookstore where he signed his book for people standing in line. He asked me to come meet him at this book signing," Schlussel said, according to a report in the New York Daily News. "So I met him there and it was very awkward. He had me stand up there with him while he signed books and I felt very weird. These people don't know me and they didn't come for me to sign their books. So then I left to get ready for the show and he said, 'Why don't you come back with me to my hotel?' and I said no, I have to get ready for the show."
http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2017/04/sean_hannity_latest_fox_news_h.html




Of course they’re going to deny it! That’s the conservative protocol – you get caught grabbing pussy, and you immediately deny it. I mean why not? Our president did it! Only makes sense that every single male employee of the closest thing the US has to state run television does it, right? Just once I want to see a conservative go “Yeah I grabbed the pussy!”. But you know right before this happened O’Reilly renewed his contract:

Fox News has reportedly renewed the contract of longtime host Bill O'Reilly despite recent sexual harassment settlements, according to a Sunday Wall Street Journal report.

O'Reilly, who has been the top-rated host in cable news for 15 consecutive years, was the subject of a front-page New York Times article Saturday that detailed sexual harassment claims by five women that resulted in $13 million in payouts from the network and O'Reilly.

O'Reilly's lawyer, Fredric S. Newman, in a statement to the Times suggested O’Reilly might take legal action against some people bringing claims against him, stating: “We are now seriously considering legal action to defend Mr. O’Reilly’s reputation.”
http://thehill.com/homenews/media/326953-fox-news-renews-oreilly-contract-report




But there’s far more to this story that you might think. Turns out that with that contract renewal, comes a very, very nice pay day for O’Reilly. Where do you get that job where they can pay you millions to not work? Did they sell their souls to Satan?

Fox News is reportedly paying released longtime host Bill O’Reilly tens of millions of dollars, several close sources told CNN Money on Thursday.

“It is a staggering amount,” one source claimed, according to CNN. Another source gave the specific amount of the alleged payout: an astounding $25 million dollars.

Neither 21st Century Fox nor O’Reilly’s representatives have publicly confirmed a payout, but O’Reilly just signed a new contract in March, which reportedly averaged about $25 million a year. Though the terms of the contract have not been disclosed publicly, according to the sources the multi-year contract extended until at least the end of 2020.

The sources said that Fox News included specific contract language in the recent contract that gave them several “outs,” but requires them to pay at least one year’s salary, which is where the $25 million figure came from.
http://www.theblaze.com/news/2017/04/20/report-the-figure-on-bill-oreillys-severance-package-is-in-and-its-pretty-staggering/





Jason Chaffetz


Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!



Spin it again. And it lands on… “going rogue”. So Jason Chaffetz went rogue this week like a bad spy movie. The idea of “going rogue” is currently the biggest cliché in movies. You have “Spectre”, where James Bond went rogue. “Jason Bourne”, where Jason Bourne went rogue. “The Fate Of The Furious”, where Dominick Torretto went rogue. You have “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.”, where Napoleon Solo goes rogue. “Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation”, where Ethan Hunt went rogue. You had “Batman Vs Superman”, “The Lego Batman Movie”, and “The Dark Knight Rises”, where Batman goes rogue. You had “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back”, where Jack Reacher went rogue. And of course, “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” where the Rebel Alliance goes rogue to steal the plans to the Death Star. I could literally do this all day! And I’ve got that kind of time. So what happens when a sitting Congressman goes rogue? Well… this aint like any of those movies.

WASHINGTON — Representative Jason Chaffetz, the powerful chairman of the House Oversight Committee, told supporters on Wednesday that he would not seek re-election to Congress — or for any office — in 2018.

Mr. Chaffetz, 50, a Utah Republican who plainly relished his oversight role more under a Democratic administration, said he was ready to return to the private sector after more than 13 years in public service, calling his decision a “personal” one.

“I have long advocated public service should be for a limited time and not a lifetime or full career,” he said in a statement posted on Facebook. “After more than 1,500 nights away from my home, it is time.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/19/us/politics/jason-chaffetz-congress-utah-house-oversight.html




Wait – he thinks public service should have term limits? Why doesn’t he tell that to some of his fellow Congressmen? But there’s got to be more to this story hasn’t there? Why is he retiring so suddenly and abruptly?

One of the most high-profile House Republicans is rather abruptly stepping out of politics. Rep. Jason Chaffetz (Utah), chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, announced Wednesday that he won't be running for reelection in 2018 in his safely Republican district in suburban Salt Lake City.

Chairmen of House committees don't just leave for no reason. So why is Chaffetz doing so?

The most likely answer, theorize Republican strategists watching this play out, is that Chaffetz is just bored with his job. His job as chairman of the oversight panel is to investigate the government, and it probably would have been a lot more fun for this tea party-leaning Republican to investigate Hillary Clinton's government than President Trump's.

After Trump was inaugurated, Chaffetz rather provocatively suggested that he planned to remain a national figure because of Clinton, not Trump. That hasn't really materialized now that Congress is investigating Trump's potential ties to Russia.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/04/19/why-is-jason-chaffetz-suddenly-retiring-from-congress-one-word-ambition/?utm_term=.4e2dcbf023d8



Well that doesn’t really explain much. Why did Jason Chaffetz go rogue? Could it be that he said some stupid shit about Hillary’s e-mails a couple of months ago? You know the phrase “beating a dead horse” I don’t think is in the GOP’s vocabulary. Because they love to beat them some dead horses.

WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 07: Committee chairman Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) (L) talks to Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) (R) during a hearing before House Oversight and Government Reform Committee July 7, 2016 on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. The committee held a hearing "Oversight of the State Department," focusing on the FBI's recommendation not to prosecute Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton for maintaining a private email server during her time as Secretary of State. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

The chairman of the House Oversight and Government Affairs Committee wants you to know that everything is hunky-dory now that Mike Flynn has resigned. Crisis over. Moving on. He's not going to spend any of his committee's time figuring out what’s going on with the Russian mole in the Trump regime.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2017/2/14/1633599/-Jason-Chaffetz-no-need-to-probe-Flynn-and-Russia-after-all-it-wasn-t-in-Hillary-s-emails




Or could it have something to do with this?

In a great ironic twist, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) has been promising to lead the investigation of Hillary Clinton even now that Donald Trump has become president, and is now under fire himself for use of an illegal private email server.

The Democratic Coalition Against Trump reported Rep. Chaffetz to the FBI, explaining:

The Democratic Coalition Against Trump reported Representative Jason Chaffetz (R-UT) to the FBI on Wednesday morning for possibly breaking Executive Order 13526 and 18 U.S.C. Sec. 793(f) of the federal code, which makes it unlawful to send or store classified information on a personal email. As was recently resurfaced by the Democratic Coalition’s #TrumpLeaks program, Rep. Chaffetz lists his personal Gmail address on business cards brandished with the Congressional seal. Rep. Chaffetz sits on the Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, Homeland Security, and Investigations, which has jurisdiction over “internal and homeland security,” among other things.
http://theproudliberal.org/congressional-gop-utterly-silent-after-jason-chaffetz-busted-using-personal-email-server/





Donald Trump


Let’s spin it to win it! Ooh, that was a nice strong spin right there. And it lands on… clip without context!



When did Bryan Fischer attend the Roast Of Bill O’Reilly? Although that’s one thing I think I actually agree with him on! Just planting seeds! If they bear fruit, I don’t know. Spin it again! And it lands on…. Donald Trump. Oh and before we get into all things Trump, going back to music, you know the new Gorillaz album drops this week. Yay! Well, Damon Albarn said there wont be any references to Trump on the new album, despite that there’s a bonus track called “The Apprentice”

For Albarn, who has kept both groups running concurrently since Blur reunited in 2009, Gorillaz’s animated presentation has allowed the group to come and go without aging (literally) or being tethered to one era. Yet Humanz (due Apr. 27 on Parlaphone/Warner Bros.) marks a return to the end-time themes that were front-and-center on 2005’s Demon Days, which Hewlett says was inspired by the Sept. 11 attacks. Albarn warned the world against Donald Trump rising to the Oval Office as far back as the fall of 2015, when he would add a “Don’t fall for Donald Trump / He’s such a chump” sing-along to Blur’s live performances of “Tender.” And indeed, the singer-songwriter says Humanz was inspired in large part by imagining, “What would happen if the world was turned, in some unthinkable way, on its head?” -- a reality borne out by the 2016 presidential election.

“Trump’s ascension was one of the sources of energy that we meditated on, when it was like, ‘Ahh, that’s ridiculous, that could never happen,’” he explains. Humanz is not a conventional protest album against the American president as much as a party record for the apocalypse that his reign might ultimately lead to; “The sky’s falling, baby, drop that ass before it crash,” Vince Staples proclaims on “Ascension,” which has peaked at No. 11 on the Rock Songs chart. The election was a clear catalyst for those overtones, although Albarn made sure that the lyrics to Humanz don’t give the president any specific credit.
http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/magazine-feature/7767690/damon-albarn-gorillaz-trump-reference-humanz


Oh and if you want to hear the song, here you go:




Now back to the original entry. So stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A pussy grabber who thinks he’s the president goes to meet with another pussy grabber who actually is the Prime Minister of Italy and they walk into a bar… well let’s roll the tape.



But that wasn’t the only epic fail in this never ending nightmare that is the Donald J. Trump administration – what else was he up to this week? Well first off we got to mention that one of Trumepnfuror’s favorite lies about us is that democratic protestors are paid. Well….

One of President Donald Trumps favorite lies that the thousands of people who have taken to the streets in protest against him are being paid by Democrats to do so just became quite ironic.

According to a report by the Arizona Republic, the states Republican party plotted to pay for protesters to flood a Democratic congresswomans constituents meeting. A political coordinator in Arizona named Kyle Pierce sent an email to Republican party officials in the state urging ordinary GOPers to attend a Coffee Club hosted by Democratic Rep. Kyrsten Sinema.

Republicans planned to target Sinema for accepting political donations from the founders of Backpage.com, a website that has been accused of engaging in child sex trafficking. Pierces email offered to reimburse Republicans for the Coffee Clubs $25 membership fee if they asked Sinema about the donations.

The email said, It would be absolutely wonderful if we had as many of her Republican consituents (sic) as possible attend this event to ask her why she accepted thousands of dollars from the creator of Backpage.com. Im sure most of you have been keeping up with the news on this. Its pretty bad, and were trying to hold her accountable for it.

Read more: http://www.salon.com/2017/04/21/we-found-all-of-those-paid-protestors-they-work-for-the-gop/




But paid protestors weren’t the only thing that has plagued Trump this week. His administration fails on so many levels. And this is just the first 100 days. Remember when he said we would be winning so much that America would be sick of winning?

As he neared the end of his first 100 days in office, President Donald Trump touted his first three months as a rousing success.

"No administration has accomplished more in the first 90 days," Trump told an audience in Kenosha, Wis.

That’s a pretty high bar, especially for an administration that has registered historically low levels of support in public-approval polls for presidents this early in their terms.

The White House didn’t respond to an inquiry for this article, but when asked about some of the president’s 100-day accomplishments during the April 19 press briefing, White House press secretary Sean Spicer cited a series of executive orders, including some on regulatory reform; a drop in border crossings; and job creation. He said more details would be offered as the 100-day mark approached.
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2017/apr/24/donald-trump/how-do-donald-trumps-first-100-days-rate-historica/




I like that one! To be fair, I would give him an F--. Maybe an F- when the margin of error is adjusted. But still, it’s a colossal fail with very few, if any, wins.

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump lives for superlatives -- he wants the biggest, the best, the greatest. So it's no surprise he's already fuming about uncomplimentary reviews of his first 100 days in office.

Trump is approaching the first symbolic milestone of his presidency on Saturday with a familiar mix of bluster and smokescreens, meant to disguise the reality that he has produced one of the least-prolific first 100 day debuts of any president in modern history.

"No matter how much I accomplish during the ridiculous standard of the first 100 days, & it has been a lot (including S.C.), media will kill!" Trump wrote on Twitter Friday, despite playing up the significance of the first 100 days marker in the past.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/24/politics/donald-trump-first-100-days-plans/


https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/855373184861962240

&t=10s

Oh and you can’t discount Donald Trump’s 100 Days without him doing the most Donald Trump thing possible. And by that I mean of course – bragging about what else? The ratings!

Donald Trump boasted that his ratings were higher than broadcasts of the 9/11 terrorist attacks in an interview about his first 100 days in the White House.

“It’s the highest for ‘Face the Nation’ or as I call it, ‘Deface the Nation’. It’s the highest for ‘Deface the Nation’ since the World Trade Center. Since the World Trade Center came down. It’s a tremendous advantage.”

Several hours after the attacks on 11 September 2001, during which almost 3,000 people died, Mr Trump was interviewed on radio and claimed that since the Towers came down, he now owned the tallest building in Manhattan. He was also condemned for claiming around $150,000 of government funds for small businesses to get back on their feet after the attacks.

The President also falsely claimed that he saw Muslims clapping and cheering as they watched the Towers fall, which could have contributed to an anti-Muslim rhetoric that led to a 65 per cent spike in hate crimes against Muslims in 2015, as found by the FBI.

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-9-11-approval-ratings-interview-who-with-first-100-days-us-president-world-trade-center-a7698516.html





Donald Trump


Let’s spin that shit! Ooh, that was a nice strong spin right there! And it lands on… wait for it… Seinfeld!



Well, we have to talk about his dinner guests and I really don’t want to because it’s making me too fucking angry. And you know who he had over for dinner last week right? Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Kid Rock. Or as Bill Maher called them “the Axis Of Redneck”. And Ted Nugent? A guy who has spent the last 8 years threatening to murder anyone he doesn’t agree with including Pres. Obama being allowed in the fucking White House? Where is the outrage there?

It was a trifecta of conservative celebrities in the White House Wednesday night.

Ted Nugent, a longtime Trump supporter; camouflage-cowboy-hat-wearer, Kid Rock, who's been known to be strongly anti-shirt but pro- marijuana; and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin all gathered in the Oval Office for a quick photo shoot to go over some paperwork and have a little dinner.

All three jumped on the Trump train early in the primary campaign and appeared at numerous rallies on Trump's behalf in the months leading up to his election victory last November.

While the White House has opted not to release visitor logs, it was the three guests themselves who spilled the beans on Twitter and Facebook. Palin posted several photos with the caption, "A great night at the White House. Thank you to President Trump for the invite!"

Nugent's take is a little harder to follow but, apparently, there was some "boogie chillin'" going on and some acknowledgment of the 242nd anniversary of the Lexington and Concord battles during the Revolutionary War.
http://www.npr.org/2017/04/20/524895982/white-house-boogie-chillin-trump-hosts-ted-nugent-kid-rock-and-sarah-palin




You know… Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! You know one can only hope that Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Kid Rock were treated to the standards of dining excellence that the Trump brand is known for. I mean come on, at least he has good cake, right? “The best cake, nobody makes better cake than the restaurant at Trump Tower, OK?” Well, what else happened at the dinner?

WASHINGTON — Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and Sarah Palin had a fete to remember at the White House for several hours Wednesday night, as President Trump treated the high-profile supporters to a white-china private dinner, a room-by-room tour and free-range policy chat.

Mr. Nugent — a guitar demigod, knife-between-the-teeth hunter and conservative provocateur — offered an inside glimpse of a gracious, relaxed and house-proud president with ample time to offer his thoughts on a wide array of topics, from entertainment to existential geopolitical perils.

“We were there for four hours, man!” Mr. Nugent, a 68-year-old Detroit native, said in a telephone interview on Thursday, using a four-letter expletive to signal his amazement at Mr. Trump’s willingness to spend so much time with his three casually dressed visitors.

“He gave us a wonderful personal tour of every room and talked about the origins of every carpet and every painting — there was a Monet — and then we had dinner,” said Mr. Nugent, who has referred to former President Barack Obama as a “mongrel” and to Hillary Clinton with an array of unflattering epithets.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/20/us/politics/sarah-palin-kid-rock-ted-nugent-white-house.html?_r=0


So let’s throw that picture up there:



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dude, Ted Nugent spent the last 8 years threatening to murder any government official he’s disagreeing with. You know threatening to murder the previous president and dining with the current one at the White House, is like getting in a car accident with the governor’s daughter, and then getting elected governor. It just doesn’t work that way, am I right? Maybe Ted Nugent listens to too much NOFX?



NOFX is not to be taken seriously. Just kidding, we love NOFX here. We’re trying to get them on the show at some point. But as you can expect the usual backlash happens. I mean what can you expect from a guy who does this to grills?



Kid Rock, Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin all went to the White House for dinner with President Donald Trump on Wednesday night, and predictably, there was plenty of uproar to be upset about, especially when the three of them took a picture in front of a portrait of former First Lady Hillary Clinton.

The three White House visitors posed in front of the portrait, with Palin giving the camera a sassy look and Nugent giving a thumbs-up. Kid Rock, surprisingly, is the most mature and normal poser there.

After the visit, Joy Behar ripped the visit apart on The View, saying, “Is this the saddest day in in the history of the White House since the British burned it to the ground in 1814?”
http://thegrio.com/2017/04/22/kid-rock-and-sarah-palin-receive-backlash-after-white-house-visit/




Ooh, that’s a good one. But let’s think about Trump’s guests here for a minute – the biggest airhead in the history of American politics (and I’m not including SE Cupp or Ann Coulter), you have a pants shitting draft dodger who adopted a 17 year old for sex, and you have a guy who will someday be a member of the “hold my beer and watch this crowd”. But now here’s the demand for an apology:

The White House is not a cheesy theme park, the Resolute desk is not a prop, and the official portrait of a former first lady is not to be ridiculed. Yet, that’s how President Donald Trump’s White House dinner guests, including former vice presidential candidate and Gov. Sarah Palin, rocker Kid Rock and musician and conservative activist Ted Nugent, acted Wednesday night.

In a clear display of disrespect for the presidency and the White House, Palin, Nugent and Kid Rock were photographed under a portrait of Hillary Clinton, as Palin sneered and Nugent scoffed.

Nugent told The New York Times that someone suggested the trio stick up their middle fingers, and Nugent “politely declined.” There’s nothing polite about what Nugent, Palin and Rock did. Their undignified behavior, reinforced by their social media comments, were a testament to how degraded our civil discourse has become. The U.S. Secret Service investigated Nugent in 2012 after he indirectly threatened President Barack Obama. It’s enough to wonder how Nugent got through the White House gates.
http://www.newsday.com/opinion/editorial/trump-should-apologize-to-clinton-for-his-guests-behavior-1.13504458


You know, I think Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and Ted Cruz should team up and open their own gun themed restaurant. Ted Nugent can kill the food with machine guns, Kid Rock can operate the grill with machine guns, and Ted Cruz can cook the food with machine guns. It’s a Triple Gun!




Donald Trump


Let’s spin the wheel! Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, wheel goes round! Where does it stop, nobody knows! And it lands on… North Korea!



Yes that’s our current president praising the guy he currently wants to bomb the living shit out of! Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. I originally wanted to talk about Trump supporters suing for claiming that Trump encouraged them to incite violence but didn’t like the entry. This is much better, so you know that Trump gave an interview to the “FAKE NEWS!!!!” AP and well, the biggest reveal of the whole thing – is how “unintelligible” he is. So let’s go through this thing.

The AP has released the transcript of its Friday interview with our Yam-in-Chief, and much of it is utterly unintelligible.

That’s not just my personal assessment, either. In 16 instances, the AP’s transcribers found that they were unable to discern what the fuck it was that Trump was saying. Webster’s defines “unintelligible” as “impossible to understand.” My theory isn’t so much that the recording was inaudible so much as that it didn’t make a lick of sense.

I’m warning you now that there’s a whole lot of text down here, but I’m sparing you the 55 instances of ellipses, in which he trailed off because he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
http://theslot.jezebel.com/donald-trump-is-unintelligible-1794580772




Yes. This is our president here, folks. This is the man who is currently in charge of the free world – and nobody can understand what the fuck he is talking about! Remember last year when this happened?


Yes – that’s an unaltered screen cap of the republican presidential debates with “unintelligible yelling”, but that was a debate and nobody could understand Trump then. Now Trump is our president, he’s giving a one on one interview – and nobody can understand him!

TRUMP: I’m rebuilding the military. We have great people. We have great things in place. We have tremendous borders. I mention the F-35 because if I can save $725 million — look at that, that’s a massive amount of money. And I’ll save more as we make more planes. If I can save that on a small number of planes — Gen. (Jim) Mattis (the defense secretary) said, “I’ve never seen anything like this,” because he had to sign the ultimate (unintelligible) ... He had to sign the ultimate, you know. He said, “I’ve never seen anything like this before, as long as I’ve been in the military.” You know, that kind of cutting.


And then further down in the interview:

TRUMP: Number One, there’s great responsibility. When it came time to, as an example, send out the 59 missiles, the Tomahawks in Syria. I’m saying to myself, “You know, this is more than just like, 79 (sic) missiles. This is death that’s involved,” because people could have been killed. This is risk that’s involved, because if the missile goes off and goes in a city or goes in a civilian area — you know, the boats were hundreds of miles away — and if this missile goes off and lands in the middle of a town or a hamlet .... every decision is much harder than you’d normally make. (unintelligible) ... This is involving death and life and so many things. ... So it’s far more responsibility. (unintelligible) ....The financial cost of everything is so massive, every agency. This is thousands of times bigger, the United States, than the biggest company in the world. The second-largest company in the world is the Defense Department. The third-largest company in the world is Social Security. The fourth-largest — you know, you go down the list.


How would you like to be the guy taking dictation on this speech and have to write “(unintelligible)” without dying laughing? This guy is our president! This fucking guy! What would happen in famous speeches if you tried that? Wouldn’t be the same would it? I mean JFK’s speech!

We choose not to go to the moon and do the other thing! (unintelligible)


Or how about William Wallace from Braveheart?

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... (unintelligible)!


Or what about the Joker from the Dark Knight?

I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan". But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then (unintelligible)!




I could literally do this all day! And I do mean literally! I’ll just do one more for good measure – Fight Club:

Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. (unintelligible) Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be (unintelligible). But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.


Huffpost, by the way breaks down all the crazy shit that Trump said and contradicted himself on in that interview, such as:

Describing a meeting with Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), Trump offered the following word salad:

“Well he said, you’ll be the greatest president in the history of, but you know what, I’ll take that also, but that you could be. But he said, will be the greatest president but I would also accept the other. In other words, if you do your job, but I accept that. Then I watched him interviewed and it was like he never even was here. It’s incredible. I watched him interviewed a week later and it’s like he was never in my office. And you can even say that.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-ap-interview_us_58fdb6fae4b06b9cb917f7ca





Steve King


Let’s spin the wheel, shall we? And it lands on…. Wait for it… clip without context!



Closet Nazis? So tell me discount Tony Stark - weren’t the Nazis already outed on the Producers? Sorry, Theodore, but I think Mel Brooks already beat you to it.




Spin it again! And it lands on… People Who Somehow Got Elected! Hit it! Politicians at national, state and local levels who are so terrible , you wonder how they got elected in the first place. Or in this case reelected. It’s now time for another installment of:



This week: Iowa representative Steve King. There’s racism, then there’s southern racism, and then Steve King takes it to a whole new level of batshit crazy. And in case you think we’re kidding, he says some horribly racist, backwards shit nearly every single day. He’s not just a part of the problem that we have Trump as our president. No, he’s a massive part of the cause of the reason why we have Trump as our president. Yes, you heard me. This week, he said this:

Rep. Steve King (R-IA) on Tuesday poured a cold one to celebrate U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s deportation of an undocumented immigrant who was legally protected under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program.

USA Today reported on Wednesday that in February, federal agents deported Manuel Montes despite his active DACA status.

Montes, who is 23 years old, was brought to the United States at age 9. He has lived in the country since and received deportation protections twice under the program, per USA Today. According to the report, federal agents refused to let him retrieve his ID or prove his status and deported Montes within hours of approaching him.

President Donald Trump in January told ABC News that DACA recipients “shouldn’t be very worried.”

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/steve-king-toasts-border-patrol-for-deporting-dreamer


https://twitter.com/SteveKingIA/status/854465237977710593

Yes, booo!!! You know, fine ales, wines, and liquors are meant to be drank in celebration when something good happens. Not to celebrate something terrible happening. Steve King just answered the question Bill Maher asked – “What would a dick do?”. This is exactly what a dick would do. But this isn’t the only time Steve King got caught saying something racist. There’s this:

As my colleague David Graham points out, these utterances are all Classic King. Speaking to MSNBC’s Chris Hayes last year, King unambiguously stated that he believed “Western civilization” had contributed more to human civilization than any other “category” of people. It was, as Graham writes, “Nonchalantly delivered, stunningly offensive, and completely fact-free, since non-white people, and indeed non-Western people, have contributed a great a deal to the world.”

