Listen up. Everybody here needs to READ THIS. Then be nice to your introvert.

[TalkingDog]

Caring for your introvert.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/


Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.


snip

Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)

With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

[LiberalLoner]

1. As an INFP myself (EXTREME INFP at that) I thank you for this post. :) n/t

[TalkingDog]

2. There is at least one version of the Meyers Briggs that measures introversion levels

with 0 being neither introverted or extroverted.

100 at either end of the scale means you are completely introverted or extroverted.

I measure 80 on the introversion scale.

The Spousal Unit does not "get" how utterly painful it is for me to repeat anything. And he's not really a close listener.....
Which tells you how much I love him. Because I'm still here.....

[DireStrike]

4. I never perceived that aversion to repetition as related to introversion

Nobody seems to realize how bad it is. The discomfort turns to rage really easily.

[Mariana]

25. The same thing goes on at my house.

Does he ever PRETEND not to remember what you've said, just to wind you up?

My distress at repeating myself tends to be much worse when I'm under stress. My spouse gets this and really does try harder to remember what he's been told at such times.

[TalkingDog]

57. I'll quote Mark Twain in response.

"The man who sets out to grab a cat by its tail learns something that can be learned in no other way."

[Dappleganger]

80. Wow, I feel your pain!

Jesus, I thought it was only ME being too sensitive.

INFP, here.

[TalkingDog]

84. There's a great song I will often hum when I'm feeling self-consciously overwhelmed.

It's by King Missile and it's called "Sensitive Artist". It makes me laugh and helps me not take "it" all so seriously. (I'm an artist...and evidently a sensitive one)


I am a sensitive artist...

I am a sensitive artist.
Nobody understands me because I am so deep.
In my work I make allusions to books that nobody else has read,
Music that nobody else has heard,
And art that nobody else has seen.
I can't help it
Because I am so much more intelligent
And well-rounded
Than everyone who surrounds me.

I stopped watching tv when I was six months old
Because it was so boring and stupid
And started reading books
And going to recitals
And art galleries.
I don't go to recitals anymore
Because my hearing is too sensitive
And I don't go to art galleries anymore
Because there are people there
And I can't deal with people
Because they don't understand me.

I stay home
Reading books that are beneath me,
And working on my work,
Which no one understands

I am sensitive...
I am a sensitive artist

[Uzybone]

195. thank you for this post

I love Detachable Penis, and had never heard sensitive artist till just now.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

132. I consistently hit smack in the middle

any time I take that test. I've been told I should choose one or the other...that I cannot be both. But it simply is not true. There are times when I'm ready to put myself out there for all to see. There are also times when I don't want to have anything to do with anybody. And I gather strength from both scenarios.

[Odin2005]

61. Hey fellow NF! I'm an INFJ!

:hi:

[LiberalLoner]

92. Cool! Hi! :) Glad to meet you! :)

[AnArmyVeteran]

201. Now that I know what they are I believe I'm both of those conditions (Hi :) )

:)

I had a good teacher tell me about those two conditions. No, I had a great teacher...


YASBTM

[PSzymeczek]

123. I'm an INTJ.

Otherwise known as a Mastermind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mastermind_(role_variant)

[murielm99]

129. I am also an INTJ.

But I make myself get out there to be around people and do extroverted things. Hence my interest in politics. I feel an obligation to be out with the public.

[tango-tee]

131. Good Morning, Odin!

From a fellow INFJ

[Odin2005]

186. Thanks!

[Sheltiemama]

87. Proud introvert here.

And I'm happy just the way I am. My father is an introvert, too, but my mother is an extrovert who never met a stranger. She actually has this weird need for everyone to like her, whereas my father and I really don't care.

[slay]

99. Same here

world can seem a lonely freaky place at time - this explains quite a bit of it - especially how extroverts dominate social reality - unfortunately.

[tango-tee]

130. INFJ here!

There's a thread in the Lounge about the Myers-Briggs test, and it's amazing how many introverts there are. I was particularly surprised to see how many INFJs and INFPs responded.

[seabeyond]

133. .

how did you take the test. when i went in, it asked for $5 per test. what was i doing wrong.

[tango-tee]

142. Let me go check.

I'll send you the link in a little while.

[tango-tee]

144. Here, seabeyond. This should work.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

[seabeyond]

175. thank you

tango. i tried different things and couldnt figure out what you all knew, lol. i knew there was an answer somewhere. i am going to have to check out what you are, cause in a couple threads recently i sure have seen such an effort on your part to be helpful to other posters.

appreciate.

[tango-tee]

177. My pleasure, seabeyond!

:hi:

That's what I like so much about DU: When you need advice or a shoulder to cry on, you'll find many, many kind people here!

[tango-tee]

193. Have you had the chance to do the test yet?

And - most important - does the result match the way you see yourself? Has it told you something new? That's what's so interesting, I think!

[seabeyond]

203. INFJ

interesting. no not surprised.

thanks for the test. i remember now taking this in the past, and got the same. not surprised you are INFJ either, lol

[tango-tee]

206. Welcome to the club, Sweetie!

:toast:

[seabeyond]

204. someone will ask me to do something in advance and then days later the event

comes along and inevitably, almost always, if i at all can, i figure a way to get out of it. today.... i am suppose to be at son's school for three hours and i just dont think i am gonna be able to do it, lol. ah well. send hot dogs and say, oooops. as long as i can get away with it. never step on toes. always goes my way.

but geeesh, i can hardly make myself do crowd and people anymore. getting worse older i am

[Missy Vixen]

138. Me, too

If I met you in person, I would talk with you. I'm a good actress. At the same time, when I need to be alone, I am recharging my batteries.

My industry is full of introverts. After all, we work alone. People who go into a dim room and come out with a 100,000-word manuscript are not normal. I embrace it, however.

Let's hear it for the introverts.

:woohoo:

[tango-tee]

143. What's odd is that with some people I feel "at home"

even if we've just met. There is a sense of understanding, of knowing "where we're coming from". It doesn't happen often, but when it does it is wonderful.

Yes, let's hear it for us introverts, Missy!

[tblue]

148. Man, that is me!

Some people I hardly know, I click with instantly. Others I've known for years, yet I feel like I struggle to find things to say.

And, the more outgoing certain people are, the more I withdraw. I feel like they take up a lot of space and I have to shrink to make room for them.

[tango-tee]

151. When my best friend

and I were introduced to each other, from that moment on forward we felt we had each found a soulmate. She is INFP, I'm INFJ. There was no "warming up" period. It was like we had known each other forever.

For me, I either click with a person from the start, or it'll never really work. It's exactly as you described: I can know someone for years, and truly think this person is just fine, but can't find anything meaningful to say. And trying to do so is such a chore.



:shrug:

[Odin2005]

187. I've noticed that INFJs tend to be Liberal while INTJs tend to be Libertarian.

Many INTJs fit nicely into the Randoid Libertarian jerk category (no offense to any INTJs here).

[tblue]

141. Me, too. And people look down on that.

There ate relatively few of us, therefore we are special and rare!

[Technodaoist]

168. INTP

All the INTP in the house say "hey!"

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

205. Hey!

I'm one of those weirdos... :hi:

[peace frog]

172. Another INFP here

Goddess bless us, everyone. :hi:

[TalkingDog]

3. And I've always had a sneaking suspicion that President Obama is an introvert.

Although Michelle Obama seems a bit shy, in the interviews I've seen with the both of them, she seems the more socially facile.

[LiberalLoner]

6. You know, I think you are right about that! n/t

[Odin2005]

67. Introversion-Extroversion does NOT equate with liking to socialize.

If it did there would be no autistic extroverts, of which I know a few! There can be very social introverts and shy extoverts. In fact I am unusually sociable for someone on the autism spectrum because of my INFJ personality, The F and the J together create a motivation for connecting on a personal level, but that does not mean I like partying at dance clubs. :)

Extroverts are stimulated by external sensory experiences while introverts are mentally drained by such things, an introvert is not necessarily drained while socializing with a group of friends, but would be drained by a busy mall.

The president seems to clearly be energized by big crowds, indicating extroversion. I suspect he is an ENTP personality-wise.

[TalkingDog]

76. I agree on the socializing part....but we might have to disagree on our opinion on the pres.

I'm good with crowds as a public speaker. I'm good with small crowds socially. That doesn't mean they don't wear me out.

The reason you think he might be an extrovert, is exactly the evidence I use for his introversion.....He's good with crowds. Organized crowds. Organized being the key.

Malls or large "cocktail" parties where people simply mingle are unorganized. Chaotic. Overwhelming. But crowds are separate. There is a begin time and an end time to organized crowds. They are, from an introverts perspective, "do-able".

Next time we are both invited to a large cocktail party where the President will be attending, we can take notes on how well and how long he mingles or whether he sticks with a smallish group and holds the floor.

See you there.

