who would take their 14 yr old daughter to monterrey mexico to live for 2 months

[seabeyond]

my brother has been contracted for a job (with oil) and has a job that will require at least two months in monterrey mexico. he will be going back after this trip too. she has been homeschooling. she will be staying in an hotel while he is at work all day.

it is making me sick. i have taken care of this girl so often for such a long time and she is hard. so hard. he goes off with work and i take her. now he has her homeschooling so she wouldnt even be going to school and i would have to have the constant struggle of trying to get her to do her work and her sittin in this house all day without any breaks. love the girl. she is a good girl. but.... she is really really hard. i end up so frustrated and mad i take it out on my kids to not yell at her.

i have done research on monterrey mexico and it appears to be very dangerous. i told husband why doesnt he just take her to the green zone in iraq (he has been offered jobs there too). hubby said he would be more comfortable with that

neither of us want to take the parental responsibility of this girl once again. we could not do her my brothers way,... it isnt working for him, certainly wouldnt work here. but....

i cannot see letting him take her to monterrey.

dont i have an obligation, a must, when a parent isnt being responsible to take over (he is really wanting me to once again. i can feel it. and i put a stop to it a year ago). dont i have to do this

how dangerous is monterrey mexico?

[wildhorses]

1. where is the mother?

:shrug:

[seabeyond]

2. oh... the mother is horrible. nah, the mother isnt in the cards

nope.

[karlrschneider]

3. No more dangerous in general than any other large city.

It's not a border town.

[seabeyond]

7. that wasnt the data i received doing a search of the city. this is why i am posting

for any personal knowledge on this city. from what i am reading guerilla activity is strong in this area and kidnapping of executives high even within the city. crime extraordinarily high. i felt like you prior to doing a search

it would be much easier for me if i could say no more dangerous than any other large city and let it go and let brother take her there. but that is not what i am seeing and that is not the info hubby has on the area.

[karlrschneider]

16. There are parts of it I avoid but the danger is exaggerated.

http://www.agimmobilier.com/resource-center/Monterrey.htm

[dysfunctional press]

4. where's the mother..?

wouldn't both parents have to sign off on taking a minor child to mexico for 2 months?

[seabeyond]

8. the mother is out of the picture. she has no rights. as much as we dont like to believe

there are really bad mothers out there. there are.

[DesertRat]

5. I've been to Monterrey and liked it very much

It's a very interesting, modern city. From what I've heard, it's one of the safest cities in Latin America. Comparing it to the green zone in Iraq is absurd.

Edited to ask: If she is left alone all day, who is homeschooling her?

[seabeyond]

9. when did you go? really i would like to be assured of that, but

that is not what i am reading on the net. if that is the case, then to let brother take daughter is fine with me. this is not about "bashing" a foriegn city adn being unpc. i would love for it to be as you say.

[DesertRat]

12. I went in 2005. I used the same caution that I would in any large city

in the world. Visitors shouldn't wander alone at night, which I'd suggest also in any major city. I actually feel safer in Mexican cities than I do in some cities here.

[seabeyond]

14. cool to know. and that wasnt that long ago. thanks. i appreciate

she will have her father in evenings and nights and weekends.

[Kali]

6. I doubt if Monterrey is any more dangerous than anywhere else

US or Mexico. Having said that, 14 year old alone anywhere all day?...Not such a good idea.

[Clark2008]

10. I would because of the learning experience.

Any large city can be dangerous and I do understand that you will miss your niece, but I think it would be a good experience for her.

If you'll take just a wee bit of gentle and constructive criticism (and I do mean this with a kind heart), I simply think you're trying to justify your missing her by overblowing the dangers of this particular city. I understand how attached we can get to children - whether our own children or those who are so close to us they might as well be our own children.

It could very well be that Monterrey, Mexico is dangerous, but it's not more dangerous than most.

Here's a top 10 list:

Most Dangerous Destinations 2006
• Afghanistan
• Burundi
• Cote d'Ivoire
• Democratic Republic of the Congo
• Soviet Georgia
• Haiti
• Iraq
• Liberia
• Pakistan
• Papua New Guinea
• Russia (Chechnya)
• Somalia
• Sudan
• Zimbabwe

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11416638/

I hope this helps. And, again, I'm not trying to scold you. I completely understand that you will miss your niece and it sounds as though her own parents haven't been the best parents in the world, but I also think you're taking it personally.

Best of luck to you!