Speaking to Cuomo yesterday, King was marginally more accepting of these unnamed other “categories” of human beings, offering that certain groups “contribute differently to our culture and civilization,” but maintaining his opinion that “certain groups of people will do more from a productive side than other groups of people will. That’s just a statistical fact.”

Though King offered that he would one day like to see “an America that is so homogenous that we look a lot the same...” and that he believed there’s been “far too much focus on race,” ahem, “especially in the last eight years. I want to see that put behind us,” the more alarmingly racist and floridly delusional parts of his message are the ones that have proven most popular—and increasingly so—in America today. No less than the sitting president of the United States, Donald Trump, told an audience in Iowa in 2014 that King had “the right views on almost everything.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/steve-king-thinks-im-a-threat-to-american-civilization/519399/




So if Steve King is on the right side of Donald Trump, then who’s on the wrong side? That is the one million dollar question on the table. In fact in the last month, he has also said that we can’t rebuild civilization with somebody else’s babies. Damn, so there goes my plan.

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has gained notoriety for his often contentious — and, occasionally, almost overtly racist — comments about immigration and the demographics of the United States. On Sunday, in a tweet about the nationalist Dutch politician Geert Wilders, King again appears to have crossed the line.

“Wilders understands that culture and demographics are our destiny,” King wrote. “We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.”

The formulation of “our” civilization being at risk from “somebody else’s babies” is a deliberate suggestion that American civilization is threatened by unnamed “others” — almost certainly a reference to non-Westerners. The idea that national identity and racial identity overlap entirely is the crux of white nationalism; King’s formulation above toes close to that line, if it doesn’t cross. American culture, of course, was formed over the past two centuries by the assimilation of immigrants from a broad range of nations — first mostly European but later a broader diaspora. Iowa, the state King represents, remains one of the most homogeneously white in the United States.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/03/12/rep-steve-king-warns-that-our-civilization-cant-be-restored-with-somebody-elses-babies/?utm_term=.aeef9e48b069




But if you think these are isolated incidents, you are wrong. You’re as wrong as Trump saying “wrong” while sniffing… something. Here’s a few other choice quotes from Steve King. Like this:

Iowa Rep. Steve King said Monday that blacks and Hispanics "will be fighting each other" before overtaking whites in the US population.

King, a Republican, was on the radio responding to a question about Univision anchor Jorge Ramos' comment to Tucker Carlson on Fox News that whites would become a majority-minority demographic in America by 2044, a point Ramos used to make the argument that it is a multiracial country.

"Jorge Ramos' stock in trade is identifying and trying to drive wedges between race," King told Iowa radio host Jan Mickelson on 1040 WHO. "Race and ethnicity, I should say to be more correct. When you start accentuating the differences, then you start ending up with people that are at each other's throats. And he's adding up Hispanics and blacks into what he predicts will be in greater number than whites in America. I will predict that Hispanics and the blacks will be fighting each other before that happens."

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/14/politics/kfile-steve-king-prediction/index.html




And then there’s this. You know – compulsive liars and compulsive racists often go hand in hand, and these people just can’t help themselves. Every time you think Steve King is going to stop being a racist, you might think Trump might stop being a liar. In fact Steve King lies so much he thinks Iowa’s universities should be “purged of leftists”:

Conservative congressman and Trump ally Rep. Steve King (R-IA) urged the President on Sunday to “purge Leftists” from his administration before they “sink us.”

On his Twitter account, King made the recommendation while posting a story from Conservative Review’s Daniel Horowitz.

Why does NW Iowa continue to elect Steve King to a federal office when his only trick is to shit on the carpet?

and my 3rd district Trump taint licker David Young (white bread and mayo) is no prize. Link to his latest say nothing interview on KMA

http://www.kmaland.com/news/young-appreciates-passion-in-latest-town-hall-meetings/article_33e60ebe-01f7-11e7-acc2-876854e2edf8.html




Yeah… racists. In fact Steve King’s unfiltered, uncensored brand of racism is so horrible that it’s attracted the attention of the House Ethics Committee – who himself said he would repeal the “Ethics Commission completely”

“I like Lindsey, he has the best sense of humor of anybody in the entire legislature, but I completely disagree with him on that. Lindsey should know, and I believe Lindsey knows, that you get one shot at writing the rules for the two year period of time that this 115th Congress will be seated, that was the shot. I will say it would have been handled better if we had bi-partisan agreement and it would have been handled better if we bought it to the floor as an amendment under an open rule so we had an opportunity to massage these rules….but it’s a political situation now, as ethics always are, and they caved into a tweet.”

—Rep Steve King reacts to Senator Lindsey Graham calling the House ethics reform bill the “dumbest friggin thing I’ve ever heard”.
https://radio.foxnews.com/2017/01/05/rep-steve-king-ethics-reform-failed-in-the-house-because-republicans-caved-into-trumps-tweet/


Yes, he really hates ethics. That’s Iowa rep Steve King – yet another someone who was inexplicably one of the:




Alex Jones


Entering the spin zone! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP!!! And it lands on… clip without context!



Shh! Just let him ramble. Let's bask in this one for all its' batshit crazy glory. Spin it again! And it lands on… Infowars! Shit, we really have to talk about Infowars this week? Can I get a bonus spin? No? OK fine. Well last week we covered Alex Jones and his insane divorce trial. And you know about his “Joker” defense. Well, did you know that he smokes rather potent strains of weed once a year to test their potency? Yes, Alex Jones admits he smokes rather potent strains of weed. Just contemplate that for a minute.

Right-wing radio host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones told a jury at his child custody trial that he smoked marijuana in Texas to test out its strength.

During cross-examination Wednesday, Bobby Newman, an attorney for Jones’ ex-wife, Kelly Jones, pressed him on allegations of infidelity and Jones also defended himself saying his InfoWars persona is not a trick, the Austin American-Statesman reported.

Newman questioned Jones on whether he had sex with another woman after his new wife, Erika, had moved in. The host acknowledged in an affidavit that he continued sleeping with the other woman, who remains a friend, until March 2016.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/radio-host-alex-jones-smoked-marijuana-test-strength-article-1.3081845




As if it couldn’t get any weirder, Alex Jones is one weird dude. Well, coming out of his divorce trial, there were some stunning insane revelations. This is one of the weirder ones. And it’s one of those that makes both sides of your brain shut down and go “LET’S FIGURE IT OUT!!!!”:

Over the weekend, Alex Jones posted a video on his Infowars website in which he claimed that, by his “conservative” estimate, he already “had over 150 women” by the time he turned 16.

Jones was laying out his theory that most people today are nothing more than children until they reach the age of 40 … unlike himself, who achieved full manhood by the time he was 16 years old.

“You’re supposed to have children in every culture, biologically, by 16,” Jones claimed. “If you’re not having them by 16, there’s something wrong with you. Oh, but see, there’s college—the priesthood you’ve got to get into—and then by then, oh, you’ve got to make money because you’re in debt, oh, you don’t have time for kids.”

“Oh, you’re 40, you’re finally halfway out of debt, oh, you want to have some fun now, oh, you try to find a woman,” he continued. “Oh, she’s barren, she’s doing the same thing. By the time you figure out you want to live, by the time you hit 16 at 40—I’m giving you the big knowledge folks—at 40, on average—and they do this by design—you are the equivalent of a 16-year-old.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/alex-jones-says-he-had-over-150-women-by-the-time-he-turned-16/




I like that one! But really – conservatives and women. How can any sane women out there support this guy? Really, I want to know! I mean… 150 women by the time he was 16? I couldn’t get one! What is he smoking? OK, I answered my own question. By the way, I love Stephen Colbert’s new character “Tuck Buckford” who is mocking Alex Jones relentlessly:

&t=9s


Though Colbert doesn’t get as angry as Jones does. I don’t think even the best actors on the planet could get as angry as Jones does. In fact it took a team of psychiatrists to examine why Alex Jones is literally ripping his shirt off in Infowars videos:

To be clear — this is speculation:

1. It’s an attention-grabbing shtick to show power. Wrestlers like Hulk Hogan are well-known for this. Alex Jones has built a video show on a shoestring by selling supplements and T-shirts and shirt removal is part of the entertainment value.

2. One of Alex Jones’s philosophical touch points is the fight between man (e.g., freedom, individualism) and the machine (e.g., deep state, social control, transhumanism). The nakedness is a display of humanity.

3. Vanity and exhibitionism might also be an issue. He was allegedly diagnosed with NPD in some of the reporting I saw. He certainly has a “big” personality, but with Alex Jones I would think the most common personality description would be paranoid because of the interest in conspiracy theories. However, with the world as it is now, it is sometimes hard to tell the difference between conspiracy theory and conspiracy facts.
http://nymag.com/thecut/2017/04/4-psychology-experts-on-alex-jones-taking-his-shirt-off.html


But this is my favorite part of this whole story. Well let’s roll tape first.



And this prompted an almost instant from Chobani Yogurt:

The greek yogurt brand Chobani is suing Alex Jones and his website InfoWars after the conspiracy theorist published false information linking the company’s owner to a sexual assault case involving refugee children.

Chobani seeks at least $10,000 in damages and an admission of wrongdoing from InfoWars after the conspiracy site published a series of articles alleging a link between owner Hamdi Ulukaya and Twin Falls, an Idaho city where three refugee boys sexually assaulted a 5-year old in an apartment complex’s laundry room.

As the Idaho Statesmen reports, Ulukaya—a Turkish immigrant who has publicly advocated for refugees—has in the past been a target for threats and misinformation. InfoWars published several false articles linking Chobani to Twin Falls, including, “Idaho Yogurt Maker Caught Importing Migrant Rapists” and “MSM Covers for Globalist’s Refugee Import Program after Child Rape Case.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/choboni-yogurt-sues-alex-jones-and-infowars-for-falsely-linking-brand-to-sexual-assault-case/





Ann Coulter


Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round. And it lands on… Something random in the news!

A Florida man allegedly broke into a woman's home -- but instead of stealing her valuables, he simply helped himself to some alcohol and fried chicken.

Ronald Wesly, 34, was found using Samantha O'Neal's stove cooking up trouble when she and her sister returned home on Wednesday, WOFL reports.
https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/04/17/florida-man-accused-of-breaking-into-womans-home-to-fry-chicken/22043069/




Fried Chicken And Beer – hey that’s the name of my new country music album! Featuring such classics as “Hold My Beer”, “Clogged Arteries”, and “Wine ‘Em And Dine ‘Em”. Spin it again… and it lands on… Fox News! So here we go with the free speech brigade again. Note – we here the top 10 support free speech 100% and don’t think anyone’s rights should be trampled on. That disclaimer aside, last week we mentioned that Ann Coulter got bumped from UC Berkeley over violence concerns:

Officials at the University of California at Berkeley on Thursday reversed their decision to cancel a speech by conservative firebrand Ann Coulter.

The university had announced Wednesday that it was canceling Coulter’s appearance following several political protests in Berkeley that turned violent. But on Thursday, the university said it had found a venue where it could hold the speech on May 2, instead of the original April 27 date. However, a leader of the college Republican group that originally invited Coulter said the university was placing strict conditions on the event, and he said his group intended to reject the new terms.

Before the reversal was announced, Coulter had vowed to go ahead with an appearance anyway.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/04/19/berkeley-cancels-ann-coulter-speech-over-fears-of-more-violent-protests/?utm_term=.ccbde71f1198&wpisrc=al_alert-COMBO-politics%252Bnation&wpmk=1




Ooh, I like that one. So Ann got booted from UC Berkeley, who quickly redacted the redaction of the original invite. Yeah you read that right. So what happened when Berkeley tried to invite Ann back to speak at the university?

Ann Coulter is rejecting an offer to speak at the University of California at Berkeley on a new date, after the university canceled her event over safety concerns, then quickly reversed itself saying it would reschedule it.

Coulter says she can’t make it the new date and accused the university of continuing to try to place restrictions on her free speech. And the student group that invited Coulter is now threatening to sue the school.

The university on Wednesday announced that it was canceling Coulter’s April 27 appearance following several political protests in Berkeley that turned violent. But amid mounting criticism and national attention, the school on Thursday said it had found a venue where it could hold the speech on a different date, May 2.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/04/21/ann-coulter-rejects-berkeleys-new-invite-gop-students-threaten-to-sue-college/?utm_term=.e727c8ef896d




So let me get this straight – the GOP – the party that hates trial lawyers, is hiring trial lawyers to sue UC Berkeley to allow Ann Coulter, a woman who hates liberalism and liberal education from universities like UC Berkeley to speak.

BERKELEY, Calif. (AP) — The University of California at Berkeley students who invited Ann Coulter to speak on campus are threatening to sue the university if it doesn't find a proper time and venue for the conservative pundit to speak next week.

Harmeet Dhillon, who represents the Berkeley College Republicans, said in letters sent Friday to UC Berkeley's Interim Vice Chancellor Stephen Sutton and chief attorney Christopher Patti that if Coulter is not allowed to give a speech on campus on April 27 she will file a lawsuit in federal court because the university is violating the students' constitutional right to free speech.
http://www.chron.com/news/education/article/UC-Berkeley-students-threaten-to-sue-over-Ann-11092189.php





Starbucks


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… another clip without context!



Spin it again! And it lands on… “I Need A Drink”!



And this time we’re actually going to talk about a real drink. Sigh… millennials, what the fuck are you doing? I mean really, what the fuck are you doing? Is this what our planet has come to? We really need this as a fucking drink? In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, unless you live under a rock, you know that this week, Starbucks debuted this as a drink.

SEATTLE, WA (NBC News) — Starbucks is taking the unicorn trend to a new level with its first flavor-changing “Unicorn Frappuccino.”

The magical-looking drink changes color and flavor as it’s swirled. It starts as a purple beverage with swirls of blue and a first taste that is sweet and fruity.

Give it a stir, and its color changes to pink and the flavor evolves to tangy and tart.

It’s available for a limited time, starting this Wednesday through Sunday while supplies last.
http://nbc4i.com/2017/04/18/starbucks-releasing-unicorn-frappuccino/




This is a real fucking product! This exists! And it’s so controversial that it’s causing a shit storm on both sides. The people who love this drink really love it. And the people who hate this drink really hate it.

Starbucks fans and celebrities are buzzing over the coffee megastore’s Unicorn Frappuccino, the sparkly and color-changing new frozen beverage that photographs well but has gotten some harsh reviews, taste-wise. Just ask Katy Perry.

The 32-year-old “Chained to the Rhythm” singer gave the limited-time drink a taste on Thursday, showing off her negative reaction in her Instagram Story.

Covering up her short pixie cut with a long Cher-hair blonde wig, Perry seemed excited to sip the drink at first. But as it hit her mouth, her face changed to that of disgust — and she quickly spit it out.
http://people.com/food/katy-perry-spits-out-starbucks-unicorn-frappuccino/




Come on, if you make Katy Perry gag, you know your product is shit! But how shitty is it? Well…

Though Starbucks’ new Unicorn Frappuccino has garnered national attention for its whimsical name and and enchanting, pink-and-blue color scheme, at least one local group in Connecticut is cautioning people about its oh-so-sweet content.

On Friday, the Stratford Health Department succinctly called out the drink’s high sugar content on its Facebook page. “While the Unicorn Frappuccino may be pretty to look at, it's loaded with 59 grams of sugar! That is over two times the amount of sugar recommended by the American Heart Association!”

That statement likely shocked few fans, as the Unicorn Frappuccino contains four kinds of syrup, according to its ingredients label — Frappuccino syrup (Water, Sugar, Salt, Natural And Artificial Flavor, Xanthan Gum, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid); Mango Syrup (Sugar, Water, Mango Juice Concentrate, Natural Flavor, Passion Fruit Juice Concentrate, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Turmeric, Gum Arabic); Vanilla Syrup (Sugar, Water, Natural Flavors, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid) and Classic Syrup (Sugar, Water, Natural Flavors, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid). The calorie count is also high, at 410 per 16 fluid-ounce serving.
http://www.wcvb.com/article/health-department-criticizes-starbucks-unicorn-frappuccino/9549001


By the way – l love Jimmy Kimmel’s latest offering – the “Fuck-It-Ccino”:





Stupidest State Contest Round 12: Montana Vs. Missouri


Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week… and it lands on… Stupidest State Contest, hit it!



16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week, Kansas out spent Michigan in the area of batshit crazy to become the greediest state! They will go on to face Texas in the Layover League Championship next week! Whew!!! And the odds are going to be about even in the Kansas – Texas shootout. This week – the Flyover League darlings in Tennessee are awaiting their opponent. Who will outduel to be called the reigning champion of the Gun Nut Conference? Yes – the Gun Nut Conference, where shooting first and asking questions later isn’t just a way of life, it’s mandatory! Who will be the last state to enter the Final Four? Will it be Montana’s white supremacists or will it be Missouri’s heavily armed police? Let’s get out our brackets, shall we?



Round 12: Gun Nut Conference Championship: #2 Montana Vs #3 Missouri

Montana





So next on our Stupidest State Contest, we go back to none other than the Treasure State, Montana. You know folks, Montana is the home to some world class ski resorts including Whitefish, Kalliope, The Montana Snowbowl, the Bridge Bowl, and Red Lodge. It’s also home to such universities as the University Of Montana, UM Missoula, and Flathead Valley. It’s also the home of Yellowstone National Park – the basis for one of the most popular cartoon characters of all time – Yogi Bear. I hope Ranger Rick isn’t around because Yogi looks like he’s going to steal some picnic baskets. And it’s also the home of Old Faithful. But you know what else Montana is the home of? It’s the home of racism. And lots and lots of it! You know we reported on this incident a lot the last time we visited Montana. But it’s not going away any time soon. The alt right (or alt reich), is getting crazier and crazier, and when death threats are involved, that can’t be a good thing, can it?

A Montana real estate agent who said she and her 12-year-old son received hundreds of threatening anti-Semitic messages after a neo-Nazi website called on its readers to launch a "troll storm" against her sued the site's owner in federal court on Tuesday.

Real estate agent Tanya Gersh filed a civil suit accusing the publisher of the white supremacist Daily Stormer website, Andrew Anglin, of invading her privacy, intentionally inflicting emotional distress and violating the state's anti-intimidation act by calling on his readers in December to target her with e-mails and phone calls.

That followed a dispute over a property in Gersh's town of Whitefish, Montana, owned by Sherry Spencer, the mother of white nationalist Richard Spencer, who earned national attention for shouting "Hail Trump" at a Washington, D.C., conference following Donald Trump's election win last year.

Anglin did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
Read more: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-lawsuit-hate-idUSKBN17K24D




And why do we get the uneasy feeling that when the Nazis are happy, that can’t be a good thing at all, can it? And in case you’re wondering if Montana’s gun nuts couldn’t be any more blatantly racist, their governor is among many who flat out rejects the idea of Sharia Law. So if you’re keeping score at home, Sharia Law – not OK, Deuteronomy Law – why that’s just fine and dandy!

Gov. Steve Bullock vetoed a bill that would have banned Sharia and other foreign laws from being used in Montana courts, saying Thursday that the measure would "upend our legal system and debase what we stand for as Montanans and Americans."

Montana was one of the 13 states considering legislation seeking to prevent the use of foreign law in state courts. While the bill's focus was not on Sharia law, some supporters specifically spoke out against the religious law used in some parts of the Islamic world.

Some Republicans sided with Democrats in opposing the measure but could not block it from going to the governor.

"There is absolutely no need for this bill," Bullock wrote in his veto message, adding that the proposal could add to the "nationwide surge in hate crimes."

http://helenair.com/news/politics/montana-governor-rejects-bill-banning-sharia-law-in-courts/article_7424b33d-6583-5c1d-a0da-73ae9f875af5.html




So what does this have to do with Montana and guns? Well guns and excessive racism tend to go hand in hand, as evidenced with the emergence of the Black Lives Matter movement, and the combination of extremely loose guns with a culture deeply engrossed in hardcore racism, and you get Montana. In fact this was a bill that actually made it to the governor’s office this very week:

HELENA — Montana's governor has sent a bill back to lawmakers that would have allowed people carry concealed weapons in restaurants that sell alcohol, saying weapons and intoxicating beverages don't mix.

In an amendatory veto Friday, the governor wrote that "Montanans recognize that guns and alcohol in public places don't mix."

He said the bill, House Bill 494, carried by Rep. Seth Berglee, R-Joliet, would create uncertainty. The bill would have let a person with a valid permit to carry a concealed weapon to bring a concealed gun into any restaurant where alcohol is not the chief item for sale.

The governor's veto would only allow concealed weapons in restaurants where alcohol is not served.
http://ravallirepublic.com/news/government-and-politics/article_b0ac99e1-aed2-5a9a-86e4-08baab5ac90b.html




Gee………. Ya think guns in restaurants is a bad idea? I mean we live in a country where this exists:

That's a gun shot, by the way. Oklahoma City entrepreneurs are opening a gun range next month where both alcohol and full automatic machine guns will be on tap.

"We're the only range in Oklahoma that has a liquor license to serve alcohol," said Larry McAlister, a spokesman for Wilshire Gun, which is still under construction.

When Wilshire Gun opens in July, it will feature 24 firing lanes, a separate section for archery, and the lounge, where alcohol will be served. McAlister said that customers can bring their own guns, or can rent firearms from Wilshire's arsenal, which will include machine guns.
http://money.cnn.com/2014/06/09/smallbusiness/gun-range-alcohol/


Yup – guns and alcohol! What a magnificent combination! So you think guns in restaurants is a bad idea do you? Well this is even coming from a governor who got endorsements from not one, not two, but 3, yes, 3 different “gun rights” organizations and the NRA. Why do gun rights organizations exist? Guns have more rights than people in this country!

Greg Gianforte has accused Gov. Steve Bullock of overstating or outright lying about his record on gun rights, suggesting he would align with Hillary Clinton “to take our guns away.”

“There’s only one candidate endorsed by the NRA,” Gianforte has said in variations during interviews and debates. “That’s me.”
http://billingsgazette.com/news/government-and-politics/gianforte-takes-aim-at-bullock-s-record-on-gun-rights/article_6cabd26d-dcdc-5d97-b79e-e60f884d9240.html




And by the way if you’re wondering if Montana’s gun nuts are as crazy as their state legislatures, I give you this:

(CNN) - The man accused of robbing a Wisconsin gun shop and mailing a manifesto to President Donald Trump was captured Friday after a 10-day manhunt, the Rock County Sheriff's Office said.

Joseph A. Jakubowski, 32, was apprehended before 6 a.m. at a campsite in Vernon County, Wisconsin, the sheriff's office said. He was taken into custody without incident after a large number of law enforcement officers surrounded him.

Authorities who spoke Friday afternoon at a news conference said they were relieved the arrest was made.
http://www.nbcmontana.com/news/police-man-who-wrote-manifesto-to-trump-arrested/450731474




And Montana is also the home of the Doomsday Preppers craze. I’m almost kind of obsessed with doomsday preppers – because they’re a special breed of crazy. If you don’t believe me, just watch last year’s doomsday flick “10 Cloverfield Lane” and witness the insanity of John Goodman’s character. If Montana wins, in the next round we’re going to do a deep dive on doomsday preppers. So here’s how crazy doomsday preppers are in Montana:

Thousands of Americans are flocking to "Big Sky" country, and this movement has become so prominent that it has even caught the attention of the mainstream media. Within the last several weeks, both the Chicago Tribune and the Economist have done major articles on this phenomenon. From all over the country, conservatives, preppers and Bible-believing Christians are moving to Montana, Wyoming, Idaho and the eastern portions of Oregon and Washington. As you will see below, this region has become known as the "American Redoubt," and for a variety of reasons it is considered by many survivalists to be one of the top "safe zones" for when things really start falling apart in this nation.

