Why do we live in a culture where open displays of emotion are equated with weakness?

[Locut0s]

I suppose this applies more to men in our society than women, but I could be wrong.

When I was in elementary school there was this kid who was a relatively new immigrant from Eastern Europe. He was the type of kid who would like to break into song, would cry easily over emotional events and was just very emotionally open in general. In other words in our culture he was the stereotype of the kind of kid who gets bullied to death. People like this get labeled gay, weak, strange, and more. Putting aside the fact that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, that "accusation" is from my experience simple incorrect 8 times out of 10. These are people who stand out more in our culture than they would in many others. Let's take Italy for example. While this TOO is a stereotype of an Italian male it's also true enough that is serves my point. Italy is in fact a VERY masculine culture but it's also one where it's not uncommon to see a guy unashamedly break into operatic song on the street corner, or perhaps cry at hearing a beautiful song. This can be done without being seen as some "fucking weirdo" or being labeled as strange, gay, or some namby pamby.

What's wrong with our culture where such people are sidelined and ridiculed. Where being an emotional brick is something to strive toward.

[iris27]

1. It's precisely BECAUSE they're equated with femininity that they're equated with weakness.

In our bullshit culture, the only acceptable emotion for a man to show is anger.

[ananda]

10. Yes, at least in part, it's an aspect of gay oppression.

nt

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. Don't worry, this is changing for the better.

[NYC_SKP]

3. I know what you mean. Thankfully, at work we are all affectionate!

Hugs between some of us even in the middle of the week, just for a better "good morning".

We also use terms of endearment, Sweety, Honey, etc., just among ourselves because we're OK with it.

And we say hello to the students as they come and go, often shaking hands.

It all makes for a much more pleasant day!

:grouphug:

[RKP5637]

6. Around here if you smile too much some think there's something really F'ed up about you. n/t

[RKP5637]

4. We have a manly man complex in this country. IMO many men are very insecure about

their masculinity. Many, IMO, have never left the school playground emotionally. And many think John Wayne is what it is to be masculine. I'm not saying all, of course, but a good many. Around here I see it every day.

[Locut0s]

7. It's more than that though. Other cultures are unhealthily masculine too but do NOT...

share the same culture of hatred and isolationism toward people who show emotion openly. Italy is the example I used in the OP but a few others I can think of are China and a number of muslim cultures as well. Question a mans masculinity in China and be prepared for a fucking fist fight. It's worse than here in that regard. And being gay in China would NOT be fun. Unless you are in one of the big cities people just aren't openly gay. These are cultures with their own problems with masculinity and acceptance of homosexuality. BUT no one would think it very odd if you decided to sing or cry openly in public. Open displays of emotion are just accepted as the norm.

[RKP5637]

12. I think here it's also seen as a loss of control. I've worked in levels in major

corporations wherein some people thought the only way to advance and to be successful was to be mean and angry. The angry corporate man. The silent strong man, all of that BS. Long story short, I've had people come to me and ask me how I could be nice and have advanced. I always thought to myself, silently, WTF.

[Odin2005]

5. I was constabtly accused of being gay because I was seen as "emotional" and "effete".

:(

[RKP5637]

8. I'd far rather be around someone like you than bullshit uptight jerk macho men. n/t

[Odin2005]

20. Thanks!

:hug:

[Locut0s]

9. I'm sorry to hear that. How has it affected you later in life? nt

[Odin2005]

19. It taught me why Feminism helps us guys...

and how gay rights helps us straight people.

Also, most of my friends are women.

[oldhippie]

11. So we can laugh at Boner .....

.... when he cries. C'mon, we all want to do it.

[RKP5637]

15. Especially an orange Boner! LOL n/t

[flamingdem]

13. European men and Latin American men are sexy because they aren't afraid of their female aspects

just my opinion

[HipChick]

16. Unless you are British..

and need to keep a stiff upper lip

[flamingdem]

22. People don't understand most Brits are funky and relaxed, a small percent are stiff uppers nt

[Locut0s]

17. Asian, Middle Eastern, I'd say most others too actually. What makes our culture so paranoid?....

Like I was saying above these cultures don't necessarily have a good attitude toward homosexuality either. And many of them are hyper masculine to a degree we in the west don't even approach. But when it comes to open displays of emotion they don't have the hangups we do. Why?

[Odin2005]

21. I think that is a cultural trait of the whole Mediterranean that goes back to ancient times.

The Romans were much like modern Italians in that respect, Roman men were quite open about their emotions. Emotionally repressed individuals, like Cato the Younger, were looked upon as freaks. The emotionalism was very much on display during court cases, the best lawyers were considered the ones who put on emotional show and turned the jury into a big cry-fest!

[applegrove]

14. In this corporate world, don't you know, emotions are only of good use

when an advertisement is on the tv!!!:sarcasm:

[Guilded Lilly]

18. Mannnny males are afraid of emotions. So they ridicule them.

It all stems from fear.

[white_wolf]

23. I don't know why, but I wish we could get over it already.

Maybe I wouldn't have gotten bullied so much in school. Hell some people still call me gay for being too emotional. Not that I see a problem with being gay, its the culture that says that being gay or emotional is bad that is the problem. This post is coming across as really jumbled. I'll try and organize my thoughts and post a clearer response later.

[Fuzz]

24. Personally it's because I don't have the money to move.

[Locut0s]

26. Where would you go if you did? nt

[kwassa]

25. Anally retentive: American culture is derived from English, and other Northern European culture.

In these cultures, emotional expression is seen as a a sign of weakness. The English were the first settlers, they set the emotional standards.

As America became a world power, English became the language of world business. American business culture is derived from the English cultural norm.

The Mediterranean cultures are completely different, of course, and while many Americans came from these countries, the ground rules were already laid before they got here.

[Locut0s]

27. Some replies that I've received from a similar post in a different forum.....

People feel those who are emotionally uninhibited and open. Given easily to crying, laughing, dancing, etc.. to be:

Gay / Queer
Who the hell are these people that randomly sing in public? This isn't Glee. (Doesn't even get the concept)
...strikes me as the sign of someone who is weak willed...
...they usually have insecurities and are not stable people...

etc..

[JVS]

28. Do you have data on the other cultures or are you just stereotyping?

[Locut0s]

29. Lived in China 4 years have travelled to Italy, Spain, Germany ,Switzerland,France, Holland,England.

And more. To say that people in other countries break out in dance and song and cry and hug each other like it's some musical would indeed be a stereotype, but I think it would be stupid to think that's what I mean. But yes indeed the "data" I've "collected" while living in many of these countries DOES prove that they are on average more emotionally open. If you refer specially to things like singing, yes it was actually fairly common when I lived in China in the 80s and while I've only seen it a couple of other times on my travels elsewhere that's a whole lot more than I've seen living for many a year here.