[seabeyond]

13. lol lol clark,... you are soooo off. i really dont want to raise her. not my job

and i get her enough visits, not a matter of missing her. again i love her, but she is so much work. nah.... it is all about whether this is a safe enough place for her. i am all for her traveling with her father exactly for the reasons you express. and felt that way for her adventures. i am really only considering taking her if this is an environment a child should not be placed. and i would be doing it out of a responsibility, not cause i want to. i dont want to do it.

thanks for the list. helps anyway.

[Clark2008]

24. OK - I'll take you at your word.

And I didn't mean to imply that you wanted to raise her - just that you wanted to see her and have her near.

Maybe it was the way you worded it - it sounded as though your closeness to your niece might be hampering your willingness to accept her father's decision. That's all. No harm!

But, I'm glad the list helped. :hi:

[seabeyond]

27. hse is my niece. i have kids of my own. nope,....

god blessed me with two boys for a reason, wink

[Clark2008]

41. Oh, trust me! I know.

I have a boy and am expecting a girl. I'm scared to death. Boys, I know about. I was a tomboy. Girls - not so much. Even when I WAS a little girl, I didn't act much like one. I liked to ride horses in rodeos with my Mom, work on cars with my Dad and play with toy cars, salamanders and crawdads. I know how to shop for my son, but I look at girls toys and clothes in the magazines and online and simply can't find something I think is, well, fun (other than boys toys. LOL!

Since God has seen fit to bless me with a girl, I just hope she's a tough cookie like her Mama. :)

[seabeyond]

43. bah hahahah. that is funny. i hear ya. at least niece isnt a girlie girl

but she is 14. and she sure knows how to rolls those eyes. on one of her stays here she rolled those eyes at me and i turned on her. was on her like nuthin. rage went thru me. my little boys had yet to ever roll eyes. lol lol loll. later hubby told me youngest needed to pee. they were in kitchen way other end of the house. but daddy i gotta go. i wouldnt do it son. i would stay out of the back of the house right now. lol lol. one of our loving stories of rememberance we now giggle over at family get togethers, wink.

hey.... have a blast with the little girl to come. some of me is a littttttle jealous,

[Clark2008]

46. My husband wanted a little girl.

I have my "Mommy's Boy," so it's only quite fair that he get his "Daddy's Girl."

However, I think he doesn't realize what he's in for. Not to be sexist against my own gender, but girls simply, as a rule (and not every one of them by far), have sharper tongues, rebel more and push their parents buttons more than boys. Again - this is a generalization and one I would only say out loud having been a teenaged girl at one time.

I completely understand what you're saying about how "hard" this girl is. I was a tough nut, too, at 14.

[seabeyond]

47. that is what i tell my husband. the opportunity he misses not having a daughter

there is no more special bond for a male, i believe. very very special. i know it was for my father and i and i am sorry he doesnt get to experience it. but then like he says what i dont know, i dont miss. ya... it is special

bossy. little girls, oh so bossy, consistently i have found, wink. have a blast. lol lol. you will do great, i just know.

my oldest so happy and full of light all the time. for my second i said to universe, i want a serious child. ooooosh... that is what i got. lol lol. serious children are a lot of work too. those happy and always smiling children, pretty darn easy. but... that second child, as hard as he is, awfully special

thanks for your posts. how much onger do you have. seems like you have been preg FOREVER

[pnwmom]

23. We're talking about a 14 year old girl alone in a hotel all day

in a strange city where she doesn't speak the native language.

Seabeyond has very reasonable concerns about her well-being.

[seabeyond]

30. i THOUGHT so.... geez. lol lol llol. thanks. not like i WANT to be in this position

i told hubby,... he had to be my conscience. as an adult, even if i dont want to have her here for this time, do i need to put the offer out. foreign country. if something goes wrong, .... how do i get her out on her own. how safe. i mean

i dont wanna. but.... is it selfish of me NOT to do it.

[mitchtv]

80. No Colombia?

It used to be 1 or 2

[AnnInLa]

11. Overreaction?

I travel back and forth to Mexico all of the time, and while I am not familiar with Monterrey, have been to many parts of MX, and know it not to be any more dangerous than any other part of the world. You hear all kinds of horror stories about the danger of MX, but I have never found it to be true....in fact, I feel more safe there than I do at home. Why don't you join a Monterrey message board (google it) and ask people who are more familiar with that city? Is there any possibility that it could be a good experience for her? Any chance that she could benefit from an experiencing a culture other than her own? It would very simple for him to arrange for a Mexican lady to stay with her while he is at work, even show her around. Most Mexicans speak English at least somewhat, and I don't think that would be a barrier to her making the most out of a stay in fabulous Mexico. Just my opinion.