[Odin2005]

79. Hmmm, good point there.

I'll have to check that out the next time he is at some social function! I just remember when he was campaigning and he seemed so at ease in a big crowd.

[BuelahWitch]

113. Thanks for explaining that!

:hi: I have often wondered why I have no problem sitting in a crowd in a lecture situation, but I HATE large parties. It totally makes sense now.

[Odin2005]

117. No problem!

[BuelahWitch]

118. I was replying to Talking Dog...n/t

[Odin2005]

122. OOPS, my bad!

[pezDispenser]

146. you don't become the President being introverted.

That's a sizable hurdle to overcome for that line of work.

[TalkingDog]

173. Like many on this thread, you mistake introversion for shyness

or tendency toward inaction.

1-Read the article, read the posts....

2-The "N"s in all these INTJ mean Introverted.

3-Stop being small minded and wearing mental blinders.

[tblue]

149. I think so, too.

I've heard him described as "aloof." I actually know someone who was Obama's boss many, many years ago, and that's the word this guy used to describe him. I don't think Obama's arrogant at all or even shy really, just introverted and introspective, which I think is a very important quality.

[northernlights]

5. thank you for posting this

spot-on. Love the closing:

"How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"

Third, don't say anything else, either."

[Saphire]

7. I am a proud wallflower...hubby never met a stranger. Rings true.

[a la izquierda]

50. you and i must be married to the same guy...

my husband could make friends with a brickwall.

[tblue]

150. That's me and mine, too.

When we're with a group I don't know well, if he steps away, I freak a little inside.

[peace frog]

171. My daughter is like that

As a child, I had to constantly watch her because she was so open and trusting of strangers. She would happily walk away with anyone who smiled and spoke nicely to her. Conversely, as a child my son had a healthy mistrust of anyone he did not know well.

My daughter, the only extrovert in a family of introverts, grew up feeling like the *strange* one.

[woo me with science]

8. My introvert?

Is it legal to keep an introvert?

[TalkingDog]

13. It is legal in most states. But be aware that permits are required in some. n/t

[woo me with science]

28. That's so good to hear.

All those years I kept him chained in the basement, and it was legal all the time... :hi:

[chillspike]

9. I've been both an extrovert and introvert

and, from my personal perspective, a lot of what introvertness is about is ego. notice, you're implying extroverts aren't as smart as introverts because they "don't get" introverts. (extroverts do it to introverts too.) also that there is something wrong with extroverts. having been an introvert, i believe, in a lot of cases, the bad rap introverts get is deserved. they do it to themselves by implying there is something wrong with extrovertness and that extroverts are less perceptive. when the real problem is ego. sometimes extroverts have a legitimate beef against introverts because introversion is a setting oneself apart from everyone else and that telegraphs ego and an "i am so better than you, i don't need people" attitude. extroverts pick up on this and there is truth to it. and that is coming from someone who was a long time introvert.

extroverts are not any less perceptive of introverts than vice versa.

there are good introverts and good extroverts. it's where either one has an ego to go along with either personality that the real trouble stems from.

instead of concluding extroverts are less intelligent and perceptive, why not just say based on your personal experiences and needs, you are socially incompatible at this time?

why introduce this dualism? this one is "better" than the other approach?

i think if everyone were an introvert we would be a solitary species. and i don't think that would bode well for humanity from an evolutionary sense. we would soon find ourselves dominated by the group oriented species.

[TalkingDog]

11. Wow, so much wrong with your post.

So your brain function has changed? Were you in an accident? Did you have brain surgery?

Introversion is a function of information processing.

You can be on the cusp (I have a friend who is a 0 on the Meyers Briggs scale) and have traits of both, but your brain is wired a certain way and barring extreme trauma tends to remain that way.

I am not implying anything. The article is SAYING that factually introverts, on the whole, tend to be more intelligent (and yes there are studies to back that up) than extroverts.

There is no mention of dualism. In fact, if you actually read my post, I talk about a spectrum of extroversion to introversion. With nearly everyone having some traits of both.

So, here is what I recommend: Learn to read. Learn to think critically. Re-read the article (which I did not write, but thank you for thinking I am good enough to get my work into the Atlantic Monthly) and post again in a few years.

Thanks for playing along at home.

[chillspike]

19. I still disagree

i don't really feel there is a need to fight you on this...i just wanted to point out i didn't think there was anything inherently wrong with extroverts as the article (which i read in full) clearly suggests.

btw, when i used the word "you" in my first response, i didn't actually mean YOU. i meant people in general...so if you took my post as a response to your specific beliefs it was not.


@ marion ghost: actually my introverted qualifications are quite well established to say the least. it is my extroverted personality that is more in question.

[marions ghost]

39. I feel like I'm talking to the Geico Gecko...

in one of his soul-searching philosophical moments.

If I may quote you, chillspike, in the voice of the Gecko:

"Actually my introverted qualifications are quite well established to say the least. It is my extroverted personality that is more in question."

:7

[Better Today]

35. I believe you to be wrong about that. In or Ex, is not biological nor

chemical. I've seen terribly introverted seeming folks in certain groups become the center of attention in other groups. Clearly indicating that current short-term environment can have an effect. I have seen folks get away from a person, family, or other group causing long term ... shall we say psychological burden... and become beaming extroverts, as well I've seen extroverts get completely overrun and humiliated into introversion after marriage or similar.

I see you claiming information, intro- or extro-version is inherent and unchanging except by way of physical trauma, as fact, then you try to demean chillspike? WTF is wrong with YOU! Brains are not stagnant unchanging things, personalities and psychies are not stagnant unchanging things, people can change from extrovert to introvert or visa versa based on both inherent and environmental factors. And of the environmental factors they can cause an effect of a period of time, like getting away from an emotionally or verbally abusive person, or they can be very situation oriented, like a nerd introverted in school, but extroverted at the chess club later in the day, or with younger siblings at home.

Things like the Meyers Briggs scale are toys for intellectuals, they could even be considered a beginning to understanding personalities, but they are not by any stretch the ending or the end all.

Here's what I recommend, Learn not to be an asshole to someone giving a calm, considered opinion about your OP, so you might possibly show that you might possibly belong to the supposedly smarter group discussed in your OP.

[TalkingDog]

58. A lot of neuro-scientists would disagree with you on that count.

There are hosts of studies. Books on it...a really good one: The Introvert's Advantage. So you can believe I'm wrong as long as you like, that won't change science.


Based on your post you need to educate yourself on the meanings of introversion and extroversion and how they relate to information processing and neurological function.

My snark toward Chillspike is rather like my snark toward you. We seem to be talking past each other. And my time on this planet is much too short to educate you in the intricacies of the wide range of behaviors possible within a personality "type".

The one point we seem to agree on is that they are loose guide lines and not set in stone.

I didn't read Chillspike's post as calm and considered. It was disorganized, rambling and scattershot. I will, at least, give you props for being able to form coherent paragraphs. Even though your theses and conclusions are seemingly based solely on your own experience and not on a body of scientific evidence.

[Better Today]

89. However the overwhelming truth is that neuro-science

hasn't definitively figured out much in its young life and is shown to backtrack upon itself as it finds it's way to some complete truths. The brain is such a relatively unknown entity, therefore everything that is currently written is suspect to change as my mature experience has shown me. Sorry, if you're young and naive and want to believe that what you're reading now and that those studies will be the end-all, feel free. Furthermore if you think that biology is the only thing to effect one's personality, well, that's at best a slippery slope. One I'm unwilling to go down with you or any neuro-scientists who attempt to promote that concept.

[TalkingDog]

14. Oh, and Welcome to DU chllspike

I look forward to your evolution as a member here.

[marions ghost]

15. Spoken like an extrovert

n/t

[TalkingDog]

17. hahaha....I was GOING to say that, but ....well, i like the extended snark

rather than the short pithy kind.

[marions ghost]

31. I was going to say what you said,

the extended snark, but you saved me from it. :hi: I ditto you

[LiberalLoner]

20. Ouch. This post hurts. I know I am an introvert, but I DO care about

people. I care very deeply, and make sacrifices readily and happily for people I care for. But sometimes I get exhausted from always trying to hard to read the feelings/emotions of those around me and trying to anticipate and meet their needs to the best of my ability, that I need down time to recharge and process my own emotions.

I don't feel as if I'm better than anyone at all, and I certainly am aware that I DO need people. I feel as if I'm this ever-gushing well of love that is just masked by feelings of insecurity and doubt and fear of being hurt...I don't know at all that I have some huge ego, I just don't feel I fit into that particular category.

This post makes me feel very misunderstood and very unappreciated. Ouch.

[chillspike]

24. If it's any consolation...

.. #1: the post in question was by an introvert.

.. #2: it never claimed all introverts had egos or had no compassion.

...it was a response to an article that generalized all extroverts when clearly their are extroverts who are very perceptive of the needs of introverts.

