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JeffR
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Fri May-01-09 07:21 PM Original message |
| *** DUzy Awards for week ending May 1, 2009 *** |
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Edited on Fri May-01-09 07:35 PM by JeffR
 Welcome comrades to the temperamentally proletarian, invariably opiated DUzy Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. On a thread by KittyWampus: David Duke, Former KKK Leader, Detained In Prague For Denying Holocaust geckosfeet: What do you know. He finally found someplace that wants him. OP by NanceGreggs: GOP Cookbook - Now Available!!! Recipes include... Basic Outsauce Gather necessary ingredients. Ship to cheap labor market. Wait four-to-six weeks for prepared sauce to arrive in mail. Return to sender – out-of-work folks can’t afford shipping and handling. Outsauce with a Twist Find one (1) covert CIA agent. “Out” her when her husband starts “talking saucy”. We-Don’t-Torture Turkey Surprise Torture one turkey (farm fresh or plastic) to death. Roast – as – slowly – as – possible. Regale dinner guests with tales about what info the turkey gave up before expiring – which, of course, can't be disclosed, but kept America safe Cheney Chicken Shoot chicken in face. Wait for chicken to apologize. Grunt-like-a-pig while devouring. Halliburton Halibut Sautee rotten fish in fetid water. Charge your dinner guests $2,500 per serving to cover “costs”. Serve on jewel-encrusted “KBR” plates. Gitmo Gumbo Rack-of-lamb with assorted vegetables. Remove from rack before serving – insist lamb died of “natural causes”. Recipe serves 15 to 20 non-persons. Pro-Life Omelette Fry thousands of eggs. Add salt, pepper, mushrooms and onions. Serve while discussing how you would have supported social programs to care for all of those baby chicks, if only they’d been allowed to live to maturity. Bipartisanship Buffet Beat-and-batter one newly-elected president. Place on skewer. Season-to-taste with bitter herbs. Fox-News Frappe Toss mixed nuts, fear and paranoia into blender. Whip into a frenzy. Recipe serves (1,000,000+) idiots and/or (0) thinkers. Christian Values Salad Assorted fresh-and-impressionable greens. Discard all parts thereof that appear to be gay, lesbian, pro-choice, pro-science, pro-freedom-of-thought, rational, and/or intelligent Say Grace before swallowing consuming Tax-and-Spend Tea Run up billions on credit card to purchase ingredients. Combine ignorance and forgetfulness with healthy dollops of revisionist history. Position mis-spelled place cards at each guest’s table setting, in hopes no one will notice you don’t know what the fuck it is you’re steaming about. NeoCon Newburg Ingredients: one (1) fresh lobster Problem: can’t afford lobster Solution: find lobster that promises to pay for itself MSM Appetizer Assemble “virtual” food on platter “Dress” with hair-dos, designer wardrobe, industrial-strength cosmetics and LOTS of vinegar Serve with arrogance - pass-off as substantial and satisfying fare. Palin Half-Baked Alaska Combine brainlessness, scandal, hypocrisy. Add assorted clueless quotes. Bake in oven until over-done. BushCo Brunch Strategerize food preparation. Don’t misunderestimate number of guests. Proceed to put food on your family. jeff30997: Sounds devilicious but ... You're pretty vague about the way to prepare the turkey. Should I waterboard it or use electrodes on the bird's testicles ? Oh,and you forgot about dessert! Suggestion: Crime brulée Put a Dick and some Chimp meat in a large bowel. Add a shameless egghead for scientific flavor. Whip the mix until it's dark and oily then add 1 pound of sugar to reduce the bitterness. Pour into 6 crime brulée dishes and bake in a GD flamefest for 30 minutes. Just prior to serving,caramelize with a blowtorch. Voila ! :) IDemo: Delicious carbonaceous casserole Drive Hummer to Chile and back for ingredients: One dried aquifer One parched planet A smackdown of "Inhofe's Dinosaur Fart" barbecue sauce A dollop of deniability Place in 450 degree oven for thirty years. Insist to guests that it's a frozen dessert. baldguy: Its title is "To Serve America" grantcart: Brilliant Fun Sexy Saffron Hash Grab the nearest Republican hypocrite Expose inner secret life, lies, mistresses/and or male/female prostitute Best served with humiliated spouse standing by her 'man' Piewhacket: Vampire Soup You will need: large pot, heated large wood ladle 100 gal water 30 cloves of garlic 1 lb salt one recently unemployed VP, lightly tarred and feathered, trussed. 1) heat water, salt, and garlic in pot to 160 F. 2) using large ladle, repeatedly blanch VP in pot while intensively questioning him about his and his known associates criminal activities. 3) when sufficiently blanched and done confessing, drop VP into the pot and bring mixture to a full rolling boil for 40 minutes. 