I love this depression!

[Truth Talks]

I spent the best years of my life in public education, where I was mauled daily by corporate powers, the media and my own union (the National Education Association). I didn't make a lot of money - and then I got laid off, not long after 9/11.

The painful part was the separation from my students; they were the closest thing I've ever had to my own family. I was carrying a lot of baggage.

Yet getting laid off was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Once I was free of the endless political intrigue and tyranny, I began to recover. I'm now working just part-time (night shift), yet I feel lucky just to have a job - with benefits, no less.

I do have some complaints about my health insurance. For example, you can get billed if you see a doctor for anything that isn't covered. I was given a phone number to call to find out if a particular procedure is covered. Of course, all I get is a busy signal.

Fortunately, I'm a veteran, so I went back to the VA hospital. Because I haven't been there in a couple years, I had to reapply. I expected to get hit with a wall of bureaucracy, after I'd discover the VA in shambles, a victim of the economy.

To my amazement, I was whizzed through my "application" process in record time and even got some treatment on the spot. For example, I said I wanted to get something X-rayed, and they just gave me a note, and I went and got an X-ray. As I understand it, they more or less reorganized the hospital, making things more efficient.

So I'm in a strange situation. For over a decade, I felt like a pariah, endlessly screwed by Bill Gates, jerked around by politicians, slapped around by derelict principals and libeled by the media. When I began fighting back, getting politically involved, I was variously ignored or attacked by my own colleagues and parents. But I never gave up - I became a teacher with an attitude.

Now the shoe's on the other foot. Even as the economy tanks, life is slowly improving for me, while many of the people who spit in my face are now unemployed, or at least feeling the heat. I've come to appreciate the saying, "Misery loves company." I feel their pain.

I can't afford gasoline, let alone a new car, but it's nice knowing that cars are much more affordable now, as are new homes. Apple slashed the prices on the next computer I want to buy; it will cost about half what I paid for a similar model three years ago.

I still carry a lot of scars from the classroom, and I'm not really happy with the muddled masses who would apparently die before they'd fight back against Corporate America. I sometimes find myself cheering when I read about another 10,000 idiots getting laid off. The only sad thing is the knowledge that their children are going to go through a lot of pain.

But this is America, home of the Great Society that screws its children regardless. I still can't believe some of the things I saw in the classroom. I remember a kindergarten class I worked in (as an assistant teacher) that I'd characterize as child abuse. But I couldn't get any help, because no other teachers or parents cared.

So here I am, all alone, detached from this society I've come to despise, savoring my job and benefits and the string of good luck that began last holiday season. Latest episode: I want to go home to the Midwest for my vacation. The roundtrip airfare cost me $400, which is a lot of money for me. Just a couple days after I bought my ticket, I was invited to donate blood - for exactly $400! (I enrolled in a blood donation / research program a few years ago, but they haven't contacted me since last November, so I thought the study was over.)

I'm looking forward to getting a new computer this fall. If I can scrape together enough money for a car and a social life, then maybe I can be truly whole again. I'm even wondering if I could save enough money to get married some day. But am I too old to have children, and would I want to raise them in a country that shits on kids?

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm almost living the Amerian dream, working nights, when all the street kids, con artists and homeless are invisible and wondering if I should pity the destitute or despise them. Where the future was once a wall of gray, I'm once again dreaming about exciting possibilities; it's kind of like being back in college.

I'm grateful that I was born with a brain and backbone, and I'm proud of myself for fighting back. I will never forget my students, my children, and I will never end my war against Bill Gates, the world's biggest phony philanthropist and education reformer. Most people consider me radical, but I consider them stupid - and they do a good job of proving it every day.

Viva Chavez!

[Frosty1]

1. Welcome to DU

:hi:

[Liberal_in_LA]

2. Nice post. Welcome!

[Truth Talks]

3. Thanks.

I've browsed DU for years. Though a lot of intelligent people post here, I was turned off by a lot of attitudes (or lack thereof).

Maybe it's just my imagination, but it appears to me that DUers have become a little angrier and more focused on the enemy. Of course, there are still people who think Hugo Chavez is evil incarnate whle worshipping Bill Gates as the reincarnation of Mother Teresa.

But what would a political forum be without different ideas?

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

4. Word.

[teachableseconds]

5. LOL @ how you ended this (Gates)

but I admire your high spirits. Even in the Great Depression, there were successful people. No matter where we are at this moment, it does not mean we are destined to stay there. I can attest to this; I made a move into better conditions after many years in one place and where I did not wish to be. I really believe that we can affect our destiny.

