“Jesus Didn’t Destroy Sodom and Gomorrah Just So We Could Try a Terrorist!”

[20score]

The mood was angry and the pace was frantic at Teabag Central this morning. Dick Army, various CEO’s and other grassroots organizers were fielding two or three phones apiece, while simultaneously directing fellow Teabaggers what they were outraged about.

“Just tell ‘em the founding fathers only wanted trials for Christians – tell them it’s in the Constitution… or the Bible – same thing,” shouted Glenn Beck to no one in particular. Within minutes that phrase was on Sarah Palin’s FaceBook page with a thousand people averring that has always been the American way, and only a Communist-Socialist-Fascist-Nazi would dare to say differently.

“Look, I’m busy connecting the dots that prove Nancy Pelosi caused us to burn her in effigy,” said Sean Hannity. “Everyone wants to know why healthcare reform is worse than Osama bin Laden and Hitler combined, well, I’ll have that for you any day now. Talk to my new assistant. Don’t remember his name, I call him Teabagger 143 - used to bring my coffee… really gets what’s going on.”

“But Sean,” I asked. “Doesn’t this bill help the insurance companies as much or more than it helps the average citizen? And isn’t what that what you wanted all along?”

“Commie,” he explained.

“I pride myself on being a constitutional expert, ever since Glenn Beck told me what’s in it six months ago,” said Teabagger 143. “Bet you don’t know that America has never tried a terrorist before Obama?” he said.

“Well, actually there have been hundreds of trails of terrorists, just in the last hundred years,” I said.

“You hate Jesus and America, don’t you?” said 143. “Jesus destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah to stop terrorists – and the gays!” he screamed. “Don’t tell me about the Bible! You don’t know anything!
“Look, I’m just an average guy that fears for his country. If burning Nancy Pelosi, making sure that Muslims and terrorists – same thing in my book - don’t get trials, and assuring people without the right jobs don’t get healthcare, is what it takes to save it… then I’ll do whatever it takes. Our motto is, “As long as we have shovels – there is no such thing as a bottom!”

By: 20score

[MrModerate]

1. Randomicity too high! Must find crossword puzzle or sudoku!! n/t

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[MrModerate]

9. Excuse me, do I know you? n/t

[20score]

7. You rock and you win! No one can beat your satire and jokes!

Oh wait, sorry. Thought you were anybody else on DU.

You know, somebody that done something.
My bad.

[MrModerate]

8. Trying to be funny and not being funny. It's pretty tragic.

But I suspect you'll survive.

[lapfog_1]

2. According to a new theory, Jesus (or God) didn't have anything

to do with destroying Sodom (or Saddam for that matter) and Gomorrah (the "twin cities" - from the play "Vampire Lesbians of Sodom" - a very funny off Broadway play).

It might have been a large non iron asteroid. According to a theory proposed by two British scientists.

They believe that an ancient Sumerian tablet described an event nearly 4000 years ago where an astronomer watches a low angle of attack meteor that came across the middle east, over Greece and the Aegean and struck the swiss alps, the resulting back plume of superheated fragments would have followed the trail back wards all the way to the middle east and "rained fire and brimstone" over the south end of the Dead Sea ( the location near where historic Sodom and Gomorrah are located ). Because the Sumerian astronomer noted exactly the position of various planets and constellations, the two scientists were able to run a computer program to determine the exact time and date of this event that was witnessed.

A similar explanation has been offered for the Tunguska event in 1908, but with a smaller non metallic meteorite (though still large enough to be the equivalent of 15 Hiroshima bombs). The key to both is the LACK of a crater at the impact site (but still large scale devastation) because the superheated rock simply explodes in the lower atmosphere. Thus at the swamp in Tunguska, at the exact center of the square miles of trees knocked down (all pointed away from the center) there is a stand of trees there were burned and stripped of branches, but still standing (because the pressure wave from the blast was directly overhead and so there was no sideways forces applied). It's possible that it was a comet and not a non-iron asteroid, there is still debate about this.

Interesting theory for the Sodom story. Quite possible. Needs the confirmation of finding evidence of a large meteor strike (but unlike iron core asteroids, these rocky asteroids leave little evidence behind).

[suede1]

3. Very good as usual! K & R.

And as usual the people who don't get and can't write satire are here first.

Good job as usual, 20score.

[20score]

5. Thanks, Suede1!

Very appreciated!

[BillDU]

6. Seperation of church and state.

The United States Is not ruled by the Bible.
What don't you understand?

[ihavenobias]

10. US not ruled by the Bible?

Are you sure? I heard Pat Robertson say it was??

;)

[dr.syntax]

11. I do not consider Dick Army or other GOP antics a reason to deny the real threat terrosts present.

to our World. And there are reports that a significant portion
of those freed have returned to the battlefields. And what any
of this has to do with Jesus and such I have no idea.    
...Dr.Syntax

[KG]

12. terra, terra, terra, blah, blah, blah......yawn.

:boring:

[baldguy]

13. Dick Army is a terrorist.

[Flubadubya]

14. Terrorists DO present a threat to the world...

whether Muslim extremists or local home-grown right-wingers such as Timothy McVeigh and Eric Rudolph. All the more reason terrorist suspects should be put on trial in our court system where the truth can come out publicly about them and their heinous deeds.

What good is it to have them tried in military tribunals where the truth about them and their acts is never known?.

What is the right afraid of? :shrug: You tell me.

Seems a little "sunshine" would do this "terror-ridden world" a world of good! :web:

[mmonk]

17. The so called reports are questionable since it was proven they

are all over the board and generally dishonest. Terrorism has been with us before you were born and is not more dangerous than Hitler's Germany or the Soviets were to us. Yet, this country has lost its mind, freedom, and ability to reason because those that wanted to exploit fear for power did.

[Generic Brad]

15. I may not be a biblical scholar, but...

I am 100% certain that Jesus was not present anywhere in the old testament. He had nothing to do with the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Perhaps their motto should be, "As long as we have beliefs - there is no such thing as a fact."

[malaise]

19. Well if people rode dinosaurs

then Jebus may well have been in the old testament destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. :rofl:

[gratuitous]

16. Pretty good, but **ZZZOOOOWWWNNN**

That's the sound of your post going right over some people's heads.

[20score]

20. Thanks!

[DailyGrind51]

18. According to Jerry Falwell, that's exactly what Bin Laden tried to do on 9/11!