Sometimes this board reminds me of an old ethnic joke I heard many years ago.

[sutz12]

In the middle of a brawl, an Irishman walks up and asks, "Can I join in or is this a private fight?"

[MUAD_DIB]

1. I can't believe you said that!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!

Now that I got the knee-jerk reaction out of the way here's another joke.


US President Obama, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev were walking along talking at the G8 summit.

President Sarkozy says to the other two, "Hey, we have to get back to meet up with the rest of the G8 leaders. Follow me I know a shortcut."


Sarkozy starts walking across a small lake that will lead back to the main meeting place. Obama and Medvedev follow.


As they are walking across the lake Medvedev starts to sink until he is up to his chin.

Sarkozy turns to Obama and asks, "Do you think we should tell him where the secret stepping stones are?"

Obama looks at Sarkozy with a smile, "what secret stepping stones?"

[seabeyond]

3. i have to post here so i can come back and read.

i need to tell this to a couple people and man.... memory shot. cute

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. Oh...................

[musette_sf]

2. ...

[timeforpeace]

4. Double dare ya to make with the Muslim jokes. If there are any.

[Gwendolyn]

11. They are the same as Israeli jokes. n/t

[burning rain]

13. Three Muslim guys are walking down the street,....

a liberal, a moderate, and a conservative. Walking towards them is a pretty woman in a short skirt. The conservative Muslim is scandalized, "God forbid!" The moderate Muslim smiles appreciatively, "God is great!" The liberal Muslim smooths back his hair, dabs on some cologne, and starts toward the girl, mumbling to himself, "God willing..."

[Davis_X_Machina]

5. For the non-Irish...

....it's the 1680's -- Robinson Crusoe era -- and explorers come upon a marooned sailor on a desert island. It's clear he was there for years, and as he went around showing them his hut, his food store, his signal tower, his latrine, his rescuers marveled at how resourceful he was, how much he had built, and complimented him. The castaway said "So nu? It's not like I didn't have a lot of time."

Finally they came to two identical small buildings, both with the Magen David over the door. They asked the castaway, "What's that building?" He proudly answered "That's my shul!" They asked him "But what's the other building? Why did you build two?" He spat and said, "Feh! That's the other shul, the I one wouldn't be caught dead in!"

Moral: Even very cozy, haimisch communities have splits and fissures and people bannning anathematizing each other.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. I haven't heard that one in so long,

and it's like seeing a beloved old friend. A total classic, and I thank you for it.

Reminding me (naturally) of another old favorite:

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were discussing when life begins.

The priest said, "Life begins at conception."

The minster said, "Life begins at birth."

The rabbi said, "Life begins when the last kid leaves for college and the dog dies."

Moral: Everyone has a theory..................

[Davis_X_Machina]

10. A Catholic one about intramural one-upmanship.

Three priests -- a Dominican, a Franciscan, and a Jesuit, are on a tour of the Holy Land, and get to arguing over which order has most faithfully executed the Great Commission to go forth and teach all nations. The Dominican names off all the traditional missionary fields of his order, and all the colleges they run, finishing up with "...and we run Providence College!". The Franciscan does the same, ending with "...and we run Greyfriars Hall at Oxford itself!". The Jesuit runs down their missions and their schools, and tops them with "....and we run the Pontifical University in Rome!".

They fall to squabbling, and finally one of them has an idea. He says "Let us ask for a sign from the Lord himself, indicating who has most faithfully executed the Great Commission". So the three of them pray: "O Lord, show us by a sign which society of your servants has most faithfully executed your Great Commission."

The sky is suddenly split by a lightning bolt, there's a crash of thunder, and a 3M PostIt™ note falls to the earth. (Heaven is very up to date.)

The priests pick it up and it says:

"My sons, you are all equally blessed in My sight. Love, God, OSB."

[2Design]

8. funny n/t

[abumbyanyothername]

9. OK -- How do you tell if a Finn is extrovert?

He looks at your shoes when talking.

To which, my Finn friend replied, "What's extrovert?"

[Gwendolyn]

12. Oh my gosh.

:)

[Kaleva]

17. I love Toivo and Aino jokes

Toivo and Aino head for the Motor City. When they get across the bridge they see a sign that reads "DETROIT LEFT." So they turn around and go home.

A few years back, on the opening day of deer season, Aino and Toivo went hunting together. Sure enough, as was bound to happen with Aino and Toivo in the same swamp with guns, Aino accidently shot Toivo. Well, Aino jumps into the truck, drives down to the nearest bar and calls the ambulance. Soon, the police, game wardens, fire trucks, paramedics and the ambulance all show up at the scene of the tragedy. The paramedics work frantically on Toivo while a nervous Aino waits nearby. Finally, one of the exhausted paramedics comes over to Aino. "I'm sorry," he says, "We did everything we could. We just couldn't save him." "OH NO!" cries Aino. "My best friend! What will I do? I'm so sorry, Toivo! What could I have done to save you?" "Well," said the paramedic, with a look of disgusted anger on his face, "It would've helped if you hadn't gutted him!"

[Davis_X_Machina]

18. Youpers?...

..The UP is, outside of some parts of Maine, the only place I know with enough Finns to make it worth telling Finn jokes.

[abumbyanyothername]

19. Well I heard my joke in the finish chutes

of the Paavo Nurmi Marathon somewhere near the edge of the earth in Northern Wisconsin.

Then a Norwegian whose English was sketchy to begin with and with whom I was playing bridge on the internet caught me with the comeback line quoted above.

[peace frog]

14. Think the Bush-Walker clan...

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to call the help and one to mix the drinks.

[salguine]

15. As an Irish-American, I take no offense to that whatsoever.

[Poiuyt]

16. So a jew, a muslim and a Irishman walk into a bar

and the barman says 'Is this some sort of joke?'

[MUAD_DIB]

20. The other punch line to that is taht the bar man says

'Get the hell out of here!'