4) remove VP, drive wooden ladle through pseudoheart, bury in toxic waste dump. 5) strain liquid and serve as clear soup at next GOP luncheon. jgraz: No thanks. I generally find Republicans too greasy to use in everyday cooking. DFW: If that doesn't satisfy your appetite, here are a few more from the next edition Boehner Beans Take some green beans, let them sit around until brown Add excessive amounts concentrated lemon juice for high acidity Serve cold. Newt Nuts Take one pound of nuts. Let them sit around for ten years until thoroughly stale. Serve at Sunday talk shows until gone or until people get sick, whichever comes first. Hannity Hash Finely grind up two pounds of anything from your disposal. Heat to the point where it smells. Serve involuntary into the mouth of anyone on your show who disagrees with a right-wing point of view. Talk over them while they gag. Fox Fish This recipe works with any kind of fish. Remove all edible parts. Serve the rest, covering it in any artificial sweetener known to be carcinogenic, hoping the people consuming it won’t notice they’re eating trash. It’s Fox, so they won’t. Bachmann Barbecue For this popular Republican recipe, you need an ounce of chicken, plus about one pound of sodium hypochlorite. Serve to nobody. Are you kidding? That stuff is so toxic, it’s the main ingredient in Drano. Indigestible to all but the Congresswoman after whom it was named. She seems to be able to eat it and spit out without any visible side effects. pa28: For a nice summer picnic there's the Bush bucket. A greasy assortment of right wings, rednecks and a$$holes. Hatchling: Waterboard Aperitif 5 gallons any local water. Strain through non-person 183 times Serve over denial in a sneering mug. RedCloud: GOP brown bag to go. Stick foot in mouth and start munching away. Served best with extra large tea bags. SoCalDem: a few more recipes... (Love your chicken recipe) :rofl: Election Stew à la Républicain Posted by SoCalDem in General Discussion Thu Jun 15th 2006, 06:43 PM INGREDIENTS: * 20 million illegals * 2500 dead soldiers (now almost double :cry:..) * 7 trillion dollars of debt * 2 brazillion hours of useless debate over depriving gay people of basic rights * 9 billion missing dollars ..somewhere in Iraq * 46 million uninsured people..praying they don't get sick * 50 dashes of electronic voting machines (Diebold is preferred, but you may substitute ES&S or Sequoia) * 1 braised, but not bruised dash of Rove...(no more than one.. more could cause Roverian cancer) * Liberal pinches of MSM (may still give you a headache, so it's optional) * 2 cups of Minutemen rice (simmered under a baking desert sun preferrably) * 1 petulant chickenhawk..(be sure and clip his wings or he might fly off to Baghdad) * 3 protesters, quartered * 1 or 2 potato heads..(Russerts are preferred, but you may substitute) * 1/4 cup self rising flour (Jesus brand is preferred) * 1/2 cup frozen corn kernels..(not the generals..especially the retired ones.. they can be tough) Mix all together and cook over a HIGH heat..(flags make a handy substitute for briquets)..Stir it and Stir it and Stir it and then keep stirring it... Serve with French bread ....Just kidding.... Read entry | Discuss (6 comments) ..................................... Republican Souffle recipe Posted by SoCalDem in General Discussion Fri May 19th 2006, 02:35 PM Get out your Williams Sonoma bowls, and your heavy-duty stainless steel, diamond studded measuring cups. Send Consuela to the supermarket for the ingredients..(Have her stop at Starbucks on the way home..You'll need your double frou-frou chocolate, half-decaf, half-espresso with Zanzibar-cinnamon-stick, double-froth choco-mocha latte) Separate the eggs...yellows over THERE...Whites over HERE Sift all the dry ingredients together ..(we'll call that integration) Beat the eggs and dump them all in together.. Mix all ingredients into an unholy mess..... Whip it and whip it and whip it some more.. Turn the heat up on the oven..higher and higher and higher Place the souffle into the oven ..sit down and have your latte while the whole thing burns to a crisp.. Call Jennair to complain about the oven.. Call Consuela into the kitchen to clean up the mess Comment to all your friends about how the French don't explain their recipes well, and how they should speak english like we do. Notice that you have run out of checks, so fish a designer dress out of the donation box.. Pay Consuela with the dress.. her children will think she's beautiful... When she asks to take some food home to her kids, since you didn't give her money, tell her how lucky she is, and how she should take personal responsibility.. Call the Club for dinner reservation.. Take a nap.. OP by Drunken Irishman: Guys, I'm concerned all these approval polls are tainted by the Bradley Effect. Talk me down. :hide: On a thread by underpants: GINGRICH: I -- I -- I think it's -- I can't tell you. "When Van Susteren asked if waterboarding is torture, Gingrich hemmed and hawed. 'I think it's something we shouldn't do,' he said, but he qualified his statement, adding, 'Lawyers I respect a great deal say it is absolutely within the law. Other lawyers say it absolutely is not. I mean, this is a debatable area.' When asked if waterboarding violates international law, Gingrich played dumb: VAN SUSTEREN: But you said a minute ago that it was torture, waterboarding... GINGRICH: No, I said it's not something we should do. VAN SUSTEREN: OK. Is it torture or not? GINGRICH: I -- I -- I think it's -- I can't tell you." tanyev: I know one way to help him make up his mind. Poll title by MUAD_DIB: One flu over over the cuckoo's nest... OP by leeroysphitz: I'm running a bit of a fever, I am practically spouting greenish phlegm from my throat and nose, my neck is swollen with dark discolorations to either side of my Adam's apple, I'm sweaty hot and chilly at the same time and I'm extremely fatigued. But at least I took first place in that pig wrestling contest down in Tijuana this weekend! OP title by RUMMYisFROSTED: Osama bin Flu. On a thread by saigon68: Grippe porcine : l'état d'urgence sanitaire déclaré aux Etats-Unis Donnachaidh: heh -- Grippe Porcine -- the Secret Service's code name for Rush Limbaugh. n/t OP by Aristus: Repubs opposed funding for pandemic readiness, huh? The shitheads can't do ANYTHING right! If you leave a Republican alone in a room with nothing but an anvil, somehow, the anvil is going to end up broken... On a thread by nadinbrzezinski: WHO raises their alert level from 3 to 4 