Republicans Propose Replacing Social Security with Groupons

[Playinghardball]

Plan Would Offer Deep Discounts for Cat Food, Surgery

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Presenting what he called a revolutionary plan to slash the nation’s mountain of debt, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) today proposed eliminating the Social Security program in its entirety and replacing it with Groupons.

“Instead of waiting each month for a check from Social Security, America’s elderly will receive valuable Groupons for everything they need, from Ramen noodles to cat food to caskets,” Mr. Ryan said in an appearance on Fox News.

Adding that Groupons would also help provide for elders’ medical needs, the congressman illustrated his point by holding up a Groupon offering 30 percent off on open-heart surgery in Cincinnati.

Moving on from Social Security, Mr. Ryan also proposed replacing Medicare with a new program in which seniors are shot at by Predator drones.

More at: http://www.borowitzreport.com/

[Faygo Kid]

1. I'm sure Alan Simpson and Robert Samuelson would support this enthusiastically.

For a couple of old guys, they sure hate old guys.

[Aerows]

2. I almost laughed, but then, I felt the urge to cry

because this is exactly what Republicans want to implement. It's the "screw you, I've got mine" theory of government.

[RC]

3. Grey Groupons?

Somebody had to ask.

[Aerows]

4. Do you happen to have any

Grey Groupons?

Living in the lap of such luxury should be a dream for the elderly. Lots and lots of "Grey Groupon".

[DCBob]

5. EXCELLENT!! Perfect analogy!!

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[MrScorpio]

6. The satire is never too far off from the reality, is it? nt

[Jackpine Radical]

7. Satire is dead.

Paranoia is dead.

No matter how many people you think are out to get you, you are underestimating.

[Courtesy Flush]

8. The last paragraph was a hoot. nt

[Mnemosyne]

10. ^^^^^ What CF said. Definitely worth reading. n/t

[trueblue2007]

9. paul ryran is a asshole. I SAY .... SEND HIM TO THE MOON

PUT A COLONY UP THERE. ALL THE IDIOT GOPS IN THE USA WOULD BE TRANSPORTED THERE AND LEFT!!

THEY WOULD BE PUT IN A BIG SAFE COLONY BUILDING AND NEVER AGAIN CAUSE PROBLEMS/SAFETY TO THE USA