i don't care about monogamy -- don't care if 'you'

[xchrom]

fuck others.

i care that you're 'safe' -- but that's about it -- if you're takin care of 'biznezz' at home.
seriously i don't care.

'you' can't make me unhappy -- destroy -- make me feel betrayed.

if you get in a relationship with 'me' -- bring your adult -- not your immature child.
not interested.

[mdmc]

1. I do

but that is just me..

[cali]

2. huh?

what are you talking about? Is this an oblique John Edwards OP?

[wyldwolf]

3. Only if it's Jessica Alba

[Ken Burch]

6. Well, I admire your ambition.....

n/t.

[paulsby]

44. jessica alba is totally stuck up

i mean she has NEVER called me.

can you imagine? :)

[Ken Burch]

4. And this is in response to....?

n/t.

[Mike 03]

5. LOL. Who the fuck rec'd this one? NT

[Ken Burch]

7. I'm now the second rec. Not sure why, I just am.

There's something about a thread with cryptic origins....

[Mike 03]

9. Same here, I'm rec'ing it too.

Then I'm going to email this thread to Artie Lange and Howard Stern!

It's perfect in its badness.

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ThomCat]

23. Someone who can't master elementary school level grammar

is telling a respected long-time DUer to grow up? That's rich. :eyes:

Take a look at yourself, kid. It looks like you are the one more in need of growing up.

[Mike 03]

10. Kick and Rec! Thanks for the deep thoughts. NT

[Sebastian Doyle]

24. That post doesn't say "deep thoughts" to me....

It says "deep dish....

...as does the low post count and disabled profile. :evilgrin:

[Wednesdays]

28. Sort of OT, but...

Chicago-style pizza....yummmMMmmmm! :)

[paulsby]

45. that is NOT pizza

it's not bad. kind of tasty. but it simply is not pizza, any more than manhattan "clam chowder" is clam chowder. TOMATOES ??? in chowder?

brought to you by the society to recognize that real pizza is thin.

carry on.

[imdjh]

56. Damn. Now I'm confused- see other post. Thin crust, extra grease, boardwalk here I come.

[roguevalley]

30. Lord, that looks painful. Could feed myself for a month on its goodness.

[imdjh]

55. That's nasty and lethal looking, and I am feeling the sudden urge to go to the store and buy one. nt

[JerseygirlCT]

11. I do.

And that doesn't make me in the least immature.

I think, in fact, that people who promise to enter into a monogamous relationship and then decide it's too hard, so screw around, are the immature ones.

Monogamy or no, as long as both people are in agreement, is fine. Sneaking around is not.

[xchrom]

15. nope. -- that's not how i see it.

you're not reponsible for my happiness -- and i got involved with 'you' KNOWING you weren't perfect and that 'you' were all too human.

if you wanna feel guilty, bad -- whatever -- but i won't justify it for you.
and i'll take care of myself thank you very much.

[JerseygirlCT]

27. Never said you wouldn't take care of yourself.

Though I should think that since you feel so strongly about your own opinion that you feel free to call those who don't share it "immature" might summon the maturity to realize that yours is not, by any means, the only opinion out there.

Me, I think promises mean something. And that while people do make mistakes, that doesn't mean that they need to be let off the hook for their responsibility in making that mistake. Especially one made from a conscious choice.

[xchrom]

33. because you're marrying a human instead of a brick --

best to fasten your seat belt.

[JerseygirlCT]

40. Well, I have higher expectations of both myself and my spouse

and after nearly 25 years, neither of us has had call to disappoint in that way.

But of course, if you go into something like this expecting to fail and excuse it as "merely human", it's more likely you'll need the excuse. Better in that situation not to promise monogamy when you don't feel it's possible.

[Mike 03]

12. Do me a huge favor: Convince my ex-wife of this. I'll love you forever. NT

[seabeyond]

13. i dont care that you want to screw around with whomever in your adult self or your child self....

go for it.....

you dont have to care about my monogomous self, i am not asking you to care. my adult self doesnt need your approval.

[xchrom]

17. and vice versa -- nt.

[imdjh]

57. My inner child is getting old too.

[seabeyond]

59. i never got the whole child thing, even when i was a child, lol

i certainly dont want to play with the child now....