Canuckistanian: OK, I give up. Who? n/t OP by Wetzelbill: What will it take for Obama to start torturing swine? You know damn well Bush and Cheney would be doing that to keep us safe right now. Dems are so soft. Do you want the smoking gun to come in the form of a ruined barbecue? A pound of bacon is worth an ounce when it's cured. Or something like that! Who took campaign donations from Jimmy Dean? Think about that for a second! OP by NewJeffCT: is God telling Republicans something? first, Bobby Jindal mocks money targeted for volcano monitoring. Days later, there is a big volcanic eruption in Alaska. Then, Republicans mock money targeted for combating a possible flu pandemic and get it stripped out of the stimulus package. Not a few weeks later, a possible flu epidemic breaks out in Mexico with cases popping up in the US. Hmm, if I wasn't an atheist... On a thread by hyphenate: Tom Hanks Called "a Pawn of Satan" by Occult Expert "'It's sad that a great actor like Tom Hanks has become a pawn of Satan and is aiding the cover-up of the existence of the Illuminati today and is a part of Dan Brown's fraud,' says Mark Dice, author of The Illuminati: Facts & Fiction. 'Brown's book, as well as the film, serves only as disinformation and a whitewash of the real Illuminati...'" rucky: I've been saying that since Bosom Buddies. merh: you are very perceptive it didn't hit me until "Splash" :freak: scarletwoman: I, for one, welcome our Dark Overlords. I'm counting on a cushy job in the Whore of Babylon department. ;) OP by grantcart: American Conservative Institute ranks Republican efforts during Administration's' first 100 Days AP Washington DC Ranking Republicans Efforts During Obama's first 100 DaysBy Dewey Cheetham While the media is engulfed in a frenzy of examining every minute of Obama's first hundred days serious efforts to rank the Republican role as the loyal opposition have gone largely unnoticed. Today in advance of Wednesday's media gnashing of teeth the American Conservative Institute released their report and the head of the institute, Dr. Brian Goosestepper sat down with me for an interview on their ranking. DC: Dr Goosestepper, for those unfamiliar with the "Washington Think Tank" Scene could you tell us a little bit about the American Conservative Institute. BG: Our motto says it all Dewey, We think so you don't have to. We have, at great expense, assembled some of the brightest minds in the conservative movement to assist in following all that is happening so that people can link on our web site find out what they are thinking and make a donation every morning after their morning vespers. We have assembled some of the best minds from bible institutes and local conservative talk shows to make sure that no rock goes unturned. DC: What was the point of your report ranking the Republican's first 100 days? BG: We wanted to make sure that people knew exactly who was cooperating with Obama and who was really fighting him tooth and nail. DC: Well what about the long held cherished role of "loyal opposition" where those defeated join to maximize cooperation with the new president for the sake of the nation. BG: You show me a birth certificate and I will show you 'loyal opposition'. DC: Uh, well I think that President Obama's birth certificate has been released and well documented. BG: No I mean your birth certificate. We aren't out to be loyal we are out to be pure. DC: Getting back to the report what was the criteria you used to evaluate individual Republican leaders on President Obama's first hundred days. BG: We simply looked to see if they had done one single thing to help Obama. We gave a 48 hour grace period after the inauguration and then kept track of everything every Republican Senator, Congressman or Governor has done over the last 97 days. DC: Everything every Republican politician has done for the last 97 days? That must have been exhausting. BG: Not really except for a few malcontents not a single one of them has done a single thing, frankly we let Alice our intern keep the log but we had to give her extra duty because she was so bored. DC: So how did the ratings turn out? BG: 96% of them got As 2% got Cs and 2% got Fs. DC: Lets go over some of the big names in your report, Mitch McConnell? BG: Mitch McConnell got an A as a Senator but an F as Senate Majority leader. As a Senator he did nothing but as Senate Minority Leader he wasn't supposed to do nothing, he was supposed to make sure no Republican Senator did anything as well. DC: John Boehner? BG: Boehner got As all around. First as Congressman he did nothing, Second as House Minority Leader he made sure that no Republican Congressman did anything and he did it with real style, he looks like he just woke up from his nap and couldn't do anything the rest of the day. DC: Michael Steele? BG: Steele got one of the few Cs in our report. He got into a fight with Rush Limbaugh and criticized some Republicans for being negative but in actual fact Michael Steele has done nothing these last 100 days so we couldn't give him an F. DC: But you did give a number of Fs out? BG: Of course, the Republican Party still needs purification. Snowe, Collins, and Spector all got easy Fs. Arnold gets an automatic F because he married a Kennedy and we gave an F to Crist because he was polite to Obama when he was down there and agreed to the stimulus package. DC: How did McCain and Palin fair in your report? BG: McCain got a C. He hasn't done anything but he can't control his own daughter. Palin has already achieved a 'lifetime' A so we don't even bother ranking her, and we don't care if she can't control her daughter, she brings in too much money. DC: I notice that you gave a 'Special