So I postulated that maybe there is nothing wrong with being extroverted OR introverted but the problem is when either personality type is accompanied by an ego in a constant search to reinforce a weak sense of self.

[moriah]

33. ... the poster IS an introvert?

"That is coming from someone who was a long time introvert."

"having been an introvert"

and

"I've been both an extrovert and introvert."

Both seeming to suggest that the poster (you) considered themselves an introvert at one point, but does not consider themselves as such anymore. Hence, why I asked if you were ever really an introvert to be able to say such things, as I've not known anyone to really change whether they are introverted or extroverted. Perhaps you're more of one of those 50/50 people instead of either-or, and that's fine too. And probably a lot more balanced than those of us who are far over on either side of the spectrum.

[LiberalLoner]

34. Thank you, it does help. I've struggled with feeling unacceptably different and

"weird" all my life. I have never been able to completely hide who I am inside, so I've always been someone that people have mostly laughed at a lot.

[chillspike]

52. That's a journey the best among us go through...

...i wouldn't lament such a life experience as yours too much...and I've had my share of it.

I've always thought, it is only those who have felt rejection that can truly understand the social issues facing humanity. Because they understand the heart of the problem they are more qualified to fix it. It gives you empathy for others and that to me is the fullest evolution of a human being.

[Better Today]

37. Hence the problem with the article and OP as a whole,

neither introversion nor extroversion can or should be pigeon-holed like this. There are no doubt introverts similar to what chillspike describes, and their are those like yourself, and probably 1000s more descriptions to fit the 1000s more introverts.

Same is true with extroverts. I for one seem like an extrovert, but truth is that it is a learned condition to overcompensate for insecurity and doubt and to hide my PTSD, which may or may not be the actual cause of my internal introversion. But that's regardless, because everyone I know thinks I'm an extrovert. I don't feel like one, though. Though I handle it reasonably well, I am fairly quick to make a bee-line back to my safe home environment to lock everyone out.

Anyway, hugs to you, don't be pigeonholed into the idea that there's only one kind of introversion. I think chillspike was speaking for his particular type.

[seabeyond]

44. i certainly cant agree that extroverts arent caring, nor put time and effort into feeling, seeing,

understanding another.

i really dont know if i am intro or extro vert seeing i need massive alone time and talk to all. also spend all my time listening to understand others. motivation, reason, conditions that make one who they are.

yet i am not shy, will talk to all and appear very much extrovert.

just going down the thread, thinking about what others say

[eShirl]

23. "telegraphs ego and an "i am so better than you, i don't need people" attitude"

I never understood how people could leap to that conclusion from someone just wanting to be left alone

[chillspike]

30. Okay, i see that no one here is willing to put themselves on a fair & equal footing ...

...with the objects of their prejudice. Only willing to admit how bad the "other" looks from their perspective but not the others?

One last time, I am an introvert myself. And only thought it was unfair and emotional opportunism to characterize ALL (and the article generalized ALL extroverts) as stupid and insensitive.

I've stated my case. You guys take it where ever you want to go with it. It's out of my hands. I will now be leaving this thread.

[moriah]

36. Welcome to DU, but ....

.... running away from threads where people disagree with you is not likely to make your experience here very fun or fulfilling.

People agree, people disagree. People express viewpoints, people defend those viewpoints. If you mis-stated yourself, clarify that. If you want to express your viewpoint and then get upset, though, if someone disagrees with you... you might not find a lot of threads on here very much fun, because if people disagree with you, they're going to say it.

If you're taking it personally, don't. If people get personal and judgmental, that's their problem. Not yours. While I honestly doubt you are a classical introvert, and personally think you're likely to be more one of the people who is in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum, I didn't say that was a bad thing... actually said it was probably better than one or the other.

Then again, I earned my asbestos underwear years ago on local BBSes and Usenet, so personal attacks don't bother me. :)

[chillspike]

48. okay, fine i won't run away but...

...you guys are exhausting. I need a break.

Would an extrovert need a break?

Seriously, it's not that I've made a full transition into extroverthood, but I do think that my personal experiences have offered me a view into the perspective of how extroverts view us.

And what I've discovered is that neither one of us is wrong. A person's personality is fluid and mailable and evolves over time and with an individual's experiences. Some people's past experiences give them a desire for social interaction. Others, a desire to retreat. It's all based on what you've had in the past and what you want out of life now.

For instance, I had a friend as a kid who could have all the junk food he wanted in his house. But he hardly ever wanted it because it was so available while the good cooking wasn't.

In the meantime, my parents hardly ever allowed anything with sugar in the house. So it was like a candy store when I went to my friend's.

What you want and require for contentment all depends on what you've had in the past and is usually the opposite.

My parents were very loud growing up. So today I like quiet, peaceful and tranquil settings.

While extroverts could have come from very serious households where they might have been walking on eggs all day long with their parents and dealing with angry outbursts all the time, bouts of total silence then rage. I can see their extroversion as a direct result of such an environment. And when an extrovert encounters an introvert, it triggers their memory of their difficult and always serious parents. That's why extroversion appears so shallow on the surface because it is a rebellion to that serious and misery ridden environment.

At least, that's what I think when I try to see it from the perspective of an extrovert.

[seabeyond]

51. "neither one of us is wrong". this is where i conclude.

each are needed, each are a part

i know when i was around 18 i worked on going out and about, by myself, interacting, learning how to interact. i didnt want that uncomfortable feeling around people. i didnt want to hide from people. worked for me.

i see the difference in the two groups. i dont apologize for not wanting to be around people, and it really is an interference in kids and hubbys life, but then i dont expect the extro to apologize to me either.

accept or dont, not my business. lol

[moriah]

106. Spoken like a true middle-of-the-roader. *grin*

I'm very much on the introverted side of the spectrum, but I still vary on how much social interaction I want on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I feel like going out, but never to huge parties. I was never into raves, for instance, and a lot of my peer group really enjoyed them, even ones who were a little more introverted themselves. I don't like indoor concerts -- I'll go to ones at outdoor ampitheatres, but I just don't enjoy close-packed social situations at *all*, no matter how social I'm feeling that day. It sounds like you are much closer to the middle of the spectrum, so when your preference for social interaction varies it may seem like you are switching from extroverted to introverted.

My home life was fairly quiet and peaceful actually.

I don't think there's anything wrong with introversion or extroversion. I am just the way I am. I do wish that people would understand more when I wanted to be alone and not be offended or think I'm upset with them. It's not that at all.

[LaurenG]

190. I don't know why you're upset

You seem like an IN anyway. You're exhausted by the interaction here and you like quiet peaceful surroundings. I'm an INFJ and I say you are no extrovert. :)

[eShirl]

41. You are putting words in my mouth and/or attributing opinions to me which I do not hold.

Just stop.

[chillspike]

53. But didn't you say...

...you wanted to exterminate the Jews? I know I saw it somewhere in the thread? You said "I want to exterminate the Jews".

Did you delete it?


LMAO...before anyone goes nuts...I'm kidding, just having a little fun...eShirl NEVER said anything of the kind.

[Posteritatis]

95. Nevermind the general pot-kettle-blackiness of that post, anyway. (nt)

[tblue]

155. or someone who's self-conscious, or who doesn't like taking up a lot of space.

To assume people are arrogant or rude because they're not running their mouth is just silly and, frankly, self-centered. I o.d. on people at times, but it's not because I think I'm better than them. Sometimes it's quite the contrary.

[Confusious]

26. Wow! What did you get? a magic potion?

I've been both an extrovert and introvert and, from my personal perspective, a lot of what introvertness is about is ego.

No, it's about energy. People drain me. I can only take them in small doses. I worked retail for a while, and came home feeling like I had run a marathon every day of the week. Extroverts get energy from being around people, introverts from not being around people. If you didn't feel that, you were never an "introvert." you were just trying to be "cool."

You don't change your personality like you were changing your clothes. It takes years to correct even the minor problems. Going from an "introvert" to "extrovert" is nigh impossible. From someone who has spend many years in a shrink's chair.

[moriah]

29. It has nothing to do with ego for me.

I am simply not social.

When I am under stress, I become even more introverted. I go to work, gym, the grocery store, and home, and rarely call people or answer the phone when I am particularly stressed. It has nothing to do with my opinion of myself or my opinion of other people. I would just prefer to be alone. Social situations are taxing and not what I need when I'm already being taxed by other circumstances.

I feel badly that sometimes people take my need for solitude the wrong way. It has nothing to do with them. When I'm less stressed I can handle more socialization, but it isn't a lot even then.

I do have to wonder, though, how in the heck a person goes from being an introvert to an extrovert, and just how much of an introvert you actually were during the time you say you were an introvert. There are some people who are pretty much 50/50 on the introvert/extrovert scale. Perhaps you have phases where you like more and less socialization, and see your "less socialization" phases as introversion, but ... I don't think I could change the way I am if I tried. Did you try?

