MAILBAG DOUBLE EDITION
Mailbag (Part One)
It's been a long, long time since the Hate Mailbag was updated,
so this time we're doing a special double edition. Unfortunately,
it seems that since we installed a spam filter - which requires
the sender of an email to confirm that they're human (and
not a spambot) before the email is passed through to us -
a lot of hate mailers seem to have been put off. There are
two likely explanations for this. Either they're not human,
or they're scared that by confirming themselves, they'll be
added to our secret database of conservatives which we've
been passing along to Hillary Clinton to use as she sees fit.
Of course, both of these explanations are absurd. And now,
on with the Mailbag. As usual, these emails have not been
edited in ANY WAY, except to preserve the anonymity of the
senders. (Editor's note to Senator Clinton - we've got
another "special delivery" for you. Drop us a line
at the usual address.)
This One Time, At Mine Kamp
From: "Eric ---------" <------@------.net>
Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 9:43 PM
Subject: your so mislead it's funny.
Do you get
this stuff while reading your latest rewrite of Mine Kamp
or The label off Bill Clinton's discarded underwear?
Go hug a
tree - please, one way - way - way far away, please!
RESPONDS: Question, Eric: Is Mine Kamp anything
like Space Kamp, except instead of flying the Space Shuttle,
the kids learn how to extract ore from beneath the earth's
krust? Just wondering.
Lawsuits (Part One)
From: john ------
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2003 5:05 PM
Subject: Thought you should know this...
a post on your communistic site advocating criminal acts against
Wal Mart. don't worry I copied and sent a link to Wal Mart.
I am sure they will be contacting your pathetic anti-American
piece of shit site through their legal dept.
but goons and criminals.
POST ADVOCATING CRIMINAL VANDALISM AND MISCHIEF AGAINST WAL
RESPONDS: Hang on John, someone just knocked
at the door. Holy shit - it's two guys from Wal-Mart! They're
serving us with a writ! Just kidding, it was the mailman.
Oh, wait a second, the phone's ringing. Fuck! It's Wal-Mart's
legal department! They're going to sue us! They want a BILLION
DOLLARS! Just kidding, it was a telemarketer.
From: "-------, Joshua D" <--------@----.edu>
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2003 9:28 AM
Subject: get your facts straight
need to get your facts straight. If President Bush isn't going
to win the upcoming election, who is? You guys have nobody
anyone's even heard of, much less capable of overtaking Bush.
The war in Iraq is going great, and if your media morons would
report the facts straight, the nation would know about it.
Bush's approval rating is sky high, so you may as well forget
about this election and focus on the next one. If you really
believe that Saddam Hussein had no w.o.m.d., why didn't he
allow the inspectors in sooner? What do you think he was afraid
of? The reason the radio is dominated by conservatives is
because nobody wants to listen to your crap. Not once have
I heard a liberal call up and offer valid facts for their
beliefs. Instead, its always a bunch of name calling. You
know that you can't defend what you believe with facts; that's
why nobody listens to you. You rely on the media to preach
what you think as gospel, and never even question your motives.
The reason none of you want to go to war is because you're
afraid that Bush will look like a hero. Everybody knows Iraq
has w.o.m.d. You guys are all a bunch of morons.
reason you won't debate any thing in the hate mailbox is because
you know you'll lose!
RESPONDS: How interesting it is to see that
in a mere five months, almost every single thing in your email
has been proven completely wrong.
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2003 10:18 PM
Subject: Conservative idiot
Miller ..... the last time Miller said something funny was
TIME that anti-American asshole Bill Maher has said ONE THING
that was funny.
RESPONDS: Well, just the other week he said
that John Ashcroft got pancreatitis from wiping his ass on
the Bill of Rights.
From: Jeff ---------
Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2003 5:23 PM
I find it
interesting that on your liberal radio list I have not heard
one of them and I listen to talk radio.I wouldn't trust anyone
from your dems2004 list to clean out my garage.
RESPONDS: I wouldn't trust anyone from our Dems
2004 list to clean out your garage either. You'll probably
need a professional cleaning service and a vermin control
expert. Not to mention someone discreet to get rid of the
cartons full of child porn.
Lawsuits (Part Two)
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2003 12:11 AM
Subject: You will be sued if i do not have a response!!!!!
some bull shit!!! I can't even state my opinion on this site.
If I don't get a response in a e-mail in a couple days I'm
willing to sue the fuck out of you liberals for FALSE information.
Every thing on here is fake and making America, the land I
love, the home of the brave and land of the free, look bad.
Actually you liberals make America look bad. The only thing
worse then terrorism in America, is Liberalism and your bring
America down and I'm not going down with it!!!