Achievement Award' to Norm Coleman. BG: Absolutely. He not only did nothing, he did nothing while not being a Senator and prevented the State of Minnesota from doing anything and he raised money for all of us at the same time. DC: What about the issues that confront the country? What do you feel about torture? BG: Torture, I will show you torture. It is a crime that President Obama has agreed to doing Stem Cell research by using living zygotes for scientific experiments. These are human beings and if those zygotes are used in another human being those zygotes will be tortured the rest of their lives, trapped in a pancreas or a spinal column. That, my friend, is torture. DC: Well those zygotes haven't even experienced basic cell division. BG: That's not true. They can intuitively think, we have proof that these little children can do division in their cells from day one. DC: Well moving on what would you say is your main goal over the next 4 years? BG: We don't care how small the Republican Party gets, we want it to get pure. If that means that the Party is going to lose the 35 Congressional Seats held by Republican Congressman in districts that President Obama carried, so be it. Our hope is that things continue to get worse and that voters will eventually just choose to make a change, any change for the sake of change. We will provide the "do absolutely nothing" change. We don't have a lot of time to achieve this because it is essential for us get back into power so that we can protect the 14,448 government sub contractors who are our new financial base. Without them our think tank is in danger. DC: Well what about the broad grass roots, your politically conservative/religious faithful? Don't they still support you? BG: Are you kidding? They are losing their savings, their jobs and their disposable income to health care and college education. Jobs are being outsourced. America no longer holds an exclusive trading position in the world. Our grass roots don't have money any more. Don't you ever watch the news? Don't you know how bad it is out their for ordinary hard working Americans? OP by Wetzelbill: I, for one, welcome our swine overlords. I, for one, welcome our swine overlords. Diary Entry by Bill Wetzel Like Kent Brockman, the author easily shifts his allegiance in the wake of the impending swine takeover. It appears he has fallen to...the pork side. :::::::: Well, it’s inevitable now. The swine masters will be here any minute and all of us are doomed. I think what hurt me the most was when The Who raised the threat level to Ludicrous Speed. I have always trusted Pete Townsend’s judgment and I will continue to do so now. So that’s why I say this: I, for one, welcome our swine overlords. You will inherit record debt, a financial crisis, a pesky torture and reputation problem, but I have faith in you, oh piggish ones. See as a semi-respected sometimes fiction/-op-ed writer and a washed-up former high school athlete, I am quite well known in certain circles. I can use my influence and connections to help bring others into your trust where you can subjugate and bend them to your will. And if you choose to appoint me to a position of power among my people, hey, who am I not to take it? I will do whatever it takes to bring home the bacon for yo… yeah poor choice of words…. Wait…Arlen Specter did what? Ok, it seems like I jumped the gun a little bit. A RINO has just become a DINO, meaning that nobody really trusts or likes the guy, but that makes one side a little bit more in charge than it was yesterday so, I guess I’m back on the human side again. And to paraphrase the great Kent Brockman: I would like to reaffirm my allegiance to our country and it’s human president, it may not be perfect but it’s still the best government we have…..for now. Kent Brockman welcomes alien ant overlords http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rc3Lm4D12I On a thread by Coventina: 13 MILF 'satellite camps' overrun in Maguindanao: military "Troops have overrun 13 "satellite camps" of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) group in Mindanao, the military said Tuesday..." seemslikeadream: oh that's how you get to use that word here :crazy: Lone_Star_Dem: Hey, isn't that the new reality program coming out this fall? :rofl: billyoc: "This one time, at MILF camp..." :rofl: Bucky: They're a dangerous group, based on their website traffic stats. This is the greatest threat we've faced from MILFs since Parent Night at my high school. Buzz Clik: I'll bet the sponsors find the comments on their discussion board to be highly confusing demwing: The world has become an adult soap opera - Teabaggers, Milfs top the news I never thought I'd live to see the day Doctor_J: I have searched high & low for a MILF camp There must be one closer to home... bowens43: well this isn't what I expected.......... nt 14thColony: It's deja vu all over again I was just writing a report today about the MILF. I was proud of myself for managing to get "MILFs are widespread in the area" into an official government document. But no way I can top 'MILF Camp.' On a thread by marmar: Crazy Fundies Alert: AFA says congress is set to protect "various" sexual orientations..... "Congress is set to give legally protected status to 30 sexual orientations, including incest. Because of pressure from homosexual groups, Congress has refused to define what is meant by sexual orientation in H.R. 1913, the "Hate Crimes" bill. This means that the 30 different sexual orientations will be federally protected classes. Apotemnophilia - sexual arousal associated with the stump(s) of an Amputee Asphyxophilia - sexual gratification derived from activities that involve oxygen