[woo me with science]

32. A friend of mine described it as like gas versus diesel engines.

We just need different things to refuel. That made a lot of sense to me.

[Odin2005]

60. Thats complete BS!

Introversion and Extroversion is something you are born with, it's an in-born set-point of tolerance to stimulation. Extroverts crave stimulation while Introverts retreat from it. It has to do with a brain-stem structure called the Reticular Activating System, which regulations the flow of sensory information going up into the Cortex.

[chillspike]

62. yes, but even geneticists like dean hammer will tell you

...environment can and does push a person toward one or the other.

[seabeyond]

66. i dont like being around people. my oldest son like me. my youngest is innately more social

over time and the challenge of me getting him out, though it is a struggle and i want to give him what he needs, he has been conditioned for his alone time. i know it is a direct result of how this household is run. my more extro hubby tends to push older son to accept social engagements. i am there as sons cushion too, because if i see he really doesnt want, then i tell hubby to back down. but on the other hand, i see the plus in hubby encouraging social engagements which i wouldnt do, but is good for son.

i find this stuff, nifty

[Odin2005]

68. Yes, it can, but only if the genetic bias is not particularly strong.

[TalkingDog]

81. Thank you. You seem to have the info readily at hand.

I hate researching for them that won't....

Much appreciated.

[Odin2005]

83. Thanks!

[HughMoran]

100. Oh, c'mon

Get out of your own head for once - talk about solipsism!

[chillspike]

174. What???!!!

My whole post is decidedly ANTI-solipsist and about considering other people's minds and situations!!!

It's obvious people are bringing all their prejudice to this thread and it's just a hate feast toward extroverts.

"Extroverts are the enemy and the source of all my problems....blah, blah blah..."

I have plenty of "reasons" I could use to claim extroverts a "inferior" but I choose not to because it's not extroversion that is the problem. It's ego and competitiveness. Which it seems a lot of you in this thread have way too much of! My opening post was about not letting anyone, extrovert or introvert, get away with proclaiming themselves better than anyone else just because of a simple personal life style preference. THAT's what going on here and in that article and that's bullshit and everyone knows it. I'm calling bullshit on this thread!

Now, I am really out of this thread.

[Richard Steele]

135. Such slippery codswollop...how do you pile it so high? Superglue or something?

[tblue]

152. "the bad rap introverts get is deserved"

[DailyGrind51]

10. I read that the late Johnny Carson was an introvert off stage, preferring solitary hobbies

such as astronomy to more social pursuits.

[Captain Hilts]

12. Yes. That's fairly common among show biz folks. nt

[tblue]

153. Michael Jackson. nt

[TalkingDog]

16. +1 to what Capt. Hilts said

I've also heard of a number of other actresses/actors who consider themselves introverted: Julia Roberts, Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney to name a few.


In my own experience, I'm a really good public speaker. I teach college level courses and I'm comfortable giving presentations to large crowds. But there is a psychic distance in those activities. I don't have to interact with all those people. The rules for interaction are set. The boundaries are clear. I don't have to consider all the contingencies. I am there to do one thing. And that makes it much, much easier than...say, a party which is a chaotic hell-on-earth unless I'm really braced for it.

[DailyGrind51]

18. Definitely! Being "introverted" is not the same thing as being "inhibited".

The former is a preference, the latter an impediment.

[BuelahWitch]

27. Being introverted is NOT a "preference"

People are wired that way. It's a brain thing.

[Better Today]

38. I get your point, but I disagree. It isn't strictly nature, it can also be nurture and environment.

And by environment, I mean social environment. Nothing about the psyche or human interactivity is strictly biological.

[csziggy]

127. Nuture and environment can give someone the tools to deal with their personality type

But I doubt it can really change the basic genetic wiring that creates the personality. Same as a person can be born short or tall and the way they are brought up or the environment around them determines how they deal with their height.

I am an introvert. Given no outside reason, I will always choose to spend my time alone, reading, on the computer, watching TV, watching the birds, etc. I feel no drive to be in constant contact with other people. But my parents did not allow me to indulge myself this way. They taught me to interact with other people, made sure I was involved in activities, and generally helped me develop interests that push me to participate in social situations. They know how difficult being an introvert is - they both are introverts. Of their four daughters, I am the only true introvert - two are extreme extroverts, not happy unless they are in a group or very actively involved in activities. The other daughter was a more balanced personality and liked quiet, contemplative time as well as social events.

And although my preference is to be alone with little human interaction, I am good with short, small social events. For some strange reason, people like to talk to me - maybe my tendency towards silence leads them to believe I am totally enthralled with what they are saying. In an one on one situation, this is fine, but in a party or group setting I tend to get overloaded very quickly which simply reinforces my antipathy towards being social.

[DailyGrind51]

178. Nothing in my post suggested anything regarding causes of introversion,

or extroversion?

[DailyGrind51]

198. Then why is it possible for siblings raised in the same environment to be polar opposites?

With one sister/brother being quite extroverted while the other sibling, more introverted.

[Odin2005]

77. In personality psychology "preference" means "in-born bias towards prefering X"

[DailyGrind51]

182. Do you have a link to a professional opinion on this?

[Scuba]

21. Insightgful. Thanks.

[Pharaoh]

22. Interesting!

Now I understand why constantly having to repeat myself to my brother is so fucking irritating! :toast:

[seabeyond]

40. when i have more coffee will re read. something not working. i talk to all and NEED alone time

not a little alone time, a lot. not sometimes, all the time. i have become more and more the hermit not wanting to be around people. yet when with people i am very much the extrovert

so maybe the introvert doesnt necessarily know all to being an extrovert. or maybe the introvert can on occassion be vocal and expressive if they chose.

but i need more coffee before i really delve into it all

[marions ghost]

46. personality type

is different from putting on a temporary social mask, or an individual's behavior in a social situation.

Introvert and extrovert are terms expressing fundamentally different personality types. It's not really a conscious choice. People get this confused with social behaviors.

For example, I can be very verbal and interactive in a social environment, and yet I would NEVER identify with being an extrovert, nor am I likely to be described as an extrovert.

Consider the fact that one of the DEFENSE mechanisms of the introvert is to become highly interactive in a social setting, so as not to be seen as socially withdrawn or "different." (ie. compensation) The introvert can be trying desperately NOT to be identified as such. (Any introverts among us agree?) This is Obama's adaptive strategy.

I can tell the true extrovert from the introvert a mile away. And neither
would really have to say very much. It's a whole modus operandi, a whole way of interfacing with the world.

Introverts absorb and reflect first, extroverts absorb and reflect afterwards.

To say that extroverts rule the world is NOT an exaggeration. Like most dualities, the point is balance. We need more introverts in positions of power.

[seabeyond]

49. well, if that is the case, obama fits intro then i would say there are intro in power

if you look at obama and look at clinton you can see the need of one to be with people and one that doesnt have the need but the ability. i think there are many people that have learned to socially interact when need is there, as you state in your post, yet not have the need to be with people

i have a brother that has to have people around all the time. i dont get it. yet he thinks i am not living because i can never be with people and be happy.

(love this conversation)

[marions ghost]

56. Introverts

need to limit social time. Without having to explain to others why. It should be respected. You've underlined the problem the OP mentions--you are criticized by a brother for not being social all the time. A sibling of all people, you'd think would understand you. This is the blindness.

Because I limit phone calls (voicemail only, but I always respond) and email checking (to maybe every other day), an extrovert friend gives me hell. He says sarcastic things like "IF I can get in touch with you," or "that barrier you have up..." things like that. My "limitations" behavior is simply seen as Wrong.

I think this is the kind of problem the OP is talking about. One's "style" is not perceived as OK by the dominant paradigm.

---------

As far as introvert politicians goes, they have to work VERY hard to overcome it because the bias in America is all to the glad-handers, the back-slappers, the schmoozers--the Front Men.

Having an introvert as Prez is a novelty--Jimmy Carter might have been the last. Gore would have been one.

[seabeyond]

63. then on the other hand, i think my way is so much better, lol. different. that is all

i am on brothers but that so many of his problems stem from his obsessive need to have people around him. my life is calm and mellow and his is anything but.

i dont think either one of us feel our life is inferior adn i think both of us feel the others life falls short.

difference, that is all.

[marions ghost]

70. if your bro has plenty of friends & socializing,

and that's the way he likes it, then why does he think there's something wrong with you, but YOU don't think there's something wrong with HIM?

See--this is why introverts think extroverts are...let's use the word "clueless."