Many of you that are reading this article may think that it is quite strange that families are quitting their jobs, packing up everything they own and moving to the middle of nowhere, but for those that are doing it this actually make perfect sense. A recent Chicago Tribune article on this phenomenon began by profiling an ex-California couple that decided to flee the state for the friendly confines of north Idaho:
http://www.charismanews.com/opinion/59866-why-are-so-many-conservatives-preppers-and-christians-moving-to-the-great-northwest




Missouri


Finally, the last state we have to cover in the Hateful 8 is none other than the Show Me State – and of course you know them as Missouri. Missouri is the home of such universities as the University Of Missouri (aka Mizzou), Missouri State, Linderwood, and University Of Missouri – St. Louis. Missouri is also the home of Branson – yes, picture all the bland entertainment of the Las Vegas Strip – except even blander and no Las Vegas Strip. Branson is the home of the comedy stylings of Yakov Smirnof (in Soviet Russia, war fights you!), and country music and doo wop tribute bands. And you’d think after the massive, worldwide fallout from the horrifying shooting of Michael Brown, you would think that Missouri would know better when it comes to guns!

Missouri had 880 gun deaths, or a rate of 14.56, and 781 motor vehicle deaths, or a rate of 12.92.

The five states with the highest rates of gun deaths were Alaska, Louisiana, Wyoming, Tennessee and Missouri. Illinois wasn’t mentioned in the Violence Policy Center report.

Missouri gun deaths have outpaced motor vehicle deaths three years in a row.

The Violence Policy Center points out that more than 90 percent of households own a vehicle, and less than a third have a firearm

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/gun-deaths-continue-to-surpass-motor-vehicle-deaths-in-missouri/article_c6b66d76-3d84-5b75-9e68-354c6cfb7a95.html




So Missouri is one of the states in the country with the highest concentration of gun deaths. Surpassing even NRA favorite South Carolina. And in case you’re wondering if the candidates in Missouri would put a stop to this, well…

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/god-guns-and-votes-missouri-republican-governor-candidates-take-to/collection_d3d662ef-0a11-5a83-a4ef-c3c26b125088.html

"Missouri television commercials are suddenly full of scenes of guns being loaded, prayers being offered and big smiles being smiled. Yes, campaign-advertising season is here.

The four candidates for Missouri's Republican nomination for governor — businessman John Brunner, former Navy SEAL Eric Greitens, former Missouri House Speaker Catherine Hanaway and Lt. Gov. Peter Kinder — all have new campaign ads out this week. Two of them feature firearms. One shows an explosion.

The winner of the Aug. 2 Republican gubernatorial primary will likely face Democratic Attorney General Chris Koster."




And Missouri is also the home of Rush Limabugh. Sure, he may live in a gaudy palace in Miami now, and by the way we really need to teach conservatives some lessons in interior decorating, am I right? I mean here’s Limbaugh’s house:



Compare that with Trump’s:



Can’t tell the difference, can you? Am I right? Getting off track here. But Limbaugh has said things on guns like this:

Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh told his listeners on Monday the true motive behind the recent school shooting in Colorado. The cause? Liberalism.

“The media doesn’t want you to know this,” Limbaugh said on his program. “But practically every one of these young kids shooting up schools is inspired by something to do with leftism, socialism, what have you. Every one of them is.”

Last week, 18-year-old Karl Pierson injured a classmate at Arapohoe High School in Colorado before killing himself. His classmates told the Denver Post that he disliked Republicans and “described him as a very opinionated Socialist.”

After the newspaper labeled the gunman “a socialist,” it later removed that description. The updated copy was changed to, “Thomas Conrad, who had an economics class with Pierson, described him as very opinionated.”
http://www.msnbc.com/the-last-word/rush-guns-dont-kill-people-liberalism-does#49237




Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Blaming liberalism for gun shootings is like blaming your weight gain on the protein supplement you bought after you clicked the “You May Like” button with the headline “MEN TURNING INTO BEASTS WITH POWERFUL NEW MARKET TESTED WEIGHT GAIN SUPPLEMENT!” Dude, you clicked on a link in the “You May Like” section and ordered without reading a word. You deserve whatever side effects you get. Thank you! You both know the dog didn’t do it, And in case you’re also wondering , Missouri leads the whole United States in the terms of the most stolen guns in the country!

Gun store burglaries nationwide are on the rise.

But Ron Quick isn’t too worried.

For him, concrete barricades and security cameras — among other things — are enough to protect his business.

He’s owned Quick’s Guns and Transfers in Kansas City, Kan., for about two years, opening it after closing Quick’s BBQ at the same location. The old dining room is the gun store’s display room.

“I have no more concern now owning a gun store than I did with a restaurant, to be quite honest,” Quick said.

But the statistics show gun stores increasingly are becoming the targets of thieves.

Last year, 558 burglaries of federally licensed gun dealers were reported nationwide — up nearly 50 percent from five years ago, according to the latest data from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.
http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article146093049.html




And then there’s even more than that! You know if you’re wondering if Missouri’s lawmakers have learned their lessons in their reckless disregard for the 2nd amendment, you’re not alone:

Last week, Republican infighting about different issues virtually shut down Senate business. The Missouri legislature has three weeks left in its regular session.

Since the General Assembly convened on January 4, legislators have sent Governor Eric Greitens (R) five bills. Those measures include barring mandatory union fees in the workplace, changes to the procedure for determining expert witness testimony in jury court cases, creating regulations for ridesharing companies to expand statewide and increasing penalties against those for the off-label use of herbicides on crops.

If the upper chamber can’t revive, several critical bills could die this session. Some of them could have life or death consequences.
https://www.missourinet.com/2017/04/24/missouri-senate-turmoil-could-cause-critical-measures-to-die-this-session/




And The Winner Is…

Oh my god, Montana has outdueled Missouri and they will be headed to face Tennessee for the Flyover League championship. This was a beat down. Montana has all the country’s gun manufacturers and they have all the guns. They took no shit from the police in Missouri! Final score – 101 – 78! Wow, holy crap that was epic! They will go on to face Tennessee in next week’s Flyover League Championship. Just that and the Layover Championship remain until we crown our stupidest state! Stay tuned for next week’s Layover League championship – Kansas. Texas. This will be epic!

And now this:
Dreamcar

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a brand new band to present to you. So new their album isn’t even out yet – and that’s a first for the Top 10! Playing their song “Kill For Candy” off their new album “Dreamcar”, available everywhere on 5/12/17, please welcome Dreamcar!





Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Tuck Buckford Goes Elbow Deep in A Bowl Of Chobani



I love that he's literally wearing a tin foil hat!

Gorillaz' Damon Albarn Edited Out All References To Trump On Latest Release

For all the official guest stars that Gorillaz leader Damon Albarn corralled for the group’s fifth album, Humanz -- Pusha T, Vince Staples, Kelela and Danny Brown among them -- the most riveting cameo is unlisted: Noel Gallagher, former co-lead of Oasis, bitter ’90s rival of Albarn’s other band, Blur. Twenty years ago, Albarn and Gallagher were trading potshots as Britpop kings; in 1995, Gallagher famously wished Albarn would “catch AIDS and die.” But in 2017, both are pushing 50 and uniting on “We Got the Power,” on which Gallagher sings backing vocals. “We’ve got the power to be loving each other,” they declare, “no matter what happens.”

<snip>

For Albarn, who has kept both groups running concurrently since Blur reunited in 2009, Gorillaz’s animated presentation has allowed the group to come and go without aging (literally) or being tethered to one era. Yet Humanz (due Apr. 27 on Parlaphone/Warner Bros.) marks a return to the end-time themes that were front-and-center on 2005’s Demon Days, which Hewlett says was inspired by the Sept. 11 attacks. Albarn warned the world against Donald Trump rising to the Oval Office as far back as the fall of 2015, when he would add a “Don’t fall for Donald Trump / He’s such a chump” sing-along to Blur’s live performances of “Tender.” And indeed, the singer-songwriter says Humanz was inspired in large part by imagining, “What would happen if the world was turned, in some unthinkable way, on its head?” -- a reality borne out by the 2016 presidential election.

“Trump’s ascension was one of the sources of energy that we meditated on, when it was like, ‘Ahh, that’s ridiculous, that could never happen,’” he explains. Humanz is not a conventional protest album against the American president as much as a party record for the apocalypse that his reign might ultimately lead to; “The sky’s falling, baby, drop that ass before it crash,” Vince Staples proclaims on “Ascension,” which has peaked at No. 11 on the Rock Songs chart. The election was a clear catalyst for those overtones, although Albarn made sure that the lyrics to Humanz don’t give the president any specific credit.

“There’s no references to on the record -- in fact, any time when anyone made any reference, I edited it out,” he says. “I don’t want to give the most famous man on earth any more fame, particularly. He doesn’t need it!”

Hewlett says that the group’s return with their first LP in seven years -- since they released Plastic Beach and The Fall in quick succession in 2010 -- was not the product of grand design, so much as bar talk between the Gorillaz godfathers back in 2014, after Albarn had just played a show in support of his solo album, Everyday Robots. “We went to some party,” says Hewlett, “and in a drunken conversation, he said, ‘Do you want to do more Gorillaz?’ And I said ‘Yeah, do you?’ And he said ‘Yeah.’ And I said ‘Right, then.’ That was the end of the conversation.”
http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/magazine-feature/7767690/damon-albarn-gorillaz-trump-reference-humanz


I like it!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-20: You Dropped A Bomb On Me Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-20: You Dropped A Bomb On Me Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This is going to be unusually long this week because we missed a lot being off last week, so bare with us! You know what? I’m back from spring break, I am in a good mood, let’s talk movies. I saw The Fate Of The Furious this week and that was great – might be the best one in the series so far. And I mean really after the disaster that was Tokyo Drift, things can only get better right? And by the way, how great was that trailer for Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi? Whew, man am I looking forward to that! Plus the trailer for Thor: Ragnarock



Right? Oh man that looks so good. “I know this guy! He’s a friend from work!”. That line is a definite win, and it sucks that we have to wait until November to see how this all pans out. Marvel is batting 1.000 right now. They have Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 which looks awesome (and only a mere 15 days away!). Spiderman: Homecoming looks to be just as good, and then you have Thor: Ragnarok. And I mean who wouldn’t want to see Thor fighting the Hulk? I mean it’s a perfect metaphor for modern society – the establishment (Thor) taking on the ginormous beast known as the Hulk. And that’s not even including Trump’s enormously fat ass. Hey o!!! I’m here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitress! All right, that’s enough of the intro. But first, John Oliver is back and he goes overseas to talk the French elections and their possible impact on the world:



Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the top 3 slots this week is President Trump! Bravo, well done, take a bow! So in the number one slot of course, you know that by now, Trump (1) dropped the “Mother Of All Bombs” on Afghanistan this week. And he fucked up in telling the press which country he was bombing in the first place! I mean seriously! In the second slot, you know the cake from the first slot? Well we're going to appear on the show "Cake Boss" and see how much Donald Trump's (2) claim about Mar-A-Lago having "the best cake" really rings true or not. In the number 3 slot, if you thought Trump (3) celebrates Cinco De Mayo and Thanksgiving as an elitist, wait until you see how he celebrates Easter! So what was Trump doing? If you guessed golf, you are correct sir / madam! Plus we’re going to come up with some other uses for that golf cart rental money he’s been using. In the number 4 slot, we’re going to recap yet another incident at UC Berkeley, only this time, the group attacking now has a name and they’ll be easy to identify at future events – Antifa (4) ! In the number 5 slot is United Airlines (5). Because another incident if you’ve been living under a rock is that you know about the horrific story about the guy dragged out of his seat and beaten senseless by police. But they just keep shooting themselves in the foot over this incident, and several others have popped up in recent weeks. In the number 6 slot is Alex Jones. So Alex Jones (6) and his lawyer claim that his Infowars persona is actually a character like The Joker. So we’re going to channel the Joker and have him explain a few things to Mr. Jones. In the number 7 slot is none other than Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly (7). He is on what we like to call a “sinking ship” thanks to sexual harassment lawsuits and it looks like Fox News might be pulling the plug on the Factor. So no more War On Christmas this year? Taking the 8th slot is Pizzagate founder, and the court jester of the deplorables, Mike Cernovich (8) who might be engaged in some light blackmail if Steve Bannon gets fired from the Trump administration. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, we’ve got another installment of “I Need A Drink” because really, I just got back from Spring Break, but I don’t need a drink, I need something much stronger – a joint! And we’re going to talk about all the fun events happening on 4/20 and your source for legal-ish pot. Finally this week, we’ve got the next round of our ongoing Stupidest State Contest, where we’re going to a Fiscal Irresponsibility Showdown. This time, Michigan takes on Kansas, and the winner will face Texas in the battle for which state is greedier. We’re just 3 rounds away from the league championship, and 4 rounds away from the deciding who is going to be our Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! Things are getting exciting! Plus we have some live music for you, this time from Iration. We’re going to get some reggae up in this joint – and I do emphasize the word joint. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Donald Trump


We need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that please?




Yeah! We’re getting old school up in this joint! And I need some old school music, because this entry is going to make me, and you very fucking angry! If it hasn’t already. Because Donald Trump and the republicans are quite literally playing with fire when it comes to North Korea. So let’s go through what happened shall we?

Washington (CNN)The US military has dropped an enormous bomb in Afghanistan, according to four US military officials with direct knowledge of the mission.

A GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast Bomb, nicknamed MOAB, was dropped at 7 p.m. local time Thursday, the sources said.

The MOAB is also known as the "mother of all bombs." A MOAB is a 21,600-pound, GPS-guided munition that is America's most powerful non-nuclear bomb.

The bomb was dropped by an MC-130 aircraft, operated by Air Force Special Operations Command, according to the military sources.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/13/politics/afghanistan-isis-moab-bomb/index.html




Now if you’re not already angry enough, while we don’t mind that 36 terrorists were killed in the explosion, there’s some other strange musings regarding this story. We’re teetering on the brink of nuclear war. And this shit isn't helping:

YOKOSUKA, Japan — From the wind-swept deck of a massive aircraft carrier, Vice President Mike Pence on Wednesday warned North Korea not to test the resolve of the U.S. military, promising it would make an "overwhelming and effective" response to any use of conventional or nuclear weapons.

Pence, dressed in a green military jacket, said aboard the hulking USS Ronald Reagan that President Donald Trump's administration would continue to "work diligently" with allies like Japan, China and other global powers to apply economic and diplomatic pressure on Pyongyang. But he told the sailors, "as all of you know, readiness is the key.

"The United States of America will always seek peace but under President Trump, the shield stands guard and the sword stands ready," Pence told 2,500 sailors dressed in blue fatigues and Naval baseball caps on a sunny, windy morning aboard the carrier at the U.S. Yokosuka naval base in Tokyo Bay.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-vp-pence-says-to-north-korea-the-sword-stands-ready/ar-BBA0ULZ?li=AA4Zpp&ocid=spartanntp


Where have I seen this before, I wonder?




And we all know how that ends! You know nuclear war - it’s a step up from regular war in a way that Premium Economy is a step up from Basic Economy - it's still the shitty part of the plane, and it's much more fucking expensive, despite that you get very little back in return for your investment. What do you get in return? A headrest! Ooh, a headrest! That means my neck will be slightly less crooked when I wake up from 13 minutes of sleep on my 6 hour flight from LA to New York! And let's face it, it’s what the military industrial complex really wants.

In its second major display of military might in one week, the US dropped its most powerful non-nuclear bomb on ISIS positions in a remote part of Afghanistan.

Afghan officials said 36 militants were killed in the strike in Nangarhar province, near the Pakistan border. The US military previously estimated ISIS had 600 to 800 fighters operating in the area.
On Thursday night, a GBU-43/B Massive Ordinance Air Blast bomb (MOAB), capable of destroying an area equivalent to nine city blocks, was dropped on a network of fortified underground tunnels ISIS had been using to stage attacks on government forces.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/14/asia/afghanistan-isis-moab-bomb/




George Carlin was right – war is just a big prick waving dick fight and that’s exactly what Mr. Tiny Hands Donald J. Trump is doing. And if you don’t believe he has tiny hands, just look at his gigantic fat ass waddling up a hill on his precious Trump branded golf course:



Where’s Stewie with a Tuba when you need him?



And this guy has the power to declare war, people! I mean it cant get much scarier than that, can it? I mean can it? Well maybe, in a very Bush-era move, if you add in the fact that Trump couldn’t remember what country he just bombed. You know what? Let’s roll tape first.



Last Thursday, April 6, President Donald Trump launched nearly 60 missiles at Syria in response to the deadly chemical attacks that took place earlier in the week. Thursday's strike targeted a Syrian airbase, and Trump's decision to bomb the country was met with mixed reactions from Congress, especially considering that the president did not seek congressional approval before ordering the launch of the missiles.

In a new interview on Fox Business Network, President Trump recounted to Maria Bartiromo the moment he told Chinese president Xi Jinping about his decision to attack Syria. However, there was one major eyebrow-raising instance in the interview: Trump seemed to forget which country he had bombed.

"I was sitting at the table, we had finished dinner, and we're now having dessert," Trump recalls. "And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen.... And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded." He adds: "I said, 'We’ve just launched 59 missiles, heading to Iraq.'"
www.teenvogue.com/story/donald-trump-just-forgot-which-country-he-bombed-last-week




Wanna Get Away? That would make a great ad campaign! I mean nothing says “wanna get away” like a world leader having dessert and then forgetting what country he just bombed! Call me, Southwest! But let’s talk about the cake for a minute. “It was the best cake, OK? Tremendous, tremendous cake! I mean the best cake comes from Trump Tower. I love chocolate!”.

President Trump said the United States is "not going into Syria" and recalled to Fox News the moment when he told Chinese President Xi Jinping over dessert that the U.S. had launched airstrikes in Syria.

Despite urging President Obama to stay out of Syria in 2013, Trump told Fox Business' Maria Bartiromo on Tuesday that he believes conditions in the country would not be as bad if Obama had acted earlier.

"When I see people using horrible, horrible chemical weapons, which they agreed not to use under the Obama administration, but they violated it," he said, "what I did should have been done by the Obama administration a long time before I did it. And I think Syria would be a lot better off than it has been."

Trump explained how he told President Xi that the U.S. military had launched airstrikes in Syria in response to the chemical attack.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/president-trump-syria/story?id=46739220





Donald Trump


Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for Cake Boss!!!!



This week on Cake Boss, we’re going to the king of cakes. The sultan of sugar (Sultan Of Sugar, by the way, saw them at the Troub last week, great show!). I’m of course talking about the best cake in the land – the chocolate cake with a very drab scoop of ice cream that’s served at Mar-A-Lago. Why it’s good enough to feed visiting dignitaries and Trump’s fat ass! And we don’t even have to make this one!

Recounting details about his decision to launch missile strikes on a Syrian air base last week, President Donald Trump took several moments during a Fox Business interview that aired Wednesday morning to enthuse about the "most beautiful" chocolate cake he enjoyed at his Palm Beach resort with Chinese President Xi Jinping. Trump was entertaining the Chinese leader at Mar-a-Lago when he ordered the military strike.

"I was sitting at the table, we had finished dinner," Trump told Fox Business host Maria Bartiromo. "We're now having dessert—and we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen—and President Xi was enjoying it."

Bartiromo then said it was "brilliant" that the missiles were "unmanned."

"It's so incredible. It's brilliant," Trump agreed.

Then Trump appeared to momentarily forget which country the United States had attacked last week, naming Iraq instead of Syria.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/04/trump-syria-chocolate-cake-mar-a-lago




Because what’s an internet show without some cat memes? I mean come on seriously people! But how good was the cake at Mar-A-Lago? Why it’s good enough to make world leaders forget which country they sent cruise missiles to! Ha ha ha! But how good is a piece of cake really worth? And what does it look like? Well here’s a real, unaltered image!



Doesn’t that look tasty? I mean it just screams class! I’ve made better looking cakes than that, and I’m not exactly what one would call a “professional chef”. And come on, use a bigger scoop of ice cream, damn it! You get that giant piece of chocolate cake with a radioactive red filling in the center, we're presuming it's strawberry, but we could be wrong, and you get just a thimble full of vanilla ice cream? Come on! The place I go to get pie serves you with a giant scoop of ice cream! But really folks, there’s got to be an underlying motive here, doesn’t there? I mean doesn’t there?

Unsafe seafood. Insufficiently refrigerated meats. Rusty shelving. Cooks without hairnets.

Reports show Florida health inspectors cited President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort with 15 violations in late January, days before the U.S. leader hosted Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe for a diplomatic visit.

Still, the state inspectors allowed the luxury resort's main restaurant and beach club grill to remain open as staff scrambled to make several immediate corrections.

Among the "high priority" problems described as "potentially hazardous" were faulty fridges with meats stored well above the required 41 degrees Fahrenheit. For example, in the restaurant's walk-in cooler, the duck and beef were measured at 50 degrees, while a ham was at 57 degrees.

Other issues included smoked salmon being served without undergoing "proper parasite destruction" and a hand washing sink for employees with water that was not hot enough.

Stephen Lawson, spokesman for the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, said the violations were the result of a routine inspection and not prompted by any consumer complaints or food-borne illnesses.
http://www.latimes.com/nation/nationnow/la-na-trump-mar-a-lago-health-violations-20170413-story.html




Oh and it gets so much worse from there ladies and gentlemen! Smoked salmon is great, but smoked salmon without proper parasite destruction? WTF are they serving? Mold in the ice machine?

The January inspections were not the first time authorities have found problems at Mar-a-Lago. Over the last three years, records show the club has been cited 78 times for violations that included chefs handling food without washing their hands, dirty cutting boards, a slicer "soiled with old food debris" and an "accumulation of "black/green mold-like substance" in the ice machine.




And in fact there were over 13 violations in the kitchen alone! So if you’re going to Mar-A-Lago, don’t hesitate to bring your own food! Although, I’m sure President Trump would hate that. Because after all, he serves the best food at Mar-A-Lago and Trump properties all over the world! But at least you can have cake, which is what Marie Antionette would have wanted.

Inspectors reportedly found multiple health code violations at President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Fla., only days prior to the visit of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

According to a report by the Miami Herald, the inspectors found 13 violations in the resort's kitchen, including undercooled meat and dangerous fish.

The inspectors deemed three of the violations to be “high priority,” which means that they could cause the presence of bacteria on dining room plates.

The state inspectors' latest evaluation of Mar-a-Lago on Jan. 26 revealed that the club's kitchen did not did meet minimum Florida standards.

The inspectors specifically noted the issues with the club's raw or undercooked fish, two of the club’s coolers that were too warm, and other minor violations.
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/328612-multiple-health-code-violations-found-in-mar-a-lago-kitchen





Donald Trump


So we won’t get to cover the Georgia special election this week, but Trump’s latest Tweet storm is something you got to see to believe. Particularly this one:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/853964023846588420

Learn to spell “Congressional” correctly and we might take you seriously for once. So in case you’re wondering how much Trump flip flops , he flip flops more than the sandals I wore in Hawaii last time I visited. And when you’re in Hawaii, you got to wear sandals and shorts, there really isn’t any other way to go there, am I right? But getting back to Trump and flip flopping, here’s something that you should know – the guy lies so much that his lies are lies, and his truth are lies. In fact he’s a real life Tony Montana. I mean think about it – he lives in a giant mansion in Miami, made his money through questionable means, never questions the other guy’s greed, and he might have gotten high on his own supply. We just don’t know. Plus we know he’s said crazy shit like this:



And with that in mind here’s how much Trump lies:

President Trump on Wednesday flipped to new positions on four different policy issues, backing off of several campaign promises.

In an interview and a press conference, Trump either shifted or completely reversed positions on matters of foreign and economic policy, including how to handle China and the future of the Federal Reserve chairwoman.

Labeling China a currency manipulator

Trump told the Wall Street Journal on Wednesday that China is not artificially deflating the value of its currency, a big change after he repeatedly pledged during his campaign to label the country a currency manipulator.

<snip>

Janet Yellen's future

Trump also told the Journal he’d consider renominating Yellen to chair the Fed's board of governors despite attacking her during his campaign.

“I like her. I respect her,” Trump said, “It’s very early.”

Trump called Yellen “obviously political” in September and accused her of keeping interest rates low to boost the stock market and make Obama look good.

<snip>

Export-Import Bank

Trump also threw his support behind the Export-Import Bank, which helps subsidize some U.S. exports, after opposing it during the campaign.

“It turns out that, first of all, lots of small companies are really helped, the vendor companies,” Trump told the Journal. “Instinctively, you would say, ‘Isn’t that a ridiculous thing,’ but actually, it’s a very good thing. And it actually makes money, it could make a lot of money.”
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/328568-trump-flips-on-four-policies-in-one-day


By the way in the case of the Import – Export Bank (IEB), this is what happened this week – it turns out Trump was going to eliminate the branch until someone explained to him how it worked! Hey, someone might want to explain to him how the environment and energy work, too, huh?

