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I saw him last night. If you can call it a him or a her. In the darkness of my dreams, drowned out usually by alcohol. Perhaps in the hopes of never hearing his voice ever again.
A large mansion, one always shadowed so that no direct light ever touched it. Fading now, what I saw and heard there. But so clear in my soul. I woke up, tired as can be, but somewhere deep inside full of energy and a knowledge I have sought for all my life.
He took away my fears, but also my love and hopes. So many fear passing here from this life, as did I, but now I know what others like me do. And I am not afraid to please my master. I will live in that mansion someday, but not in this body.
And those I give to him, those I feed him now, will belong to me. Not all of them of course, but some will. My fellow humans who follow his path will be there as well, we shall commune there and worship him. I saw the feast, the table of food and wine.
Today I shall kill, shall drink the blood and fear of those lesser beings who have not been to the mansion. And then I shall drink until I pass out covered with their blood, sleeping on their flesh, and I shall be allowed back in my sleep to that hallowed place.
What a fool I was to be caught in the dreams of this world, to only know that which my frail body felt and hoped for. I touched the eternal last night, was chosen for a reason I shall never grasp to be blessed with his voice.
What did I know before now, what dreams did I hold and why? I was just a simple man facing a complex world where I never believed I belonged. All those others with their petty lives, their wealth and toys. I longed to be one of them, hoped to have something today and never caring for tomorrow. Lost in my desires and dreams here I let slip something long dormant in myself – something we all have known deep within but have drown out with the sound of cash registers and televisions.
You think me ill, you will tell me I am mad. Lock me up for my 'insanity'. If I kill others for what I believe in, you shall haul me away. You fear me. And yet....
You serve a master much worse. You feed him the souls of others. Each day you destroy them though your hand never touches one of them directly. Poisoned through chemicals you place in the air, dead by your failure to help them as you see them slipping away in the streets, they feel the shockwave of the bombs dropped on them – the last thing they feel being the heat of the weapon as their flesh burns away. A weapon your gladly paid for, one whose delivery was done with your nod, was made possible because you gave money to someone else so you did not have to deliver it yourself.
Me? I shall deal death to others myself and directly. And you shall hunt me down because the reasons and methods I employ are not like yours. I won't hide behind a politician's chair, nor a preacher's pulpit. I shall do what it is you do each day to please my master, like you do yours. And yet you will fear and loathe me.
While the lone prisoner lays upon the table, chemicals coursing through his blood as his life fades away, you sit eating pizza and watching your favorite show. You gave him death by your ideals and votes. The tears streaming down his face tell the story of his innocence, shows the failure of a system that convicts and values winning a case over truth. As you lay next to your lover kissing her goodnight, feeling her body against yours, the inmate is thrown into a cold pine box – to be buried six feet under along with what you believe to be your morals.
And so I pick my victims based on my beliefs, shoot them and am done with it mostly. I could not be so terrible if I tried as you. Cheering and waving a flag while a child is ripped apart in their sleep half a world away. Bleeding slowly to death as you toast each other. Maim many of them you will, take their parents – leaving them bloodied, headless, child mutilated and screaming. But, unlike me – you have a good reason for what you have done or paid someone else to do.
You have the power, make the laws, and will you hope someday catch me. I wonder though if you ever plan on catching yourself, on catching those who put me to shame in my master's eyes?
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