[seabeyond]

74. you miss my point. i think there is a problem with him. i think his need, to the point of causing

issues in his life, is a problem. as he thinks my wanting to not have people around isn't living.

his intense need, not a want or a desire, but he has to have people around causes him all kinds of problems. he isn't discriminatory on who is in his life, as long as it is a body. he spends money he doesn't have, to be able to have those people around. he never has down time, so he can self reflect and evaluate what is up. he creates an intense environment all the time, loud and noisy and i thought not conducive to always have in raising children and has caused them problems.

the many times he is talking to me about the problems in his life i always reduce it to.... get the damn people out of your house. lol

[marions ghost]

91. OK that is more descriptive

about how much this indiscriminate people magnet thing causes a problem for your bro & others around him--sounds like a it's not a small problem. Sounds worse than people who hoard cats. He seems to be someone who craves attention any way he can get it. Maybe he felt neglected at some earlier stage? Maybe it would make some sense to look at what you think is causing his insecurity (not that you can do anything, just to understand better). What in his life is not being filled? Why does he have such a sense of lack? Just food for thought.

OK then--so your way is reasonably healthy, his isn't. That's more than "just different." That's pointing out that extreme extroversion may indicate some serious insecurities.

[seabeyond]

94. oh well, see how perceptive you are. must be cause you are an intro. lol lol

givens with this brother. any attention good or bad, always. we found out as adults my mom would put an extra present under tree for him so he would have one more cause he counted them, and felt deprived, always. rollin eyes. lol. he has always felt he was picked on when reality is the opposite. he never felt he measured up and was never secure regardless how we continually tried pumping him up

the stories he tells today (like we hare half cherokee, he is a bullrider, bah hahahha, had a broken shoulder parents never fixed and told him to tough it out) of what happened in youth that is not even a little true is amazing

i mean he is one messed up dude that is for sure

and love him anyway, ...

but yes, you are right.

[marions ghost]

98. interesting

sounds like he does get his share of love, if only he could feel it. Which is sad. I don't envy people who always operate out of a constant sense of lack.

He's revised history and created a world that allows him to temporarily fill his lack--over and over. Your acceptance is very wise.

[Lesleymo]

42. "Hell is other people at breakfast."

That sums it up for me!!! Great article.

[Sheltiemama]

88. Love it.

The only person I want at breakfast is my Sheltie. Well, sometimes he brings his squeaky man toy with him.

[jxnmsdemguy65]

107. one of my favorite sayings....

the older I get, the more I believe that hell IS other people... drives my xtian friends crazy for me to say that.

[ekelly]

128. I agree. n/t

[wellstone dem]

43. It's about the energy.

At least for me. Many years ago I tested out right in the middle of the introversion/extroversion scale. And that was pretty accurate. I was comfortable by myself, but loved being around people. Then I got a job where all I do all day is talk with people, and I can't shut myself away. A few years later I took the test again, and I was off the scale introvert. My environment changed. I was drained all day by the people around me, I needed time alone to recharge. I imagine that if I had a job where I was alone all day, I would need to be around people to recharge. It's about maintaining balance.

And it's not about being better or worse. My friends who are extroverts talk about how hard it is to be alone. My friends who are introverts talk about how hard it can be to be around people. Both can be problems, or an asset, depending on the circumstance.

[seabeyond]

45. when i worked i often said got my people time during hours. off hours, i pulled the curtains

and wanted to see no one. from friday evening until monday morning, i hid in my house.

agreed. it is about energy and the older i have gotten, the worse i have gotten. finding it damn hard to do kids stuff anymore. did it for decade and half, now i have a very tough time going to their events.

it is the feel of crowd sucking energy dry, lol. where as my brother and hubby get rejuvenated by that energy.

but when i am in a crowd, i am also the center of attention.

interesting, interesting

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

47. Kinda like being an Atheist

I found that being introverted, people will try to "convert" you. "Oh come on, it'll be fun!" "Don't be such a party-pooper." and on and on. Doesn't seem like much, but it is a complete and vicious hammering of the psyche.

I have to accept extro's, why can't they accept me for who I am?

I have fun reading a book. I find great joy in "zenning" out in my garden, alone. I love to just sit and be. I like people to be around, but don't need them to be around.
I am comfortable with being with myself.

Joining DU is an example. I lurked here for years before signing up. It took a great will of effort to click that button and join.

When I was younger, being in retail, I thought something was "wrong" with me. After a day of selling stuff, I hated people, wanted nothing to do with them.
Thinking that I had to break out of that somehow, someway, I started drinking, thinking it would loosen me up. Turned into a huge problem. 25 yrs. sober now.

My wife bless her is really the only one who understands, I'm very lucky in that regard. She is quite a bit more extroverted than I, so I do have to compromise a lot.
But I love her to pieces and suck it up.

Thanks for the OP

[IDemo]

55. I wrote every word of your post

Or could have.

[TalkingDog]

65. I tell people that there is a reason I ended up as an artist.

I can do a job that requires me to sit quietly by myself for hours on end, studying something.

Lighthouse keeper was the next thing on my list......

I got lucky on the spousal front. He is extroverted, but doesn't need huge amounts of social time unlike some of our friend who literally spend all of their lives in contact with other people (my version of hell). He gets some social time at work and we have structured social time (begins at X, ends at X) when his friend come to play music, or he does so at their place. But I'm not required to hang around...wooo!

Have you ever noticed....when you meet new people in a group... you "lurk" there too? Just catching the drift of how they interact with each other so you can figure out how to join in.

Trust me...there are more of us out there than you realize. Read: The Introvert Advantage. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0761123695

Most of this I had already figured out. But some of it was eye opening...the hating to repeat myself thing...as someone said upthread, they had never connected that to introversion. But obviously it is quite common.

Thanks for clicking the join button....Glad to have you here.

[tango-tee]

134. This sounds so familiar!

And before I forget - a belated welcome to DU!

I was a longtime lurker as well, trying to get a feeling for who was who, what positions and values someone stood for, their style of communicating with other posters, etc. I like being here, because I can interact with others on my own inner timetable. At times I can be frisky and enjoy prolonged banter which - if I had to do it in person - would really drain my batteries in no time flat.

My husband and I have found the ideal solution for us: We each have a tiny apartment in the same large building. He lives exactly one floor above me, we see each other every day, talk, cook together, solve problems together, and then we can retreat into our own little worlds.

As I'm sitting here typing this post, I look at the beautiful old trees in the city park across the street, there is silence on this early Sunday morning, and I can look forward to a peaceful day spent by myself, no one but the cat for company, until I go upstairs to cook Sunday dinner with my husband in the late afternoon. This is bliss.

[ensho]

54. around the age of 40 I decided to give up most socializing

as it was mostly boring. (in my younger years I had no problem socializing with lovers lol)

I'll tell people thank you but I rarely socialize. but if I say why - its boring. they think I'm nuts.

I like uninterrupted thought.

most of the things I've done, and enjoyed in my life are solitary things.

my kids were always part of my life. I figured my kids joined me after birth and they were part of my life. I didn't join their life. and I raised them to be independent as adults.

but I have taught classes - not in schools. and enjoyed teaching.

people think I'm snooty and strange. but I'm neither. I just decided that life was too short to do things that didn't interest me. so I stopped doing them.

[Odin2005]

59. Us introverts are treated as if we have something wrong with us.

My mom tried to make me go to social crap I had NO INTEREST IN because she thought she could turn me into an extrovert. :eyes:

Half of humanity is treated as if we were broken, It's sickening. Ours is a society that does not value solitude and just BEING.

[Caretha]

112. Your words hit home

I'm such an introvert, I can't even address the op. It took me 8 yrs to get to 1000 posts on du. (I'm a really really "ol' du timer"). I have yet to ever start my own thread on du, and probably never will, though I do have my own opionions and thoughts..ideas.

I haven't watched tv for over 10 yrs, when I turned it off and said, 'I can't stand that constant buzz any more', it was like...thank gawd...no more noise, and why didn't I do that sooner....oh yeah, there was an extrovert in my life who had to have constant stimulus.

I had a personal crisis this year and needed to talk to a councilor. For the first time in my life, I was told by said councilor ...."it's okay, you are an introvert and that it was normal. It was just like my eyes being green, not something I chose, it just was and it was okay. I didn't have to justify who I was. I didn't have to justify that I enjoyed being a hermit, alone, reading ....reading and reading, books, essays, following my own weird intersts and path, or reading du or anything else that caught my attention.

I have 4 sisters, they are all extroverts. The man I married and finally divorced 10 years ago, and the children we raised....all extroverts. I worked hard for many many years trying to fit into the world of swirl & chaos. It always wore me the f**k out, but I did it anyway, because if I didn't I felt bad about myself, and thought that there was something wrong with me, and why couldn't I live up to all the swirl and whirl and chaos and find the joy?. And then there were those in my world who were always asking me...what's wrong? Or what's wrong with you? Are you okay? How do you say, I love you all so so much, but you are wearing the hell out of me and I don't know why, and please don't take it personally?