[seabeyond]

15. could be overreaction hence my post about those that have experienced the area

i too have been in different parts of mexico. people really making the assumptions that it is because i am "dissing" mexico as a whole or whatever. that is not what i am doing. you make many good points though, so thank you for your post. i am hoping he will be able to do exactly what you suggest and be able to find a female to hire to give her the experience of the town

one of the things talking to him yesterday is it seems those that work for this large company, that knows he is taking his daughter and know the area are concerned. that is why i became concerned

but it is a good suggest to go to a monterrey board. thank you.

[Marie26]

17. No more than anywhere else

Monterrey is a very interesting city - it's a major industrial city, and a major university city. Mexico's most prestigious universities are located there, so there's a lot of young people & culture. You'd have to be careful there the same way you would in any major city, but comparing it to the Green Zone is way over the top.

I googled it quickly & came up w/this on Wikipedia:

"Public safety"

"Monterrey was ranked as the most secure city in Latin America <13> and Mexico in 2005, and one of the two most secure in 2006. It is the only large metropolitan area of Mexico that boasts crime rates below the national average. Nuevo Leσn state's capital, the metropolitan area and 2 of its surrounding municipalities (Salinas Victoria and Santiago) reported 8,034 crimes for every 100,000 people in 2004, whereas the national average of criminal incidence was 11,246 for every 100,000 people."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monterrey#_note-8

[Cleita]

18. Monterey is a lovely place and no more dangerous than

Washington, D. C.. I don't think any terrorists are thinking of Monterey as a target. Not only that, he can probably put her in a private school there or hire a nanny for her who will be able to navigate the customs and language for her and keep her out of the bad parts of town like any city has. Dollars in Mexico buy a lot more than they do up here.

[seabeyond]

19. sounds like you have been there. good to know. now on the dollar

buying more issue. lol lol. i have heard that so often that when i did make it to mexico the last couple times i was disappointed that this was no way correct. (has nothing to do with the op). we went to akumal a couple times recently and i was surprised how the dolar didnt go further. at first thought because of tourist area, but second visit we went outside of tourist area to grocery stores and bummed cause it really made me wonder how the citizens survived on their pay.

but with all these posts (though many not thru direct experience) i do feel more comfortable. i can handle a major city. i dont want an out of control environment.

[Warpy]

20. Think of what she has to gain!

She will undoubtedly make friends in private school and she'll have one of the nicest cities in Mexico to explore. The food is fantastic, the museums are excellent.

I'd have killed for such an opportunity at that age!

Would you say the same thing about NYC or Chicago or LA?

[seabeyond]

22. no, i would not say the same thing about those areas, but then i would not have

read the same things about those areas. if i had read the same things about those areas, i would say the same thing, wink. i am not about dissing foriegn lands, nor depriving a child the experience of other cultures. i embrace thaqt. revel in it. i am solely concerned about what i read about guerilla groups, kidnapping, cost being killed, high crime rate ect... hence my concern and wanting to get a pespective from those that might actually be in the area

being well informed when it comes to the dafety of my 14 yr old niece.... that is all

and if i need to keep her here because3 it was a hot spot, then regardless of my desire or want, that would be the responsible thing to do

but, since i am being told it is no more than a chicago.... then i am all for it and i can do it without worry.

thanks

[pnwmom]

26. The brother's not talking about a private school, he's homeschooling her.

And planning on leaving her alone in a hotel room all day.

Doesn't sound very good to me.

[Warpy]

39. No, he needs to hire someone to accompany her then

someone who will show her the museums and markets.

Expecting a 14 year old to stay cooped up in a hotel room all day is asking for trouble. No self respecting kid is going to avoid sneaking out.

[pnwmom]

40. That's what I think, too, Warpy. No 14 year old is going to sit inside alone

all day.

And if she did, that would be worrisome, too.

[seabeyond]

44. ya..... lol lol

and why i laugh is this is just the crux of it i was talking just a week ago with hubby. if he doesnt want to raise the girl, do i have to do it

[mitchtv]

83. you got that right

Latin America is no place for a solo minor of either sex. It could be a great experience if properly supervised. Cleita had it right a school and babysitter er houskeeper

[aikoaiko]

21. All your brother needs to do is hire a competent professional to supervise your neice.

There are English speaking private schools in the big cities like Monterey.

Honestly, as her aunt, you are required to give your brother his opinion, but other than that you would be meddling. Bringing a teenager to Mexico is no where near the threshold for challenging custodial rights.