deprivation through hanging, strangulation, or other means Autogynephilia - the sexual arousal of a man by his own perception of himself as a woman or dressed as a woman Bisexual - the capacity to feel erotic attraction toward, or to engage in sexual interaction with, both males and females Coprophilia - sexual arousal associated with feces Exhibitionism - the act of exposing one’s genitals to an unwilling observer to obtain sexual gratification Fetishism/Sexual Fetishism - obtaining sexual excitement primarily or exclusively from an inanimate object or a particular part of the body Frotteurism - approaching an unknown woman from the rear and pressing or rubbing the penis against her buttocks Heterosexuality - the universal norm of sexuality with those of the opposite sex Homosexual/Gay/Lesbian - people who form sexual relationships primarily or exclusively with members of their own gender Gender Identity Disorder - a strong and persistent cross-gender identification, which is the desire to be, or the insistence that one is, or the other sex, "along with" persistent discomfort about one’s assigned sex or a sense of the inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex Gerontosexuality - distinct preference for sexual relationships primarily or exclusively with an elderly partner Incest - sex with a sibling or parent Kleptophilia - obtaining sexual excitement from stealing Klismaphilia - erotic pleasure derived from enemas Necrophilia - sexual arousal and/or activity with a corpse Partialism - A fetish in which a person is sexually attracted to a specific body part exclusive of the person Pedophilia - Sexual activity with a prepubescent child (generally age 13 years or younger). The individual with pedophilia must be age 16 years or older and at least 5 years older than the child. For individuals in late adolescence with pedophilia, no precise age difference is specified, and clinical judgment must be used; both the sexual maturity of the child and the age difference must be taken into account; the adult may be sexually attracted to opposite sex, same sex, or prefer either Prostitution - the act or practice of offering sexual stimulation or intercourse for money Sexual Masochism - obtaining sexual gratification by being subjected to pain or humiliation Sexual Sadism - the intentional infliction of pain or humiliation on another person in order to achieve sexual excitement Telephone Scatalogia - sexual arousal associated with making or receiving obscene phone calls Toucherism - characterized by a strong desire to touch the breast or genitals of an unknown woman without her consent; often occurs in conjunction with other paraphilia Transgenderism - an umbrella term referring to and/or covering transvestitism, drag queen/king, and transsexualism Transsexual - a person whose gender identity is different from his or her anatomical gender Transvestite - a person who is sexually stimulated or gratified by wearing the clothes of the other gender Transvestic Fetishism - intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving cross-dressing Urophilia - sexual arousal associated with urine Voyeurism - obtaining sexual arousal by observing people without their consent when they are undressed or engaged in sexual activity Zoophilia/Bestiality - engaging in sexual activity with animals " Irreverend IX: Kleptophilia - obtaining sexual excitement from stealing This must be why the government's been so lenient towards the finance industry. They don't want to discriminate against their sexual orientation. foxfeet: The AFA's list failed to include ignorgasmaphilia: the arousal inherent in the act of telling other people how to conduct their sex lives. On a thread by Liberal_in_LA: Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" has sold hundreds of thousands in last 18 months "'Where is John Galt?' reads a sign in the back of a vehicle heading down Interstate 85 in Atlanta, Georgia. The quotation is wrong. As any reader of Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged' can attest, the correct line is 'Who is John Galt?' but the point is well taken. In the midst of the credit crisis and the federal government's massive bailout plan, the works of Rand, a proponent of a libertarian, free-market philosophy she called Objectivism, are getting new attention. 'If only "Atlas" were required reading for every member of Congress and political appointee in the Obama administration. I'm confident that we'd get out of the current financial mess a lot faster,' Wall Street Journal columnist Stephen Moore wrote in early January. It's obviously getting attention from the general public. Rand book sales are 'going through the roof,' said Yaron Brook, the president of the Ayn Rand Institute. According to Brook, 'Atlas Shrugged,' her most famous novel, has sold more copies in the first four months of 2009 than it did for all of 2008 -- and in 2008, it sold 200,000 copies. It's been in Amazon.com's top 50 for more than a month..." urgk: How about the more timely "Atlas Gorged"? Or "Atlas Golfed." Or "It Was Atlas' Executive Assistant Who Ran the Damn Thing Anyway." Or "Atlas set the Earth down on the outstretched arms of the multitudes of middle and lower class people and, meanwhile, used the opportunity to pick their pockets." Every time I see somebody on TV reference Atlas Gorged, it's with that same, thinly veiled (if veiled at all) threat that the John Galts of this nation will take their brilliant, irreplaceable leadership and go home. I say let them. Let the billionaires leave. At least every billionaire whose company has taken a dive while paying huge bonuses to its CEOS. Let the actual brightest lead for awhile. JohnnyBoots: How about, "Atlas Got Bailed Out" ........ urgk: "Atlas Went Bungee Jumping on a Cord Anchored to Our Collective Neck." n/t omega minimo: Atlas Securitized Adenoid_Hynkel: what next? Father Coughlin repeats on the radio? the right tries to dig out every relic from their past to save their irrelevant asses On a thread by EarlG: Democratic Underground May 2009 T-Shirt Slogan Contest - Enter To Win Free Stuff! tridim: Front: The sky is falling! Back: Oops, no it's not. rug: We even take people named Arlen. Parker CA: The GOP: Patient Zero of the Irrelevance Pandemic. Reader Rabbit: "The Republican Party ruined my country, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!" Someone must have thought of this one already, right? You could also substitute "The Bush Administration" for "The Republican Party." proud patriot: If Freedom isn't Free why do Republicans Always complain about paying for it ? L. Coyote: I was tortured by Republicans for eight years. dalaigh lllama: "Freedom isn't Free. You have to Pay Attention" then underneath: Here's a good place to start: http://www.democraticunderground.com/ madamesilverspurs: Left Ahead GD, April 28, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5554604 On a thread by Lerkfish: on the horizon: comedian Dennis Miller switches back to liberal EFerrari: If only he'd switch back to comedy. :) On a thread by Stinky The Clown: Republicans are in severe decline. Right wing radio is fast becoming white noise. Sebastian Doyle: Wasn't it always white noise? Well.... except for Armstrong Williams. On a thread by ProdigalJunkMail: for the first time in I don't know HOW LONG... I see a small sunspot cluster... tekisui: What does that mean? The Straight Story: The sun has the swine flu :) OP by TygrBright: OK, Everyone, Relax! I've Figured Out How To Cure Swine Flu: TAX CUTS! Yes, that's right, TAX CUTS!! And to prevent future outbreaks, the guaranteed solution? Eliminate at least three major federal administrative divisions-- say (for example,) the EPA, the Dept. of Agriculture, and, uh... lessee... Yeah! The Bureau of Land Management!! That'll do it, definitely! That's right, folks, just listen to your friendly rightwing wackjob spokesperson, they'll tell ya: Want to end hunger? Tax Cuts! Want to eliminate drive time traffic jams? Tax Cuts! Want to prevent the heartbreak of psoriasis? Tax Cuts, I tell ya, TAX CUTS! Looking for World peace? Shut down HUD. Seeking a really great cup of coffee? De-fund USAID! Eliminate the rust on your car? Cut the State Department budget by 80%!! It's GUARANTEED to work! I can't believe a guy as smart as President Obama hasn't figured all this out, yet. ironically, Bright On a thread by DainBramaged: Mexico: Swine flu toll stabilizing safeinOhio: Good deal I won't have to use up all of my Y2K supplies. On a thread by KansasVoter: Can someone from MINN tell me if Michelle Bachman is insane??? The Velveteen Ocelot: She is nuts, and she's also weapons-grade stupid. A bad combination. Poll question by PBS Poll-435: Where will the Republicans hold their next Convention? :shrug: :bluebox: Holiday Inn :bluebox: Holiday Inn Express :bluebox: Obligatory "Other" abq e streeter: In a van down by the river TlalocW: My hometown of Clearwater, Kansas Population < 2000, has a nice park with two large shelters that should be able to house them all. If the parking lot, which should easily hold 30 cars isn't enough, the Methodist church next to it will probably let them park there for a few hours. ksoze: Roswell, NM... only a few will actually know about it and all will later deny it happened for many years to come. Maeve: Never give up your Earl Grey. Jean-Luc Picard wouldn't! OP by yoyossarian: BREAKING NEWS: TOM DELAY SWITCHING SPECIES! WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Veteran former U.S Representative and Speaker of the House Tom Delay (R-Texas) has decided to switch from human to pig on Tuesday, saying he has found himself increasingly "at odds with humanist philosophy." Delay resigned his position from the House of Representatives in 2005, citing a "lack of tasty truffles to be had on the House floor" as his main reason. "This is a painful decision. I know I'm disappointing many of my former colleagues," he said at a news conference announcing the move. "But the disappointment runs in both directions. "I'm putting my porcine principles into action, finally," he added. "As humanity has moved farther and farther toward the light in these last 100 days or so, I have found myself increasingly at odds with it," Delay oinked. "This decision to divest myself of all remaining vestiges of personhood just feels right to me. "In the course of the last several months ... I have traveled the state and surveyed the sentiments of the Republican Party in Texas and public opinion polls, observed other public opinion polls and have found that the prospects for returning to the House are bleak." When questioned on the subject of the recent swine flu outbreak, Delay squealed loudly and took off "like a yuppie out of Oakland," according to Congresswoman Barbara Lee. GD, April 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5560697 OP title by dropkickpa: Vitamin D and butt acne - can it help?? valerief: Stop sitting on chocolate and greasy foods! nt hvn_nbr_2: Inject some swine flu in that acne. If it becomes a boil, you'll beat the draft AND become a gazillionaire star on hate radio and get to have drug-crazed pedophile sex vacations. Sad to say, the swine flu won't make you a swine--you have to already have that in you. Dorian Gray: Since I've started taking it I've had no butt acne to speak of. What more proof does one need? trotsky: Vitamin D cured my hangnail! The question we need to be asking is not if Vitamin D can cure such-and-such, it's IS THERE ANYTHING VITAMIN D CAN'T CURE?!?!? cosmik debris: I would believe you if... If you would use 28 pt blue fonts with more italics and some underlining. On a thread by sabra: Miss California to star in TV ad from conservative group "Carrie Prejean, the Miss USA contestant from California who famously declared her opposition to same sex marriage on the pageant stage, will star in a new $1.5 million ad campaign funded by the National Organization for Marriage... The National Organziation for Marriage has scheduled a press conference with Prejean in Washington on Wednesday to unveil the new ad, called 'No Offense.' 