21 festive uses for pepper spray, Mark Morford

[madokie]

OWS certified. UC police approved. Santa preferred. Jesus' favorite. Pretty good on pancakes. Not so good for Charlie Sheen. Fun at parties. Keep an extra in your car for emergencies, hippie attacks, sales at Walmart. Keep out of reach of cats, Jersey Shore fans, people named Newt.

Behold, salvation... in a can! This year, why not enjoy the one product already proven to fix everything, stop unruly complaining and change perspectives in an instant? That's right: Pepper spray. Defense Technology 56895 MK-9, to be exact. The perfect stocking stuffer! Recommended by Lt. John Pike, the 99 percent and shrewd Walmart shoppers! Excellent for use on:

1) Congress. Start easy! This is the lowest rated, most despised U.S. congress since, well, since the last one. Put them out of their self-loathing misery by adding just a little bit more to it. Best applied during judicial appointment hearings, supercommittee meltdowns and meetings where they give themselves raises while kissing the ring of Wall Street. Spray liberally! Pretty much all of Congress is one giant mucus membrane.

2) Banks. I'm not suggesting you march into BofA or Chase and douse the innocent, underpaid teller. But after discovering how the banks raked in some $13 billion in profit from secret bailout loans from the Fed, I am suggesting we start with someone a little higher up. Maybe this guy. Or these guys. Or Michael Bloomberg. Pssshhht!

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/11/30/notes113011.DTL#ixzz1fCCcxJ8t

[Kadie]

1. K&R

:kick:

[madokie]

2. Kick

[niyad]

3. k and r--thank you for posting this. it was a pleasure \

[madokie]

4. I enjoy reading Morford

he has a way with words like not many others do and that makes for good reading. Very smart man to say the least.

Peace