I've not heard of guerrillas in Monterey.

[seabeyond]

25. lots of assumption. i have taken care of his daughter for years

when he has needed me to. that is what family does. nowhere near me trying to take her away from her father. i WANT her father to get on with raising the girl. if i put the offer out to take his daughter he would jump on it. a stable home, my two sons that are like brother to her, a husband that treats her well and he and i set excellent example as a family. nah.... this is not about any of that.

i merely want ot make sure this is a workable envirnoment for niece and brother and that i dont NEED to offer my home for the next two or three months

[pnwmom]

29. I hear you, seabeyond.

A lot of people here seem to be promoting the private school option, though you made it clear he has been homeschooling her. How has he been doing that when he works all day?

And how is he planning on managing her education in Mexico. Does he expect her to sit all day in the hotel room studying by herself? Or is he going to be hiring a teacher? Or is private school a possibility?

[seabeyond]

31. sittin in a hotel studying on her own. but then

that isnt any different than what he is doing now with her in houston.

a private school i think would be a little better. but that is the choices he is making for her. i am more on the city. from what i read seemed to me in recent time has become a hot spot. and his employers not that comfortable with her going. and how do i get her out if there is a problem. and is it just safer to keep her here. if i dont have to, i wont.

[pnwmom]

36. Is she isolated in a hotel in Houston, too?

Or are they living in an apartment or house there? Does she have any friends?

What a tough situation for you to be in. I feel for you, I really do. It sounds like she's a hard kid to have around, and I don't blame you at all for not wanting to take that extra responsibility on. . . and at the same time, I know why you are feeling a pressure inside yourself to make the offer.

How does your husband feel, overall? And how do your own kids feel? Because they're all a big part of this.

And when will this be happening? Will it be during the school year, or just the summer?

[seabeyond]

42. oh pn you dont know. i have to decide today to make the offer

hence my getting other opinions. he bought a fifth wheeler and they live in trailer parks. he gets her in activities, but she is limited on that.

it is tough. she was here for a couple weeks just a week ago. talking to hubby, not working what they are doing, neither happy, neither making it work, do i take her. both would be happy if i do. BUT... everything he wants for her, i cant do. i cant home school. i cant make the demands he does on her, hence their problems now.

my husband doesnt want to do her any more than i, but he feels like me a responsibility and told me today, he supports me, what i decide. he doesnt like her going to monterrey that is for sure

kids,.... they al love each other. have strong bond. more like sibling but shifts everything for al of us including them. she takes so much work i spend 80% of my time focused on her and not my own. happens every time.

i dont know

you know

family, gotta love them

[aikoaiko]

61. Sorry, I guess I misunderstood what you meant by stopping him from taking her to Mexico.

The only way I would know to stop a parent from taking a child out of the country is challenge custodial rights. And taking her to Mexico doesn't seem to be enough of a reason to warrant that.

Good luck. I hope she gets properly educated and supervised.

[Madspirit]

28. I LOVE Monterrey!

...but I would not leave a young girl there to her own devices. It is the only place I have ever been walking down the street, a main street, in the middle of the day and had a man grab both my boobs. I was just stunned.

It's a great city, a lot of fun, a lot of culture but a young girl, all by herself most of the day...does not sound that good to me. I am not being racist. As I said, I love Monterrey but I would not drop a young girl into any giant strange city, without some supervision. The boob incident could happen in any giant city too.

Does she speak the language? That would make a big difference.
Lee

[seabeyond]

33. no she doesnt speak the language

i think many are thinking i have qualms cause i am racist. lol lol. not what this post is about. it is about if monterrey is having unrest right now.

[Madspirit]

48. I didn't think

I didn't think you were being a racist. It would be scary to send a kid off to an unfamiliar country where she doesn't even speak the language.

I'm a Texan so I've been to Mexico bunches. I love it but it is culturally very different. It also depends on her maturity.
Lee

[seabeyond]

49. thanks,

i am in texas too. up in the panhandle. a californian living in amarillo. joy, wink.

[DesertRat]

50. My teenaged daughter had a similar "boob" incident

in Florence, Italy!

[Madspirit]

79. It was unnerving...

Normally I am an "in your face" person, if you insult me or scare me or whatever but this was such a shock I just stood there...kind of stunned. I didn't freak or anything but it was rather unsettling. I hope you daughter was OK.
Lee

[DesertRat]

85. Thanks, yes she was

It all happened so quickly and the guy hurried on his way. I was once pinched on the bottom in the Rome airport! :mad:

[Igel]

32. Tell him to find a nanny for the day.

I'm assuming he'll have decent hours--8 to 5 or 9 to 5, not 8 am to 11 pm Sunday-Saturday.