'She is attacked viciously for having the courage to speak up for her truth and her values,' the group said in a press release. 'But Carrie's courage inspired a whole nation and a whole generation of young people because she chose to risk the Miss USA crown rather than be silent about her deepest moral values...'" DebbieCDC: Well now that's bravery "Risking the Miss USA crown" BOSSHOG: So of I suggest that Divorce be made illegal will christian conservatives "come to my rescue" and feature me in a commercial? Aragorn: Yes but only if you win a state beauty pageant. Pics? HillWilliam: Conservative values: greenbacks, simoleans, cashola, payola, baksheesh, banknote, bread, buck, bullion, cabbage, chicken feed, coin, coinage, currency, dinero, dough, funds, green stuff, investment, legal tender, lot, mazumah, note, payment, pledge, principal, ready assets, refund, remuneration, reserve, resources, riches, savings (usually someone else's), scratch, security, skins, stock, treasure (always someone else's)... all usually made by theft, bullshit showmanship, snake-oil sales, and/or oogadaboogadah religion. Political Tiger: I love this line: "Carrie's courage inspired a whole nation and a whole generation of young people because she chose to risk the Miss USA crown..." LOL! It's a beauty contest for God's sake! "Risking" the Miss USA crown is hardly an act of "courage." Courage is risking your life in Afghanistan or rushing into a burning building to save a person's life, not getting a bikini wax and strutting half naked on television vying for a beauty contest "crown!" Orrex: I don't know. A bikini wax sounds pretty dangerous to me. Painful, at least. Godspeed, Carrie. Godspeed! yellowcanine: When did intolerance become a "deep moral value"? ieoeja: 4 November 1980 On a thread by SuperTrouper: Miss California to Campaign Against Gay Marriage jberryhill: I can just see her in the next NOM commercial "I am a beauty pageant contestant, forced to answer pointed questions by a b-list celebrity." On a thread by kskiska: Pageant official: We paid for Prejean’s implants "Shanna Moakler, co-executive director of the Miss California Organization, has confirmed the group behind the pageant paid for Miss California Carrie Prejean’s breast implants, weeks before she competed in Miss USA... 'It was something that we all spoke about together,' Shanna said referring to herself, Carrie and Keith Lewis, Shanna's co-executive director. 'It was an option and she wanted it. And we supported that decision...'" EOTE: I'm pretty sure breast implants are forbidden in Leviticus. Perhaps not directly, but at the very least it would have been frowned upon. A HERETIC I AM: Only if you eat them with shellfish. n/t mitchum: The bible says it okay; check out the book of Carol Doda tanyev: I hope they were opposite boobs, and not same-side. Scurrilous: Isn't this a violation of the 9th commandment? Thou Shalt Not Bear False Titness. KamaAina: Did the check bounce? :evilgrin: Canuckistanian: Too bad they weren't brain implants She clearly need enhancements in that area. On a thread by Fire_Medic_Dave: Robbery Suspect Dies After Being Shot By Property Owner "A Polk County man shot at two robbery suspects Tuesday morning when he thought they were going to run him down. One of the suspects was hit in the head and died, and the other is still at large. The incident happened near a citrus grove on Rifle Range Road in the Wahneta area of Winter Haven..." imdjh: I don't think I would choose "rifle range road" as my burglary or auto theft. But that's just me. Poll question by Renew Deal: Are you preemptively upset with Obama's choice to replace Souter? :bluebox: Yes, Obama's choice is terrible :bluebox: No, Obama's choice is terrific rwheeler31: Why hasn't he made a choice? I'm tired of waiting for this guy to do something. Pirate Smile: LOL - I'm outraged! I'm just waiting to find out why. :D On a thread by Liberal_in_LA: Wrong? Shirtless Obama on Washingtonian mag cover babylonsister: Horrific. Recommend. nt prolesunited: If that's wrong I don't want to be right. Duer 157099: Now if it were the Pope, it'd be clearly wrong. But for a whole other reason! And Bicoastal brings us this little gem making the rounds... OP by Bicoastal: People always said our country would elect a Black president when pigs fly... ...now here we are, 100 days into the Barack Obama presidency, and...well, Swine FLEW!  OP by CoffeeCat: They've found the Swine Flu "patient zero"... GD, April 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5548457 OP by The Straight Story: New swine flu map showing it's spread. You will shit bricks response #1 by Windy response #3 by Bicoastal response #17 by L. Coyote response #21 by The Straight Story response #25 by jobycom response #28 by no name no slogan response #38 by ddeclue response #40 by Stinky The Clown GD, April 29, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5564186 OP by zulchzulu: GOP Rebranding Powerpoint presentation leaked! response #8 by badgerpup response #11 by WestSeattle2 GDP, April 30, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8383124 |
