I can understand why Weiner lied

[dsc]

Looking at his awkward press conference yesterday, I couldn't help thinking back to college when I finally told my roommates I was gay. I had, rather like Weiner, lied about having sex with people. I had, rather like Weiner, used the fact that one of my chief accusers had a bad reputation and I had a good one to make the truth look like a falsehood. I lied to my friends and enlisted them to lie upon my behalf much like Weiner did. I am not proud of what I did, but I do understand why I did it. I hated what I was, hated what I had done, and was deeply ashamed and afraid to own up to it. Like Weiner, I only did so when I was forced to be events outside of my control.

My friends had a decision to make. Did my lie, bad as it was, erase years of my life? Was I no longer the person they thought I was because of my lie? For one friend, the lie was too much, it was a bridge too far and I lost his friendship. For the rest, it took time but we recovered. Assuming that Weiner's twitter women were indeed women and not underage girls, what he did and what I did are pretty comparable. In point of fact, since I had an affair with a married man, I was likely worse than he was. I for one, think this doesn't wipe out years of service as a spokeman for Democratic ideals. Time will tell if his constituents agree with me.

[closeupready]

1. Many people actually WANT you to lie about yourself when you are gay.

As I stated in another thread, lying is one thing; we all lie, as Clinton and Weiner did. Perjury is something else, and few of us would perjure ourselves under oath, as Clinton did, and Weiner did not.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. whenever these sex scandals come up, there is a clear division of opinion

between lgbt folk and straight people on du.

always.

what weiner did was dumb, but i'm already over it.

[closeupready]

4. Totally agree. Dumb, but he's an excellent Democrat and we need him

to help clean up corruption, bring our troops home and get the economy back on its feet.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. yeah

[George Wythe]

58. It's hard to trust someone who betrays the person he supposedly loves

so easily and so cheaply.

[closeupready]

59. You are clearly implying that this applies to Weiner; however,

I would object on several levels; 1) it's nobody's business but Weiner and his family; 2) if by "betray" you mean he engaged in sexual intercourse over the internet, that's obviously incorrect; 3) not every wife is neurotically possessive of her husband's being 24/7.

[George Wythe]

61. 1) It is everyone's business, because elected officials work for the people.

Let's say Mr. Weiner is getting ready to vote on a bill and his sexting partner tweets: "It would really be nice if you voted for this measure. If you do, I an assure you that the pics you sent me will remain private. But if you do not..."

2) Betrayal, does not require intercourse (you should know that).

3) That goes without saying. But are you suggesting that Huma approves of his behavior? If so, I would say that you do not have a very favorable opinion of her.

[closeupready]

62. 1) Weird hypothetical. Makes no sense. Anyone could be blackmailed at any time;

you can envision such a scenario for just about anyone, anywhere, any elected official. Are you suggesting we need to publish application forms for officials, demanding to know names of all sex partners, activities, etc.?

2) Sometimes it does. Do you get out much?

3) I don't know if she knew about this or didn't. It's not about whether I think Huma is the stereotypical controlling, omnipotent heterosexual American housewife; it's about the fact that for every Mr. and Mrs. Brady Brunch out there, there are scores more marriages between one man and many women, loveless arranged marriages, and even open marriages (though those are fairly uncommon).

[George Wythe]

63. "Anyone could be blackmailed at any time" LOL... and you insinuated that I made no sense.

There are many, many hypotheticals that could spawn from something like Weiner did. I only presented one of the more obvious ones.

Clearly, you do not expect as much as I do from our elected representatives. Thus, we will just have to agree to disagree.

[closeupready]

64. If by that you mean, you demand perfection and I don't, okay, whatever.

ATD. :hi:

[dsc]

12. I think that is true

we often have a better understanding of having a sexual secret we are ashamed of or scared to reveal.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. yeah, i also think we know what it is to be judged about things that are irrelevant

to our work or whatever else.

[Hosnon]

23. I never thought about it like that before this thread.

But, yeah, I was over it when he suspiciously made that "certitude" line.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

32. AHEM.

Harrumph.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

47. ofcourse there are some exceptions on both sides.

:)

[sabrina 1]

55. Me too. I've thought about it and now I'm wondering why

what he did was ever anyone's business in the first place. Actually I always wonder that when a politician is found to be involved in sexual exploits.

[dionysus]

2. good post. k&r. i don't think it makes you a bad person.

