Sacramento Bee: Economy makes roommates of elders and their adult children

[marmar]

Economy makes roommates of elders and their adult children

By Anita Creamer
[email protected]

Published: Tuesday, Jun. 23, 2009 - 12:00 am | Page 1A


At 105, Eddith Moehr is on the cutting edge of a trend.

When she moved in with her daughter, 76-year-old Doris Beresford of North Natomas, at the end of 2007, Moehr became one of the 3.6 million older parents sharing living quarters with their adult children – a number that U.S. census figures indicate has increased 55 percent since 2000.

"I got a new roommate for my birthday in 2007," said Kathy Mullen, 60, who married Beresford last year.

"What a present!" said Beresford.

"Doris' mom is a treasure," said Mullen. "I'd like to be as gracious as she is about being old."

Sitting in her wheelchair at the kitchen table with them, Moehr sips chocolate Ensure and basks in their attention.

"Thank you," she said. "That's nice. Thank you, thank you." ..........(more0

The complete piece is at: http://www.sacbee.com/topstories/story/1968409.html

[SemiCharmedQuark]

1. This topic always shows a cultural difference in America.

In Mexican culture, it's customary for parents to live with their children.

[SoCalDem]

2. For a very long time,. it was normal here too

Post WWII, when the young folks bolted for the suburbs and later when their own left for college, things all changed

[Hello_Kitty]

4. It's not 'culture' so much as poverty and lack of options

I'm sorry but I really hate when people wax romantic about poverty. Another thing people conveniently forget is that most of these cultures that "prize the extended family" have very rigid gender roles and women and girls are unpaid servants and nursemaids.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

5. Yes. We all have very rigid gender roles and I am (apparently) an unpaid servent.

:eyes:

It *is* a cultural thing. My grandma is not poor, but she lives with us. My mother is not poor, but she will live with me. It may have its roots in poverty, but that is not what it is now.

[Hello_Kitty]

7. You CHOOSE to do it!

Big difference. It isn't being forced on you by custom or circumstance. And just because it works for your family doesn't mean it will for everyone else. Possibly the most annoying attitude one can encounter is the My Experience Is Universally Applicable one and you've got it in spades.

:eyes:

[SemiCharmedQuark]

8. I never said that it would work for everyone, I said that in our culture,

it is no big deal if your parents live with you. It is not a shameful thing whereas in other cultures people seem to recoil in horror at the idea. You replied that I was somehow romanticizing poverty and then for no reason, declare that women are second class citizens in my culture. I replied that this is not the case and you accuse me of trying to force my views on other people when, AGAIN, my point was that living with your parents is not always considered something to be embarrassed about. At various points in their lives, each of my aunts and uncles have stayed with us through harder times.

The flip side of this, is that there is less of an emphasis on personal independence. Is one system better than the other? No. But it is interesting to me to see people living next to each other sharing completely different cultural backgrounds.

[Mari333]

3. I do *not* *ever* want to live with my son and his wife

I love them, but I enjoy privacy and peace. and they deserve theirs too.

[The2ndWheel]

6. Cheap energy

If energy is cheap, people don't need each other. If energy is expensive, people need each other.

[Dappleganger]

9. I'd love for my father to live with us...

if he wasn't bipolar with ALZ who would at least take his meds, it would be possible.
But he won't be compliant with any part of his care so that's completely off the table.