Oh birthers and teabaggers, I think it's time to inform you...

[jmowreader]

Half of you are trying to get the president thrown out of office, and the other half would shoot him if you thought you could get away with it. I figure it's only right to tell you about House Resolution 1369, which we passed in the middle of the night with no Republican support--mainly because we've got enough people on our side to form a quorum so we can do any damn thing we want and there ain't nuthin' you can do about it.

HR 1369 (which has been lovingly nicknamed the "Unlucky Cocksucker Act of 2009") clearly states that in the event of anything happening to President Obama, Bill Ayers will become the president and the chairman of ACORN will become the vice president.

Just thought you'd like to know.

[jwirr]

1. LOL

[ThoughtCriminal]

2. Yes, but...

Have you READ THE ENTIRE bill?

All 3722 pages?

Do you KNOW what it says on page 1473?!

[jmowreader]

3. Yeah. I know what it says on page 1473

It amends Article II, Section 1 and the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution to make Bill Ayers president for life.

You also forgot page 2145, which disbands the Republican Party; page 2168, which grants control of capital punishment to the federal government on the grounds that people who get executed sometimes cross state lines to commit their crimes; page 2922, which changes the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to public guillotining; and Page 3105, which contains a complete list of all the right-wing talking heads who are to be beheaded should President Obama meet his end at the hands of their listeners.

On page 2923, an analysis of the new method of execution is included: "Death by the guillotine was abolished in the 19th and 20th centuries on grounds that it is cruel and unusual punishment. It is the sense of the Senate that neither is true. Rather, we have determined by consultation with leading medical authorities that when someone is beheaded they feel little pain--certainly less than one who was executed by lethal injection does. The prescribed protocol of administering a lethal dose of sodium thiopental prior to beheading the subject will completely eliminate any chance of the subject feeling any pain. Therefore, we must conclude that beheading is not Cruel, and after we get done beheading all the traitorous Repukes it won't be Unusual either."