[last_texas_dem]

14. mainly because half the people I was with believed it until I explained the situation to them

[Adelante]

16. I don't care about other people's monogamy

They can figure it out for themselves.

[xchrom]

18. ain't that right? nt

[burning rain]

19. So, what are you doing after you leave this thread?

:)

[xchrom]

32. are you free?

as in do you have spare time. -- badly worded to start.

[The Doctor.]

20. Had an interesting couple of days... eh?

BTDT.

Good mantra tho.

[MedleyMisty]

21. Some people are into monogamy. Others aren't.

I am, and I found a person to marry who is also into monogamy. I would never start a relationship with a person who wasn't into monogamy. I don't see how that makes me an immature child.

Thinking that other people have to feel the same way that I do and live the same way that I do does seem pretty immature to me, though. You can be into multiple relationships and I can have my one lifetime partner and we can both be happy. Thinking that my monogamy somehow has an effect on your choices in your relationships is the same as thinking that my friend's homosexual marriage would destroy my heterosexual marriage.

[redqueen]

43. Fantastic response!

Thank you!

[October]

52. Nicely done.

I'm a little weary of some of these posts.

[bertman]

22. Our concept of "being faithful" is in direct contradiction to the biological urges of

most people. I see it as the imposition of religious dogma on human behavior. It has some merit but also causes much pain and unnecessary deception and guilt.

I'm not sure when the concept of eternal love and sexual fidelity for one partner became a mainstream idea, but my suspicion is that it has to do with the Christian concept of sex being evil. At least, that's what it seems like from the perspective of someone who was raised Southern Baptist.

Monogamy seems to be just right for some people, but not so good for most people (judging by the divorce rate and the incidence of adultery --interesting term that).

Recommend.

Edited to say that I think MedleyMisty raises some good points.

[Mike 03]

25. Yes, yes, everyone knows that. But if that is the case, why do we insist on getting

married?

Should we not be honest and just stop the entire process of marriage?

[bertman]

26. Love is a many splendored thing!! Remember? It's easy to think that you will be the

exception to the rule when you and your loved one are on fire for each other. There's also a tremendous amount of social pressure exerted to conform to the norms.

[xchrom]

34. spot on.

also -- we sart a lot of things out with the best of intentions in realtionships.

but the village grannies have retired their shingles -- their is no one anymore to make sure we marry the right person and once married to make sure we stay that way.

as you pointed out love is a many splendored thing.

[cali]

38. so what? lots of social contracts and conventions are apparently

contrary to biological urges. That is probably a sum positive rather than a sum negative.

[bertman]

42. You are correct, Cali, that there are positive effects from controlling our biological urges.

But did you ever notice how the marital fidelity meme has been used quite extensively by most of western civilization to keep the average married citizen from having other sexual partners. The church and civil society have sanctions against it. If you or I are "cheating" on our spouses we face the prospect of divorce, loss of property and income, and social stigma. But when the upper crust and the aristocracy engage in their affairs it's just accepted that they "do that sort of thing". This has gone on for centuries, if not millenia, and involved rulers and leaders at all levels and in many different nations.

Incidentally, it's usually a more restrictive social convention for women than men. For example, it seems that our society has long tolerated a man's urge "to stray" but dealt much more harshly with a woman who has extra-marital sex.

It's also a political tool as all of us see time and again, from Gary Hart to Bill Clinton to Elliot Spitzer to John Edwards. But look on the other side of the aisle and the David Vitters of the world get a few tsk-tsk's and a pass. Or, in the case of George H. W. Bush, nobody would touch his affairs with a ten-foot pole, except Donna Brazile, who in her naivete as a young campaign operative broke the taboo and was reamed for it.

The fact that one has sex with someone other than one's spouse does not mean that he/she is going to abandon his spouse and children. Unless the social taboos are so great that the pressure forces one or both spouses to demand revenge in the form of a divorce.

Loving someone enough to stay with them through thick and thin is often a lifetime experience, whereas sexual attraction waxes and wanes over the years for most individuals. I'd like to see society admit that having the biological urge to have sex with another person--and carrying through on that--does not mean that you do not love your spouse and want to stay married to them. But that is fighting a huge uphill battle against accepted social rules.