A coworker should be able to track down a friend of a friend that (a) will be fairly responsible and (b) won't take advantage of her or him.

[seabeyond]

34. he has talked about that at the beginning. but didnt talk about it last call

i really think he was giving me info so i would feel the responsibility to offer to take her. i will put this to him again, a reminder that he can easily do this. yes. thank you

[pnwmom]

37. I suspect that you're right. He may be trying to manipulate you.

Especially if he tells you that he's planning on leaving her alone all day and that his employer thinks that she won't be safe. If he's so concerned, why doesn't he make other arrangements for her then? And why on earth is he so insistent on home schooling -- which in her case, amounts to child neglect. Homeschooling doesn't mean being left alone all day.

[seabeyond]

45. so

because it is a child, and he is doing this,.... is it beholden on me to take her

[Nay]

35. The company your brother works for must have other employees'

kids that need to be schooled -- why not find out where the local executives of that company send their kids, and recommend that for your niece? She could go to an English school (I'm sure there are several), be supervised, and have a really fun and cultural experience.

No way should she be stuck in a hotel room by herself.

The only other alternative is to hire a (female) English-speaking tutor to give her some schoolwork mixed in with LOTS of outside cultural experiences. This would probably not cost too much.

[seabeyond]

38. i tried talking him into getting her back into school.

boarding school, private school. not gonna work. IF she came here i would put her right into the school system for the next month and half. the best i can suggest is hire a tutor like you and others have suggested. he will do that.

there are reasons he took her out of school that has to do with the girl. though i dont agree and i think he has places to own in all that, not my business, not my child, not my decisions.

i am really only asking about if i need to offer my home (cause i kow that is what he ultimately wants), or opinions if others think i can let her go in good conscience.

[bklyncowgirl]

51. It sounds like a great opportunity for her IF puts her into a school where she can make friends

Wow, a chance to live in another country for a few months at age 14. If she can meet local kids and their families she'll gain a great deal of knowledge about the culture. She's at the right age to pick up some of the language fast.

If the idea is that she sits in a hotel room by herself all day that would not be a good thing. Frankly, in any city, I wouldn't leave a young girl alone in a hotel room all day in the U.S. let alone Mexico.

I've never been to Monterrey but I've traveled in Mexico alone several times taking local buses and sleeping in cheap hotels. As long as you're careful and aware of your surroundings it's pretty safe. Most Mexicans are terrific people.

[seabeyond]

52. Most Mexicans are terrific people

that is for sure. the couple times i have been to mexico what bothered me the most is i couldnt speak the language. i told son, they are all so kind and nice (we were in akumal area with a lot of the mayan culture) and they had such beautiful smiles. i love people. they loved us. lol lol. we tried so hard to talk to one another and i swear, we both did the same. we both slowed speech, we both started talking louder hoping that would help communication. was funny. told son i am not going back until i learn enough to talk some. was hard on me.

with my love of people, i feel that about all ethnic groups i have run into. i have yet to find a mean people.

[bklyncowgirl]

56. The Mayan people are pretty special.

My first memory of Mexico was being on a ferry heading over to Isla Mujeres and realizing that they guy piloting the boat could have stepped off of one of the Mayan reliefs I'd studied in college.

I've always loved being in the Yucatan. Mind you this was many years ago but I remember the locals being among the most honest, nicest folks you'd ever want to meet. Most were poor, living in single room huts, no indoor plumbing, etc. Some had only limited Spanish and spoke the native dialect but every compound was clean and you never saw a kid in dirty clothes--every house had a stone slab upon which the lady of the house would wash those clothes until they gleamed.

A Mexico City architect who I met at a campground once told me that in the schools they don't teach the achievements of the Mayan civilization--it's all Aztecs all the time. Hopefully things have changed and children from all over Mexico learn of the achievements of this culture.

I'd love for this girl's father to make sure that she has a safe and educational time when she goes to Mexico--it's an experience that should last a lifetime.