I feel more okay than I ever have in my life because just one person in my life, my councilor, said....that is who you are, and you are not a "snob", you are not an "elitist" and you are not even an "hermit". This is what makes you tick and you need to love yourself for you. Not the way someone else perceives you are because something else works for them.
I'm finally ...finally at peace with myself in a way that I have never been, since I was that little girl standing over there in the corner in 1st grade....just watching, with her parents and siblings looking on going....what"s wrong with Cary?

[Odin2005]

115. I suggest you google "Highly Sensitive Person".

I bet the description fits you perfectly. I'm a HSP, too! :)

[Caretha]

124. Thank you...

thank you, I'm feeling so stupid that finally, at my age, i'm learning more about myself than I ever conceived possible. As much as I read & research you would have 'thunk' I would have at least googled HSP or something similar. I took the quick 27 question HSP test and scored 25 out of 27 positives. But no, being in my own self exploratory world I never thought that me (little ol' I), would have been psychoanalyzed on the net...no, I just thought I was some silly one armed weirdo running around all by my little lonesome.

I will back up one step on that previous statement and say that, I have always realized I have had some sort of empath qualitites, because I am able to perceive other's moods & alter mine to meet particular circumstances alter outcomes.

Again..thanks for turning me on to a new avenue of self perception that I can read and ponder.

[tango-tee]

139. There is a great book on HSP.

Often, I feel like a snail without its protective little shell, when I'm exposed to too many people. Naked and vulnerable.

[Bjorn Against]

64. I am an extreme introvert...

Since I got involved in political activism many people have a hard time believing it, but I am very introverted. People who knew me ten years ago can hardly believe what I am doing now because when I was younger I hardly spoke a word, I did everything I could to avoid people and I was even uncomfortable around my few close friends. I had to force myself to start speaking out and getting involved and it was not easy to do, I have done it so many times now that it does not bother me as much as it used to but I am still very introverted and I still have a hard time introducing myself to people. It is very awkward being an introvert when many people naturally assume I am an extrovert.

[TalkingDog]

72. ...many people naturally assume I am an extrovert

Yeah, I get the ...."Nooooo....You?!! You can't be an introvert!" quite a lot.

The fact that I'm loads of fun in the classroom and in small groups, will say most anything that pops into my mind, along with being quick tempered, snarky and stubborn somehow never leaves people with the impression that I really get completely overwhelmed by too much stimulation.

As some upthread have repeatedly assumed, they mistake introversion for shyness or being calm and quiet or, based on one or two comments, with being depressed and withdrawn.

My personality has been described as "peppery".... which I have to assume is a compliment?

They don't see the after effects of a day out among people. And if I have to be too intensely "on" for long periods of time, my health suffers.

So hang in there....it sounds like you are developing some coping skills. Just be sure to stand your ground when you have reached your limit. That was the hardest part for me to learn....when to say: "Okay, I'm over stimulated. I have to go NOW!" without apologies.

[Dappleganger]

82. When an introvert is extremely passionate about something, it gives them courage

which seems almost surreal. I know it's that way with me. If there is an issue which means enough to me (must be VERY strong), mountains cannot hold me back.

As soon as the 'mission' is over, it's back to the safety of the cave. What's important to note is that when an introvert is in 'mission mode' they truly are doing it for others and never for themselves. We'd rather die than be like that.

[tblue]

156. Are you in my head?

That is so true! The one time I ever, ever felt comfortable in public speaking was during the '04 election before a group of about 40 Wes Clark volunteers. I couldn't believe that my heart wasn't racing and my knees weren't shaking.

[Odin2005]

188. Get the fuck outta my head!!!

:rofl:

[LiberalFighter]

69. Extroverts can be irritating when they don't allow others to express themeselves.

[LibDemAlways]

109. My daughter is an introvert (as am I) who has been penalized by teachers for

not participating in group discussions when the truth is she can't get a word in edgewise. I had the same issue in a graduate level English seminar. A few very opinionated extroverts dominated the group, and after the second or third meeting, the professor called me aside and told me if I didn't start contributing she'd have to give me an incomplete. It may have been the easy way out, but I dropped the course. The situation was impossible.

[tango-tee]

136. Group projects in college made me miserable.

Oh, how I hated those. And I'd never even think of participating in team sports.

From the time I was small, I've loved to read and draw and needed a lot of time to myself. Playing with our neighbor's son was fun, we ran through the yards, just being little rambunctious kids... but all that "togetherness" wore me out after a few hours. As an adult, I function well around others - I suppose like other introverts I've learned to put on the social mask to get along in "real life" -, but heaven help me if I can't recharge my batteries by plenty of alone time.

:hi:

[LibDemAlways]

176. I hate group projects. The extroverts simply take over and

your grade becomes dependent on whether or not they do a good job. My daughter had a group project in a high school class last year. The kids worked on it at my house. The two other girls took control and did what I felt was a marginal job. They didn't give my kid anything to do, even though she's an "A" student who could have made a big difference.

Recently in another class the teacher announced that the kids could "partner up" and write an essay together. The teacher was surprised when my daughter explained she'd rather work alone. She received a solid "A." So much for "help."

[tango-tee]

179. Partnering up for an essay?

The thought of that makes me cringe. Writing is such a solitary pursuit to me.

And congrats to your daughter on the "A"!.

[LibDemAlways]

181. Yep, partnering up for an essay with the explanation that

"Two heads are better than one." Uh, no.

[seabeyond]

180. my kids cant get out of the group projects. they hate them. and schools

seem to be doing more and more of group work

[Odin2005]

189. College group work makes me MISERABLE!!!

Introversion + Asperger's + Group Work = DISASTER!!! :banghead:

That crap is a perfect example of how us introverts are treated as of something is wrong with us in our society.

[Lilith Velkor]

200. Tell her to bring a megaphone to class.

I ended up having to do that. I only had to actually use it once, and then the dipshits in my group shut the fuck up and let me talk.

If the professor objects, tell her that you were just making sure she heard you, and you'll happily leave it at home if she assures you she will not punish you for the boorish behavior of others.

[Iggo]

71. I'm nice to introverts by leaving them alone.

It seems to be what they want (it's what I wanted in my pre-gregarious days), and it's easy to give them.

[TalkingDog]

73. The best gift of all...someone who understands you. Thanks! n/t

[Buns_of_Fire]

75. Oh, I'm an introvert and I'm OK...

I work all night and I sleep all day...

(Channeling my inner Greta Garbo, here. Or is it Monty Python? The Full Monty?)

[TalkingDog]

78. I hate the phone. I hide from friends. I don't go into town.

My house is my fortress,
the shades are all pulled down.


...sound like a hit to me....

[Buns_of_Fire]

85. And then we segue right into Paul Simon's "I Am A Rock"...

...Hiding in my room,
Safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me...

I am a rock,
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

Actually, I have to watch it, lest my inherent INFP characteristics lead me right down the path of irreversible hermitness. (Hermitidity? Hermititude? Heck, you know what I mean.)

[LiberalFighter]

184. I rarely get phone calls. Don't need to hide from friends.

I determined years ago there are different levels of social interaction. Even different levels of friends. Close friends that I have are as a result of my activities. Beyond that they don't exist.

I don't go into town unless I absolutely have to. And town is 250k plus. I'm on the fringe and most everything I need is within 3 miles. The city want more people to visit the downtown to help revitalize it. Well the hell with them. I don't care for what is offered.

[marions ghost]

93. the lumberjack

Monty Python :7

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
(He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day)

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavat'ry
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flow'rs
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa

[bananas]

86. The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World

http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/
http://www.amazon.com/dp/0761123695
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51JzmPRvkaL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

[Lydia Leftcoast]

90. I'm fairly sociable, but there comes a time when I need to be alone

I also get overwhelmed in environments like crowded, noisy parties. I avoid crowded, noisy parties but enjoy smaller gatherings of no more than 10 or 12 people.

[tomp]

96. as i understand it, extraversion is the tendency to get energized....

....through exploration of the external world, whereas introversion is the tendency to get energized by exploration of the internal world.

neither is good or bad, better or worse, inherently. in fact, i think jung would say we each have to balance out our weak points--too much one-sidedness may lead to problems.

that being said, as an introvert i do experience the world being run by extraverts. i think that is simply a function of there being about 3 times as many of them as there are introverts.

[tblue37]

97. I am an introvert.

I have a couple of articles on two of my sites that deal with this very issue:

"If I Had Known You Were Coming--I Would Have Left Town"
http://salvoblue.homestead.com/dropin.html

Here is a brief sample of the first few paragraphs of this (predominantly humorous) piece:

There are two types of people in this world: those who drop in unexpectedly to visit other people and those who get dropped in on by the first type. People of the second type never drop in on other people without calling first, and they also hate it when the other type drops in on them. So why do you suppose we can't find a way to get the drop-in folks to drop in on other drop-in folks and leave the rest of us alone?