[paulsby]

46. much of what we do as a society

is in direct contradiction to biological urges.

that is not a bad thing.

as a man, i WANT to schtup every hawt wimmins i see.

but i don't.

i also want to punch people sometimes.

but i don't.

those are both biological urges.

biological urges do not define morality. they define our base instincts.

we can choose to be better than our base urges.

sometimes we fail.

[bertman]

47. Absolutely correct, paulsby. I would like to point out that there are many committed

couples who having loving, long-term marriages, but who do not feel threatened when their mate has a sexual relationship with another person. For them it's about the love between the two of them and not just sexual exclusivity.

That type of relationship is not for everyone, but it is certainly possible and works for many people.

[paulsby]

48. i have no problem

with people who choose relationships that are NOT monogamous, even within the framework of marriage.

monogamy is not a necessary component of civil marriage. if both people are ok with messin' around, then that's THEIR decision imo.

interestingly (not if you study biology and urges) women are more offended by relationship type cheating, and men by physical cheating.

iow, given a (supposedly) monogamous arrangement, if the guy cheated by a one night stand (iow no admitted emotional attachment, just a one night fling), that bothered women less than it bothered the men when the women did it.

otoh, given the same relationship, if a man had some sort of romantic relationship (even long distance and/or with no physical component), that bothered women more than it bothered men when the women engaged in same.

it's not surprising when the man's ultimate urge/drive is to spread his seed, so to speak, and a physical dalliance by his mate threatens him moreso than a man's physical encounter threatens her (because he can still impregnate her and remain with her).

makes sense.

[bertman]

60. Interesting. Never thought about it that way.

[rurallib]

29. Is this about Newt and his 3 wives or Limpy and his trips to the Dominican

Republic?
Or my local rep who exploded when I asked why he opposes gay marriage that Jesus never said anything about, but he can be divorced which is condemned in his bible?

[WorseBeforeBetter]

35. Didn't Limpballs also have three wives?

I've lost track.

[Raine]

31. As long as you both agree

that's fine but if the agreement is monogamy and it's violated by one than that is definitely BETRAYAL and a world of hurt and pain.

[tavalon]

36. What in the world provoked this?

I am polyamorous and live a very ethical life as do my primary partners and even my secondary, who is snoring beside me.

[AllentownJake]

53. John Edwards

I have no problem with how anyone lives their lives, however, like I said down thread as long as the people in your life are clear and can accept that, no harm no foul.

[LeftyMom]

37. As long as all parties have a say and fully consent, I don't much care how other people manage their

relationships.

Personally, having had relationships that were monogamous by mutual agreement, relationships that weren't by mutual agreement, and everybody's favorite, relationships that were supposed to be monogamous and weren't, I much prefer monogamy. Relationships are complicated enough without added complication from sexual or romantic entanglements with third parties. At least, that's my experience.

And honestly, I really don't want anybody else. :shrug:

[Hannah Bell]

39. people who lie about who they're sleeping with will lie about using protection too.

[AllentownJake]

51. Yes they do.

[LWolf]

41. As long as you are upfront about that to begin with,

I'll be fine with that. No foul.

It's only when people commit to monogamy that betrayal occurs.

I don't care what you promise, or commit to. I hope your word is good. I hope the people in your life can trust you to keep your word, to keep your commitments.

Whatever they might be.

[mrs_p]

49. i'm a little lost

but i support whatever you want to do as long as no one gets hurt...

[AllentownJake]

50. That's great, however if someone tells someone eles they are in an exclusive relationship

and you decide not to be in that exclusive relationship, tell them its not exclusive relationship anymore and let them consider whether they can continue the relationship.

Some of us like the concept, whether or not its codified in law and feel betrayed if a person who enters into that relationship breaks our trust by acting like an immature child and doing things behind our back because they can't be honest that they can't handle a committed relationship.

What you do in your own relationships is your business, however, I do think less of people who needlessly hurt people who love and trust them to satisfy their own urges.

[Warren DeMontague]

54. To each his or her own as long as everyone's a consenting adult. I would add to that open & honest

communication so everyone involved knows what the "ground rules" are...

Personally, I'm married, and haven't had any trouble being 100% faithful in my marriage, but then it was never something that felt premature or "forced". It's a voluntary association on all sides.

[Shell Beau]

58. I do care about fidelity. But I do agree that you are the only

one who can make yourself happy. You can't rely on anyone else for that.