We knew Donald Trump wasn't a conservative. We knew he believed in government picking winners and losers. We knew he had an inordinate infatuation with with exports.

We also knew that Trump is thoroughly impressionable, meaning that when the lobbyists, the bankers, and the special interests got his ear — and this being the swamp, that was inevitable — they could probably win him over.

So when Trump said early in the campaign that he didn't think the Export-Import Bank (at that point it was in liquidation) should exist because the private sector can and does finance exports, I didn't get too excited. He was correct on the specific matter, but his personality suggested that this wouldn't last.
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-backflips-backs-export-import-bank/article/2620133




But we got to switch subjects and talk about how Trump spent Easter. But for transparency here’s how Obama spent Easter last year:

Talk about going out with a bang. After eight years at the White House, Barack and Michelle Obama are saying goodbye today to one of the presidency's most storied traditions, the Easter Egg Roll. The POTUS and FLOTUS stepped out today to greet the 35,000 attendees, and they were in good company. Beyoncé, Jay Z, and daughter Blue Ivy, Shaquille O'Neal, and Idina Menzel were also in attendence.

After greeting attendees from the balcony of the White House alongside a festive Easter Bunny, the pair shared a sweet kiss before heading down on the lawn to roll some eggs and read to the kids. Both Mr. and Mrs. Obama got very into the story, gesturing with their hands and making funny faces.
http://www.instyle.com/news/easter-egg-roll-2016-barack-obama-michelle-obama


And here’s how Trump spent Easter this year:

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/trump-family-held-private-easter-egg-hunt-at-mar-a-lago/

Trump attended services at the Church of Bethesda-by-the-Sea in Palm Beach along with first lady Melania Trump, daughter Tiffany, son Barron and Melania's parents, a White House spokeswoman said.

The family was to celebrate the rest of the Christian holiday with a brunch at Mar-a-Lago and Easter egg hunt with the families of two of Trump's other adult children, Eric and Donald Trump Junior, the spokeswoman told reporters.

Trump wished a "Happy Easter to everyone!" via his favourite medium, Twitter, and had earlier used his weekly address to mark Easter and the Jewish holiday of Passover.

The religious services were the first attended by Trump since his inaugural weekend in January.




And by the way what else happened at the White House Easter Egg roll? Well there was this.

President Trump’s narcissistic self-absorption and shocking refusal to show even the smallest courtesy or compassion for others was on full display this morning at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

Meant to be a day for children to meet the leader of their nation and to have some fun, Trump inevitably made it about himself. When one child asked him to sign his hat, Trump happily did so… before flinging the hat far into the crowd, prompting a cry of rage from the disappointed child who just learned that hard way what kind of a man Donald Trump really is.

http://occupydemocrats.com/2017/04/17/trump-just-bullied-child-white-house-easter-egg-roll/


Why do I get the feeling that sounds like something that happens in a bad Adam Sandler or Kevin James comedy movie? Stay classy, Trump. As if that’s not deplorable enough, Melania Trump didn’t make things better. Just like everything else Trump does, his first WH Easter Egg roll was a total disaster:



RIP Satire, beginning of civilization – April 15th, 2017. You will be missed. And in case you couldn’t help but wonder about Trump’s arrogance and elitism, we’ve spent the last 3 weeks talking about how much time he’s wasting golfing at Mar-A-Lago. Well, this week, some numbers were released that were pretty staggering, and if this doesn’t make your blood boil, you’re most likely a Trump supporter and watch Fox News as much as he does.:

The Secret Service has spent more than $35,000 on golf cart rentals at President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort since his inauguration, CBS News reported Friday, as Trump begins another weekend in Florida.

CBS News reported that it had reviewed purchase orders showing $35,185 in costs for renting golf carts during Trump's frequent visits to Palm Beach, Fla.

The president has played several rounds of golf at Trump-branded clubs, including in Florida and Virginia.

Trump has come under fire for his frequent trips, which current estimates show have cost more than $20 million — nearly the amount President Obama spent on travel in his first two years combined. Obama spent approximately $97 million on travel, averaging $12.12 million per year in office.
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/328942-secret-service-has-spent-more-than-35000-on-golf-cart-rentals


http://images.memes.com/meme/330488

So what can $35,000 buy you? Time for a little transparency and let’s put things in perspective. Wait a minute, I know! Why don’t we cue up the Top 10 Home Shopping Network? *cue music* Welcome to the Top 10 Home Shopping Network. Today we’re going to show you things that you can buy for $35,000 because that’s what President Trump has spent so far on golf cart rentals. So here’s things that $35,000 can buy you. To start with we have this lovely Volvo S60! For the low low price of $35,000 it comes with a sun roof and GPS navigation service!



Or perhaps cars aren’t your thing. Maybe you’re looking for a place to live. This tiny house, featured on “Tiny Houses” runs approximately $35,000:



Or maybe you’re an Elvis fan. This replica of the ring that the King wore, also cost $35,000!



And you know how much a new golf cart costs? Well this is why facts don’t matter to President Trump. Because this lovely red golf cart from Ez Go costs, get ready - $12,695!






Antifa




Antifa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That name sounds like it would fit perfectly at the end of that song. In fact play that song again and then scream “Antifa” instead of “Tequila”. Well we need some upbeat music for this next entry because it’s another one that will make you fucking angry. And you know, no matter which side you’re on – whether you’re a Trump supporter or a liberal like we are, we can all agree that people showing up at your rallies wearing ski masks and carrying crowbars aren’t there to join hands, am I right about that? Well let’s discuss

Demonstrators both for and against President Donald Trump clashed in Berkeley, CA Saturday as protests have turned violent.

According to CNN, Berkeley Police issued a statement that said, “A large number of fights have occurred and numerous fireworks have been thrown in the crowds,” Berkeley police said in a statement. “There have also been numerous reports of pepper spray being used in the crowd.”

The Berkeley protest began as a so-called “Patriot’s Day” rally of Trump supporters, but counter-demonstrators quickly assembled and tempers began to flare.

Protesters gathered around the country on Saturday to protest the Trump administration and demand that the former reality TV game show host reveal his tax returns to public scrutiny.

As the Berkeley protest turned violent, social media began to fill with videos taken at the scene.
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/watch-images-and-video-of-berkeley-violence-floods-twitter-graphic/


And yes there is video of this. By the way – can we say that Trump supporters are not in any way shape or form supporting free speech? Especially when they support his illegal deportation plan and the building of the wall? (BTW there is a content warning on this video)



But this isn’t the first time Antifa showed up and things turned violent. Remember the last Berkeley protest over professional tool Milo Yiannopolous? Yup, that was them. In fact there’s more to this story and it was a category 5 shit storm, as was expected.

Berkeley, long a hotbed of political protest, has emerged as a flashpoint in the Trump era.

The latest example of this came Saturday, when clashes between backers and critics of the president resulted in 21 arrests.

Berkeley is one of America’s most liberal cities, with a long history of left-wing activism. Trump supporters used the city as a setting for a Patriots Day rally Saturday.

But it goes beyond protests and counter-protests.

A February scheduled appearance by conservative provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos was canceled amid a violent protest on the UC Berkeley campus. That sparked a national debate — in which Trump himself took part — about the line between the right to demonstrate and protecting free speech that some find objectionable.
http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-berkeley-trump-20170416-story.html




And you know when smoke grenades are brought into the picture, they go from alleged terrorist group into full blown terrorist group. And here’s what happened then! I mean this shit gets crazier and crazier!

Hundreds of self-described anti-fascist protesters and supporters of Donald Trump clashed in Berkeley, California, in sporadic brawls on Saturday. Protests in cities around the rest of the country, including a number of “tax marches” in which demonstrators called for Trump to release his tax returns, proceeded more peacefully.

In Berkeley, police told media they had arrested 13 people by mid-afternoon, as opposing rallies spilled out of a park and into the streets.

With several hundred people on each side, the crowds mostly taunted each other with bullhorns, chants and shouts. Occasionally, anti-Trump protesters threw fireworks. Small bands on both sides chased each other or brawled, sometimes with wooden planks, homemade shields, poles and pepper spray.

One standoff at a downtown intersection ended only when a smoke grenade detonated. In confusion, anti-Trump protesters fled as supporters of the president charged after them, attacking stragglers. In one altercation, demonstrators threw a pot of beans at each other.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/apr/15/arrests-violent-berkeley-trump-protests-tax-marches




And boy did shit just get real. In fact it might be a preview for what a modern liberal vs conservative Civil War might look like. And that’s a scary fucking thought. And in that war, we liberals do not want Antifa on our side. In fact, we want to stay very far away from the Antifas and Daily Stormers of the world. And if the Nazis are happy, this can’t be a good thing, can it?

Trump supporters further escalated the situation by scheduling a second rally for March 4, which featured more violence as members of the extreme alt-right movement began mingling with regular Republicans. After even bigger fights broke out at March 25 rallies in Southern California and in Philadelphia, far-right groups decided to descend upon Berkeley to “protect” Trump supporters.

“This is just the beginning,” wrote a member of the neo-Nazi website the Daily Stormer. “This is a sign that we have moved into a new era in the Nazification of America. Normie Trump supporters are becoming racially aware and Jew wise. They are willing to stick up for themselves side by side with Nazis without being adverse to violence.”
www.salon.com/2017/04/17/this-is-just-the-beginning-alt-right-rejoices-as-violent-protests-rock-berkeley/




And we really did get a preview of Civil War II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder With A Vengeance at Berkeley on Saturday. Shit is getting really ugly out there, folks. And I mean really ugly.

Most of the demonstrations held on April 15, which was set aside by progressives for marches to demand that Donald Trump reveal his tax returns, were peaceful. The notable exception was the city of Berkeley, California — often described as the most liberal community in the nation — where things rapidly descended into a street fight between radical right-wingers and more left-leaning counterprotesters.

A group of hard-right extremists came to Berkeley to hold a rally in support of Trump. While they are, of course, claiming that they only resorted to violence in self-defense, it’s clear from the social-media organizing done ahead of time that their intention was to start a riot.

http://www.salon.com/2017/04/18/pro-trump-rioters-got-away-with-beating-anti-fascists-in-berkeley-and-they-likely-wont-stop-there/


By the way let’s take a look at some of these winners for a minute. I mean both Antifa and Daily Stormer were looking for a beat down on both sides. It wasn’t just a peaceful demonstration. Nope, this was a full on category 5 shit storm. But the Daily Stormers were going full on Insane Clown Deplorable:



In fact, in Civil War II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder With A Vengeance, I’d rather not have Antifa on our side. And by the way, why do Trump supporters think they support free speech more than we do? I think we need to have that discussion at some point? These guys fail at explaining what free speech means.

The melee that erupted in Berkeley on Saturday in the name of free speech was nothing like the Free Speech movement there a half-century back.

Starting around 10 a.m., protesters from both the far right and the far left gathered in a park next to City Hall. For the first few hours they stood on opposite sides of a no-man’s land space that police had set up with orange webbed fencing in the park. There were good-natured taunts between the opposing sides initially, but as more and more people arrived—eventually more than 2,000—the exchanges turned into name-calling and jeers. Police were able to temporarily maintain peace because they had confiscated flagpoles, bats, pipes, sticks, knives and other items as people entered the park. Police also positioned themselves in the neutral zone when the shouting got too intense.

By 1 p.m., all semblances of order or peaceful protest were gone. The two sides had moved onto city streets and set upon each other with fists, M-80 firecrackers, and pepper spray. They hurled bagels, soda cans and even dumpsters back and forth as police largely stood by. The policy of the Berkeley Police Department is not to break up small fights as police involvement might result in more violence and injuries. Even so, 20 people were arrested by the end of the day, and 11 protesters reported injured.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/04/16/a-little-american-civil-war-in-berkeley.html




And in case you think we’re not done in Berkeley – get ready! Look who’s coming over for dinner! Are they going for the idiot trifecta over at Berkeley? I’ve got some good odds saying they are! You might want to stock up on plenty of butter for round 3!

This bridge has a troll. And nothing good can come of trying to cross it.

On April 27, right-wing “polemicist” Ann Coulter will come to speak on campus about illegal immigration as part of a three-part series hosted by newly founded campus club bridgeCal.

Why this club thought Coulter was a reputable source to speak on an immigration is beyond us. With her past incendiary remarks toward Muslims, Mexicans and many other communities of color, Coulter has shown an unwillingness to partake in intellectual discourse. Simply put, she would astonish us if she sparked meaningful dialogue on campus.
http://www.dailycal.org/2017/04/14/ann-coulter-campus-will-not-productive/


Oh come on Berkeley, you should realize that having Ann Coulter "bridge the gap" between liberals and conservatives is like having Goldman Sachs executives teach a class on wealth management, or having Alex Jones teach an anger management class, or having Rush Limbaugh teach hot yoga. You might as well literally shoot yourselves in the foot! But still...





United Airlines


Well if you’re United Airlines the last week has been rough. “Ooh boy, it was rough I tell ya, a plane made an emergency landing, and no one got hurt. And that was the best thing that happened to me last week!”. Thank you Mr. Dangerfield. And yes that actually did happen!

A United Airlines flight this morning turned back to San Francisco International Airport because of a mechanical problem, an airport official said.

United Airlines Flight 1721 was on its way to Kona International Airport in Hawaii when it turned around and made an emergency landing.

Airlines spokeswoman Maggie Schmerin said the problem was a maintenance issue.
http://www.sfgate.com/news/bayarea/article/Update-United-Airlines-Plane-Makes-Emergency-11076927.php




And that’s probably the best thing that happened to United Airlines this week! Hey o!! Because unless you’re living under a rock, by now you know the extremely horrifying tale of Dr. David Dao, who was traveling from Chicago to Atlanta, and you know the video, we wont show it, but did you know that United may have tried to PR smear the wrong guy?

Questions have inevitably started to be asked: who dug up those details about David Dao’s apparent medical misdemeanour or the gay sex he supposedly had with a younger man, and why? Did they even check that those details related to the David Dao who was dragged off Flight 3411 in Chicago? There is presently confusion about whether the man on the United flight was actually David Thanh Duc Dao, quite possibly another person entirely to David Anh Duy Dao, the man with the criminal records.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/united-airlines-doctor-david-dao-drugs-gay-sex-court-documents-oscar-munoz-a7680221.html




And that’s not all. The United flub will be forever remembered as a lesson in how *NOT* to do public relations. And I think the only way things could be worse is if you hire Sean Spicer as your PR guy. And then this happened and it’s not something you want to be the receiving end of, much like you don’t want to be on the receiving end of a flaming bag of dog shit:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/10/business/united-flight-passenger-dragged.html

...Another United employee told passengers that the plane would not leave until four people got off, Mr. Bridges said. The employee then specified that the airline had four United employees who needed to get to Louisville, he said...

A United employee first approached a couple that appeared to be in their mid-20s, Mr. Bridges said, and the pair begrudgingly got off the plane. Then the United employee went to a man five rows behind Mr. Bridges, and told him he needed to get off the plane. The man told the employee, “I’m not getting off the plane. I’m a doctor, I have to see patients in the morning,” Mr. Bridges said.

“We explained the scenario to the customer,” Mr. Hobart said. “That customer chose not to get out of his seat.”

The situation became uncomfortable for the United employees who then got on board and took the vacated seats, Mr. Bridges said. They were berated by passengers and told they should be ashamed, he said.




And you know remember the movie Airplane? I mean how appropriate is this scene now?



You know I must be boring – shit never happens on my flights. I flew American last week – nothing of anything interesting happened. I did get to watch the Zach Galafinakis flick “Masterminds” which was pretty funny. And I also watched the Ryan Gosling / Russell Crowe flick “The Nice Guys” which was great, loved it. But that’s about it. And then this just happened, once again United Airlines shoot themselves in the foot:

When Michael Hohl and fiancée Amber Maxwell boarded a flight in Houston, Texas Saturday afternoon, they said they expected to be in Costa Rica that evening with friends and family members preparing for their destination wedding.

Instead, the Utah couple found themselves stranded in a layover city after they said a U.S. Marshal asked them to leave the aircraft, several news outlets reported. Their reported deplaning followed a controversial viral video last week which showed police officers dragging a doctor off a United Express flight in Chicago when the flight was overbooked.

In a statement, the airline said the couple “repeatedly attempted to sit in upgraded seating which they did not purchase and they would not follow crew instructions to return to their assigned seats.”

But the couple denied to several news outlets that they were trying to sit in a better section of the plane.

Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/news/nation-world/national/article144973654.html#storylink=cpy




But then my favorite part of this whole cluster fuck is that the United CEO said they wont drag people off planes anymore:

Not quite a full month ago, before #LeggingsGate and dragging-gate and the accompanying public scorn, United Airlines Chief Executive Oscar Munoz put on a bow tie and ascended a stage in New York for the self-styled "Oscars of the PR world."

Munoz had just been named PRWeek's "Communicator of the Year," an honor he shared with gay rights pioneer Edie Windsor and Malala Yousafzai, a young Pakistani activist who survived being shot in the head by the Taliban for championing women's rights.

Munoz had not done anything like that. But he had, PRWeek explained, rehabilitated the image of an airline once tangled in multiple image crises — unpopular with employees and customers alike.

"Communication and communication strategy is not just part of the game, it is the game," Munoz said as he accepted PRWeek's award.
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-united-oscar-munoz-20170413-story.html





Alex Jones


So by now you know Alex Jones is under fire for threatening California Congressman Adam Schiff. And here’s what happened. I love that the GOP says that they’re “pro free speech” when they’re really not, and by attacking the media and threatening people they disagree with, they hurt free speech more than anybody! It’s how republicans are able to get away with legalizing silencers and calling it “hearing protection”. Well here’s what Alex Jones did.

Law enforcement officials are not saying whether they will charge broadcaster Alex Jones, the right-wing conspiracy theorist ally of President Donald Trump, for publicly threatening to “beat” Representative Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) and telling Schiff to “fill your hand”—a reference to taking up a pistol.

But, says an attorney with expertise in federal law, Jones’s threats appear to break a federal law, U.S. Code Title 18, Section 115, which makes it illegal to threaten to assault a U.S. official and provides a penalty of up to six years in prison.

“I do think that the combination of Jones’s comments would amount to a threat,” says Amanda Berman, director of legal affairs with Lawfare Project, a consortium of experts on national security law. “It seems to be a clear provocation. Ultimately, the question would have to be put to a judge or jury, but I think there is a legal basis for a conviction based on Jones’s threat, which was made ‘with intent to impede, intimidate or interfere’ with Congressman Schiff’s exercise of his duties as the ranking member of the committee investigating the connection between the Trump campaign/administration and the Russians.”

Schiff likely became a Jones target because he is the ranking Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, which is investigating possible ties between the Trump campaign and Russia. Schiff has said there is “more than circumstantial” evidence of collusion between Trump associates and Russia.

Read more: http://www.newsweek.com/alex-jones-threat-congressman-may-be-felony-579730




But here’s why the Joker, er, Alex Jones is in the news this week. I love this defense so much. So did you know that Alex Jones is involved in a bitter divorce and custody battle? Wait, wait – back up! Somebody married this guy? And he has children? Someone swiped right on the only guy in the US who has bigger rage issues than Trump does? The guy who said that Hillary Clinton was involved in a child sex ring and that the murder of 20 school children was all an act? That fucking guy reproduced?


At a recent pretrial hearing, attorney Randall Wilhite told state District Judge Orlinda Naranjo that using his client Alex Jones’ on-air Infowars persona to evaluate Alex Jones as a father would be like judging Jack Nicholson in a custody dispute based on his performance as the Joker in “Batman.” “He’s playing a character,” Wilhite said of Jones. “He is a performance artist.”

But in emotional testimony at the hearing, Kelly Jones, who is seeking to gain sole or joint custody of her three children with Alex Jones, portrayed the volcanic public figure as the real Alex Jones.

“He’s not a stable person,” she said of the man with whom her 14-year-old son and 9- and 12-year-old daughters have lived since her 2015 divorce. “He says he wants to break Alec Baldwin’s neck. He wants J-Lo to get raped.
http://www.mystatesman.com/news/state--regional-govt--politics/travis-county-custody-case-jury-will-search-for-real-alex-jones/rnbWzMHnFCd5SOPgP3A34J/


So his lawyers are claiming that his Infowars persona is all an act. Much like Jack Nicholsoh’s Joker. And why did they choose Jack Nicholson’s Joker? Why not the much better Heath Ledger? Or the much worse Ben Affleck?




At a recent pretrial hearing, attorney Randall Wilhite told state District Judge Orlinda Naranjo that using his client Alex Jones’ on-air Infowars persona to evaluate Alex Jones as a father would be like judging Jack Nicholson in a custody dispute based on his performance as the Joker in “Batman.”

“He’s playing a character,” Wilhite said of Jones. “He is a performance artist.”

But in emotional testimony at the hearing, Kelly Jones, who is seeking to gain sole or joint custody of her three children with Alex Jones, portrayed the volcanic public figure as the real Alex Jones.

“He’s not a stable person,” she said of the man with whom her 14-year-old son and 9- and 12-year-old daughters have lived since her 2015 divorce. “He says he wants to break Alec Baldwin’s neck. He wants J-Lo to get raped.
http://www.mystatesman.com/news/state--regional-govt--politics/travis-county-custody-case-jury-will-search-for-real-alex-jones/rnbWzMHnFCd5SOPgP3A34J/





What would a dialogue between the Joker and Alex Jones sound like? You know we obtained an actual transcript of a conversation between Jones and the Joker.

Joker: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Alex: Oh my god, I can’t believe you would say that! I can’t believe that you’re blabbing this to the mainstream media when babies are being poisoned by vaccines! You’re more concerned about what the devil is doing to you in the form of globalism and the illuminati via mind control and satellites? Look all around you man! This is the end times we’re living in!
Joker: You remind me of my father! I hate my father!
Alex: Fathers are a myth perpetuated by the mainstream media to trick you into thinking that parents are a vial part of modern society! It’s not! It’s just the globalists and the Clinton agenda who are tricking you into supporting gay families! It is not Christian! WE ARE MEN!!! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!!! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!!!
Joker: Why don’t I cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Then we can see how loyal a hungry dog really is!
Alex: I WILL FIND YOU AN D I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS!!!!!
Joker: You know how I got these scars?
Alex: I am sorry to our Christian affiliates. I won’t let this happen again. I am a Christian first and foremost, I usually don’t get that angry.


End scene! Thank you! Oh and here’s one of my favorite parts of this whole thing – Alex Jones goes full on cartoon crazy in his rebuttal to this madness! I mean you can’t make this shit up!

In a rambling message filmed from his car this morning, Alex Jones repeatedly insisted that he is not an actor—a characterization of Jones made by his own lawyer during an ongoing custody battle.

Jones’ attorney recently said that the “InfoWars” broadcaster is simply “playing a character” on his conspiracy theory radio program. The right-wing talk show host is []involved in a custody lawsuit with his ex-wife, whose attorneys want jurors to see footage of Jones’ unhinged and explosive outbursts. His attorney, however, said that his manic and sometimes violent statements are not relevant in the dispute since he is “a performance artist.”

While he did not specifically address his own lawyer’s statements in the video message, Jones said that “we’re all actors, but I believe in what I stand for—I’m not an actor as my main identity.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/alex-jones-i-am-not-fake-i-am-completely-real-and-everybody-knows-it/





Bill O’Reilly


We were originally going to talk about the show Survivor in this entry but I didn’t like the entry, so we’re going to change it up and talk about Bill O’Reilly instead. Whew, I mean holy fucking shit. Talk about what’s called a “sinking ship”. This is what we call a category 6 shit storm. It’s way worse than a category 5 in that the shit is literally hitting the fan, and is getting caught up in what we call a shit cyclone, meaning that the shit is getting recirculated. And that’s not a good thing, especially at the Gentlemen’s Leisure Club known as Fox News, where Jabba The Hutt – Roger Ailes – has already been booted, and now it looks like they’re going after their main man next. So let’s go through what happened.

Bill O'Reilly's future at Fox News is the number one topic among Manhattan media executives, entertainment agents and journalists. But the network is keeping mum. Seemingly the only place where it isn't being discussed is on Fox News.

Neither O'Reilly nor Fox has said much about last weekend's report in the New York Times about settlements with five different women who accused the host of sexual harassment or verbal abuse. The matter has only been addressed briefly on Fox's air, and O'Reilly hasn't discussed it in the two editions of his show, "The O'Reilly Factor," that have aired since the story broke.