[seabeyond]

6. sounds like there was a couple decades difference, too. but i get what you are saying

good post

[MineralMan]

7. I think there's a difference between dealing with lies with

friends and dealing with them from a position of public trust. You're right that sex is one of the most frequently lied-about things there is. Sex can be embarrassing and is meant to be a private matter, so people tend to lie about it to avoid the humiliation when they've done something they're not proud of.

For an elected official, though, being in a position of trust with people you do not know personally adds an additional dimension, I think. Voters are pretty good about excusing off-the-wall behavior if it's exposed and if the person admits to it and expresses regret. On the other hand, if the person in whom the public has trust lies about it, and is then forced to admit it by the exposure of evidence, the public often feels that their trust has been violated and is unwilling to continue that trust.

It's the position of the person and the lack of personal relationships with those who must trust the person that make the difference, I believe. Weiner might survive this, but it seems doubtful to me, since even leaders of his own party have expressed negative statements regarding this embarrassing situation. We'll have to see.

[madmom]

8. Weiner is still the same man he was last month or the months before when we were

slapping him on the back and whooping it up on how he was "handing it to the repugs". The only difference is we found out something uncomfortable about his personal life. WE are the hypocrites.:eyes:

[PeaceNikki]

13. I disagree. Yesterday at this time I didn't have a clue how fucking stupid he really is.

[frylock]

15. pure nonsense

[madmom]

18. Oh, he wasn't the same man? What was he a clone? He was doing this shit for

3 years and he was still doing good on Capital Hill. Just because you didn't know about his personal life then, doesn't make him a different person now.

[frylock]

19. he's a fucking liar..

jesus fucking christ. what is it about trust that you people can't understand?

[madmom]

20. He may have lied about something that was personal, as in none of our business, BUT he has done a

lot of good things that "you people" seem to forget about. What politician doesn't lie? I didn't know that DU had so many PERFECT people. get over yourself:eyes:

[frylock]

22. where is the list of good things he's done?

seriously. someone started a thread yesterday calling out wiener's progressive cred. it was backed up with a shit ton of facts. what, exactly, are all the good things he's done. what legislation has he introduced? what legislation has be sponsered? please, enlighten me about these good things.

[dsc]

28. His talent was and is as a spokeman

not a legislator and being a spokesman is important especially for a party, such as ours, which is lacking such people.

[frylock]

40. and now we have a spokesmodel that is known to be a complete liar..

seems he's of little use now.

[madmom]

49. "complete liar" would indicate he lies about everything, you know this how? I see where

he lied about something in his personal life, which is no bodies business except his and his wife's.

[dsc]

21. and so was I

and a whole host of other people. I am not enamoured with what Weiner did by any means but I don't think it erases his whole career.

[frylock]

25. i've never once stated or implied that he shoud resign..

in fact, up until yesterday, i didn't have an opinion one way or the other. it's the defense of this guy, and SOLELY because he's a dem, that i take exception to. you know as well as i that if a republican did this, DU would be calling for his balls on a platter. it's the double-standard that i don't care for.

[madmom]

38. If what they do is legal, I couldn't care less, be it repug or dem. But on the other hand, if

they set themselves up as holier than thou (as most repugs are want to do), then are busted, you bet I will be in there yelling.

[frylock]

42. i defended this jackhole to my friends last week when the subject was brought up..

he fucking lied to me and i look like a fucking fool because of that. that's when i started to care more. now my credibility is in question, and i'm not real cool with that.

[madmom]

50. So you are blaming him for making you look like a fool because you

didn't wait until all the information came out? Your credibility should be in question because you didn't wait for all the facts came out before you reacted.

[dsc]

54. actually I defended Craig when his thing went down

I did think he was a hypocrite given his voting record but I was emphatic that the whole restroom sting stunk to high heaven.

[cherokeeprogressive]

53. Wiener summoned the press TO HIS OFFICE and then lied.

During those interviews he claimed to have been a victim of a federal crime.

If that's the man he was last month, then I think he should resign post haste.

[Left coast liberal]

9. Good point but...

...you were a kid, a college student. He was an adult man who should know better.

I am not one of the DUers that is on my fainting couch about this. I think he should NOT resign and try and ride it out.

But it was stoopid with a capital STOO. Where as you were a kid and have obviously learned from your experience.

So, you rock and Weiner not so much.

