Anyone here come from extended families where money has fucked things up?

[Locut0s]

My father and one brother are solid middle class and left wing. His other two brothers are upper middle to upper class and solid right wing. Over the years relations between the two sides have degraded to the point where it's just a game of showing off for those who have money. Money now equates with love, devotion, you name it. His two rich uncles tried to corner us a while back with a deal to help their ailing parents. Essentially it came down to "our plan is to put them in an upscale home. We split this 4 ways between the brothers. If you can't come up with the $500 a month then you don't love your parents as much as we do. Step up to the plate and do your family duty". One brother sent an angry letter saying as much in other words. In the end we brought my grandparents over here (cross country) and arranged facilities that they could afford using their own savings. The two sets of brothers don't talk to each other much any more.

[Igiveupcanttakeit]

1. yes

When my mother was given less than a month to live my 2 bothers were more concerned over what little money she had than spending time with her. They flew into town to see her one last time and sat in her front room talking about putting her house up for sale. While she lay in her bed talking to me. We could both clearly hear them. It tore me up and I can not even imagine how it must have hurt her. I will never forgive them for that.

[grasswire]

2. I know a man who is spending the trust fund his parents...

....thought would be available to their grandchildren. And he's spending it on the children of his third wife (and also on her). The Grandparents built a sizeable estate and thought the grandkids would benefit. Unfortunately, they gave their only son full power over it.

The first wife has supported their handicapped daughter for twenty years on her own. None of the grandchildren were put through college; they have massive debt.

The second wife was totally cut out. The grandparents died during this marriage. Our hero started using the trust fund before the grandmother was dead, but he deliberately did not ever mingle the funds with household funds so that the second wife would not get a penny of it, cuz he knew he was going to divorce her and marry her best friend. And he did. And wife two got a lawyer but no money.

Wife three, the best friend of wife two, is now living with our hero and her two kids, wanting for nothing. He refused to give jos own children a copy of the trust papers.

Meanwhile, our hero's children and grandchildren do not have any benefit of the estate. What a putz he is. And he expects everyone to kowtow to him. Putz.

[Locut0s]

3. Wow that's sick. nt.

[TheKentuckian]

4. Hell yeah. I've got a conniving sister, had a shady step grandmother, and a crew

of shyster cousins. Between that lot I've got exactly jackapple shit passed down to me. It hurts much more than it creates anger for me. I feel cut off from my fore bearers when I know they wanted me to have a part of what they had to pass on but wasn't of age. It's not so much the property and whatnot but even the personal things and tools.

Not the same thing or purely about money but that pain from being disenfranchised or whatever is very present for me. I forgave, I moved on but it would be very dishonest to say that it doesn't continue to hurt as time passes, probably more than when the incidents went down.

Having even some old quilts and pictures means something. All I have and likely every will have from my family are the faded child's memories.

Greed is a no good motherfucker.

[murielm99]

5. I am so sorry.

My brother-in-law spent the last five years or so of my mother-in-law's life poisoning her mind against us. We got the short end of the estate. He ended up set for life. His kids got all sorts of money for college. Mine got nothing.

I have wanted my husband to see someone for counseling. I thought it left him depressed. His family basically told him he was not worth much. It hurt him deeply.

We were not totally left out, but the snub was very real.

My parents are still living. I don't think my brothers are greedy. But just in case, I hope my parents spend every last dime on themselves. You are one hundred percent correct about greed.

[vadawg]

6. i have no personal experience of being screwed over but know it is pretty common

in our family all the wealth is concentrated in one man and he doles out funds etc to the other family members and basically works to increase the holdings. This system works well due to the dynamics of our families and the loyalties between family members, i dont think it would work though in most families who have different dynamics..

[Locut0s]

8. Yeah that's rare. Money corrupts people most of the time.

[grasswire]

7. I have another story of greed.

My father's two brothers did very well in business and real estate. Neither of them had any children. One owned a large lumber yard, and the other was a high-performing salesman. They each owned a river-front home adjacent to the other, in a very nice neighborhood. The lumberyard owner built his own home from choice woods and beams. Eventually the lumber yard was sold after Uncle retired. And eventually they both moved into an upscale senior living place on the river and sold their homes.

When the older uncle died, he willed everything to the younger one. My siblings and I were told that eventually the estate would come to us, the closest relatives as children of the third brother (deceased).

Well, when Uncle was in his eighties in the retirement home, he apparently signed his entire estate over to the trust fund of the home itself. We didn't find this out until after his death. They took everything. Family photos, clothes, the oil paintings he had painted and of course all the monies. It was stunning. This is a very large and endowed retirement community.

I tried to get some kind of memorabilia from them. Nothing. My parents had given Uncle a tiger oak dresser set decades ago. Nobody knows what happened to it.