Somebody explain this shit to me.

[FlyingSquirrel]

My wife and I have been separated for a year. We each are raising a child from a previous marriage. We each have lost a job and are struggling to make ends meet. We each have applied for cash assistance from the state to pay rent.

Without hardly an eyeblink, they gave my wife $1,500 cash as a one-time deal - no strings attached - (as opposed to the other option of a smaller amount of cash each month, with the requirement that she spend 8 hours per day at the job center).

I went in a few days later - EXACT SAME SITUATION - and wasted an hour and a half in the office of a caseworker (probably not the same one). "Can you borrow money from anyone?" "Can you sell your vehicle?" (Ya, maybe for $200). "You should give up your business and get a job." "I'm sorry, unless you can prove that you'll be able to pay your rent and expenses after we give you assistance, we can't help you."

What the fuck? Am I seeing reverse sexism here, or did I just get unlucky with caseworkers?

:rant:

[paulsby]

1. it's not reverse sexism

the terms reverse sexism and reverse racism are nonsensical.

sexism is discrimination on account of gender.

period.

terms like reverse sexism and reverse racism imply that there is one default kind of sexism/racism. there isn't.

it certainly sounds like sexism, though.

[Statistical]

10. +1. Remove the "reverse". sexism is sexism.

[lumberjack_jeff]

14. It's not "reverse" it's "institutional". n/t

[lumberjack_jeff]

15. self delete - dupe

[lillypaddle]

2. Probably some of both

Incompetent caseworker + some sexism thrown in. Sorry to hear that, is there anyway you can appeal? I hope things get better for you soon. Such a struggle, especially with kids. Good luck.

edited to take the "reverse" out of sexism! :)

[elleng]

3. Appeal.

Sorry. Good Luck.

[ejpoeta]

4. we got that treatment. that's why i get so pissed about the bailouts....

just to get food stamps or any assistance, you have to pretty much be living in a cardboard box. my husband had five shares of walmart stock but no papers for it. What would he have gotten for selling it??? after the cost of getting the papers and the cost they charge you to sell it??? not much. not enough. I don't know why they are giving you a hard time yet your wife got the money.... i am sure they asked her similar questions.... but your situations are the same, the result should be the same. I went in to apply for HEAP and had a lady yell at me for the bill being in my name but my not being married. she went on to tell me he'd never marry me and all this other crap. I was stunned and in tears and ended up just walkng out of there numb.... I called my boyfriend (now husband) and told him what this woman said and he called them and raised holy hell. I went back in ( i didn't want to) the next monday and got the red carpet treatment AND an apology from the woman. I swear!! they aren't in the same boat as you, and they can't lose their jobs for nothing. And they will look at you like you are the scum of the earth. I am sorry for what you are going through. And I hope you can get some relief. Because that is just wrong.

[SergeStorms]

5. Males usually get the short end of the stick........

when it comes to any kind of public assistance. It goes back to the days of men being the primary breadwinner for the family, and women being homemakers. Those days are long past, but not in government bureaucracies. They still think it's the 1950s with Ozzie going to work and Harriett staying home with the boys. It is discrimination, and you should fight it, tooth and claw. It's the only way they'll be made to understand the real changes in today's society. Good luck to you! :hi:

[FSogol]

6. I'm guessing the child lives with your wife? n/t

[JoeyT]

7. I think he meant

They each have a child from a previous marriage living with them.
Both have a child, in other words.

[raccoon]

8. You're trying to run your own business? That may have something to do with this too,

regardless of how much income you're getting out of the business.

[FlyingSquirrel]

16. Ya, that's a difference - my wife and I each have a business

I reported it, she didn't. They're both just very small and most of the income from them is not really traceable. She makes and sells rings, I host karaoke. I really have to learn when absolute honesty is not the best policy.

[raccoon]

18. You and me both. nt

[sinkingfeeling]

9. If you're running your own business, they probably believe you have some assets, even if in the

corporation's name.

[spanone]

11. wanna see sexism? go thru a divorce.

i have 2 male friends going thru divorces right now. both friends wives were caught cheating on them. both friends filed for divorce. both friends lost custody of their children, their homes AND had to pay

their cheating spouses alimony....now that's fair.

[Mari333]

13. yes, I have seen cases like that

it is unfair.

[raccoon]

17. Alimony or child support? Lots of times people confuse them.

Also, IME, most divorced women don't get alimony.

[spanone]

19. no confusion here A L I M O N Y and child support (which i totally agree with)

[redqueen]

20. Yep, that's some straight-up sexist bullshit.

I'm sorry for both of your friends. :(

[spanone]

21. tennessee alimony

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/tennessee/tn_faq01

[redqueen]

22. The examples they give on that page seem reasonable...

but one would think the cheating would be taken into consideration.

[spanone]

25. in both of my friends situations, the cheating didn't matter

[Festivito]

12. Be sure to ask the manager. /nt

[TexasObserver]

23. It is sexism, probably equal parts institutional and personal.

There is nothing in our society involving kids in which men and women are treated equally. Women have the advantage, and it's an uphill climb for men getting the same rights and benefits.

[handmade34]

24. I hate this kind of stuff

I was told once I wouldn't get help for child care was because I was "self-motivated"... long story but I was outraged that if I had been forced to do what I was trying to do, I would have been elgible for all types of help. There is much wrong with our system of giving a person a 'hand-up"