RESPONDS: Hang on Tonio, the phone's ringing.
Oh my god! It's you! You're going to sue us! You want a BILLION
DOLLARS! Just kidding, it was your mother. She wants her underwear
Sent: Tuesday, November 04, 2003 2:28 PM
Subject: The ballad of Election Lost...
Stood tall and proud,
and shot hate filled words
amongst the crowd,
Gephardt and Dean
faces twisted and mean,
And then there was Kerry
this man was he scary,
and they hated the war,
they forgot about terror
and Bin Laden at the door,
3000 souls of the towers did weep
at the voice of evil riding a mule,
They lost California because of their spew,
They lost two Governships too!
shall it be
when the voters shall speak,
will they cease to exist
let's wait and see.....
I see a little silhouetto of a man
RESPONDS: Scaramouche scaramouche
RESPONDS: Will you do the fandango?
RESPONDS: Thunderbolts and lightning
RESPONDS: Very very frightening
RESPONDS: Galileo, Galileo,
RESPONDS: Galileo, Galileo,
Comes The Pitch...
From: Cyndy ----------
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 11:09 PM
Subject: For Your Hate Mailbag
is quite entertaining. And you've succeeded in touching the
emotions of both conservatives and liberals. I am confident
that whenever the adults in this country grow up, that we
will see that it is the conservatives that will rise way,
way above your level maturity (or shall I say "immaturity")
and be able to discuss things appropriately. Oh, here's an
idea --- maybe the liberals can try modeling mature discourse.
Never mind, bad thought. Conservatives, don't fall into the
liberals' trap of low standards, bashing, and overall immaturity.
You are above that, you know.
RESPONDS: Wait for it, wait for it...
He Hits It Out Of The Ballpark!
Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2003 3:47 PM
Subject: Please help
I am a conservative.
I work for a living and pay a ton in taxes. I DONOT support
the idea of you liberals taking my money and giving it to
welfare white trash and niggers who do drugs, bums who you
call the "homeless", people who have made bad decisions in
their life and as a result live in double wides, homos who
like to play pillow biter games, and Bill and Hillary who
would rather lie than tell the truth.
in the individual! I am not part of a group! If you don't
like this country then why don't you move to some country
like Iraq and live under that type of oppression. You obviously
don't have any problems with Sadam. And by the way...the troops
over there don't give a damn about what you liberals think.
They laugh at you. So tell Nancy Pelosi and Ted (the fat,
drunken, murderer) Kennedy that they can stop acting as though
they care about what happens to our troops. My brother is
in Iraq and he says that they thank GOD everyday that Bush
is their commander and chief .
if Gore (the candy ass) were the president after 911. He (like
Clinton) wouldn't have done a damn thing until he took a poll
first. He then would have run like hell the first time something
went wrong over there. I hope and pray that one day I will
actually meet a pussy democrat. I frankly don't know anyone
that is a democrat. That's like saying I do drugs, or I'm
on welfare, or I live in a trailor, or I work the 3rd shift,
or I'm a homo, or I belong to PETA, or I belong to the ACLU,
or I'm in a union. In other words I'm a loser.... which is
what DEMOCRATS are. Chew on that for a while. I would love
to hear from who ever reads this.
RESPONDS: Thank you, Mr. Individual, for allowing
me the pleasure of juxtaposing your email with the one above.
Tenuous Accusation Of Anti-Semitism Ever
Sent: Monday, November 10, 2003 4:45 PM
Subject: A bit of honest advice for you !!
If you just change the word "conservative " or "republican"
for "Jew" in your hateful rhetoric, you could probably change
your site to the the "Neo-Nazi Underground". Adolf would be
I love you
RESPONDS: You know, I never thought of it that
way. By the same token, if you just change the word "Joe"
in your name to "Dick," and then the letter "C"
to "Wad," your name would be the same as your personality!
Lesson In Compassionate Conservatism
From: Mike ---------
Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2003 8:47 PM
good liberal is a dead liberal.... God lhas your number, Burn
in Hell you bastards
RESPONDS: Sorry Mike, God doesn't have my number
- although he does appear to have my email address...
From: Ken ------
Sent: Friday, November 14, 2003 5:09 PM
full of shit, I am God.
RESPONDS: Hello God, good to hear from you!
God Repeated Himself
From: Ken ------
Sent: Friday, November 14, 2003 5:12 PM
full of shit, I am GOD !
RESPONDS: Yes yes, I heard you the first time.
I think it's time for your nap, God.