[dsc]

10. true

it was a very hard lesson to learn. In this day and age sending pics was just incredibly stupid.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

11. I think the lying and coverup was the most normal human

thing he did. What's abnormal to me that has no comparison to what you describe about yourself is the
uncontrollable need to risk it all -- his honor as a US congressman, his new high-profile wife's reputation,
his Party's chances of winning the House back, to feed his narcissism by continuing to be a cyber-exhibitionist.

[Marrah_G]

16. He lacked any common sense when sending those tweets

So now I have little trust in his ability to make rational decisions.

[frylock]

27. this

[hfojvt]

17. I can understand when people lie like that

probably I would do the same thing, although I hate to lie. I try to find ways to obfuscate. Instead of lying, I probably would try to take a "it's none of your business" tack and keep throwing out more relevant issues to the American people.

[BlueDemKev]

24. If Weiner wanted to lie.....

...couldn't he have just said, "Oops, I meant to send that to my wife!" (??????)

:think: :think: :think:

[Hosnon]

26. +1.

Never thought about it like that - but it could very well be why I have a high tolerance for sexual "indiscretions".

[AtomicKitten]

29. He was embarrassed. It's as simple as that.

[thewiseguy]

30. Care to explain why he lied yesterday about using government resources to call these women?

[dsc]

31. I don't know what you are talking about

[thewiseguy]

33. He said yesterday that he did not use congressional resources to call these women

he was having cybersex with.

However, one of the women who came forward said that Weiner talked dirty with her using a congressional phone line.

[dsc]

35. how would she know?

[thewiseguy]

36. Because she called him back from that number and it was directed to the Congress phone line

[dsc]

37. oh

well that is problematic. He may have honestly forgot if it was a one time thing.

[cottonseed]

34. If Weiner was 19 and nothing but a young college kid. Wouldn't bother me.

But he's not.

[backscatter712]

39. Everyone would lie if caught in this sort of situation.

Including the sanctimonious prudes howling here on DU about how Weiner lied.

[Sky Masterson]

41. I agree

.

[WinkyDink]

45. Really? But so many here say it was simply harmless flirting! Why lie about THAT?!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. i would lie. i may even encourage others to lie.

[arbusto_baboso]

43. Yes, Weiner lied out of fear, and a desire not to hurt people he loves.

Not the best course, but understandable.

Breitbart, however, lies out of sheer malice and a desire to harm. Let's not let this once instance when Breitbart was right tempt us to let him off the hook.

[WinkyDink]

44. By lying, he accused others of lying AND of committing a Federal crime. Not cool.

[Politicalboi]

46. The lying doesn't matter as much as

What he did. How stupid can you be. I think he and Charlie Sheen need some sexual rehab.

[fmiddel]

51. Good points dsc

The same thing happened to me. My parents were devastated when they found out I was bisexual, and the pressure on me to conform is so intense that even today I still fib about my activities to avoid trouble. I guess you could say I still have one leg in the closet. My heart goes out to Weiner.

[dsc]

60. It does get better

your parents will come around.

[quaker bill]

52. I get why he lied

I get why Clinton lied too. If what he was doing is legal, then it is really no one's business.

What I do not get, is why bother being elected to office and then do this. I get that all are human and likely to make mistakes, but be realistic. How can anyone in such a position imagine that they can do such a thing and not strongly risk being set up?

If the easiest way to defeat an opposition politician is with a bit of skirt to chase, you have to know it will be done, and it will be done with intent and plentiful funding for the pretty young things willing to take the challenge. A pretty, young, conservative woman could easily boost her career substantially this way without ever even coming into contact with the target congressman. It is one of the oldest tricks in the books.

Perhaps because I have reached that certain age and have been there plenty, I can no longer imagine the fascination with this sort of thing that would inspire one to toss a career out over it. It is nice and fun and all that, but at this point, I would just as soon gain my conquests defeating republicans. Why work that hard to get elected to toss it all out for a bit of skirt? Perhaps it is just "low T", but I don't think so.

[Scottybeamer70]

56. Thank you, dsc..........

I'm glad to see some other people who share my view about this situation.
If he did resign, would all those people screaming for him to do so, be happy
if a republican won his seat in congress? Careful what you wish for......
it could be a hell of a lot worse.
I understand the gay thing completely...........believe me.

[octothorpe]

57. I'm sure most people understand why he lied...

I don't care who he sent pictures to or anything of that matter. However, I do wonder about his lack of foresight with respect to seeing that denying it would only make things more difficult for him. He, and his people, should have known that denying and lying about it would cause more problems than coming right out and admitting to it.