[seabeyond]

59. he is a traveler always has been i see always wll be. that is something

he and i have discussed would be a real asset and what he sees that he gives to the child. he is also a father and there is concern for the area and her safety which led me to the op. at first it was going to be like 3,4 day trips to monterrey. and the same to brazil every 6 weeks. two months is a diffrent story and he was talking about unrest there.

but i agree. he almost got a job in italy. almost had a trip to france for a week. but this is exactly (he is a romantic) how he wants to raise her. intentions are good

and yes what you say about the mayans. i felt the same

[joshcryer]

53. I'm going to get in trouble, but I thought this thread was asking...

...if anyone wanted to have their 14 year old daughter for 2 months. :P

[seabeyond]

54. funny. i did ask the gal at the wendy's window last night if she wanted two boys

for a couple hours. maybe put them to work. she suggested they wash the dishes

[mzteris]

55. Question for clarification -

what is so "hard" about her?

[seabeyond]

57. she is a good kid. smart, kind. the work is the same with what i see as most kids

here she is 14 and have to tell her to change clothes, brush teeth, check teeth, tell her to rebrush teeth, shower... use soap on face and body, shampoo in hair then check it when she gets out cause probably she didnt do either. has no interest in anything. will sit there for 15 hours if allowed.

she lies, about everything.

she is needy. that is understandable with the first handful of years she had with her mom

she is work. like most all kids are. mine are less work than she is. i can count on them doing their school work, staying on top of it. getting good grades and putting forth effort and pride in what they do. she wont. i still have to tell kids to brush teeth and check and then i rebrush them. but i have to do with her too, at 14.

to be honest i do not see this so much as her problem. i see it as my brothers. regardless of the child a parent figures it out, does the work, with love. i could do this girl. i treat her the same as mine.

i tell my brother of all the things about her, she is 14 and dont have any of the drinking, drugs, smoking, sex or hanging out with bad crowd like so many kids.

that is one of my struggles with all this. i can bring her in here and give her the normal. put her in school. be around all day and watch she does the hygeine (the same with mine) and be there to take the books or instrument to school, or lunch she forgot, and do all the things a parent does with a child who needs them to. she could have friends, hang with them.

but she is work, lol lol.

[DesertRat]

64. One of the reasons that she doesn't care about hygiene

is because she is at home all day and not with peers. Usually all it takes is a classmate telling her that she stinks or her hair is greasy to cure that problem. :)

[seabeyond]

65. lol desert rat i hear ya as that making an impact. and maybe that is what

it would take. but this has been going on for a long time. i really dont get it. she has only recently (shy of a year) started the homeschooling. now... could be no peer saying anything is cause her father and i are always sending her back in if she doesnt do it. so really she hasnt had to incur such an insult. and maybe if we werent on her tush all the time, allowed her to be stinky and dirty a friend would say something and that would be her lesson.

a thought.

[DesertRat]

75. It's called natural consequences

Works much better than nagging. :-)

[seabeyond]

76. i think you might be onto something. might try my own and not nag to

brush teeth. especially the one that is 12 and just interested in girls, lol lol.

on edit: i just told son. to be stinky and dirty and have kids say eeeew, and thru humiliation and embarrassment.... he says,.... hm... that might work.

[Hippo_Tron]

91. She's right about that age where some kids get hygiene some don't

It wasn't until about age 13 or 14 when I started realizing that it's important to shower every day, not every other day. It wasn't until high school that I realized that playing basketball in 90 degree heat during lunchtime and then going back to class all sweaty wasn't the greatest idea.

Assuming you do end up looking after her for a few months, I'd watch out for the bad crowd thing because that's the age where that can start to happen.

[seabeyond]

92. kids end up at my house. i do the running around. they spend the night here

so i get to keep a good eye on the friends and what is up. i never say no to them coming to my house. really though, knowing her friends in this area, she does hang with good kids. so much of it, i really do see as just kid stuff. she may be less motivated than most, but it is a challenge for most parents.

[seabeyond]

62. i re read my post. that is probably what you are referring to

what makes it so hard when she comes here is it changes the dynamics. my oldest is no longer the oldest. kids can now side with each other. it is unsettling and we all have to adjust. but i think what makes the frustration level so high, my brother has high expectations of her and me doing what he wants with her, which i respect, but what he demands of the child is not what i would demand of a kid. so i have to do what he wants with her, (not my way) and she bulks, ergo the battles.

[Horse with no Name]

58. I think it is actually a nice place

From what I have heard.

[seabeyond]

60. good. everyone is making me feel much better about backing off n/t

[seabeyond]

63. UPDATE: a friend sent sites, doesnt sound like major U.S. cities. sounds scary

travel warnings and warden messages
Rising level of brutal violence in areas of Mexico


This message alerts U.S. citizens to the rising level of brutal violence in areas of Mexico. This violence has occurred throughout Mexico, but has been particularly persistent in the city of Nuevo Laredo within the state of Tamaulipas. Americans residing and traveling in Mexico should exercise extreme caution when in unfamiliar areas and be aware of their surroundings at all times.