Yeah, okay, I admit it: I'm a card-carrying member of the second group. At the age of fifty-one, probably more than halfway through my whole life, I have never dropped in unexpectedly to visit anyone. I always call first to see whether a visit would be convenient.

Why is it, then, that I am plagued by hordes of unannounced visitors camping on my doorstep, ignoring my "Do Not Disturb!" sign, pounding longer and louder on the door when I don't answer, and peering suspiciously through my window if I have been incautious enough to leave the drapes open to let the sunshine in?

"Does Not Play Well with Others"
http://teacherblue.homestead.com/playswell.html

And here is a brief sample of the first few paragraphs of this piece. (NOTE: The first paragraph references a Newsweek article from 1998--but since I wrote this rant in 2002, I say in the article that the Newsweek piece was published about 4 years previously--and that would be more like 12 years ago now! I also mention in this piece that I consider George W. Bush to be the poster child for the effect excessive social success can have on a person's intellectual development.)

About four years ago, Newsweek ran a short article about the fact that psychologists were encouraging elementary school teachers to be on the lookout for the child who tended to go off by himself on the playground or in the classroom, rather than participating in group play or other group activities with his peers. Such a child, the mental health experts suggested, might benefit from early intervention--from counseling and perhaps even from medication with Prozac, Zoloft, or other antidepressants.

Well, I was such a child, and now, as a middle-aged woman, I still prefer to go off by myself rather than engage in group activities.

It's not that I don't have friends. I do, and I enjoy spending some of my time with them. But now, as in my childhood, I most enjoy those activities that require solitude: reading, writing, thinking. I am quite certain that if the idea of "early intervention" had been common when as a child I wandered off by myself on the playground, I would have been spotted as someone in desperate need of social and psychological tinkering to help me integrate more successfully with my peers.

BTW, I have 10 public websites where I post innumerable articles and rants about all sorts of topics (~450 spread across the 10 sites). Check out my sites. I bet most of you would find something interesting on at least some of my sites. I write about deafness, ADD/ADHD, teaching and education, parenting and children's issues, grammar and usage, poetry, and essay writing. I also have one site (Out of the Blue) where I post pieces that don't fit into the topics of my 9 dedicated sites, and two where I post funny true anecdotes about children and animals (Kidbits and Pet Tales).

This passage is also from "Does Not Play Well with Others":

In "The Dismal Discussion Class" (http://teacherblue.homestead.com/discussion.html) I complain about the fact that we overvalue gregariousness in the classroom--a student's willingness to talk (even when he has nothing to say) and to show off or otherwise put himself on display. We also undervalue self-effacing intellectual seriousness. Generally speaking, learning is not a performance art, and at the deepest level, intellectual activity is more likely to require solitude than group interaction.

[HughMoran]

101. My dad is an extrovert and I'm an introvert

I always feel like I'm being crushed by an invisible force when I'm visiting my parents. His voice is omnipresent. He almost never stops to care if I'm listening, but if he does figure it out, he's crushed and then plays passive aggressive with me. I love my dad, but the feeling like I'm being shot at the entire time we're in the same room is palpable even now as I type this far away from there. I don't actually want to be an introvert, it's just who I am. Any introverts reading my post also tired of apologizing for being who you are?

[IrishEyes]

102. Introvert

I'm a shy introvert. I have trouble talking to people one on one or in small groups. For some reason I'm never shy when I'm in front of a crowd doing a speech or performing. I can act on stage in front of a crowd with no problem but afterwards when strangers come up to talk to me I blush and stammer. I can't explain it.

[seabeyond]

103. wow. that is interesting, huh. cool. so this is something i didnt think of. shy, not shy

i suppose shy is not inherent to the introvert. shy is all of itself.

i am going to have to do a good all intro and extro.

but funny you can be in front of a group or act and not be bothered.

[Caretha]

120. It really isn't about being "shy"

I live in your neighborhood. I have been on tv, the radio and in the newspaper numerous times for in the past few years. (I don't do it anymore, I disappeared :)) Many people recognize me even today and say, "I've seen you, where do I know you from?". My previous career was very front & center and consisted of me being in the public eye locally on a routine basis. No problem. In fact I'm good at it, but would never choose to do it, if it hadn't been necessary to my livelihood and a cause that I believed in for others.

I did it,and still could if I had to. Because I'm an introvert I had to be coerced into doing it sometimes by the likes of yours & my local media personalities" on channel 4, 7 & 10 ....they held my hand and said, "you have got to do this and you will be fine". I love them all for helping me through those excruciating moments and making it as painless as possible for me. Maybe they understood me in a way that others couldn't. I've often thought because they had to do it for their own career also. After getting to know some of them personally, I found that they (the local tv personalties were introverts too) and we became close friends and I was able to relate with them and they to me.

[tango-tee]

137. Welcome to DU, IrishEyes!

Another poster on this thread wrote that there are people who drop in on others unexpectedly, and then there are other people who are dropped in on.

There is no dropping in on me any more, because I simply won't answer the door bell. As for phone calls... even those close to me have said they feel they need to send a postcard first, asking if it's okay to call... As I've grown older, I've become more reclusive and guard these precious hours I have to myself.

[Blue_Tires]

104. bookmarked for later

[profile this]

105. Sensory Processing Disorder

Not sure if I believe in that, but have read books about it. The disorder thing bothers me.

[TalkingDog]

111. I have a version of that ...Yeah, I don't agree with "disorder" either.

They will keep chunking us down into smaller and smaller groups until each and every person will have an individual "disorder".

My "disorder" is called intersensory discrepancy. It means when I am visually engaged, I don't process aural information. So I can focus visually to the exclusion of people talking to me or most random noises.

Great eh?....well, imagine being at work and reading something that you have to pay attention to and your boss walks in and tells you to do something important. And part of your brain can give a simple verbal, Okay...or something.

And I will have NO MEMORY of ANYTHING that was said to me. My brain just won't process it.

Now given that you don't believe it, how much convincing is my boss or boy friend or husband or just about anybody going to take?

I learned to explain to people that if they needed me to hear something and I was reading or studying something, they would have to make sure I was looking directly at them before they spoke. Weird I know, but trust me, it's less frustrating and much more job keeping that way.

[Odin2005]

116. I have that as an aspect of my Asperger's/Autism.

[nicky187]

108. INTP or INTJ, depending on my mood.

Truer words have never been written than the OP. I hate it when some blowhard extrovert assumes that I'm "weak" or "spineless" just because I'm quiet. More than one has been unpleasantly surprised.

It's like the scene in some Pink Panther movie where Closeau asks an older man, "Does your dog bite?" and the man says "No." Closeau reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. Closeau says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite." The older man replies, "That is not my dog."

[live love laugh]

110. Hahahaaa funny joke. INTP here. More comfortable with my personality

now that I'm older. I am friendly, I often speak in front of groups but I always strive to be concise. I hate windbags.

I must have my "me" time to recharge my battery.

[phrigndumass]

164. Also INTP :)

It does get easier as we grow older, doesn't it? I have a 3:1 ratio ... for every one hour spent among others, I need about three hours of alone time to recharge. This makes me a happy person, lol

Cheers

[GliderGuider]

114. Speaking as an INFP...

I was going to reply to this thread before I noticed how many people there were in it. Now I'm just going to go read a book.

My new soul-mate and I are both INFPs - it's going to be a very interesting relationship.

[tango-tee]

140. Here's wishing you much happiness!

INFJ, here...

[dflprincess]

119. Years ago I read an article describing how medicine is practiced differenlty in different western

countries based on culture.

At the time in the U.S. introverts were more apt to be medicated than were extroverts. In England the reverse was true and an extrovert was more apt to be seen as needing meds.

[TalkingDog]

121. Interesting.

The one factoid I find interesting in the "mental health" differences was that schizophrenics in the UK have more visual hallucinations and in the US more aural (voices, etc).

The theory is that since accent and dialect are vital social cues in the UK that it is more difficult for them to mistake random sensory input for "voices".

In the US we pay more attention to the visual, the surface; so the aural is not as developed or attended to here, leaving room for our brains to misinterpret random noise or aural input.

I wish I could put my hands on that study. It's from years ago.....

[Bryn]

125. I thought I probably had undiagnosed Attention-Deficit Disorder (Adult ADD)

Now I know I'm probably introvert. Interesting!

Look at the list of ADD (without hyper) and ADHD (with hyper) ... similar to introvert and extrovert ???