Fox's strategy of silence might make sense for now, given that O'Reilly is more than just a profit center for the company: he is an institution there, almost inseparable from the network, and long seemingly invincible.

Then again, that's exactly what media observers said last summer when Roger Ailes was sued by former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson for sexual harassment. Ailes resigned two weeks later.
http://money.cnn.com/2017/04/05/media/can-fox-news-stand-by-bill-oreilly/




That did indeed go south. But you know – I think the question needs to be asked – if we’re so concerned with sexual harassment in this country, why the fuck did Donald Trump get elected president? I mean… thank you! But even the pussy grabber in chief thinks that Bill O’Reilly didn’t do anything wrong. I mean… gee… you know what they say about “birds of a feather flock together”, am I not right about that?

WASHINGTON — President Trump said on Wednesday that Susan E. Rice, the former national security adviser, may have committed a crime by seeking to learn the identities of Trump associates swept up in surveillance of foreign officials by United States spy agencies, repeating an assertion his allies in the news media have been making since last week.

Mr. Trump gave no evidence to support his claim, and current and former intelligence officials from both Republican and Democratic administrations have said they do not believe Ms. Rice’s actions were unusual or unlawful. The president repeatedly rebuffed attempts by two New York Times reporters to learn more about what led him to the conclusion, saying he would talk more about it “at the right time.”

The allegation by a sitting president was a remarkable escalation — and, his critics say, the latest effort to change the story at a time when his nascent administration has been consumed by questions about any role his associates may have played in a Russian campaign to disrupt last year’s presidential election.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/05/us/politics/trump-interview-susan-rice.html?_r=0




So even Trump himself is playing the “nothing to see here” card in regards to Bill O’Reilly, which is extremely telling about Trump’s past aggressions with women. So how much hot water is Bill O’Reilly in in regards to his sexual harassment discrepancies? Well… this might take the cake, and not the cake served at Trump Tower.

What once seemed unimaginable now seems at least possible.

New York Magazine’s Gabriel Sherman reported Tuesday that the Murdoch family is “leaning” toward pulling Bill O’Reilly off of Fox News’ airwaves in the middle of growing pressure from advertisers and activist groups.

The report comes amid a separate claim by attorney Lisa Bloom that O’Reilly used to call a black woman who worked as a clerical worker at Fox News “hot chocolate” during her time at the network in 2008. The television host would reportedly make her feel uncomfortable in other ways as well.

“He would never talk to her, not even hello, except to grunt at her like a wild boar,” Bloom told The Hollywood Reporter. “He would leer at her. He would always do this when no one else was around and she was scared.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bill-oreilly-hot-chocolate_us_58f66fece4b0de5bac41a5cd?54f&ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009
13




So the line between human and animal has officially been blurred. Remember when men actually acted like men and not animals like Bill O’Reilly and Alex Jones? This is what passes for being a man in 2017 – treating women like shit and acting like unsophisticated animals? If so then I want no part of it, and I am a white male. This is what passes for being a “bad ass”? I mean this is Kid Rock’s definition of “bad ass”!



And the republicans want this guy to run for senate! You know – the party who says that “oh celebrities should stay out of politics”! Shut the fuck up! Well, back to Bill O’Reilly for a minute… you know what? His Factor show on 4/12, may have been his last:

Fox News will no longer even respond to questions about whether Bill O'Reilly will return to his show.

The fact that none of these sources were willing to go on the record speaks to the delicate maneuvering underway.

The network's parent company, 21st Century Fox (FOX), will hold a board meeting on Thursday, a spokeswoman told CNNMoney. One of the sources said O'Reilly will be a primary topic.

The Murdochs, the men who control 21st Century Fox, are pointedly not commenting on any of this.

Read more: http://money.cnn.com/2017/04/18/media/bill-oreilly-fox-news-exit/index.html







Mike Cernovich


Before we get into this entry, you know folks - context matters. And this is real. This happened.



Excuse me a minute...

So we got to go back to the Berkeley outing for a minute. So chief Trump troll (try saying that one five times fast!) and Pizzagate co-conspirator Mike Cernovich was back in the news this week. Not just for leading the Idiot Patrol, er, “Free Speech Brigade” through UC Berkeley, that happened. First off, someone is feeding this troll inside information. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my various years on the internet, it’s that you do not feed the troll. Oh, no, good sir / madam, never, ever feed the troll!

Just days after Donald Trump Jr. suggested he be given a Pulitzer Prize, Cernovich tweeted, “Sources telling me U.S. attack in Syria planned for tonight, we must stop! #NoMoreWar,” at 7:40 pm Eastern time, an hour and a half before NBC News broke the news of the airstrike.

7:40 p.m.
Fifty-nine Tomahawk missiles were launched from Navy destroyers in the eastern Mediterranean. All 59 hit their target.

8:30 p.m.
Notification of foreign leaders and congressional leadership began. The vice president called several congressional leaders and began calling some foreign leaders. The secretary of State, the secretary of Defense, national security adviser and others were also involved in making those phone calls to...heads of government, defense ministers and congressional leaders.
http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/4/7/1651419/-Prominent-Trump-supporter-tweeted-about-the-attack-an-hour-before-the-attack


?noindex=1

And as if the trolls didn’t need more feeding at Berkeley, Mike Cernovich is falsely claiming he was assaulted by those Antifa morons we talked about earlier in the show.

Alt-right blogger Mike Cernovich was reportedly punched in the face while heckling protesters at demonstration against President Donald Trump over the weekend.

According to AOL News, Cernovich showed up on Saturday at tax day rally in Austin ..............
........................

The video shows a protester chanting “Show your taxes” before Cernovich begins to shout, “I’m being assaulted. I’m being pushed I’m under assault. I have a free speech right.”

“Look at the hatred in their eyes and in their hearts,” he yells.

A second video shows a man swinging his fist, which Cernovich claimed was a “shot” at him.

Cernovich is known for pushing the debunked “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory.......................
Watch the video below.
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/alt-rights-mike-cernovich-gets-punched-in-the-face-while-yelling-clinton-is-a-rapist-at-anti-trump-rally/


BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! And yes there sadly is tape of this.

https://twitter.com/MikeLewisATX/status/853314469837115392

I mean really could these asshats be any more deplorable? And you know what? Could the guy who punched Cernovich in the face and the guy who punched Richard Spencer in the face come to my show please? I’d like you to stay for an interview and a couple of beers! But here’s the main reason why chief Trump troll Cernovich is in the news this week.

If senior White House advisor Steve Bannon goes, alt-right leader and Pizzagate inventor Mike Cernovich will release his own plague of secret information that will “destroy marriages.”

The Daily Beast captured an 11-minute Periscope video from Cernovich that threatened of a series of “scoops” that could bring people down.

Bannon was thought to be on the outs as he’s said to have alienated President Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner. Trump said in an interview this week that he serves as his own strategist. When asked about the feud, Trump claimed, “I told them to straighten it out or I will.”
https://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/alt-right-head-threatens-to-release-intel-on-the-personal-lives-of-gop-if-bannon-is-fired/


Who needs butter?



Well he already planted one fake news story on Susan Rice a couple of weeks ago. So what does he have on them?
The phony Susan Rice story, explained

The former national security advisor’s surveillance activity is neither illegal or unethical.
National Security Advisor Susan Rice follows President Barack Obama across the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, to board Marine One, Thursday, July 7, 2016. CREDIT: AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster

Conservatives are seizing on a report that former national security advisor Susan Rice requested the identity of anonymous people named in intelligence reports, claiming that it provides evidence for President Trump’s false claim that Trump Tower was wiretapped.

Bloomberg’s Eli Lake reported Monday that Rice requested the “unmasking” of third parties whose information is collected during targeted surveillance of other individuals. Conservative media jumped on the claim and reported that it corroborates Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA), chairman of the House Intelligence Committee’s allegation that information about Trump’s transition team had been “incidentally collected” during U.S. government surveillance of foreign officials.
http://thkpr.gs/1a72785b100e





420 Events


It’s now time for another installment of:



You know what? Fuck it, I need a joint. And can we get some appropriate music?




Especially before Jeff Sessions unleashes The War On Drugs II: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder. Ah yeah that’s some good shit right there! And it has to be some good shit because you don’t want to smoke the wrong ganja. Am I right about that? Because… yeah… we don’t want you here at the Top 10 to think it’s all about negativity. No, we want you to leave here with a positive vibe. Especially since it’s legal now!

SAN FRANCISCO (KPIX 5) — We’re less than a month away from the 4/20 festival at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park.

But the pot-smoking holiday will look a lot different this year.

Every year thousands of stoners converge on the park’s Hippie Hill to celebrate 4/20.

Sarah Madland Director of Policy and Public Affairs at the San Francisco Recreation and Parks Department said, “This has been a rogue kind of spontaneous thing.

And for just as long, the city’s police and officials have chosen to sit back, hope for the best and then spend around $50,000 cleaning up after everyone.
http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2017/03/29/san-franciscos-420-marijuana-festival-will-be-a-city-permitted-event/




And there’s other 420 Events that you could choose to go to if you’re into smoking the reefer. You can go watch 2 Chainz in downtown Denver celebrating 4/20. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Denver since weed was made legal in Colorado, but on 4/20 downtown Denver is so smoky that it gets a contact high!

Following a 2016 event that was postponed because of a snowstorm and finally staged a month later, the 2017 Denver 4/20 Rally is scheduled to take place on the actual date of April 20 for the first time in four years. That means it should happen on a Thursday instead of a weekend, but this timing hasn't caused promoter Santino Walter of Civic Center Park Productions to lower his expectations for the gathering, which is centered around a free concert headlined by 2 Chainz.

"I think it's going to be huge," Walter says. "Denver is still the biggest destination to travel to and legally buy and consume retail cannabis for 4/20. You can see it in the way the hotels are already booked out, the cost of flights out here, how flights are booked up, the amount of superstar celebrities who will be in our city the four or five days of 4/20 weekend. So I think we're probably going to have the largest event we've ever had."

When he's asked if there were any lessons learned from last year's postponement, Walter is adamant: "No. That is a major misconception." Granted, the ultra-late postponement of the 2016 rally stirred controversy, and Walter says decisions about any possible weather-related delays will be made at least 24 hours in advance going forward. But otherwise, he sees the way things worked out as having been "a gift from God."
http://www.westword.com/news/inside-the-2017-denver-4-20-rally-starring-2-chainz-8939505




God, I love that movie! Or maybe go to Miami where there’s going to be some bumping 4/20 parties, and don’t tell Jeff Sessions!

Much like Super Bowl Sunday (and the Hangover Monday that follows), April 20 — or 4/20 — has become an unofficial holiday. Employees will call in sick and students will skip classes. It’s a national day of stoned joy resulting from the now-mainstream embrace of those three simple numbers: 4, 2, and 0.

The date has been nearly ubiquitous in weed culture for the past 30-odd years. The term originated with a group of California potheads in the '70s and was popularized by the Grateful Dead once the bandmates caught a whiff of the super-duper-secret code and spread its use with every show thereafter. Considering the close relationship marijuana has enjoyed with music for the better part of the past half-century, it seems natural that a rock 'n' roll jam band became the Johnny Appleseeds of planting 4/20 in the minds of the masses.
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/music/miamis-five-best-4-20-parties-in-2017-9277737


But whatever you do, don’t be like this douchebag and start selling tickets to free events. That shit isn’t cool, and it definitely doesn’t fly here at the Top 10!

People have been flocking to Hippie Hill for years to smoke weed on 4/20, and now someone is apparently trying to capitalize on the occasion by selling tickets.

The only problem? The event in Golden Gate Park is free of charge.

The opportunist is advertising the event as "HIPPY HILL 420 EVENT IN GOLDEN GATE PARK" on Eventbrite. Beyond the fact they misspelled Hippie Hill, the tickets are $20 each.

According to the Eventbrite page, the organizer is "Kind Friends Advertisement." A Google search yields nothing on the organizer, and their profile page on Eventbrite is empty.
http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/hippie-hill-golden-gate-park-420-tickets-sf-11071698.php






Stupidest State Contest Round 11: Michigan Vs. Kansas




16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. Last week – Tennessee showed Alabama who’s boss when it came to which state hurt their LGBT citizens the most, and they utterly destroyed them in the competition to advance to the next round. So two states have advanced to the Final Four – Tennessee, and Texas. So who will their challengers be? We have two more conference finals – the Fiscal Irresponsibility Championships and the Gun Nut Championships. This week, Texas is awaiting their opponent – and we’re headed back to the land of greed and irresponsible spending. The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference – you know, where your governor will roll your rights as a worker back to the stone age, while he walks away with a giant sack of that sweet, sweet green. And by green of course, I mean money. Not marijuana, you stoners! Let’s get out our brackets shall we?



Round 11: Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference Championship: #5 Michigan Vs. #7 Kansas

Kansas


So the Kansas Jayhawks nearly won the actual Final Four. Except they didn’t. But will they win this Final Four? Only time can tell. In the last round it was a tossup as to whether or not Kansas would beat Chris Christie’s New Jersey. But there’s no denying that Sam Brownback is one of the single most evil people in all of America. So in case you’re wondering why Kansas makes the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference every tournament, well, there’s their Tea Party darling of a governor, Sam Brownback. And Sam Brownback embodies everything that is soulless and wrong with the Tea Party. And the Tea Party mantra is cut spending, cut spending, cut spending. Well, here’s how spending was cut. Behind door #1:

Kansas Governor Sam Brownback on Thursday vetoed a bill expanding eligibility for Medicaid under the federal Affordable Care Act (ACA), saying he could not support legislation that provided tax dollars to Planned Parenthood.

State lawmakers in the Republican-controlled senate voted in favor of the measure on Tuesday, just days after President Donald Trump’s efforts to repeal and replace the ACA, also known as Obamacare, ended with the bill being pulled from a vote.

Read more: http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/kansas-governor-sam-brownback-vetoes-medicaid-expansion-bill/


But there’s got to be more to make Sam Brownback the reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility. If there’s one thing the GOP hates, it’s the perception of people getting free handouts. I mean first off, aren’t all handouts free? And second, these people suck. Just a big, steaming bag of suck.

Gov. Sam Brownback’s office announced $97 million in budget cuts on Wednesday, with more than half of that coming from the state’s Medicaid system.

Most state agencies will have a 4 percent cut. The governor exempted the Department of Corrections, the Kansas Bureau of Investigation, the Kansas Highway Patrol and state hospitals.

Public K-12 education, which represents half of the state’s general fund budget, also was shielded from cuts. Lawmakers had written that provision into the budget bill.

Medicaid, which provides health care for low-income Kansans, accounts for 20 percent of the state’s general fund budget and shouldered the brunt of the budget cuts. The Kansas Department of Health and Environment and the Kansas Department for Aging and Disability Services, the two agencies that administer the program, saw $57.4 million in combined cuts.
http://www.kansas.com/news/politics-government/article78450362.html#storylink=cpy




In case you’re wondering how much shit Kansas is in economically and how it will translate to the rest of the country, here’s how fucked up it is.

http://www.salon.com/2016/10/25/kansas-gov-sam-brownbacks-trickle-down-economics-experiment-is-so-bad-the-state-stopped-reporting-on-it/

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback, the Republican responsible for the state’s business-friendly tax policies, is now trying to erase any evidence of just how wildly unsuccessful his Reaganomics experiment has proved.

Last month the state’s Council of Economic Advisors, which Brownback created in 2011 and still chairs, quietly discontinued quarterly reports originally intended to showcase the state’s rapid economic growth. (During Brownback’s re-election campaign in 2014, the reports were scrubbed from the internet and subsequently available only upon request.)

The council issued what ended up being its last report in May.

Brownback “specifically asked the council to hold him accountable through rigorous performance metrics,” Heidi Holliday, executive director of the Kansas Center for Economic Growth, told The Topeka Capital-Journal. “Five years later, the metrics clearly show his tax experiment has failed while business leaders and local chambers of commerce across the state openly ask him to change course.”




Wow, that’s another good one! But we have barely scratched the surface on the Kansas Tea Party’s insane greed and corruption. Although some good news for Sam Brownback. You know we don’t want you to think the Top 10 is all about negativity. No, we want you to have the Top 10 as a positive feeling. And there’s some good news – Sam Brownback is no longer America’s least popular governor. And we don’t need to hold an America’s Next Least Popular Governor Contest to find out who it is!

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has lost a title he probably didn’t care for much in the first place.

The Republican is now the second least popular governor in the country. Missouri Democrat Claire McCaskill, meanwhile, is among the least popular U.S. senators, according to a new poll released Tuesday.

Who’s the least popular governor in the U.S.? That would be Chris Christie of New Jersey.

Morning Consult, a media and survey research company based in the nation’s capital, said it polled more than 85,000 registered voters across the country from January to March in an effort to determine American public officials’ approval rankings.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article143945244.html#storylink=cpy




Why yes! The new least popular governor in the country was none other than the governor of the state that was Kansas’ competition for this tournament! And that is Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie! I mean ya gotta wonder how these assholes keep getting elected! But there’s far more. Sam Brownback, like the good republican he is, often passes the blame onto others in the event he loses. And it looks like the GOP might actually lose a seat in Kansas. And you know who he would blame?

In the first test for the so-called resistance movement, Democrats are claiming a real surge of energy coming into Tuesday’s special election to replace Republican Rep. Mike Pompeo, who vacated the seat to serve as President Donald Trump’s CIA director. But if the Democratic candidate can, by some small miracle, pull off an upset in the deeply red state, it will be thanks in large part to Kansas Republican Gov. Sam Brownback.

The wave of moderate Republicans who swept last year’s GOP primaries should have been Brownback’s first clue that a revolt was brewing in his own party. Fourteen conservative state legislators allied with the governor were ousted in favor of more moderate Republicans who were critical of America’s least popular governor and his failed trickle-down economics experiment in the Sunflower State. Last month, in a stunning rebuke of Brownback, Republicans passed a bill to expand Medicaid in the state — an extremely popular move that Brownback vetoed.

In the first election since Brownback’s most controversial move and just ahead of the 100-day anniversary of what can at best be described as a tumultuous first 100 days in office for President Donald Trump, Republicans are bracing for blowback. It may very well be the longest of longshots, but for the first time in a long time, Democrats actually have a shot in the district that houses Koch Industries, owned by right-wing billionaires Charles and David Koch.
http://www.salon.com/2017/04/11/blame-sam-brownback-if-republicans-lose-a-seat-in-kansas-it-wont-be-donald-trumps-fault/




I mean even fucking Wall St is thinking that Sam Brownback is a complete and utter disaster. When you’re on the bad side of Wall Street, that is not a side you want to be on!

It turns out the companies in charge of assessing whether a state is on stable financial footing aren't fans of trickle down economics. Tax cuts passed five years ago at the behest of Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback (R) have left the state in perilous fiscal shape. And now, one of the major ratings organizations is warning that it might lower the state's credit rating after Brownback vetoed tax increases last week.

Early in his tenure as governor, Brownback pushed a series of steep income and business tax cuts—the biggest in state history, with the benefits heavily tilted to the wealthy—as a means of juicing the state's economy. The cuts, he argued, would spur massive job growth and bring in enough new revenue to offset the lower tax rates.

That hasn't panned out. Tax collections have regularly come in far below expectations in recent years, leaving Kansas lawmakers scrambling to slash government services in order to comply with a state law requiring a balanced budget. (Most states, unlike the federal government, have balanced budget requirements.)
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/02/sam-brownback-kansas-tax-cuts-moody-credit-rating




But some good news, Sam Brownback may soon no longer even be the governor. Apparently he was tapped by Trump to be the head of a lucrative United Nations post. Yes, he has gone from bankrupting Kansas, to possibly bankrupting the world!

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback (R) will soon be given a plum United Nations job by President Donald Trump, multiple news outlets in the state reported last week.

Neither the governor’s office nor the White House has confirmed the reports, which quote sources alternately describe it as a “done deal” and “more tentative than that.” The job would take Brownback to and from Rome, where the cluster of U.N. agencies he would be be charged with assisting are based.

Under normal circumstances there might be little to say about one politician setting another up with a cushy gig on the Mediterranean. But Brownback would be fleeing a political and economic crisis, leaving about 3 million Kansans behind in a budgetary inferno of his own devising.
https://thinkprogress.org/is-sam-brownback-about-to-get-a-political-bailout-from-donald-trump-9545f12f5628




Michigan


Next up in our Stupidest State contest is the return of the other reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility – the Great Lakes State - Michigan. Michigan is unique for its’ Upper Peninsula – a hotbed for hunters and white supremacists alike. By the way, if you want a feel for what it's like to live in the Upper Peninsula - Jeff Daniels is from Central Michigan. Yes, the same Jeff Daniels who was in Dumb & Dumber, The Martian, and The Newsroom. He directed a movie about elk hunting called "Escanaba In Da Moonlight". It's very low budget but you definitely will know what's it's like to live in the UP after watching this flick. Plus lots and lots of drinking! Michigan is the home of such universities as my mother’s alma matter – Michigan State University (go Spartans!), the University of Michigan, my brother’s alma matter Wayne State, and several other noted universities. Michigan is also the home of world class sports teams including the Detroit Tigers, the Detroit Pistons, and of course Hockey Town USA, the Detroit Red Wings! Where fans are known to do this:



And we do have to mention one hilarious and quite stinky story before we get started on all things Michigan that happened this week after Joe Louis Arena finally closed:

The Detroit Red Wings won their final game at Joe Louis Arena on Sunday, 4-1 over the burnt-out husk known as the New Jersey Devils, as the Wings bid farewell to their home since 1979 before moving to their new digs at Little Caesars Arena next season.

It was a glorious day of celebration and misty-eyed nostalgia, as former Red Wings greats acted as the ice crew to shovel during the second period and fans were treated to memories made in that arena through the decades. Here’s what the final minutes in the history of the Joe sounded like from the stands:
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/red-wings-fans-threw-35-octopuses-ice-joe-louis-arena-farewell-004926074.html




I like that one! So what else has Michigan been up to since we last visited them? You know the toxic water crisis in Flint is only getting worse by the day. In fact you know who one of the biggest problems with Flint actually was? If you guessed it’s a giant, evil corporation then you’re 100% correct! And of course it’s Nestle Waters.

BIG RAPIDS, MI - The Flint water crisis loomed large Wednesday night over a state public hearing where almost 500 people gathered to weigh in on whether Nestle should be able to draw more groundwater to bottle and sell.

"The injustice of this situation could not be starker," said Liz Kirkwood, executive director of For Love of Water (FLOW). "At the same time the people of Flint are forced to drink bottled water, the state is considering authorizing a water grab for a $200 fee."

Fifty-five people opposed the company's permit application during the public hearing, urging the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality to protect the state's water instead of kowtowing to Nestle.
http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2017/04/flint_water_crisis_casts_shado.html




But there is some good news on the Flint front – the Michigan House recently voted to send $100 million to Flint, but hopefully the Flint City Council will use it for its’ intended purpose and not funnel the money back to themselves!

LANSING, MI -- More than 100 activists gathered at the Capitol Wednesday in celebration of World Water Day, and the House of Representatives voted to send $100 million in federal funds to the city of Flint to help address its water crisis.

"This money is deeply needed for the city of Flint," said Rep. Phil Phelps, D-Flushing.

The Flint water crisis emerged when a water source switch lead to more corrosive water going through pipes, leaching lead out of the pipes and into the water supply. The neurotoxin is particularly dangerous to children. An unknown number of residents were exposed.

The state has dedicated $234 million at efforts to help the city recover. But the House of Representatives on Tuesday made an administrative move to send $100 million from the federal government over in House Bill 4329.

Read more: http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2017/03/michigan_house_votes_to_send_1.html




And yes that is indeed excellent. But the Flint water crisis isn’t the only problem plaguing Michigan – besides insane Tea Party representatives and leaders like Rick Snyder, who might be one of the worst governors in the country (thank you Koch Brothers! ), did you know that the former home of the Detroit Lions, the Pontiac Silverdome, is still standing? And that it has a major parking lot problem?

The long-empty Pontiac Silverdome is now facing an unlikely problem: A parking lot filled with Volkswagens.

The city of Pontiac has taken legal action against the owner of the derelict stadium, citing it for city code violations for storing hundreds of Volkswagen cars and crossovers on the property without the necessary permits.

The Volkswagens, which have been gathering outside the Silverdome since January, are the vehicles the German automaker has been forced to buy back back from customers following its diesel emissions scandal.

The city cited the Silverdome's owner -- Triple Investment Group -- last month for six separate citations generally related to the mass of Volkswagens and for failing failure to secure the property from trespassers. The city says the owner needs a site plan and business license to store so many cars there, even though the land in question is a parking lot.

