2009 Major-League A**hole of the Year Award -- RESULTS

[BRB_TheFireball]

Here we go! It's time to reveal the results and the winner of
the 2009 James Danforth Quayle Major-League A**hole of the
Year Award.
Including mine, there were a total of five ballots.

Before I announce those all-important results, we have other
awards to hand out.

As always, we start by announcing the winner of the 2009 Scott
Joseph Theis Internet Douchebaggery Award. This award goes to
the biggest douchebag on the Internets in 2009. Here are this
year's final five nominees for the Internet Douchebaggery
Award:

Pat Buchanan... (audience applause)

Mona Charen... (audience applause)

Sherri Goforth... (audience applause)

Michelle Malkin... (audience applause)

and Newsmax. (audience applause)

And the award goes to...
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Pat Buchanan! (audience applause)

Congratulations, Fuhrer Pat! Enjoy your award and your 100
A**hole Points!

Next up is the 2009 Philip David Derber Religious Hypocrisy
Award. This award goes to the person who talked the most about
biblical principles in 2009 but didn't actually practice them.
Here's are the finalists for the Religious Hypocrisy Award:

Sylvia Allen... (audience applause)

Steven Anderson... (audience applause)

Liberty University... (audience applause)

Carrie Prejean... (audience applause)

and John Shimkus. (audience applause)

And the award goes to...
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Steven Anderson! (audience applause)

Congratulations, "Pastor" Anderson! Enjoy your award
and 100 A**hole Points!

Our final special award is the 2009 Margaret Unnewehr Schott
Sports Jerk of the Year. This one is self-explanatory, so here
are this year's finalists for Sports Jerk of the Year:

LeGarrette Blount... (audience applause)

David Feherty... (audience applause)

Bobby Knight... (audience applause)

Shaquille O'Neal... (audience applause)

and Tiger Woods. (audience applause)

And the award goes to...
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Wow, it's an upset. Shaquille O'Neal! (audience applause)

Congratulations, Shaq! You've won a bunch of weekly awards in
the past, but now you've finally won a yearly award! Enjoy
your new trophy and 100 A**hole Points!

And now... the results of the 2009 Major-League A**hole of the
Year Award. We will work our way to the winner starting at the
bottom.

May I have the first envelope, please? *drumroll* With 1
A**hole Point, our eighth-place finisher is...

Tim Geithner!

Second envelope? *drumroll* With 2 A**hole Points, our
seventh-place finisher is...

John Ensign!

Next? *drumroll* With 3 A**hole Points, our sixth-place
finisher is...

Orly Taitz!

Next? *drumroll* With 5 A**hole Points, our fifth-place
finisher is...

A five-way tie! Bill Kristol, "New York Post", Rick
Perry, Erik Prince, and Mark Sanford!

Next? *drumroll* With 8 A**hole Points, our fourth-place
finisher is...

Lou Dobbs!

Next? *drumroll* With 10 A**hole Points, our third-place
finisher is...

FOX Cartoon News!

Next? *drumroll* With 11 A**hole Points, our runner-up is...

Comedian Boss Limbaugh!

Ohhh, so close to winning his second Major-League A**hole of
the Year Award.

*big drumroll*

May I please have the golden envelope?

Ladies and gentlemen, with 15 A**hole Points, the 2009
Major-League A**hole of the Year is...
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BALLOON BOY'S F**KED-UP DAD, RICHARD HEENE!

This is not a hoax, Richard Heene! You are this year's biggest
dickwad! Congratulations!

Thanks to everybody who participated! See ya'll next year!

[silverojo]

1. One request

Could you edit your post and change your font to the standard one used here at DU? That font you used is really tough on the eyes, so it's hard to read your post.

Thanks. :)