[Merlot]

6. Good for you. I'm glad things are looking up. Nice to hear for a change.

I hear that people get laid off, and can't spend money and don't have health care. I say "welcome to my world." I've been here for a long time. I know how to cope better than they do, small comfort that it is. At least I was never used up by a corporation, or got used to having oddles of money and a steady income. In fact, this "downturn" hasn't changed my life much.

Now that things have changed, people are waking up to a lot of things. This current heath debate would probably be tuned out by the employed and insured in good times. Now everyone is facing up to just how close to the edge they live.

Although to be honest, I don't enjoy the company...and I'm not really miserable.

[bobbolink]

7. You're wondering if you should despise me????? I reread that, and figured....

fuck it, you're not worth it.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

8. We never know

where change will lead us. That's why it's so scary to some.

But your changes are working for you - plus, you sound lucky, and well aware of that luck, too - and for that, as well as for this lovely post, I applaud you.

Welcome to DU!

[Truth Talks]

11. Luck.

It seems like I had nothing but bad luck for a stretch of nearly twenty years, but now it's suddenly reversed.

And lest I sound too self-pitying, I should point out that I'm a baby boomer. I grew up in the 1960's, listening to Herb Alpert and Glen Campbell and spending lots of time on a really beautiful ranch. In the Navy and as a civilian, I visited the four corners of North America - Key West, San Diego, Newfoundland (a fairy tale place) and Barrow, Alaska. (My introduction to global warming came in the 1980's when it started raining on us as we stood on the ice of the Arctic Ocean.)

I spent a couple months in Kenya - another fantasy place - and I've also visited Paris, Mexico and Hawaii.

Yet some of my fondest memories are of recess duty, one of life's joys. It just bums me out to think that many of my students never had a decent childhood to begin with, and I doubt that many of them will ever spend time on a West Dakota ranch or visit another country.

Americans long prided themselves on the fact that every generation of children was better off than its parents. The current generation of young people are screwed, betrayed on so many levels. I think we should draw a line in the sand. Anyone who doesn't believe in a cause bigger than themself should rally behind children. It gives life a whole new meaning.

[safeinOhio]

9. I've been in a pissy mood all day, until I read your post.

Thanks

[hfojvt]

10. some interesting stuff there, but you pulled a Hemingway

A horrible, horrible ending. Not the last line, BTW, but the paragraph before that. :thumbsdown:

[sallylou666]

12. No bitterness

As one of those abused children growing up, I can tell you that bitterness is not the place to go. Don't hate others. Not for others' benefit, but because of what bitterness does to you. Move on with your own life. I'm glad that things are looking up for you.

[Truth Talks]

13. Anger rocks!

"As one of those abused children growing up, I can tell you that bitterness is not the place to go. Don't hate others. Not for others' benefit, but because of what bitterness does to you. Move on with your own life."

Your words sound logical - but they're also selfish. If I forgive the people who stomped me and my students into the ground and move on with my life, who's going to fight for my students, and for those that follow?

No, I HATE Bill Gates, George W. Bush, an army of media whores and my local school board, and I'm proud of it. I hope they all burn in Hell, and I'd love to put'em there.

There's a time and place for forgiveness and civility, but this isn't it. We're at war with our own country, with Corporate America - I am, at least - and I can't afford to be muzzled by the gospel of civility.

A little more philosophy: Are bitterness and hate really bad for people? If so, I still wouldn't let go. Again, it's simply selfish to be so wrapped up in myself that I abamdon the children.

But I'm not convinced that hatred is such a bad thing to begin with. Emotions like anger evolved for a purpose. Anger and hate are obviously complex and voltile. People certainly have to learn how to control them and use them carefully.

But I feel empowered over the bastards who used to treat me like an insect. I have blown up in people's faces - school principals, supervisors, etc. - and I've seen them back down. In this world, nice people get eaten for lunch. The people I work with me know that I'm a nice person - but that I can also be a real SOB.

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

14. Forgiveness never made sense to me until the "apology and amends",

so I think I'm with you. Trying to forget the trespass and carry on with a life may be the option if there isn't an "apology and amends" too. It's like "to carry bitterness sours the personality". But beware going off too Pollyanna. That's where I feel the "just forgive and forget" promoters are. I want some resolution.

[tomreedtoon]

16. Thank you, Truth Talks.

I was laid off and am facing tough times. But the fact that things are turning around for you give me hope.

More than that, you agree that anger is good and appropriate. I heartily agree.

I still hate the man who fired me, a sociopath kept in a high position in my former company because being heartless is a Republican family value. Everyone at my former job hates and fears him. We are all wishing for him to get that final heart attack; it might be proof that he has a heart somewhere.