Symptoms of inattention in kids:

¦Difficulty sustaining attention
¦Doesn’t listen
¦No follow through
¦Can’t organize
¦Loses important items
¦Easily distractible, forgetful

Become these inattentive symptoms in adults:

¦Difficulty sustaining attention – in meetings, reading, paperwork
¦Paralyzing procrastination
¦Slow, inefficient
¦Poor time management
¦Disorganized

Symptoms of hyperactivity in kids:

¦Squirms and fidgets
¦Can’t stay seated
¦Runs/climbs excessively
¦Can’t play/work quietly
¦“On the go” / “Driven by motor”
¦Talks excessively

Become these symptoms of hyperactivity in adults:

¦Workaholic
¦Overscheduled/overwhelmed
¦Self-select very active job
¦Constant activity leading to family tension
¦Talks excessively

Symtoms of impulsivity in kids:

¦Blurts out answers
¦Can’t wait turn
¦Intrudes/interrupts others

Become these symptoms of impulsivity in adults:

¦Low frustration tolerance
¦Quitting jobs
¦Ending relationships
¦Driving too fast
¦Losing temper
¦Addictive personality

[travelingtypist]

126. If you have not, read 'Party of One, The Loners' Manifesto'

It helped me out a lot.

http://books.google.com/books?id=DDZyCfq3PYEC&printsec=frontcover&dq=party+of+one+loners+manifesto&source=bl&ots=Z1ZTgJYJp9&sig=1EU3tMZb6t2Y4MoQw3NEaBGBG-w&hl=en&ei=33zvS6boIoWStgOlvcCrDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CC8Q6AEwAw#v=onepage&q&f=false

[phrigndumass]

165. Good book :)

I dislike the term "loners" though ... I prefer "solo."

[Skittles]

145. I am both

extrovert at work and on DU but in my personal life, extreme introvert

[tango-tee]

154. Ditto here, but only by necessity.

Playing at being an extrovert at work because I have to be interacting with others. But that's only my "mask".

I can also be extroverted here on DU and enjoy the interaction, because I'm allowed to post as I see fit, in accordance with my inner timetable and the people I want to talk with.

Otherwise... it's my tiny apartment, the cat, peace, quiet and solitude. I don't even want to *think* what it would be like living in a large, boisterous family.

[Skittles]

159. you echo me EXACTLY, tango-tee

:hi:

I always say, the only thing that bothers me about being alone is that it doesn't bother me :D

[tango-tee]

160. Odd, isn't it.... here's another one of those moments

when you've never met that other person who is so many miles away, but the two of you just click by being able to say "I *know* how you feel".

Here's to you, skittles! :hi:

[Skittles]

161. back at ya, tango-tee!

:hi:

[Stardust]

147. INFJ here...just curious. How do my fellow introverts feel about Facebook?

I happened to join Facebook "by mistake," i.e. I wanted to view someone else's Facebook for some long-forgotten reason, and winded up joining myself in order to do so. Anyway, to put it bluntly, I just don't care for Facebook. I have to force myself to participate in it. On the other hand, I feel guilty when I don't respond to requests to "friend" someone. Usually those requests come from total strangers or someone I'm not equipped to invest time in. When I joined, I was welcomed in like it's some kind of fabulous clique where everyone's connected and it's all good. I"m thinking those are my extroverted friends.

Anybody else out there conflicted by Facebook?

[Johnny Noshoes]

166. Greetings fellow INFJ...

Yeah I'm on Facebook because of family and I have some friends in the UK - but it really is a monumental waste of time. I'll look in in the morning - see the usual pretty much meaningless dreck and then log out. The UK friends I've had for many years. Her and I started out as penpals nearly 40 years ago. She's been married for ages and we're still friends. Written letters evolved into emails and now into Facebook posts - I miss the written letters.

[Z_I_Peevey]

183. This INFJ is on Facebook

but under an assumed name that only my six (count 'em, six) friends know. Hell, to me, would be to be found by other people.

[Odin2005]

185. This INFJ loves facebook!

Maybe a generation thing, I'm 24. :)

Though one thing I do hate is facebook's chat, I don't like people asking "Sup?" without warning!

[treestar]

192. It has a plus side

It allows you to be social without having to go to parties - keep in touch with people with less effort.

You can choose your time to be on it. It actually helps introverts as a controlled social environment.

[Sherman A1]

157. Thanks for Posting

Interesting piece.

[craigmatic]

158. Alot of this is true. Eventhough I consider myself introverted. I have to say that

people forget that quite a few of the presidents were introverts. Obama is one. So were FDR and reagan. Clinton and the shrub were both extroverts and alot of good that did us.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

162. I alternate between the two.

I like to be alone, and then I like to be around other people for mental stimulation.

Then I have to go rest. Now that I live in the country I don't get enough contact with people other than hubby that I have anything in common with.

I don't like high school sports, or any kind of spectator sports, and I don't go to church. Everyone wants me to go to their church and I refuse. I absolutely cannot stand the obsession with ALL JESUS, ALL THE TIME as a substitute for thinking about reality or learning about the world, for instance.

There are no concerts of any music I would like. Nothin' here but shitkick (yuck) and gospel (double yuck). No art exhibits either. No plays or musicals, except for a town 20 miles away where they do some rehashed old musical I already know.

The town that is twenty miles away is where we have to go twice a week to buy groceries and home supplies.

I had to drive 350 miles to see Billy Joel and Elton John.

The big city is 150 miles from me, and there are two of them.

Therefore, I have no social life.

I live here because the price was right and I needed to get out of the city traffic, and have more room so I could retire and garden and fix up the house. A house that is 130 years old has plenty of funky things that need to be fixed!!

[Jamastiene]

163. K&R

For the life of me, I will never how extroverts can keep from losing their minds with all that commotion around them all the freaking time like that. Solitude is golden. If only more people knew that.

[Technodaoist]

167. 1000+ posts discrimination

I've seen plenty of people get attacked for not having 1000+ posts on this board. As if the sheer volume of crap I could spew would make me more valuable to this board than limited discussion...

Every time someone thinks 1000+ posts means something, they have just alienated another introvert.

[Technodaoist]

169. And yes...

...you might have hit a freeper with your 1000+ post threshold.

My point being there are plenty of reasons people would have less than 1K posts - introversion among them.

[chrisa]

199. Post counts are pretty useless.

Except to those who care.

I've always found the people who waste their time accusing others of being "freeper plants" to be annoying / adding nothing to discussions.

[Delphinus]

170. Anyone here an ISFJ?

I just took the test that was linked and that's what it came up with.

At any rate, I agree with a lot of what the article says.

[Nay]

191. INTJ here. I go in to work with my "actress" face on, fake being an

extrovert for 8 hours, then I come home and collapse. It totally drains me. I look forward to retirement in 3 years -- I don't plan to have contact with anyone from work after that.

I also dislike TV and did not own one until I got married. I do have to put up with that now. When I drive my car, I don't listen to music or CDs -- too much noise!! It irritates me after only a short while.

I dislike repeating myself as well, and I also hate other people repeating stuff! Mr Nay will, for example, pull up to a stoplight and complain about how long it's red -- he has done that a MILLION times, and I'm tired of hearing about how the damn red lights take so long to change! He's 59 years old! The lights have been that way since he was 15! So shut the hell up about it already!!!

When I'm retired, I plan on keeping to myself almost all the time. I figure, since I haven't been able to do that for many years because of work, I will take full advantage of solitude for the rest of my life. I have an outdoor naturalist group that I socialize with; we get along great because nearly all of us are introverted at least a bit, and we all are very perceptive and understand others' introversion. I spend time out in the woods doing bird watching and wildlife mapping, and I am perfectly happy out there in nature and sure as heck don't need people out there with me.

As a child, I often went off by myself, so the teachers tried like hell to "socialize" me. It only made me feel defective, frankly, although as I got older I understood what they were trying to do. They knew that introverts were considered stuck up, egg-heady, nerdy, aloof, etc., and they felt it was their duty to at least teach me to be a little less introverted. What I wish they had done was to explain in plain English that I was an introvert, there was nothing wrong with me, but that most everybody else was an extrovert, and that extroverts ran the world. I would have benefited from acting classes, and having a teacher that taught me how to "act" in social situations and explain to me that most introverts had to learn to do that. Something as simple as practicing social interaction, or even the idea that practice would help, would have at least gotten my mind thinking about it. As it was, I just felt like there was def something wrong with me, and I didn't develop the necessary acting skills until I was in my late 30's and early 40's.

I know that introvert does not necessarily mean shy, but I was shy as well.

I relate to a quote I heard: "I don't hate people, but I have noticed I feel so much better when they are not around."

[Echo In Light]

194. Hmm...a cursory glance at the user names in this thread reveals interesting absences

[Uzybone]

196. I wish I cared about 90% of what most people said

unfortunately most of what they talk about is rubbish. I don't tell them that, I listen and smile and try and get away as fast as possible.

[foxfeet]

197. How the hell did I miss this thread until now?

INTJ here. Guess I was off plotting another of my Mastermind schemes for world domination.

Thanks for posting this. Bookmarking to re-read.

[jp11]

202. I'm pretty awesome to my introvert,

the introvert is I.

*Hugs Gojira*