Is Michelle Obama causing global warming?

[Johonny]

A well known anonymous concerned scientist has discovered a startling apparent truth about the “obesity” agenda of the Obama’s. It turns out millions of tons of organic carbon are found in the natural carbon sink the far-left label “obese people”. This natural carbon sink sequesters carbon in a form that safely prevents it from artificially polluting the airs natural supply of carbon dioxide. It is a well known fact that when people exercise they release their stored carbon in a form of carbon dioxide that enters directly into our nations air supply! Thus losing your god given weight actually upsets the natural processes of nature that keeps the green house effect in balance. Computer modeling has produced numbers that show results that could potentially be interpreted as data on the millions of Tons of this sequestered chemical carbon that will be released into our strategic air reserves if Michelle Obama’s obesity crusade succeeds!! Clearly the real goal of this obesity fatwa isn’t to get America fit. NO, it’s to cause global warming! A noted economist has long speculated that it could possibly be possible that the Obama’s are in the bed with BIG solar and WALL STREET controlled wind in a classic case of artificially causing global warming and then blaming our fledgling fossil fuel industry!!! To paraphrase a simulation of what a potentially patriotic politician had to say on this subject “This warming will then be blamed on the patriotic industrial complex of Americas' hard working energy producers such as natural gas, clean coal, chaste oil and Happy Sunshine the smiling pony-switch grass.” A prestigious political activist for good Americans stated that the time has come for true Americans everywhere to stop shedding their hard earned pounds due to “fear” stirred up by a pack of secular lies and politically motivated Hollywood, San Francisco hate science. A well versed pastor working for the betterment of the Americas peoples stated “The real American people need to look no further than our Bible to see your God wants you to eat. Jesus had a last supper, not a last pilates class”. So it is time to see Michelle Obama’s “obesity campaign” for what it really is, a secular-PETA African-stem cell communist-entitlement FEMA-earmark of a czaristic islamofascist terrorist attack not only on our very saintly stomachs, but on the pure god given capitalistic fossil fuel fed energy industry that is our countries best, last hope for a solution towards an energy independent balanced-budget debt free future.

It must be April ;)