I am angry at people here who think namby-pamby, letter-to-the-editor-writing, voices-raised-in-mild-disagreement advocacy will do anything. Or that Ghandi-like passive resistance will make protesters anything but targets. The people in power are sociopaths, and have no human emotions to be affected by appeals to the soul.

I honestly believe there will have to be violence done to the rich and powerful in this country. They will only treat ordinary people well if they realize their egotistical lives are actually in danger, and if they see a few of their fellow CEO's strung up on Wall Street with piano wire or shot like dogs in the street.

Many people here shy away from that violence. I am certainly not capable of doing that violence myself; I'm just as much a weakling as any New York Times columnist. But I will not flinch when it is done, and I will not criticize the people who do it. As Thomas Jefferson said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." There's an awful lot of tyrants in America these days.

Anyway, thanks for an honest and heartfelt quote.

[Truth Talks]

18. Remember the 60's?

"I still hate the man who fired me, a sociopath kept in a high position in my former company because being heartless is a Republican family value."

I've never been fired, but I abandoned a job with the U.S. Postal Service after I fell in with a group of wacko supervisors who operated like a pack of hyenas. The leader of the pack was evil incarnate, maligned for everything from tyranny to exploiting young women. (Lots of young immigrant women work at this post office branch.)

I greatly admire the man who punched this supervisor out after the supe hit on his girlfriend. He waited for him outside the building and nailed him after work. Amazingly, he never went to prison - I suspect it would have been a major embarrassment for the post office - though he did get fired. If I ever see this asshole outside the post office, I'm going to kick his ass even harder.

A great comparison: Anti-war protesters in the 60's and today's anti-war protesters. Today's liberal peace pussies spend more time preaching the gospel of nonviolence than they do protesting - and they're always careful to reminnple that they support the trops who are committing all the murder, torture and other crimes.

In the 60's, the protesters called returning veterans baby killers, gave them the middle finger and spat in their faces. It was very cruel and doubtless inflicted a lot of mental pain on veterans. But that's war; you don't win by waltzing around handing out candy and flowers.

[handmade34]

15. as someone who taught those kids - Welcome Truth!

your's is a complex story, like many are. Your last sentiment reminds me of a meeting I had with my brother once. We were older, hadn't seen each other for years and in reminiscing, he stated that same thing, "..grateful for being born with a brain and , because it was the only thing that got us through our dysfunctional childhood."
...and now we have to use our brains and backbone collectively to get us through this nightmare that the U.S. is experiencing.

I grew up in Michigan - what part of the midwest do you call home?

edit for spelling

[Truth Talks]

17. Home = West Dakota

I come from a land of miles and miles of miles and miles. It's so bleak, yet so beautiful.

[mdmc]

19. welcome to du my friend

peace and low stress

[ieoeja]

20. Everything I hear about the VA kind of makes me wish I'd stayed.

My first IT job was 2 1/2 years with the VA. Twenty years in private enterprise later, I still have to say the best IT workers I ever saw were those at the VA. They make everyone I have worked with since look like a bunch of pikers.

Ironically, I left the VA because my coworkers thought I was wasting my talent at the VA. Apparently, they buy into the "government workers suck" meme as well.

On the other hand, I do make a lot more money. But I miss the sensible** challenges. And believe it or not, while they may be embarrassed to admit it, a lot of gov't workers take a great deal of satisfaction in knowing they are serving their country. Beats helping a bunch of bankers or lawyers get even wealthier.


**Sensible: making a hospital work more efficiently.

**Insensible: weeks discussing/determining how we would like the software, we have already decided to purchase, to do certain processes without ever seeing the actual software. Then when the project is done, we get our first look at the software and find that it does it in almost the exact same manner. This leads to the natural decision to just do it the way the software already does it. Which leads less naturally to more discussions about the ideas that we have now rejected because, well, we are being paid to discuss the fucking ideas so we damned well better discuss them.

**I hate my job.

[Truth Talks]

21. Interesting.

As a web designer, it's interesting to hear your comments about the VA.

I did have one problem with the VA, though. I injured myself when I worked at the post office. When you get injured at the Post Office, you're required to tell a supervisor. But it's a catch-22: You then get fired. (That probably doesn't apply to permanent employees, but I was a "casual," with no benefits or union protection.)

A VA doctor did a simple exam and told me I had injured an abdominal muscle. No big deal, he said - it could be easily fixed with minor surgery.

The next time I saw him, he had a different story - the surgery would be so horrendous, I should just forget it.