Hand That Rocks The Craddle
Sent: Wednesday, November 26, 2003 3:20 AM
know that the republic is the craddle for democracy? the republic
always had the highest principles known to mankind. along
came the demon rats wanting to kill their offspring wanting
woman to marry woman men to marry men, applauding homosexual
priest reward tyrants, put down good honorable and honest
people. liberal democrates such as abill clinton are perverts
of a very low leveled unconcious ungodly smurrkie preditors.
i kid you not and the truth cannot lie.
RESPONDS: I love this email, you can almost
hear the sound of the guy sliding out of his chair in a drunken
stupor just seconds after hitting "Send."
For Another Hilarious Juxtaposition
Sent: Monday, December 01, 2003 11:48 AM
Subject: You people are so boring
to post so that at least some intellectual content will be
presented on this site. You all sound like a bunch of whining
lunatics. I guess this is the best we can expect from liberals.
RESPONDS: Wait for it, wait for it...
From: Karl ----------
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2003 9:11 PM
OF 9-11 DON'T YOU IGNORANT FUCKS DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND.
ALL YOU DEM. CARE ABOUT IS GETTING YOUR ASS BACK INTO THE
WHITE HOUSE. YOU HAVE NO CLUE ON HOW TO KEEP THE COUNTRY SAFE
FROM TERRORISTS ,ONLY THE SAME OLD BULLSHIT "WE WANT TO RAISE
YOUR TAXES,SCREW YOU M.F. HAD BILL CLINTON WORRIED MORE ABOUT
BEN LADEN WHEN HE WAS WATCHING A GOLF TOURNAMENT HE'D BE DEAD
TODAY OR WAS HE THINKING ABOUT MONICA? INSTEAD OF DEBATING
ON TV, YOU OUGHT TO ALL GET ON JACKASSES (BACKWARDS)AND RIDE
DOWN DOWNTOWN BAHGDAD. THAT WAY NOBODY COULD TELL WHO WAS
WHO. ENOUGH SAID, OH BY THE WAY THE ATTACHMENT TELLS YOU WHAT
THE IQ OF THE TOTAL 9 CANDIDATES IS THEN DIVIDE BY 9/ WOULD
YOU BE KIND TO SEND THE ATTACHMENT TO HITLARY , IT FIT HER
TO A TEE TO. THANKS KK
RESPONDS: Boom tiss.
Are The Smart
Sent: Thursday, November 27, 2003 7:41 PM
do not want to read that.You read it already!!Read it again
and think about it!That declaration make me a Libertarian.
RESPONDS: Okay, Guy. That makes you a libertarian.
Whatever you say. Now put the gun down and back away slowly.
From: chuck -----
Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2003 2:44 PM
Subject: What was that
Is there anyone that you paople dont hate?
You people are fucking scairy
RESPONDS: Chuck, we are fucking hairy too! And
we live in a fucking dairy!
Wants To Be In The Top Ten Conservative Idiots
Sent: Saturday, December 06, 2003 1:21 AM
Subject: conservative idiot
I beg you to include me on your list. What an honor that would
be. Of course, you liberals would not have the guts to do
such a thing...Bob
----- SW --- Street
-----, FL -----
RESPONDS: Tell you what Bob, since you're a
complete nobody we'll put you in the Hate Mailbag instead,
how about that?
I Will Take A Pair Of Those Blinders, Thank You
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 7:05 PM
Subject: I'm so glad
I'm so glad
the Democrats are no longer in power! Ignorant, hateful liberal
wackos are the biggest threat to the future of this country
and I want my kids to enjoy the freedoms and blessed life
that I have had. All liberals know how to do is protest, bitch
and moan about conservatives and Republicans. They offer no
solutions or ideas for improvement(aside from bigger government
and more entitlements for the lazy). Your website is like
a car accident: hideous and grotesque but I have to look.
Keep running yourselves into the ground, though, and continue
along the path to self-destruction, because that will ensure
a truly free America for my children.
RESPONDS: Well, I hope your children thank
you when they're drafted and shipped off to fight in Iraq.
Incidentally, did you know that since the Republicans rescued
you from the scourge of liberal wackos, government spending
by 27 percent? Or were you too glad to notice?
Go Down Forever (Is That A Bad Thing?)
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 5:13 PM
Subject: (no subject)
of whining LIBS!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAN is in the Whitehouse and shall remain for 5 more years.
Then Jeb will take over!
I am one
of millions that were Democrats.
immoral Clintons for opening my eyes.
RESPONDS: Jeez, it's almost like America has
a real monarchy again! God bless His Majesty George II of
Bush, long live the king!
Larry -------- ------@mail2.gcnet.net
Sent: Saturday, December 06, 2003 8:34 PM
I pray and thank god that George Bush is our president.
RESPONDS: During masturbation, or instead of
taking a shower?
Wait, There's More! On to Part