Obama Makes It Through Another Day Of Resisting Urge To Launch All U.S. Nuclear Weapons At Once

[joeybee12]

WASHINGTON—Despite being constantly tempted by the seductive power of having an apocalyptic arsenal at his fingertips, President Barack Obama somehow made it through another day Tuesday without unlocking the box on his desk that houses "the button" and launching all 5,113 U.S. nuclear warheads.

Though the president confirmed his schedule was packed with security briefings, public appearances, and cabinet meetings, he said he couldn't help but steal a few glances at the bright red button, which is "right there, staring at , all the time." Tuesday marks the 841st-straight day Obama has withstood the button's powerful allure.

"I think I was closer to pressing the button today than I have ever been," Obama said during a press conference from the White House Rose Garden, adding that he would be lying if he said he wasn't thinking about the button right at that very moment. "Let me be clear: I do not want to start a thermonuclear war. But knowing that I could at any moment, and that it would be so easy, well, it almost feels like I'm being tested or something."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-makes-it-through-another-day-of-resisting-ur,20364/

[Richardo]

1. !!

:rofl:

[originalpckelly]

2. Either that's a good shoop or Obama posed for that.

:rofl:

I think it's literally the best Onion piece I've ever read.

[Shagbark Hickory]

3. Nevermind, it's the onion. sd

[JBoy]

4. Reminds me of the Ren & Stimpy "red button" episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DUmoJNQK2o&NR=1

Can Cadet Stimpy resist pressing the red button??

[SidDithers]

5. Great article...

kudos Onion. :thumbsup:

Sid

[Poll_Blind]

6. Love that last full paragraph:

Historians have noted that a strong desire to press the button is not uncommon among U.S. presidents. After just one year in office, Jimmy Carter wrote in his diary, "You don't leave a man alone in a room with a button like that," and two years later the pages were simply covered with the word "button" over and over again. In 1974, Richard Nixon rapidly pressed the button 12 times just prior to his resignation, but Pentagon officials had already disconnected its triggering mechanism.

:rofl:

PB

[blondeatlast]

9. The Onion's writers and artists are the most seriously underpaid

in the country. What price sanity?

[Buns_of_Fire]

7. ...but if he starts dropping references to "Purity of Essence" or "Precious Bodily Fluids"

into budget speeches, it might be wise to lock it away for a little while.

[blondeatlast]

8. Maybe we ought to encourage him to smoke again...

(KIDDING!)

the Bush years would have been intolerable without The Onion.

[4_TN_TITANS]

11. Especially the 'long national nightmare' piece after the

(S)election that nailed his presidency before it even happened. It was prophetic.

[emulatorloo]

10. Great article. Loved the bit about the budget negotiations with Boehner. And Carter's Diary n/t

[BOG PERSON]

12. funniest "news in brief" of the week

Area Woman Marries Into Health Insurance

SAN FRANCISCO—The motives of local woman Janet Debois, 28, came under scrutiny Sunday following accusations that she had only married Vince Davidson, 31, for his generous health insurance policy. “She wasn't even into Vince until he started flashing around his Blue Cross/Blue Shield card," said Carly Platt, a longtime acquaintance who speculated Debois might one day leave her new husband for an older man with a smaller co-pay. "You could just see the wheels turning in her head once she found out his dental plan covered twice-annual cleanings. Then it was a sprint to the altar." Sources close to Davidson confirmed he plans to use his wife as a tax write-off.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-woman-marries-into-health-insurance,20349/