Later, I bailed out of the post office for an even more physical job. The pain was sometimes so bad, I had to work on my hands and knees, rather than standing. But as time went on, it got a little better. I assumed my muscle - though permanently injured - was kinda sorta healing and adjusting.

One night as I was walking to work, four guys jumped me and took turns kicking me in the head. I woke up in intensive care. The doctors told me I had internal bleeding in my brain, and they weren't sure what the prognosis was. By the way, they said, a CAT scan (or whatever they call it) revealed I also had an umbilical hernia! (I understand those are relatively common and not that serious.)

Here's where it turns into a soap opera: I won't go into too many details here, but I believe the guys who attacked me were working for my employer (a major corporation) and/or my union, the Teamsters. It was made to look like an act of random violence, but there are several things about it that are just too bizarre. Unfortunately, I have no solid proof to back up my claims; everyone at work thinks it was just a bunch of kooks on drugs.

The good news is that I was in no pain, aside from a vague headache and was out of the hospital in a day or two.

A few months later, I got a simple hernia opeation - just a few stitches. The stitches pulled out, and my belly began bulging, looking ike I was pregnant. To my amazement, the doctors said I could go back to work - and not light duty, either. I did, and I got by just fine. After the surgery healed, I got a second operation.

Overall, it was a very postiive experience. I spent about four months on medical leave that year. I lost a lot of money in wages, but I got so much work done on my computer. It was also a very empowering experience. I was also fortunate in having health insurance. Plus, a local crime victims organization game me some money to help make up for lost wages.

I got my hernia operations from a private hospital, by the way. When I contacted the VA after discovering I had a hernia, I was told my doctor had left the VA.

Maybe his departure was routine, but I wondered if he got in trouble for misdiagnosing something as simple as a hernia. At least, I THINK they're easy to diagnose.

[ieoeja]

22. The Veterans Administration is the second largest department of the United States government.

Only the Department of Defense is larger (which makes the two largest military related actually). So there must be a million stories, both bad and good, related to VA service.

And I was the VA's first employee ever with a bachelors degree in IT. Likely I was the first person with a bachelors degree in IT to ever take the civil service exam for computer programming. College grads don't apply for gov't jobs as a rule. So you get a lot of on-the-job trainees who learned in the military or started off as a computer operator.

The VA data processing center -- they had three, but two were bullshit pork barrel centers -- was pretty cool in 1985. Rows and rows of tape and disk drivers! I expect all that fits in a single rack now.

The big job I worked on was kind of suck-ass really. The VA used to toss student loans at vets. Before Reagan, nobody ever had to pay those back, so most loans went to vets who just wanted to try something out. If it took, great, they had a career. If not, it didn't cost them anything to find out. But then Reagan decided they had to be paid back. The programming department said it would take 20 programmers 5 years to automate from scratch (EVERYTHING was on paper; there wasn't a single piece of data online).

The financial guy in DC in charge knew a disgraced (lying, backstabbing SOB), but highly intelligent former manager from the programming department who then worked in tech support. He agreed that it would take 20 programmers that long to do the job ... but a couple good programmers could get the job done in a year or two.

Given that Reagan wanted it done before he left office -- sidebar: VA programming staff may have been sandbagging hoping the project would be cancelled after Reagan left office thereby not putting the screws to the vets -- they put this guy in charge, and he hired me. He wanted someone without experience who wouldn't know that you're supposed to have analysts, etc. On the plus side, I skipped junior programmer, senior programmer and junior programming analyst right into senior programming analyst. On the negative side, I wasn't PAID as a senior programming analyst, and I never did learn to do it the "right" way which has caused me problems my whole career (which the other guy told me after the project would be a problem for me; some mentor).

I also didn't realize I was really screwing the vets. I suppose I would have done it anyway. Technically, they were legally responsible for paying it back. And, of course, I needed the job.

Coolest part happened first time the other guy took a vacation. Our boss, who was out of the loop for this project as we reported directly to the central office, put a hold on the project because we were breaking all the rules. She had no problem with the fact that I had to inform DC. She had the rules on her side, after all. Twenty minutes later she came to my desk, visibly shaking, and informed me that she had just gotten a call straight from the White House telling her to leave me alone. She told me she had worked VA IT since the day the doors opened, and NOBODY there had EVER gotten a call from the White House before.

So my name was spoken by somebody in the White House that day. A more clever individual probably could have made quite a career out of the contacts I must have been unwittingly making. Unfortunately, my farmboy upbringing and technical training did not give me those kind of skills.

Heck, I went on to once have high-level business contacts in almost every major city in the world, and I am still just a techie worried about losing my job every year.