Public sources suggest that narcotics-related violence has claimed 1,500 lives in Mexico this year. In recent months there have been execution-style murders of Mexican and U.S. citizens in Tamaulipas (particularly Nuevo Laredo), Michoacan, Baja California, Guerrero and other states. U.S. citizens have also been involved in random shootings on major highways outside of Mexico City, Nuevo Laredo, Tijuana and other areas throughout Mexico. In recent years there have been dozens of kidnappings involving U.S. citizens in Nuevo Laredo with more than two dozen cases still unresolved; recent incidents indicate a possible resurgence of kidnappings for ransom. Mexican police, as well as other government figures, have been murdered in Guerrero, Nuevo Leon, the Federal District, Tamaulipas and other states. Drug cartel members have been known to follow and harass U.S. citizens traveling in their vehicles, particularly in border areas including Nuevo Laredo and Matamoros.

Though there is no evidence that U.S. citizens are targeted, criminals look for every opportunity to take advantage of unwary travelers. If you feel you are being followed, you should notify officials as soon as possible. U.S. citizens should make every attempt to travel on main roads during daylight hours, particularly the toll (“cuota”) roads, which are generally more secure. It is preferable for U.S. citizens to stay in well-known tourist destinations and tourist areas of the cities with more adequate security, and provide an itinerary to a friend or family member not traveling with you. U.S. citizens should refrain from displaying expensive-looking jewelry, large amounts of money, or other valuable items.

For the latest security information, Americans traveling abroad should regularly monitor the Department's Internet web site at http://travel.state.gov where the current Worldwide Caution Public Announcement, Travel Warnings and Public Announcements can be found. Up to date information on security can also be obtained by calling 1-888-407-4747 toll free in the United States, or, for callers from Mexico, a regular toll line at 001-202-501-4444. These numbers are available from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday (except U.S. federal holidays). American citizens traveling or residing overseas are encouraged to register with the appropriate U.S. Embassy or Consulate on the State Department's travel registration website at https://travelregistration.state.gov. For any emergencies involving American citizens, please contact the U.S. Embassy in Mexico City:
Office of Citizens' Consular Services
Reforma Ave 305
Col. Cuauhtemoc
Mexico, D. F.
Mexico CP 06500
Tel: <011-52>(55) 5080-2000
or
e-mail: [email protected]

Consulates (see also Consulate websites):

[nadinbrzezinski]

69. We were in Mexico City when this alert came through the

wire....

Both my brother in law and I had the same reaction, raucus laughter

Look, she is fourteen right? She is not going to be involved with any shifty characters from the Cartel del Golfo, is she?

If you are involved in certain rather ilegal businesses your chances of getting into trouble go up exponentially... but otherwise, cities in Mexico tend to be no more dangerous than any large city in the US.

Oh and she will also learn some Spanish to boot

[seabeyond]

71. i dont think in responding my my concerns warrants your disdain

what an attitude.

i would value your experience a great deal. i would appreciate a comfort in knowing that having been in mexico city at the time of the alert you still had no qualms. but i am not so appreciative of the tone in you post. i dont think it is necessary, except to be an ass. why?

[nadinbrzezinski]

73. Should I use any smileys?

Look the bush administration has been scaring the living daylights out of Ameircans for the last six years

And our reaction was due to the fact that the alert came at the same time that they were having some problems with the current president of Mexico over the usual suspect, ilegal immigration

I don't believe in coincidences.

By the way, trying to assuage your fears, but I see that what are knowledgable posts seem to you as snarky or condescending

Granted, I woudl not keep her in a hotel room all day... but I think your fears are exagerated.

[seabeyond]

74. because it is necessary to question if 14 yr old niece will get involved with a

cartel. not snarky there. nah.

the post states that american have had problems, be careful on the roads ect... those are legitimate concerns. any fool reading it with a niece going down there, just a father and no one to help out if something happens to him, and an inability to get the niece on a plane and back over a border should at least be a tad concerned.

my concerns, (not fears) may be well exaggerated. hence a post to receive first hand information from those that have experienced the city.

[nadinbrzezinski]

77. For the record 14 year olds have, American 14 year olds

In the bizz they are known as mulas, mules... perfect for transport of drugs across international borders... I am sure you've seen that, or rather not. My work in EMS opened my eyes to a whole vista that I am sure you are not even aware exists...

and as to the nature of the alert, applies anywhere in the world...

Be careful on the roads in a foreign country is a give me.