Read more: http://www.freep.com/story/money/business/2017/03/22/silverdome-owner-denies-responsibility-parked-volkswagens/99506732/




That’s a strange story indeed. but when it comes to Michigan and spending… Michigan’s state senators and representatives are just as batshit crazy as they are in the rest of America.

Today a federal grand jury returned an indictment charging a state senator with conspiracy and theft crimes, announced Acting United States Attorney Daniel L. Lemisch.
(snip)

Charged was Bertram Johnson, Jr., 43, of Highland Park, Michigan. The two-count indictment charges that from approximately March 2014 through January 2015, Johnson, Jr., a Senator for the State of Michigan, conspired to commit theft, and did commit theft, of monies under the care, custody, and control of the State of Michigan.

According to the indictment, Johnson borrowed thousands of dollars in cash from an unnamed co-conspirator, and later placed that co-conspirator on the public payroll as a member of his staff, knowing that the co-conspirator was a “ghost employee” who contributed no work on behalf of Johnson’s staff. The indictment alleges that Johnson placed this “ghost employee” on the public payroll solely to pay off Johnson’s personal loan debt, and that the ghost employee was paid over $23,000 in taxpayer money.
https://www.justice.gov/usao-edmi/pr/state-senator-indicted-conspiracy-and-theft-charges




And in case you’re wondering if Michigan’s wealthiest residents are as greedy and corrupt as their representatives are, did you know that there’s a massive grift going on between multiple Michigan area doctors? There’s this:

A second Detroit-area physician pleaded guilty today for his role in a $17.1 million Medicare fraud scheme involving medically unnecessary physician visits and drug prescriptions.

Acting Assistant Attorney General Kenneth A. Blanco of the Justice Department’s Criminal Division, Acting U.S. Attorney Daniel L. Lemisch of the Eastern District of Michigan, Special Agent in Charge David P. Gelios of the FBI’s Detroit Division and Special Agent in Charge Lamont Pugh III of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Inspector General’s (HHS-OIG) Chicago Regional Office made the announcement.

Leonard Van Gelder, 69, of Caledonia, Michigan, pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit health care fraud before U.S. District Judge Avern Cohn of the Eastern District of Michigan. Sentencing will be set at a later date.
https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/second-detroit-area-physician-pleads-guilty-171-million-health-care-fraud-scheme


And this:

Detroit Podiatrist Charged for Role in $13.9 Million Medicare Fraud Scheme

A Detroit podiatrist was charged in an indictment unsealed today for his alleged participation in a $13.9 million health care fraud scheme involving fraudulent claims for unnecessary foot surgeries and other podiatric services that were never rendered.
(snip)

Lawrence Young, D.P.M., of Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, was charged with six counts of health care fraud in an indictment filed in the Eastern District of Michigan. Young was arrested this morning and made his initial appearance before U.S. Magistrate Judge Anthony P. Pattiof the Eastern District of Michigan.
https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/detroit-podiatrist-charged-role-139-million-medicare-fraud-scheme




And The Winner Is…

Oh my god this was an incredibly solid matchup. Both teams gave each other a game. Which is what this competition really is about. But sadly only one state can move on to face Texas. Kansas is incredibly tough, and don’t discount them as favorites to win the whole thing. Michigan on the other hand puts up a good fight and they’re not going down easily. They came back and tied it with just 3.2 seconds left… OH MY GOD!!! Kansas sinks a 3 pointer!!! They will beat Michigan and advance to play Texas in the Layover League Championship! Final score – 74 – 71! I tell you anything can happen in this tournament, folks and we have just 4 rounds left before we crown our Stupidest State. Next week – the final piece of the puzzle remains. Missouri and Montana will be bringing their big guns out. The winner gets to face Tennessee for the Flyover League championship. The loser goes home.

And now this:
Iration

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you have some joints ready – playing their song “Midnight” from their album “Hotting Up”, please welcome Iration!




Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Secret A.T.F. Account Paid for $21,000 Nascar Suite and Las Vegas Trip

WASHINGTON — Agents with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives used a secret, off-the-books bank account to rent a $21,000 suite at a Nascar race, take a trip to Las Vegas and donate money to the school of one of the agent’s children, according to records and interviews.

Agents also used the account to finance undercover operations around the country, despite laws prohibiting government officials from using private money to supplement their budgets, according to current and former government officials and others familiar with the account.

The revelations highlight the lax oversight at the A.T.F. that allowed agents and informants to spend millions while avoiding the normal accounting process. The Justice Department’s inspector general, who is investigating the secret account, criticized the A.T.F. recently for mismanagement and said the agency did not know how many informants it had or how much they were paid.

The New York Times revealed the existence of the bank account in February, prompting an investigation by the House oversight committee. The Justice Department, which oversees the A.T.F., has denied any wrongdoing, and the department has refused to say whether the bureau continues to operate such secret accounts, which the government called “management accounts.”

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/secret-atf-account-paid-for-dollar21000-nascar-suite-and-las-vegas-trip/ar-BBzHwxf?li=BBnb7Kz


Grifters gonna grift.

John Oliver Tackles Gerrymandering



Neil Gorsuch takes first of 2 oaths, prepares to join court

Source: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — Surrounded by family and his soon-to-be Supreme Court colleagues, Neil Gorsuch took the first of two oaths on Monday as he prepared to take his seat on the court and restore its conservative majority.

The 49-year-old appeals court judge from Colorado is being sworn in after a bruising fight that saw Republicans change the rules for approving high court picks — over the fierce objection of Democrats.

The first ceremony took place privately in the Justices' Conference Room, with Chief Justice John Roberts administering the oath required by the Constitution. Gorsuch placed his hand on the family Bible held by his wife, Louise. His two daughters watched, along with all eight of the current justices and most of their spouses.

Also in attendance was Maureen Scalia, widow of the late Justice Antonin Scalia, and her eldest son Eugene, said court spokeswoman Kathy Arberg.

Later, Gorsuch will appear at a public White House ceremony, where Justice Anthony Kennedy is to administer a second oath in which Gorsuch will pledge to administer justice impartially and "do equal right to the poor and to the rich." Gorsuch, who once clerked for Kennedy, will be the first member of the court to serve alongside his former boss.

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/neil-gorsuch-takes-first-of-2-oaths-prepares-to-join-court/ar-BBzDptZ?li=BBnb7Kz



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The fucking assholes did it. They got their god damned seat. May it be forever cursed.

The Closed Information Loop From Hell

https://twitter.com/TVietor08/status/850441771377086465

Found this on Media Matters' Twitter feed.

Your Words, Trump.

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/373743492151136256

And:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/375075774644363264

And:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/375609403376144384

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-19: In Like Flynn Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-19: In Like Flynn Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Congratulations to the North Carolina Tar Heels for winning the NCAA March Madness tournament! Whew! Well anyway, Gonzaga, you put up a good fight and you can rest easier knowing your championship gear is going to clothe Africa’s starving children. I kid, hey miss, give it a chance, I just got up here! For you people watching at home there’s people already leaving! You know folks, I never thought I would agree with the BFEE on anything, but considering the tumultuous times we live in, where we have a maniacal mad man about to destroy the world, and that’s not even counting Donald Trump. Hey o! Thank you, I’m here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress! You know what I’m stalling enough. You know how they say “the enemy of my enemy is my friend”, right? Well, there’s one person who I never thought we’d be allies with in this day and age. Let’s roll the tape!




That’s right! Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him, did you? And you think you’re so smart! I mean we have the single biggest piece of shit who’s ever occupied office. And I’m not counting the president in the previous video. Ha! I fooled you again! I’m of course talking about Donald Trump – a guy who is so polarizing that he’s causing even some of the most batshit crazy, extreme die hard republicans, to wake up and see what they are really doing. Hey maybe that’s what Trump meant by MAGA! All right that’s enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to tonight. But first Colbert brings out his chalkboard and works his conspiracy theory magic:



So where do we begin this week? There's lots of stuff I would like to talk about including Bill O'Reilly losing sponsors and Steve Bannon getting pulled from the NSC. But we have to limit this to 10! The number one slot this week easily has to go to Michael Flynn (1) who is turning the tables on the Trump administration by exchanging testimony for immunity from prosecution. We will tell you what that means. Meanwhile the second slot is going to House Republicans (2). Because they passed a bill that will essentially give ISPs like Verizon and Time Warner the ability to sell your browsing history to the highest bidder, and that’s not good for anybody. In the number 3 slot is of course President Donald Trump, and in the third slot we’re going to channel our lecture series and talk about Trump’s latest tweet storm, and remember that this guy is our president. In the number 4 slot, we’re going to talk some baseball and specifically how Donald Trump (4) will be the first president since the game of baseball was invented to not throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ home opener this next week. Taking the fifth slot, once again is Donald Trump, and we’re going to do something unprecedented and try to use a flow chart to explain Donald Trump and the GOP’s knowledge of history after his flub explaining Susan B. Anthony. Well, it should be the “take no responsibility” party.In the number 6 slot, is the Bathroom Police (6). Yes they’re making a comeback. While Trump and the GOP are busy rolling LGBT rights back to the stone ages, the Iowa GOP is finding new and scary ways to instill their good old fashioned brand of Christian family values (speaking of family values!). Plus we also have to talk about the worst party bus ever. In the number 7 slot, we’re going to talk about the Russians (7) and their brand of cyberwarfare manipulating the election in favor of Trump, and you would be a fool and a communist to make that connection. Taking the number In the number 8 slot, we were originally going to talk about Chuck Berry but I didn’t like the entry. Instead we’re going to talk about Mike Pence and recent revelations about his bizarre behavior around women, and he makes Mitt Romney look sane by comparison. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, we have another installment of "I Need A Drink" (this is becoming a regular feature), and we’re going to lighten things up and tell you about a fun new fan cruise you can go on, and it’s being run by David Hasslehoff (9). Yes, put the Hoff on a boat for 5 days full of alcohol and drunk tourists, what could go wrong? Finally this week, we’ve got the next round of our Stupidest State Contest. This time it’s a Family Values face off for the championship as we pit back to back conference champions Alabama against the hottest state in the Family Values racket – Tennessee, who steamrolled over perennial favorites North Carolina in this contest. Plus we have some more live music for you, this time from Wisconsin’s own Violent Femmes! Their new album “We Can Do Anything” is amazing and a lot of fun to listen to. If you don’t have it get it. And they will be stopping by to play something from it! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Michael Flynn




So that happened. In case you don’t know what we’re talking about – it’s the biggest shit show of the week, in a year where shit shows seem to be happening on an almost daily basis. In case you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, I give you Michael Flynn. Remember that cheesy 60’s British spy comedy In Like Flint that was the basis for the “Austin Powers” series? This is In Like Flynn! Yeah, baby!!!

Report: Michael Flynn Asked For Immunity In Exchange For Testifying On Trump’s Russia Ties
According to the Wall Street Journal, Flynn’s offer has not been accepted.
By Mollie Reilly 03/30/2017 07:03 pm ET

Retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, who briefly served as national security adviser to President Donald Trump, is seeking immunity from prosecution in exchange for testifying on the president’s ties to Russia, the Wall Street Journal reported Thursday.

According to the report, Flynn made the offer to the FBI, the House intelligence committee and the Senate intelligence committee. All three entities are currently investigating whether Trump’s associates had contact with Russian officials during the 2016 presidential campaign. According to the Wall Street Journal, none of them have yet accepted Flynn’s offer.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/michael-flynn-testimony_us_58dd889fe4b0e6ac7093b323?5m79oc7olzxhl4n29&




Yeah! Groovy baby! Oh behave! This whole thing stinks. It’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree and someone in the Trump administration was connected to Russia. Well Flynn may have been requesting immunity from prosecution to protect his own ass. But what is he hiding? Who is he hiding from? Well, there was this that happened over last week!

MOSCOW, RUSSIA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Kremlin announced it had invited Ex National Security Advisor Michael Flynn to Moscow in order to award him the Atomic Medal of Honor.

The Kremlin explained the newly-created award was designed specifically "for high-profile individuals who had earned the attention and admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin."

Upon hearing the news, Flynn commented, "I am both honored and surprised. I had never heard of the Atomic Medal of Honor before today, and was unaware I was being considered for it."

Flynn added, "This is some great news considering all the bad luck I have been having. I just asked for immunity in exchange for my testimony on Trump's ties to Russia."
http://www.theniladmirari.com/2017/03/michael-flynn-wins-russian-atomic-medal-of-honor-putin-insists-he-travel-to-moscow-to-claim-russian-award-before-talking-to-congress-and-fbi.html




Please, oh please tell me that this is an April Fool’s Joke! Wait, what? This article was published on March 31st? Blast!!!! But this shit gets even weirder than that! Was Michael Flynn a paid operative by a foreign country? Oh this gets much scarier than some e-mails that got deleted off a private server.

WASHINGTON — Michael Flynn, who was President Donald Trump's former national security adviser until being fired last month, has registered with the Justice Department as a foreign agent for $530,000 worth of lobbying work before Election Day that may have aided the Turkish government.

Paperwork filed Tuesday with the Justice Department's Foreign Agent Registration Unit said Flynn and his firm were voluntarily registering for lobbying from August through November that "could be construed to have principally benefited the Republic of Turkey." It was filed by a lawyer on behalf of the former U.S. Army lieutenant general and intelligence chief.

After his firm's work on behalf of a Turkish company was done, Flynn agreed not to lobby for five years after leaving government service and never to represent foreign governments.

Under the Foreign Agent Registration Act, U.S. citizens who lobby on behalf of foreign governments or political entities must disclose their work to the Justice Department. Willfully failing to register is a felony, though the Justice Department rarely files criminal charges in such cases. It routinely works with lobbying firms to get back in compliance with the law by registering and disclosing their work.
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/michael-flynn-disclosed-his-lobbying-might-have-helped-turkey-n731056




Holy fuck! So he was working for Erdogan but didn’t disclose it? And as we all know Erdogan is a power hungry insane wannabe dictator who may or may not also be in Putin’s pocket. Allegedly, allegedly! Well, maybe not so allegedly! Because it turns out that Flynn may have actually met with the Turkish government.

Earlier this week former Donald Trump campaign adviser James Woolsey publicly revealed that he had attended a meeting between Michael Flynn and the Turkish government which involved discussions so legally dubious that he reported it to the U.S. government. But guess who else tagged along for a meeting between Flynn and the Turkish government? House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes, who this week inserted himself into the Trump-Russia scandal in bizarre fashion.

To be clear, these were two different meetings. Woolsey says the Flynn-Turkey meeting he attended, in which the kidnapping of Pennsylvania resident Fethullah Gülen was discussed, took place in the summer of 2016. But after Donald Trump was named the winner of the election, late in the transition team period, Flynn met with the Turkish government yet again. By this time James Woolsey had already resigned two weeks earlier. So instead, Flynn took another Trump transition team member with him, Devin Nunes.

It’s not publicly known what was discussed during the Flynn-Nunes-Turkey meeting on January 18th. But confirmation of the meeting has been hiding in plain sight all along. Earlier today respected political pundit T. R. Ramachandran posted a lengthy tweet storm (link) which included a reference to a previously overlooked article from Turkish news publication Daily Sabah (link). The article reports that “ Foreign Minister Mevlüt Çavuşoğlu met with designated U.S. National Security adviser Rt. Gen. Mike Flynn on Wednesday at Trump Hotel in Washington” and goes on to add that “House Intelligence Committee Congressman Devin Nunes, a Republican heavyweight, also attended the breakfast.”
http://www.palmerreport.com/politics/devin-nunes-michael-flynn-turkey/2054/


So much better than Hillary’s e-mails, they tell us!




House Republicans


While we’re talking about Trump’s latest bullshit tweet (which we will get to in a minute), we have to talk about what the GOP did over the weekend. And it’s extremely despicable. In the day and age where you have Alex Jones screaming about government surveillance and the illuminati, well, he may actually be right for once. But he’s wrong in who he is targeting.

House Republicans voted overwhelmingly Tuesday, by a margin of 215-205, to repeal a set of landmark privacy protections for Web users, issuing a sweeping rebuke of Internet policies enacted under the Obama administration. It also marks a sharp, partisan pivot toward letting Internet providers collect and sell their customers' Web browsing history, location information, health data and other personal details.

The measure, which was approved by a 50-48 margin in the Senate last week, now heads to the White House, where President Trump is expected to sign it.

Congress's joint resolution empowers Internet providers to enter the $83 billion market for online advertising now dominated by Google and Facebook. It is likely to lend momentum to a broader GOP rollback of Obama-era technology policies, and calls into question the fate of other tech regulations such as net neutrality, which was approved in 2015 over strident Republican objections and bans Internet providers from discriminating against websites. And it is a sign that companies such as AT&T, Comcast and Verizon will be treated more permissively at a time when conservatives control all three branches of government.

Supporters of Tuesday's repeal vote argued the privacy regulations, written by the Federal Communications Commission, stifle innovation by forcing Internet providers to abide by unreasonably strict guidelines.

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2017/03/28/the-house-just-voted-to-wipe-out-the-fccs-landmark-internet-privacy-protections/




I’m sure a lot of conspiracy theorists right now are securing their tin foil hats to their heads. And I mean I hate to say it, but Infowars – as much as we mock them here – might actually be right about something for a change! So you might be asking “how are they going to do this?” Well, that’s a good question, and we turn to President Trump’s favorite resource to do that. Real news, the best news, OK?

1. Deep packet inspection.

Deep packet inspection allows the ISP to go through certain pockets of data that are sent across the web and data that’s used for user protection. This can also be batched together to include information like age, location, name and other personal data.

2. Monitoring Internet activity.

LAWMAKERS PUSH FOR STANDARDS FOR USE OF CELL PHONE SCANNERS

ISPs can simply monitor the websites that users are visiting and get the information, store and sell it that way. Since this is a direct method, it’s highly lucrative for advertisers.

3. Tracking user location through mobile devices.

ISPs such as Comcast or AT&T can access user location thanks to GPS-enabled smart devices and monitor them. Companies such as Apple and other retailers do this already, using beacons (i.e. when you walk past an Apple Store and you get an alert telling you you’re near), but the difference is ISPs are looking to generate revenue from location tracking.
http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2017/03/30/how-will-isps-collect-and-sell-your-browser-history.html




Now you might also be asking how to protect yourself from your snooping ISP. Well, you know a lot of right wing conservative militias work on the internet and they work in secret carrying out their mischief and mayhem. So when this bill becomes law – and you know Trump wont hesitate to sign it – you can expect a lot of them to go to prison when they start searching for how many guns one can legally own and insane information about the rapture. Well, there’s this.

However, you can still go dark, if you don’t want big telecom peering into your private life. There’s a chance that your ISP will let you opt-out of certain types of data collection, although it’s unclear if they’re specifically required to do this in the absence of the privacy rules. The FTC does recommend that service providers off an opt-in option, although ISPs could just decide to ignore that recommendation. Your situation will inevitably depend on how your particular ISP decides to exploit the lack of rules. Otherwise, protecting your online privacy in these grim times essentially amounts to putting up a barrier between you and the prying eyes of large telecom companies. Let us show you how.
Use a VPN

Our first recommendation is the best one: pay for a VPN service. Using a virtual private network (VPN) is the only way to ensure that you’re accessing the internet through an encrypted, private channel. Your browsing habits can still be seen by the VPN service—and law enforcement, if it comes to that—but you’ll be safe from a spying ISP since it will see your traffic as coming from a random server instead of your house.
http://gizmodo.com/how-to-hide-your-browsing-history-from-your-snooping-is-1793687193




But the good news is that major ISPs are now saying that they’re not going along with the schemes being proposed by the House Republicans:

Internet service providers are in an awkward spot. After getting all dressed up for the sell-your-data dance, it turns out they'll be staying home.

Or so they claim.

Reuters reports that representatives from Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T all came out today to assure worried consumers that the companies will not in fact sell customers' browsing histories to the highest bidder.

"We do not sell our broadband customers’ individual web browsing history," writes Comcast Chief Privacy Officer Gerard Lewis on the company's blog. "We did not do it before the FCC’s rules were adopted, and we have no plans to do so."

But should we trust Lewis and his counterparts at AT&T and Verizon?

The denials were issued after the House and Senate voted to repeal landmark consumer privacy rules passed in 2016 that would have blocked internet service providers from selling the browsing history of their customers.
http://mashable.com/2017/03/31/isp-claim-wont-sell-browsing-history/#Q2sXZaSbniqJ




Donald Trump


Ladies and gentlemen, we have some late breaking news to report!!!



Steve Bannon, President Donald Trump’s chief strategist, has been removed from the National Security Council in a staff reorganization.

Bloomberg News and other media outlets reported the changes, which were revealed in a regulatory filing on Wednesday.

Bannon had been elevated to the principals committee of the National Security Council when Trump took office, a controversial move not just because of Bannon’s presence, but the apparent downgrading of the role of the national intelligence director and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Both of those figures, Dan Coats and Joseph Dunford, respectively, will now be regular attendees.
http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/steve-bannon-removed-national-security-council-trump-1202023363/




When I saw that Steve Bannon was trending I was hoping it was either his arrest or he'd been hospitalized for liver poisoning. Oh well, we can dream can't we? But maybe that means he'll spend more time with his pain killers and booze addictions. We'll cover this more as it happens. And by the way why are we going to Variety for late breaking political news? Not enough Kardashian or Bieber stories out there? But anyway back to the original entry. Sigh, another day, another weekend that Trump has spent it at a Trump property. Is this what we really need at this point on our country’s lifespan? Do we really need a president who lies about how much time he spends on the golf course? You know what Trump really is? He’s in that group of retired old guys who hang out at the local McDonalds every morning spending hours talking shit about how much time young people spend on those “dang cell phones” while complaining about using coupons to get 5 cents off an extra large iced mocha, but he spends about as much time on his cell phone as they do! And they complain about spending 5 extra cents on an iced mocha latte, when they won’t hesitate to spend $500 on a tee time. At 6:00 AM! And every single McDonalds everywhere has these people, am I not right about that? If you don’t live too far from McDonalds and want some free entertainment, just go to one on a weekend – any random weekend, order an Egg McMuffin, sit back and watch the show. You will see some mighty pissed off old guys. Well so what was our flip flopping president up to this weekend? Well first off he went on a late night Twitter toilet rampage, and it can be just as confusing when he ends with a “…” as he does with any of his other tweets. Let’s throw those up there, shall we?

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848216035153121285
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848219027659010051

But we’re not done! He’s been on a rampage! I guess that the staff finally figured out how to take his toy away from him, but now that he has it back he’s been pulling no punches!

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848519587675201538

Wow, really? He went there? Fake news! Ok, sad! But this might be my favorite tweet of the last couple of days:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848529014667055105

And we all know how much Trump loves leaks! Hey o!!!! And he’s not stopping! I mean really, he’s been dormant for a while, but he has resurfaced. And of course, he loves him some Fox & Friends doesn’t he?

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848841326183534594

Amazing reporting, OK? Tremendous, tremendous reporting! Fox & Friends is the best! BTW, I found this video on Youtube where someone mashed a Trump speech with the Rodney Dangerfield classic “Back To School”:




But then he loves his favorite punching bag – Hillary Clinton’s former campaign manager John Podesta, I mean come on seriously? Haven’t they been through enough? Stop acting like you’re in campaign mode!

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848856822312292354
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848857910297980928
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/848880519458717698

And at least he spelled “precedent” correctly this time! Hey o!!! So how much of this is true? I mean if you remember your training from our lecture series, you should know that 99% of what Trump tweets is pure, unfiltered bullshit.

President Donald Trump questioned Monday whether the brother of Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta accepted money to have sanctions against Russia lifted and if the former secretary of state and Democratic presidential candidate knew about it.

“Was the brother of John Podesta paid big money to get the sanctions on Russia lifted? Did Hillary know?” Trump asked via Twitter on Monday morning.

Trump’s tweet followed a Fox News segment in which “Fox and Friends” aired a clip of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who spoke with Maria Bartiromo on Sunday. The Trump ally told “Sunday Morning Futures” that the Russia-Trump story is “absurd” but raises questions about whether the Obama administration “deliberately” leaked information and what the Russians have been up to.

