I'd thought I try out the old Google and find out from their perspective.
I typed in "Why i'm a conservative" and patiently waded through the morass of excuses for why they say that they are conservatives. Mostly what I got was a laundry list of GOP platform planks; low taxes, anti-abortion, anti-same sex marriage, anti-welfare, anti-illegal immigration, anti-muslim, guns for everyone (one of the few things that they're not against) and so on. Most of their reasons are boring as shit, as you would gather.
Every so often, I'd come across an actual explanation instead of a freaking laundry list, which was quite informative indeed.
It wasn't an easy task, but this is what I could glean from their musings:
"I was born a conservative." - So it's a congenital disease?
Some Dude from Freadom Nation.blogspot: "I don't like the government telling me what to do"- I gather that he didn't like his English teachers telling him what to do either.
"I want to help the needy – This may seem counter-intuitive, because liberals are typically the ideological group credited with being the compassionate, caring people, albeit with yours and my tax dollars. But, you see, want to help the needy. I don’t want the government to do the job for me. Government cannot adequately help the poor and downtrodden. You and I, however, can and should."- So, unless he's running some kind of chartable organization (with other people's dollars, no doubt), let's assume that he's a lying sack of shit.
Pat Boone at World Nut Daily says, "By definition, a true conservative seriously wants to conserve, to preserve, that which is precious, valued and necessary to maintain the republic called America.- Sorry, Pat. Your career is as dead as white buck shoes and Ed Sullivan. It ain't coming back.
And lastly, this guy:
rodneyohebsion. says, "I'm a decent, honest, respectable, hardworking family man who lives in the greatest country in the world: the United States of America. I go to Church on Sundays, I go to work on Mondays through Fridays, and I eat a meat-based dinner with my family as frequently as possible (--sometimes two or three times a day). I drive an American car, I drink American beer, I shoot an American gun, and I enjoy a wide variety of non-gay, non-pornographic, non-Muslim activities such as fishing, praying (to Jesus), barbecuing, skeet shooting, and guarding our borders from a bunch of Mexicans who want to take our jobs, live on our land, and turn our cheeseburgers into quesadillas."- I was looking at this guy's website and at first I thought that it was a parody. Here are some of his topic titles:
"European Tourists Should Be Banned From America--Unless They Want to Work"
"Real Americans Run Miles--Not Kilometers"
"Liberals Are Like My Ex-Wife"
"Richard Nixon's Diet"
"Elmo is a Communist"
Some funny shit, right? Guess what… He's totally SERIOUS!
I figure that he's a conservative because he's an asshole and a complete moron.
So there you have it, Conservatives are conservative because they're quite simply congenitally deformed, truth deficient, uneducated, greedy, nostalgia addicted assholes who are a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Hope that clears that right up.
They're also bullshitters of the first order, because every single one of them had to jump through an orgy of hoops just to justify all the crap that they believe.
Too bad that they don't realize the fact that that's how they're portraying themselves.
Yuck! OK, now I need a shower.
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