Be aware of your surroundings is a give me

Don't go to certain neighborhoods is a give me

Hell there was a crash on the road to Queretaro and a Canadian ended up in the Hospital, that could have happened to him in Ontario, but oh never mind.

You don't travel much abroad, do you?

[seabeyond]

78. well, again from the tone of your post, you pretty much have a whole scenerio

you are playing out here that realy has nothing to do with me, my family or my concerns

[nadinbrzezinski]

81. Let me repeat it slowly

once again

Unless she gets involved with some unsavory characters, (the Cartel del Golfo) she should be very safe.

Now I spelled out what it would take for her to be involved in the wars between the cartels and the danger to her and her father

Apparently I have to ONCE AGAIN spell it out

UNLESS SHE GETS INVOLVED WITH UNSAVORY CHARACTERS SHE SHOULD BE SAFE

What part of UNLESS SHE GETS INVOLVED WITH UNSAVORY CHARACTERS SHE SHOULD BE SAFE are you purposely missing?

I'm done with you since you are looking for reasons to think Monterrey is more dangerous than I don't know DC... (proper comparison after all, similar murder rates and all of that)

[seabeyond]

82. i thanked you for info a good three posts ago. yet still

you post with scorn, disdain and insult then dare to tell me my problem. right

again, i thank you for personal information on the environment allowing me to feel more comfortable with my niece going down there with her father, along with the other posts on this thread.

[nadinbrzezinski]

87. I guess we need smileys (nt)

[nadinbrzezinski]

66. Monterry is no more dangerous for the average person

than any major city in the United States.

Is she going to do business with the Cartel del Golfo? No.

[Madspirit]

67. She

She does not speak the language. That in itself makes her more vulnerable.
Lee

[seabeyond]

68. read post #63. people are being awfully snarky because i am concerned

an area of the world may be in upheavel at this moment, and i would like a little reassurance that my brother is not placing niece in a dangerous situation. i am really surprised the consistency in the posts in attacks toward my "motive" when really it appears to me to be the responsible thing to do, to check out ones environment before getting oneself in a bad situation.

but really, ... thank you for your concern

[nadinbrzezinski]

70. this is not snarkiness

I was in Mexico oh two days ago.

I grew up down there. I also was a member of EMS in a city that is considered the most dangerous city in Mexico (Tijuana)... and for the most part tourists are left alone and considered neutral parties in the constant wars between the cartels. Now EMS personnel are not, and I have been shot at more times than I care to remember, but tourists, are considered pretty much neutral parties.

And as long as she does not get involved with some unsavory characters she SHOULD be fine, that is the operative word. She will not be in any more danger than in any major US City, such as LA or DC

There are areas of town she should not go to, but that works here too.

So if you think we are being snarky... oh well, spent ten days readying Mexican papers, and talking with locals.

[seabeyond]

72. thank you for the info

[midnight]

84. This sounds so frustrating. I just want to ask you to step in and

be a full time Aunt again, but this sounds like it is not doable for you. Don't be hard on yourself. Whatever you decide on will be ok-not easy, but ok.

[seabeyond]

86. gosh for years i said let me be the aunt.

thanks.... i still havent decided. i am going back and forth on this. hard decision.

[alarimer]

88. I'm sorry but it sounds like your brother is a lousy parent

leaving a 14 year old alone all day every day? In Mexico? That's insane. Mexico is not particularly dangerous but it is just a mistake to leave a kid alone there. It sounds like he's not doing her a favor anyway by leaving her alone all the time as it is.

[elehhhhna]

89. Monterrey is the hometown of an old acquaintance of mine---

It is much more comopolitan than people think. He thought his kids were in more danger in the Houston suburbs and last I heard was moving back...

Lots of Americans and other nationalities there--I suspect it's a bit like San Antonio with bigger hills. Let 'em go. Practice letting go. It will be a mind-expanding experience for her. Suggest he hire a (parrt-time, even) tutor while there to educate her & teach her Spanish?

[seabeyond]

90. i will make that suggestion elehhhhna

and thank you for your post. good to hear a person's perspective who lives there. i dont have a problem with letting go. lol. not hard for me. i have hands full with my family, tis all i need. just looking at what my responsiblity is if it isnt safe.

appreciate it.

i will suggest again he hire someone. but regardless of how some may preceive brothers lifestyle.... he is very much into learning other cultures, and history ect... he had already mentioned finding someone else. i would like for them to be able to find an apartment or something other than an hotel. maybe once he gets down there he will get help from people that live there and know the area.

thanks