“But, frankly, that involves the Podesta brothers, one of whom is a registered agent for a Russian bank,” Gingrich said, referring to Tony Podesta. “It involves all the different things that Peter Schweizer wrote about on his book on ‘Clinton Cash.’ And it’s ironic that all of the real evidence of real money and real influence-buying by the Russians relates to Democrats.”
http://www.politico.com/story/2017/04/trump-hillary-clinton-criticism-tweets-236818




And most of what Trump tweets is 100% bovine excrement:

President Donald Trump said on Sunday he does not regret any of his tweets, even the occasional bad post.

"I don't regret anything because there is nothing you can do about it," Trump told the Financial Times when asked about the impact of his Twitter account. "You know, if you issue hundreds of tweets and every once in a while you have a clinker, that's not so bad."

Though Trump has used his Twitter as a weapon to engage opponents and reach his own supporters, his tweets have caused a headache for members of his own party who are often forced to respond to early morning tweets.
http://www.businessinsider.com/trump-twitter-clinker-regret-2017-4


Occasional bad post? Have you read his tweets? Literally everything he says is that much fucking worse than the thing that preceded it! The only way you could be worse is be Satan on stage at a Puddle Of Mudd and Limp Bizkit headlining concert. I mean he talks shit about the “fake news” media on a daily basis, interfered with national security, provoked our allies, intimidated North Korea and China, and interfered with an official government investigation. And that was just last week! Holy shit! He really is Rodney Dangerfield! “I tell ya, I get no respect, no respect at all! I mean the media, you know they’re not kind to me! But Fox & Friends, they have the best reporting, the best I tell you! Ooh, boy, rough crowd!”




Donald Trump




Whew!!!! Yes it’s baseball opening week! Yeah! Is everybody excited! Hey, I live in Anaheim! I’m an Angels fan, we’re lucky we got one! Before the Dodgers! At least let us have that! I mean come on every year the Angels play the Dodgers, I feel like the Dodgers fans will beat the living shit out of us in our own stadium, but that’s how LA fans are. I know my Angels are going to suck for the foreseeable future (thanks Josh Hamilton!), but I’m getting off topic here. So getting back to our current president, you know he is going to be the first president since the game of baseball was invented not to throw out the opening pitch?

President Donald Trump has reportedly decided not to throw out a ceremonial first pitch to start the 2017 baseball season — skipping a ritual that President Obama once said was one of the more stressful tasks a president faces. But, though the tradition dates back more than a century, it began, as so many traditions do, as a one-off idea that could have easily been forgotten by history.

In 1955, Sports Illustrated explained how it all went down:

The first first-ball pitcher was a portly right-hander from Cincinnati named William Howard Taft , who threw from under a tall silk hat his first time out. The year was 1910, and Taft opened the baseball season at the request of Ban Johnson, president of the American League. Johnson thought the Presidential appearance would give a lift to sagging attendance, and it did. Twelve thousand fans — a record Washington turnout — were on hand to cheer Taft and the baseball Senators. Although Taft 's ample girth was not prohibitive for a pitcher, as Fred Fitzsimmons and Hugh Casey later proved in competition, he was wild. Having shed his gray kid gloves, he wound up and let fly towards Catcher Gabby Street, who was waiting at home plate. To everyone's surprise, the ball sailed off to starboard and into the glove of Pitcher Walter Johnson, who was observing the event from the mound.

Taft was an notable baseball fan himself, and said that he hoped that having the "temporary first magistrate" — the president, that is — at a game would encourage other Americans to enjoy such "healthy amusement." But Sports Illustrated reported that, up until that point in 1955, President Wilson had been the biggest fan of the game and President Harding — who had once owned a team — "displayed the only real Presidential fireball."
http://time.com/4716562/trump-baseball-first-pitch-history/




No Trump, they’re actually booing you. That’s right – in 107 years Trump is the first president in literally 107 years – since the game of baseball was invented – to not throw out the first pitch at a game! I mean seriously what the fuck! But this might be my favorite thing about this story – and about the most Donald Trump thing you might expect:

When Donald Trump decided to be the first president since Taft to refuse to throw out the ceremonial first pitch on Opening Day in a Major League Baseball game, he created quite the media buzz.

Why won't he?

Joy Reid has some thoughts and it's hard to argue with her, as usual.

First off, In a 2014 interview, Trump claimed to be at one time 'the best baseball player in New York.' This was when Trump was in high school, and he claimed such a preposterous superlative the very same year, 1962, when the Yankees won the World Series with Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra and Roger Maris.

Gee, that sounds plausible.

The grimaces and odd faces Trump has made in the past while throwing out the first pitch doesn't lead anyone to believe he is a skilled player of any sort. Nor, given that his biggest complaint of the "fake" New York Times post-election was that they used unflattering pictures of him, would he want even more pictures like this made available to the media:
http://crooksandliars.com/2017/04/trump-once-claimed-best-baseball-player-ny




“I’m the best player in baseball, OK? Nobody is a better baseball player than I am!”. Yeah, just try saying that in Rodney Dangerfield’s voice. “Ooh boy, rough crowd!”. But apparently the tradition of a president throwing out the first pitch does not happen every year – it apparently only happens about once every 3 or four years according to the “FAKE NEWS!!!” Washington Post:

Obama, in fact, only threw out one Nats first pitch during his eight years in office. His predecessor, George W. Bush — who also happened to be a former baseball team owner — threw out all sorts of first pitches, including in Washington. But after his 2005 pitch at RFK Stadium, he didn’t bless the Nats again until 2008, when the new stadium opened.

“It’s not possible with his schedule,” a spokeswoman said in 2007, when Bush was invited but declined. “He’s got various meetings during the day, a meeting earlier in the morning. … It just wasn’t going to work out.”

The Post noted in 2007 that Bush’s absence “was the last item in a little roundup story from Nats spring training camp. No one thought it was a big deal.” And The Post also noted that while presidential first pitches had once been an annual tradition in Washington, they would likely be more irregular events in the 21st century.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dc-sports-bog/wp/2017/03/29/no-president-trump-did-not-just-break-a-100-year-old-first-pitch-tradition/?utm_term=.ee71d622a4dd




Oh and maybe this is why Trump refused to throw the first pitch:

It appears some fans used the Washington Nationals' Opening Day game to show their displeasure with president Donald Trump.

Per Alex Rubinstein of RT America, fans unraveled a large "Impeach Trump" banner during Monday's home game against the Miami Marlins:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2701626-banner-saying-impeach-trump-seen-hanging-at-marlins-vs-nationals





Donald Trump


First off we have to mention this story and we've repeatedly and often wondered on this show how the Jim Bakker Show is still a thing. The guy is a crook and will always be a crook. And it really makes you wonder about the quality of the people who he has on his show. Let's roll the tape.



I hate to break it to you lady, but God already cursed us by giving us Trump. I mean really… you know Trump loves the best women right? Nobody loves the best women more than he does. And nobody has a better understanding of history than Donald Trump does, am I right about that? Well, you know what they say about people who forget history are doomed to repeat it, am I right? I mean shit, this is the party where they had no knowledge of how Paul Revere’s famous midnight ride actually went down! Well, they also fail at humor, among other things.

President Trump spoke to a women's empowerment panel Wednesday and praised the "incredible women leaders" in his Cabinet. He also spoke of the contributions of figures such as Abigail Adams, Harriet Tubman and Susan B. Anthony, as Women's History Month comes to a close.

Trump said Adams was "very much a pioneer" in advocating women's rights.

And about Tubman, Trump said, "She was very, very courageous, believe me."

The trouble came when he got to Susan B. Anthony.

"Have you heard of Susan B. Anthony?" Trump asked in what seemed to be a sarcastic tone. Members of the audience chuckled in response.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/03/29/trump-speech-asks-about-susan-b-anthony/99801030/




Trump sarcasm should be an oxymoron.



Yeah he smiles like that. But really, what is happening? I mean do we live in a world where backwards crazy shit happens on an almost daily basis? I mean what happened to the prospect of Starfleet? What happened to future exploration and future technology? Well to move forward, we need a president who even has a basic understanding of history!

Unlike Bill Clinton, Barack Obama or even George W. Bush, Donald Trump is not much of a history buff. He doesn't really read. Only "passages" and "areas" and "chapters," as he told Megyn Kelly in May of 2016 when she asked for the last book he read. "I don't have the time," he says. This doesn't mean Trump doesn't have favorite books. Kind of. He has mentioned All Quiet on the Western Front as one of the best, along with the Bible (!) and, of course, The Art of the Deal. He's yet to crack a presidential biography, though. “I never have," he admitted during the campaign when asked by the Washington Post if he'd read about any of his potential predecessors. "I’m always busy doing a lot. Now I’m more busy, I guess, than ever before.”

So it shouldn't have come as a surprise when during Wednesday's Women's Empowerment Panel Trump didn't come across as particularly learned when it came to the women who have shaped American history. "Since the very beginning, women have driven—and I mean each generation of—Americans toward a more free and more prosperous future," he said before running down the accomplishments of Abigail Adams, Harriet Tubman and Susan B. Anthony, his eyes never straying from the teleprompter.
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/a-tour-through-donald-trumps-understanding-of-history/


With that in mind, we’re going to do something unpresidented and use a simple Top 10 Flow Chart to explain how President Trump’s understanding of even basic history happens works.


Thank you!

But moving on – as you can imagine, this made things *INCREDIBLY* awkward in the White House the last week:

As Women’s History Month draws to an end, first lady Melania Trump proclaimed at a Wednesday award ceremony that “wherever women are diminished, the entire world is diminished with them.” Soon after, White House press secretary Sean Spicer said at a briefing that the “president made women’s empowerment a priority throughout the campaign.” And later in the afternoon, President Trump attended a women’s empowerment panel and jokingly asked whether anyone had heard of Susan B. Anthony.

It was a discordant series of remarks given Trump’s history of controversial comments about and allegations of mistreatment of women over the years. This is a president who bragged during a conversation with an “Access Hollywood” host that he could grab women without their permission, who allegedly burst into the dressing rooms of beauty pageant contestants and who was accused by 11 women before the election of inappropriately touching or kissing them.

Trump — who lagged Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton badly among female voters in November — has leaned heavily on men for his top Cabinet and administration posts. As he signed legislation rolling back environmental protections this week, Trump was surrounded by at least 16 men, including Cabinet members, coal executives and coal miners.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/for-the-trump-white-house-celebrating-womens-history-month-can-be-awkward/2017/03/29/8f2f66d6-14a7-11e7-ada0-1489b735b3a3_story.html?utm_term=.b38debec9b23





The Bathroom Police


It’s been a while since we’ve talked about the Bathroom Police. They have been dormant, but lately, they have been hitting for the cycle – speaking of baseball. And holy fuck – Trump and his enablers have stooped to jaw dropping, stunning lows here. I mean this is a whole new level of evil.

This week, President Trump quietly nullified an order that required companies receiving large federal contracts to show that they have complied with various federal laws, many of which relate to discrimination in the workplace.

Below is what happened on Trump's 47th day in office. You can find out what damage was done every other day so far on the Saddest Calendar on the Internet.

Not even two weeks after the US Department of Health and Human Services eliminated questions about LGBT people on two crucial national surveys on the elderly and the disabled, the Trump administration extended their erasure of LGBT Americans yesterday when they announced they would not include the option to declare sexual orientation and gender identity on the 2020 US Census. Earlier in the morning, LGBT advocates thought they had a triumph, as the Census Bureau released a list of proposed subjects for 2020 that included questions relating to the above, which were new additions that LGBT rights advocates have been pushing for. But then the Census Bureau made a follow-up announcement.

"The Subjects Planned for the 2020 Census and American Community Survey report released today inadvertently listed sexual orientation and gender identity as a proposed topic in the appendix," the Census Bureau said in a statement. "This topic is not being proposed to Congress for the 2020 Census or American Community Survey."
https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/trump-strips-lgbt-people-of-workplace-protections-then-erases-them-from-census




So you’re basically saying that LGBT Americans shouldn’t even count as American citizens. I mean come on, how fucking heartless do you have to be to be a republican? You know I wish we had included Iowa in the Stupidest State contest for the Family Values Conference, but they lost to Arkansas in an entry level game. Because Iowa is home to some of the most batshit crazy anti-abortion laws. Laws that make Utah’s funerals for fetuses law seem tame by comparison.

An anti-abortion bill being offered by Republicans in Iowa would effectively ban all abortions and give parents rights over the bodies of unmarried adult daughters.

A state House panel on Wednesday voted to send SF 471 — the so-called “personhood” bill — to the full committee. The bill states that life begins at conception, giving fetuses the same rights as people.

Anticipating that the “personhood” provision of the bill will likely be struck down by courts, the GOP bill also provides criminal punishment for anyone who performs an abortion more than 20 weeks after conception. The bill makes exceptions if the life of the mother is at risk. However, it does not make exceptions for rape or incest.
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/iowa-gop-abortion-bill-will-grant-parents-of-unmarried-women-rights-to-control-adult-daughters-bodies/




And not only did Iowa do that, there’s more to the LGBT community that needs to be addressed. I mean while we’re obsessing about the latest Trump tweet, the GOP are quietly passing some incredibly fucking evil legislation, and Trump will sign it. He’s like Ron Burgundy except he signs anything that is put in front of him without reading it. Shit like this:

Donald Trump signed an executive order yesterday allowing federal contractors to discriminate against LGBT employees.

Trump’s order revokes three previous orders signed by Barack Obama, including Executive Order 13673, the “Fair Pay and Safe Workplaces Order”.

Signed in 2014, the order required companies receiving sizeable federal contracts to demonstrate that they have acted in compliance for at least three years with federal laws prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender stereotyping.

“This administration has made it extremely difficult to enforce these federal laws as applied to federal contractors,” Camilla Taylor, Lambda Legal attorney, told Keen News Service. “It’s sending a message to these companies that the federal government simply doesn’t care whether or not they violate the law.”
https://www.thegailygrind.com/2017/03/28/friend-gays-donald-trump-just-gutted-obama-order-protecting-lgbt-federal-employees/




And then this might be one of the most evil things they’ve done. You know the GOP hates the UN with a fiery passion – almost as much as I hate Justin Bieber. And you know how much I hate Justin Bieber! I mean come on the guy pees in a bucket and flips off a picture of Bill Clinton! Seriously, he’s the king of douchebags. King Of Douchebags – great improv troupe, by the way. But this is a whole new level of evil right here. You know the government is *ACTUALLY* doing to LGBT people what conspiracy theorists *THINK* they are having done to them!

After news broke last week that the U.S. State Department was sending listed anti-LGBT group C-FAM as part of America’s delegation to a United Nations conference, the government has now said it’s working with the group because it provides “diverse viewpoints”.

The Southern Poverty Law Center designated C-FAM (Center for Family and Human Rights) as an anti-LGBT hate group in 2014.

“The United States does seek to include individuals from civil society organizations with diverse viewpoints and allow them to observe the U.N. in action during the Commission on the Status of Women,” he (State Department spokesperson Mark Toner) said.

He also, however, insisted that activists are “not authorized to negotiate or speak on behalf of the United States”.
https://www.thegailygrind.com/2017/03/21/trump-admin-inclusion-anti-lgbt-hate-group-un-delegation-matter-diverse-viewpoints/




By the way we have to talk about this bus that got banned from Madrid. It’s going around saying that trans people aren’t natural. We call it “The Worst Party Bus Ever”.

A bright orange bus emblazoned with an anti-transgender message has been forced off the roads in Spain, after activists, trade unions, and Madrid City Council united against it.

The slogan on the bus read: "Boys have penises, girls have vulvas. Do not be fooled."

A Catholic group, Hazte Oir, had planned to take it on a nationwide tour of Spanish cities.

The group said the ban was illegal and that it planned to acquire a new bus.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-39125187


Well did you know that this bus has since been banned from Madrid and is now appearing here in the States? Well if you’re shocked at this, you’re not a Top 10 viewer. And now it’s being called a “Free Speech Bus”. Go fuck yourselves! By prohibiting a group of people from free expression, you are not in any way shape or form exercising your right to free speech! You’re actually hurting both theirs and your right to free speech! I’ll exercise my right to free speech: Go fuck yourselves!

The bus rolled into downtown Boston Wednesday morning, stopping first at the Massachusetts State House. About two dozen protesters were there waiting for it, holding signs and chanting, “No hate, no fear, trans people are welcome here!” as the Boston Globe reported.

Then the bus moved on to City Hall, where Democratic Mayor Marty Walsh, flanked by dozens of supporters, hoisted the transgender rights flag in opposition.

“We will not be intimidated by discrimination or harassment,’’ Walsh said. “And we will not tolerate these types of actions. When you deny the experience of transgender individuals, you are denying the experience of basic human civil rights.”

As the Free Speech Bus crawled through the city toward its third destination, Cambridge, Mass., protesters stood in front of it, blocking its path. At one point, someone lobbed a cup of coffee at the bus’s door, as local media reported.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/03/31/an-anti-transgender-free-speech-bus-is-rolling-through-the-east-coast-sparking-protests-and-a-video-game/?utm_term=.0a59d1967c86





Russian Fake News


One thing we’ve talked about a lot on this show but haven’t really gone into much detail on is how fake news played a huge role in the election. Fake news, OK? Sad! Jail time! Thanks, Mr. President. Ok so how did Russia manipulate our news into becoming just a cesspool of bullshit? Cesspool Of Bullshit – I saw them at the Troub last week. Not that great. But anyways here’s how fake news played into the whole thing:

The Kremlin paid an army of more than 1,000 people to create fake anti-Hillary Clinton news stories targeting key swing states, the leading Democrat on the committee looking into alleged Russian interference in the US election has said.

Senator Mark Warner, the Democrat ranking member, and chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee Republican Senator Richard Burr, appeared together at a press conference to give an update on the investigation ahead of the first witnesses appearing today.

Mr Warner said: “We know about the hacking, and selective leaks, but what really concerns me as a former tech guy is at least some reports – and we’ve got to get to the bottom of this – that there were upwards of a thousand internet trolls working out of a facility in Russia, in effect taking over a series of computers which are then called botnets, that can then generate news down to specific areas.


“It’s been reported to me, and we’ve got to find this out, whether they were able to affect specific areas in Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, where you would not have been receiving off of whoever your vendor might have been, Trump versus Clinton, during the waning days of the election, but instead, ‘Clinton is sick’, or ‘Clinton is taking money from whoever for some source’ … fake news.

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/russian-trolls-hilary-clinton-fake-news-election-democrat-mark-warner-intelligence-committee-a7657641.html




I like that one! And how does it get any weirder? Well it’s not just that Putin paid 1,000 people to create hundreds of thousands of fake news stories. Wrong! Lame! Boring! Sad! Shut up, Trump! but thanks to Russia, fake news is now a weapon! And how many times must we click on web pages only to see the same bullshit “you may like” stories? I can guarantee we will not like any of those!

Russia gets a lot of attention over its ongoing aggression in Ukraine and other former Soviet states. What does not get a lot of attention is Russia’s non-lethal methods of hybrid warfare to influence political outcomes in nations it considers adversarial. The tool for this at the Kremlin’s disposal is state-funded propaganda disguised as legitimate news—and it has the vast resources to distort the facts in ways that can potentially sway public perception to Russia’s favor.

In the U.S., “fake news” is an annoyance on your Facebook feed, or a charge lobbed at an outlet that reports something you may not agree with. In Russia, fake news is a weapon, and the guns that fire the bullets are its state news outlets like RT and Sputnik. RT doesn’t generate remotely the same ratings as CNN or other news networks, but they serve their geopolitical purpose: to create some degree of legitimacy among enough Americans who don’t believe in mainstream news.

This weekend, President Donald Trump accused former President Barack Obama of ordering a wiretap on Trump Tower during the presidential election. Even though a president cannot legally order a wiretap and Obama denied the accusation, RT ran an article Sunday leading with White House’s request to investigate whether Obama abused his powers in 2016.
http://foxtrotalpha.jalopnik.com/how-russia-weaponizes-fake-news-1793047886?utm_medium=sharefromsite&utm_source=Foxtrot_Alpha_




And you know even the guy who wrote the memo about Russia and fake news thinks this whole thing is a steaming load of bullshit.

http://www.businessinsider.com/trump-dossier-looking-increasingly-credible-2017-1
Steele was head of MI6’s Russia desk. He worked at Britain's intelligence service for years and was a highly regarded specialist on Russia, according to The Guardian. He served in Paris and Moscow in the 1990s before retiring. He now runs the intelligence company Orbis Business Intelligence with Christopher Burrows, a former British Foreign Office counsellor.

He has a network of sources in Russia. The New York Times said he was known for "his knowledge of the intricate web of Kremlin-tied companies and associates that control Russia." He called on these contacts to compile the allegations against Trump.

Steele has been trusted by the FBI and others with sensitive work.Reuters reported that the intelligence expert supplied the FBI with information on corruption at football's world governing body, FIFA, in 2010. He also gathered intelligence on Russia for England's 2018 World Cup bid. Russia ultimately triumphed during the bidding process.

He has friends in high places. Sir Andrew Wood, a former British ambassador to Moscow who helped alert US intelligence to the dossier, said Steele was a "very competent professional operator."




But that doesn’t stop Trump from calling the Russia story fake news. It’s fake news, OK? Totally sad!

President Donald Trump labeled reports from two major networks on alleged ties between individuals linked to his campaign and the Russian government as “totally biased and fake news” Thursday morning, continuing his tirade against allegations that his election team colluded with the Kremlin.

“Just watched the totally biased and fake news reports of the so-called Russia story on NBC and ABC. Such dishonesty!” Trump wrote on Twitter Thursday morning. He did not dispute any of the specifics of either report, which aired on NBC’s “Today” show and ABC’s “Good Morning America.”

The president's complaint comes one day after House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) announced that he had been given information to suggest that members of Trump’s transition team, and potentially Trump himself, had been inadvertently surveilled after the election, a revelation that Trump said Wednesday made him feel “somewhat” vindicated.
http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/trump-tweet-nbc-abc-russia-fake-news-236407





Mike Pence


So we were going to dedicate this slot to the late Chuck Berry and how he was a creep of Cosby and Trump proportions. But I didn’t really like the entry so instead we’re going to talk about Mike Pence and his insane religious beliefs around women. But if you read the editorials on why the internet went apeshit, you’d believe that Mike Pence being loyal to his wife is the problem. But it isn’t – it’s the fundamentalist Christian church that’s the problem. In the real world, Mike Pence would be allowed to socialize with women who aren’t his wife or be around alcohol without losing all self control. But that’s what his fire and brimstone brand of fundamentalist religion brings. But editorials like this one from NOLA aren’t helping:

The internet went a little goofy last week over the fact that Vice President Mike Pence once told a reporter that "he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won't attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side, either."

Some of you may find it perfectly reasonable that a man in a powerful position -- Pence has served in the U.S. House of Representatives and was governor of Indiana before becoming Donald Trump's vice president -- would take steps to preserve his marriage, honor his wife, Karen, and put himself beyond reproach.

Others might think it a bit old-fashioned and overly cautious.

But is your first reaction that Mike Pence's choice is sexist, misogynistic, bizarre, evidence of sexual perversion or deviancy, and even illegal? That was how much of social media saw it.

The importance of this eruption -- "How Mike Pence's Marriage Became Fodder for the Culture Wars" -- is less about the details of the Pence marriage guidelines than the chasm that has opened in society over the issues of sex, gender and marriage especially in regard to religious beliefs.
http://www.nola.com/opinions/index.ssf/2017/04/mike_pence_cherishes_his_wife.html




Yeah you’re not helping. Let’s go back to the original piece. You know here’s a little secret about the “culture wars” – the only people who are engaged in this “war” are the extreme right wing fundamentalist Christians. Us liberal, secular, non religious people don’t give a shit. We really don’t! Thank you! That’s right – we couldn’t care less that bakeries are baking cakes for gay weddings or what movie theaters show bullshit religious movies like “The Shack” or what stores greet us with “Happy Holidays” vs “Merry Christmas”. You know what we do when that happens? We don’t care! Religious fundamentalists like Pence should try it some time, that’s good for you! We’re working for rights, not against them. Here’s the original piece:

The Washington Post ran a profile of Karen Pence, the wife of Vice President Mike Pence, on Wednesday. The piece talks about the closeness of the Pences’ relationship, and cites something Pence told The Hill in 2002: Unless his wife is there, he never eats alone with another woman or attends an event where alcohol is being served. (It’s unclear whether, 15 years later, this remains Pence’s practice.) It’s not in the Post piece, but here’s the original quote from 2002: “‘If there's alcohol being served and people are being loose, I want to have the best-looking brunette in the room standing next to me,’ Pence said.”

Some folks—mostly journalists and entertainers on Twitter—have reacted with surprise, anger, and sarcasm to the Pence family rule. Socially liberal or non-religious people may see Pence’s practice as misogynistic or bizarre. For a lot of conservative religious people, though, this set-up probably sounds normal, or even wise. The dust-up shows how radically notions of gender divide American culture.

Pence is not the first contemporary public figure to set these kinds of boundaries around his marriage. He seems to be following a version of the so-called Billy Graham rule, named for the famous evangelist who established similar guidelines for the pastors working in his ministry. In his autobiography, Graham notes that he and his colleagues worried about the temptations of sexual immorality that come from long days on the road and a lot of time away from family. They resolved to “avoid any situation that would even have the appearance of compromise or suspicion.” From that day on, Graham said, he “did not travel, meet, or eat alone with a woman other than my wife.” It was a way of following Paul’s advice to Timothy in the Bible, Graham wrote: to “flee … youthful lusts.”
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/pence-wife-billy-graham-rule/521298/?utm_source=feed




And you know this is what makes Indiana’s insane religious freedom law different from the next – is Mike Pence’s fire and brimstone beliefs. And the GOP wants this thing to go nuclear and go across the whole country. You know whatever happened to civil rights? Remember when we used to have those things? That was nice.

That’s a good background against which to measure the uproar about the Indiana Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which was signed into law by Governor Mike Pence last week. I don’t question the religious sincerity of anyone involved in drafting and passing this law. But sincere and faithful people, when they feel the imprimatur of both the law and the Lord, can do very ugly things.

There’s a factual dispute about the new Indiana law. It is called a “Religious Freedom Restoration Act,” like the federal Religious Freedom Restoration Act, passed in 1993.* Thus a number of its defenders have claimed it is really the same law. Here, for example, is the Weekly Standard’s John McCormack: “Is there any difference between Indiana's law and the federal law? Nothing significant.” I am not sure what McCormack was thinking; but even my old employer, The Washington Post, seems to believe that if a law has a similar title as another law, they must be identical. “Indiana is actually soon to be just one of 20 states with a version of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, or RFRA,” the Post’s Hunter Schwarz wrote, linking to this map created by the National Conference of State Legislatures.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/03/what-makes-indianas-religious-freedom-law-different/388997/




And you know “religious freedom” has nothing to do with actual religion or freedom right? It’s how the GOP gets away with most of the shit they do. See, we call it “false advertising”. It’s how they are able to get away with legalizing silencers and calling it “hearing protection”. Or how they’re able to ban gay marriage and call it “protecting marriage”. But let’s talk about the Billy Graham rule for a minute – calling these people “pigs” is an insult to pigs.

During his career, evangelist Billy Graham vowed never to meet, eat, or travel alone with a woman other than his wife, a strategy to protect his marriage and to avoid the even the appearance of an inappropriate relationship. The “Billy Graham Rule” or the “Modesto Manifesto” continues to be enacted by male Christian leaders today, especially those working in ministry.

Similar restrictions come up in other work settings, including on Capitol Hill, the National Journal reported earlier this month. According to their sources, some male members of Congress won’t meet one-on-one with female staffers “for fear that others would get the wrong impression.”

It’s the refrain recurring throughout many ministries: male and female working relationships are tricky and fraught with tension.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2015/may/sexed-up-culture-ruined-healthy-male-female-relationships.html


But it’s high time we really stop excusing this bullshit. Much like the way we make excuses for why chain restaurants still refer to their appetizers as “apps”. It was cute for a minute when smartphones first came out, but it’s been fucking years!!!! I’m looking at you, TGI Fridays, Applebees, and Chilis! Stop it, just seriously stop it!




Getting back on topic, it’s 2017 and we’re still acting like it’s the 18th century when it comes to how men behave around women. I mean really religious guys, can’t you keep it in your pants for a few minutes?

MARCH 17: Vice President Mike Pence arrives for a joint press conference by U.S. President Donald Trump (not seen) and German Chancellor Angela Merkel (not seen) at the White House.
The Internet is on fire after an in-depth Washington Post profile of Vice President Mike Pence’s wife, Karen Pence. The article revealed that Pence explained, in 2002, that unless he is with his wife, he won’t eat alone with a woman or attend an event where alcohol is served, a spin on what evangelicals call the “Billy Graham Rule.” Twitter threads and think pieces have abounded. “Mike Pence’s ‘Billy Graham Rule’ has Internet yelling sexism,” blared a USAToday headline that could have read, but didn’t, “Mike Pence’s ‘Billy Graham Rule’ is sexist.”

What a luxury it is for a man to decide he can’t, and doesn’t have to, be unchaperoned in the presence of a woman who might be an evil temptress out to destroy him. And what a serious problem for women.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58de92d9e4b0ca889ba1a567





David Hasslehoff


It’s now time for:



Yes ladies and gentlemen, I need a drink. Because you can only talk about so much dark news during the week, and it doesn’t get much darker than most of the crap happening this week. Ah, where ya been man? So while I’m enjoying this nice glass of Tito’s Vodka mixed with Sailor Jerry’s – I call it “The Angry Cowboy”, this is the part of the show where we throw out whatever we were going to talk about and talk about something that doesn’t have anything to do with anything. But before we get into this entry - I do have to mention what could quite possibly be one of the dumbest people to ever exist - and this is in a year when Donald Trump became the 45th president:

NEWVILLE, Pa. (AP) - Police in Pennsylvania say they arrested a man wearing a Drunk Lives Matter shirt for drunken driving.

Police say 44-year-old Elwood Gutshall III's blood-alcohol content was about two and a half times the state's legal limit for drivers when he was pulled over early on March 19 in Newville. He was wearing a green St. Patrick's Day shirt with the saying on it.

Online court records don't list an attorney for Gutshall, who faces a preliminary hearing May 26.
www.wbay.com/content/news/Man-in-Drunk-Lives-Matter-shirt-charged-with-drunken-driving-418344593.html




So what are we going to talk about this week? Fan cruises. You know those things were you can go be a fan of whatever you want to be a fan of on a boat for 5 days with other like minded individuals, get drunk and party. Shit, Adam Corolla has his own fan cruise. And you know there’s going to be lots of drunk, angry people rambling on that boat. But here’s a fun one we’re going to tell you about:



That’s right – you can be on a boat with the Hoff, ladies and gentlemen!

David Hasselhoff will be hosting a cruise which will take fans on a tour of the European ports.

“Come party Hoff style! Rock and roll on the sea with me and my team,” Hasselhoff wrote in a press release.

The Baywatch actor will be patrolling the decks of the cruise ship which will set sail on Nov. 4 in Savona, Italy, and includes stops in Civitavecchia, Italy; Barcelona, Spain; and Marseille, France.

The 64-year-old actor will entertain his fans with stage performances and take part in a meet-and-greet. There will also be a movie night where fans will be able to watch his TV shows and movies in a cinema with The Hoff himself.
http://globalnews.ca/news/3346190/david-hasselhoff-is-hosting-a-cruise-and-you-can-go-with-him/




But you have to sign up quickly folks! Apparently you have to act now because rooms are filling up fast according to the Hoff’s travel agent!

The point I am making is that, as a big-shot newspaper columnist, I routinely receive a wide assortment of emails that require constant attention, but nothing — hold on while I stress that last point in capital letters — NOTHING prepared me for the heart-pounding message that popped into my inbox Friday morning.

Sent by a travel company in Austria, it invited me — for a paltry fee starting at 799 euros per person — to sign up for (hold on while I once again activate the caps lock feature on my keyboard) DAVID HASSELHOFF: THE OFFICIAL WORLD FAN CRUISE, which kicks off Nov. 4 on board the cruise ship Costa Favolosa.

"You will have to decide quickly if you want to join THE HOFF on this once-in-a-lifetime cruise," the email warned. "A selection of cabins is still available, but going fast. So sign up quickly."

What made it all even more exciting is the email invitation contained an actual video of David Hasselhoff, wherein The Hoff dished up the following celebrity quotes: "Come party Hoff style! Rock and roll on the sea with me and my team!" And: "Don’t miss your chance to really get to know one another!! Love, David!"
http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/arts-and-life/entertainment/TV/me-am-sorry-the-hoff-417146493.html





And how does one even get on Hasslehoff’s mailing list? I didn’t even know he had one, but I want to sign up for it now! But what kind of events might you expect from a Hasslehoff-themed cruise, you might ask? Well I answer you good sir / madam, with this!

What should guests on the ship, which will set sail from Savona, in the Italian province of Liguria, expect?

There will be a concert, of course, during which the former Baywatch star will surely perform “Looking for Freedom” – the song synonymous with the fall of the Berlin Wall.

There will an autograph session, so be sure to bring a bright red floatation device for the great man to sign.

And the final night will feature an “interview session” and a screening of “the best scenes from his movies” (for the record, they include Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, Keith Lemon: The Film, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie and Terror at London Bridge).
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/cruises/articles/david-hasselhoff-fan-cruise/


Wow, such classy high end entertainment as Sharknado 3, and the Spongebob Squarepants Movie! Sign me up!




Stupidest State Contest Round 10: Alabama Vs. Tennessee




16 states will enter, and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State! If you need a reminder of the conferences, there’s the Batshit Conference, the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, the Gun Nut Conference, and the Family Values Conference. So the Hateful 8 has been set, and our road to the Final Four continues! Last week, Florida was the rumored favorite to win the title, but they were stunned when Florida Man’s ridiculous stunt cost themselves the tournament and Texas handily won the Batshit conference. This week we’re going back to where it all started with the Family Values Conference. Yes the Family Values Conference – where it’s not OK for two men or two women to hold hands and kiss each other in public, or for trans people to pee in the bathroom of their choice, but it’s perfectly OK for your governor or representatives to wear adult diapers and engage in some backdoor foreplay with high end prostitutes. Yeah just picture that image for a minute! Alabama’s had a lot of rest here, but Tennessee proved to be an extremely strong competitor when they replaced Oklahoma in the championship. Let’s get out our brackets, shall we?



Round 10: Family Values Conference Championship: #5 Alabama Vs #7 Tennessee

Alabama


Next up is the first state we originally covered but we didn’t really go into much detail. Alabama is the home of the runner up in this year’s BCS Championship, the Crimson Tide. An interesting fun fact is that Alabama is one of only two states in the union without an official state nickname (the other being Wisconsin) ! Bet you didn’t know that! Some call it “The Cotton State” due to its’ use of cotton plantations in the 1800s, while others call it the Yellowhammer State as it’s the home of the bird species with the same name. Alabama is also the home of Talladega and the famous Talladega Speedway where the annual NASCAR Sprint Cup championship was held. And if that sounds familiar to you, perhaps you also know it from the 2006 Will Ferrell / John C. Reilly comedy “Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby”. Alabama is also home to the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. But since the 1960s and especially today, civil rights have been in kind of a free fall, especially if you happen to be an LGBT citizen.

The Alabama House of Representatives passed four bills Thursday, two of which opponents say would allow discrimination against the LGBTQ community or non-Christians, and one anti-abortion bill that directly conflicts with federal rights outlined by Roe v. Wade.

House Bill 89, sponsored by State Rep. Matt Fridy, R-Shelby County, aims to amend the Alabama Constitution to establish that “nothing in this constitution secures or protects a right to abortion or requires the funding of an abortion,” despite abortion being a federally protected right.

House Bill 95 would protect state medical officials from performing services that violate their conscience or religious views, and House Bill 24 would allow child adoption services to deny adoption to a family based on religious beliefs.

Several House Democrats, including State Rep. John Knight, D-Montgomery, called it a “wasted day.”

Read more: http://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/story/news/2017/03/16/controversial-abortion-discrimination-bills-easily-pass-house/99258998/




You know you can only use the same meme so many times! But yeah they pretty much all but legalized discrimination against LGBT citizens in Alabama since we last revisited this state. But what else have they been up to since the first round? And if you’re wondering if Alabama’s legislature is just as crazy as their citizens, I give you Phillip Pettus (R-Obviously) who said that there’s no one in prison just for marijuana!

Representative Phillip Pettus (R-Killen) said there were zero people in Alabama’s prison system for solely marijuana during a committee meeting.

Pettus’ comments came during a House Judicial Committee Meeting on Wednesday during a public hearing for a new bill that would make possessing 1 ounce or less of marijuana a finable offense.

“There’s nobody in our state prisons just for marijuana,” Pettus said.
http://www.alreporter.com/2017/03/20/alabama-representative-theres-nobody-state-prisons-just-marijuana/




Ooh, I like that one! But yeah that’s how you get LGBT bigotry and hypocrisy. Sure, it starts with misinformation, then the misinformation grows and lots of fake news stories spawn as a result of the insanity. And here’s how the abortion insanity fits into the Family Values conference. I mean seriously this is almost as bad as Utah’s “funerals for fetuses” law.

The state of Alabama is seeking to enforce a state law against a commonly used second-trimester abortion procedure. The state has appealed a federal judge's ruling that blocked enforcement of the state's 2016 law banning abortion through dilation and evacuation. State lawyers wrote a brief filed last week for the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, say the procedure is described as "particularly brutal." U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson ruled that ban would cause Alabama women to lose access to abortion in the state after fifteen weeks of pregnancy. Randall Marshall is the legal director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Alabama. He says he's confident Thompson's decision will be upheld. He calls it a well-reasoned opinion.

http://apr.org/post/pro-lifepro-choice-forces-square-over-medical-procedure#stream/0 (short article)




And in case you’re wondering how the racism factors into the whole Family Values coalition, you may think it’s dead, but it’s very alive and well in Alabama.

Alabama has been in the news of late, what with Jeff Sessions, President Trump's controversial attorney general, hailing from there, and the state's Republican governor, Robert Bentley, in possible danger of impeachment after he was found to have had a sexually explicit conversation in 2016 with his then-chief adviser.

But there is something else to consider about Alabama that reflects on its history and the country's current racial divide. It's about the state constitution, which was written in 1901 and designed to limit local government and disenfranchise blacks. It has been amended more than 800 times since then and is the longest constitution in the country and possibly the world, at what the Council of State Governments says is 388,882 words.

Yet in the 116 years since it was written, and after all of the efforts to modernize the document - many of those efforts aimed at revising or eliminating racist language - these racist words still reside in the document:

"SECTION 256 - Of course, legal racial school segregation was banned throughout the United States by the Supreme Court in the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education decision, and federal law trumps state law."

Read more: http://www.kokomotribune.com/cnhi_network/alabama-constitution-still-calls-for-separate-schools-for-white-and/article_d7097724-35f0-5beb-9e99-d1fef495bdaf.html




Yeah so racism and sexism are very much alive and well in Alabama! If you want to talk about Family Values, we got to talk about all aspects, folks! And this state will never change, ever. All 49 states could go blue in 2020 and there’s only one who would still be a holdout. Yup – you guessed it, Alabama. Maybe Mississippi. In fact this is the state that gave us, in addition to Robert Bentley and Roy Moore, who we previously covered, our current attorney general – who has the most pretentious Alabama name possible – Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III – who has tried to prosecute his own challengers, which makes us wonder what he’s hiding:

“In September 1982, Bob Gulledge, a first-term Democratic state senator, was preparing to defend his seat when Sessions indicted him for alleged land fraud conspiracy….
A mistrial was declared after jurors could not reach a verdict. But by then, Gulledge had lost his party primary contest, and was out of his re-election race altogether”

“As the next election season approached in late 1984, Sessions struck again. The city commissioner, Gary Greenough, was sentenced to 10 years for allegedly stealing a cut of the profits from Mobile’s municipal auditorium, a city-run entertainment venue…
Greenough, who had, with Lambert Mims, pushed through municipal contracting reforms that left Sessions allies out of pocket, always maintained his innocence.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/mar/04/jeff-sessions-legal-past-democrats-trump-administration


Tennessee


Next on the agenda, we return to the Volunteer State. It’s the home of such universities as bracket-busting Middle Tennessee, and Vanderbilt and the University of Tennessee. It’s also the home of such world class sports teams as the Nashville Predators, Memphis Grizzlies, and the Tennessee Titans. And I do love the music, and Tennessee has lots of it, and some of the best in the country. It’s the home of the Grand Ole Opry and Jack White’s Third Man Records. Tennessee is also the home of the famous “Don’t Say Gay” bill which George Takei took and turned into a meme using his own name:





But what else has happened in Tennessee lately in regards to LGBT bigotry and hypocrisy which is the subject on the table here? Well let’s go back five years ago when Tennessee officially declared war on same gender families when they banned all local laws regarding everything about the LGBT community – this is the only state that has this on the books! Not even Alabama can top this!

GOP Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam today signed the bill overturning Nashville's non-discrimination ordinance. The bill also effectively outlaws all local LGBT rights laws statewide as it bans any discrimination protections not already offered by the state. It was strongly opposed by several major corporations following a letter-writing campaign launched by Americablog Gay.

In an apparent attempt to score cheap political points, Tenn. Governor Bill Haslam has ignored the business community and signed into law a bill that wipes out county and city anti-discrimination laws, despite the Tennessee Chamber of Commerce and Industry reversing their earlier support and now opposing the bill. The measure – SB 632/HB 600 – passed the legislature last week and was designed to remove protections for LGBT Tennesseans by prohibiting cities and counties from enacting discrimination bans. Since there are no state protections for sexual orientation or gender identity, the Governor’s signature of this bill becomes a green light for anti-LGBT discrimination across the state.

http://www.joemygod.blogspot.com/




Well, speaking of evil plans finally coming together – look at what is happening now as we speak. While Alabama may be old school and traditional, Tennessee is coming up with some very modern and extremely evil ways of unleashing the bigotry. This is going on in Nashville right now as we speak!

Heather MacKenzie bought her wedding ring at Wal-Mart. MacKenzie, now 38, proposed to her wife, Charitey, by driving to the top of Tiger Hill in Murfreesboro, a town located near the couple’s Tennessee home. The hill, a favorite spot for preteen sledders during the winter, looks over the entire town, as well as the vast expanse of the surrounding area. This was where the MacKenzies had their first date.

The pair said “I do” in June 2015, just days after the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling legalized marriage between same-sex couples in their state. The MacKenzies were wed in Nashville in front of the courthouse under a magnolia tree.

Over a year later, the couple are expecting a child: Charitey is 12 weeks pregnant with a son. A trio of recently proposed laws, however, could jeopardize the future of their growing clan. This legislation seeks to erase any hint of legal recognition for LGBT couples in Tennessee, all but declaring war on the families of same-sex parents living in the state.

Filed by State Rep. Terri Lynn Weaver, House Bill 1406 would prevent a couple from listing on the birth certificate the second parent (the spouse not giving birth) after a woman becomes pregnant through artificial insemination. The legislation would nullify a provision of the Tennessee Code Annotated 68-3-306, which was issued as part of the Vital Records Act of 1977. The law states, “A child born to a married woman as a result of artificial insemination, with consent of the married woman’s husband, is deemed to be the legitimate child of the husband and wife.”

Read more: http://www.salon.com/2017/02/27/tennessee-has-declared-war-on-same-sex-families-inside-the-legislation-that-would-eradicate-nearly-all-rights-for-lgbt-couples/




Fucking hell! That’s about as evil as it gets – is Tennessee becoming as strict as Russia when it comes to LGBT rights? Well let’s examine this further. I mean we’re still not done with all the evil and havoc that TN is doing to make the rights of its’ LGBT citizens simply disappear:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tennessee-lgbt-counseling_us_570c4c4de4b0836057a23d63?

Tennessee legislators on Monday passed a bill that could jeopardize access to mental health treatment for LGBT individuals, part of a string of recent anti-LGBT legislation in the South. Therese are racist and bigoted bills to allow the haters to rejoice.

The GOP-sponsored bill, which now goes to Gov. Bill Haslam (R), allows therapists and counselors to reject patients they feel would violate “sincerely held principles.” Haslam hasn’t indicated whether he will sign the bill into law.

Gay rights and mental health advocacy groups have protested the bill and urge Haslam to veto it because it could permit mental health professionals to discriminate against LGBT patients without legal liability.

The bill passed by the legislature is a more discriminatory version of legislation approved earlier this year. That measure stated that therapists and counselors could turn away patients based on “sincerely held beliefs.” The state House last week passed a version that expanded grounds for shunning patients to “principles,” which the Senate approved on Monday.




Yeah this is exactly the kind of thing that LGBT rights activists fear if the nuclear version of Indiana’s “religious discrimination” law goes nuclear under Trump, and it will, and Trump of course will sign it meaning that this shit can happen. Just… fuck you, GOP. Fuck every single last one of you! But we’re still not done! Remember the “Don’t Say Gay” law? Would you be surprised to learn that the author of the bill is under investigation for having an affair? And he’s a die hard fundamentalist Christian? And he thinks Modern Family shouldn’t be allowed on TV? This gets better and better!

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/_don_t_say_gay_christian_values_gop_lawmaker_accused_of_affair_with_employee_who_s_also_his_patient_who_s_also_his_cousin

Do you remember Tennessee state Senator Joey Hensley? He's the guy who won the seat of wildcard lawmaker Stacey Campfield, an infamous advocate for a "Don't Say Gay" bill that would ban schools, administrators, and even students from discussing anything related to homosexuality. Senator Hensley, who has been a lawmaker for 15 years and happens to also be a medical doctor, took up the mantle of pushing the ugly legislation. He also pushed a Tennessee bill that would allow discrimination against LGBT people and atheists by mental health students, allowing them to refuse to treat people, as part of their required training, if they expressed a deeply held religious belief.

Hensley still claims to be a good Christian conservative. He thinks "Modern Family" shouldn't be allowed on TV, but supports a pro-"MILO" bill created to ensure conservatives are allowed to speak on college campuses. It's named for that former Breitbart editor who advocated for underage sex between older men and teenaged boys as young as 13.




And the kicker? The woman who he’s having an affair with is also his cousin! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? This is every bad southern stereotype rolled into one! And we’re still not done! Did you know that if you’re a man in Tennessee you can claim you’re a parent of a child by singing “The Circle Of Life” from the Lion King? We shit you not! This is a real thing!

If you’re a man living in Tennessee, state law says you can claim paternity by performing what reads like a line from a famous Disney movie about a lion cub.

A man is presumed the father of a child if “while the child is under the age of majority, the man receives the child into the man's home and openly holds the child out as the man's natural child,” a state statute reads.

Rep. Terri Lynn Weaver, R-Lancaster, cited that statute in defending legislation she introduced that would repeal a law that grants legitimacy to children conceived through artificial insemination in married heterosexual couples.

Weaver said repealing the law means "the state will no longer intrude into how a woman conceives her child," while other state rules about marriage and children would remain in effect.

Read more: http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/politics/2017/02/20/lawmakers-lgbt-advocates-far-apart-marriage-parenting-bills/98065390/




There, men in the audience – you are now all officially parents in Tennessee! All you have to do is sing along! And in case you’re wondering if God indeed trumps even Trump, in Tennessee, this just happened this week:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — A previously defeated proposal to amend the state constitution to say that God is the source of Tennesseans' liberties has been resurrected in the House.

The measure sponsored by Republican Rep. Micah Van Huss of Jonesborough failed on a 3-3 vote in the House Civil Justice Subcommittee earlier this month. But the panel agreed to a motion to reconsider the bill made by Republican Rep. Martin Daniel of Knoxville.

The resolution is scheduled to be reheard April 5.

The proposed addition to the Tennessee Constitution would read: "We recognize that our liberties do not come from governments, but from almighty God."

Read more: http://www.chron.com/news/us/article/Tennessee-bid-to-name-God-as-source-of-liberty-11037728.php




And The Winner Is…

Holy shit, folks! We have a major upset in the tournament brewing! For the first time in six years it looks like the champions in Alabama are going to be unseated by tournament newcomer Tennessee! They are very surprising in how low they’re going to stoop to make the lives of its’ LGBT community that much more miserable, and they utterly destroyed the reigning champions! Final score 75 – 52. That is what we call a “mercy killing”! I tell you anything can happen in this tournament! They will move on to face the winner of the Montana – Missouri matchup in the Gun Nut Conference. But next time – we will go back to the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. Michigan. Kansas. The winner moves on to face Texas for the Layover League championship. The loser goes home. Stay tuned! Things are heating up, folks!

And now this:
The Violent Femmes

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “Issues” from their album “We Can Do Anything”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome the one the only Violent Femmes!





Yeah how about… wait, what? They want to stick around for one more? Sure!




We are off next week, we'll be back on Wednesday 4/19 with a brand new edition. See you in two weeks!
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