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| The Straight Story
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Fri May-01-09 07:24 PM Response to Original message |
| 1. Really needed these today |
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| KamaAina
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Fri May-01-09 07:25 PM Response to Original message |
| 2. I'd like to thank Miss Homophobia USA, and a former boss |
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| Forkboy
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Fri May-01-09 07:29 PM Response to Original message |
| 3. babylonsister: Horrific. Recommend. |
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| malaise
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Fri May-01-09 07:37 PM Response to Original message |
| 4. Thanks JeffR et al |
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| panader0
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Fri May-01-09 07:37 PM Response to Original message |
| 5. Thanks for all your effort. Always a Friday highlight. |
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| Renew Deal
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Fri May-01-09 07:49 PM Response to Original message |
| 6. I'd like to thank the judges |
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| Wetzelbill
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Fri May-01-09 07:50 PM Response to Original message |
| 7. wow, I transitioned from making fun of teabags to swine flu |
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| Jackeens
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Fri May-01-09 07:57 PM Response to Original message |
| 8. Canuckistanian (OK, I give up. Who?) and babylonsister (Horrific. Recommend. nt) made me...... |
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| ColbertWatcher
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Fri May-01-09 08:02 PM Response to Original message |
| 9. Excellent choices! n/t |
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| sakabatou
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Fri May-01-09 08:20 PM Response to Original message |
| 10. Verdamnt |
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| scarletwoman
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Fri May-01-09 08:31 PM Response to Reply #10 |
| 11. Helpful hint: sometimes you just have to toot your own horn. Don't be shy. |
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| KamaAina
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Fri May-01-09 08:45 PM Response to Reply #11 |
| 14. Tip: Nominate someone else's response in the same thread instead. |
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Fri May-01-09 09:05 PM Response to Reply #11 |
| 16. Oh, ok |
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| saltpoint
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Fri May-01-09 08:33 PM Response to Original message |
| 12. It's just a lift to enjoy these Duzy postings. Thanks to JeffR and |
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| scarletwoman
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Fri May-01-09 08:34 PM Response to Original message |
| 13. Thank you, dear, for allowing me a small place among this august company. |
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| Canuckistanian
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Fri May-01-09 08:52 PM Response to Original message |
| 15. Wicked funny, thanks JeffR |
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| merh
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Fri May-01-09 09:44 PM Response to Original message |
| 17. Finally - I thought I had lost my snark or was typing in invisible ink. |
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| Donnachaidh
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Fri May-01-09 11:13 PM Response to Original message |
| 18. thank you -- this took an absolutely shit day and gave it a great ending. |
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| WillYourVoteBCounted
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Fri May-01-09 11:55 PM Response to Original message |
| 19. thank you Jeff, I surely would have missed some of these |
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| Richard Steele
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Sat May-02-09 12:04 AM Response to Original message |
| 20. K&R, as always! CONGRATS to all this week's winners! nm |
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| SalmonChantedEvening
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Sat May-02-09 05:46 AM Response to Original message |
| 21. THAT |
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| jazzjunkysue
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Sat May-02-09 07:32 AM Response to Original message |
| 22. Swine Flew!!!! |
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| jeff30997
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Sat May-02-09 09:37 AM Response to Original message |
| 23. OMG! OMG ! I'm a DUzer ! |
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| beac
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Sat May-02-09 11:02 AM Response to Original message |
| 24. Love the DUzys for finding the gems I somehow miss during the week. |
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| badgerpup
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Sat May-02-09 04:09 PM Response to Original message |
| 25. DUzy again! |
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| eppur_se_muova
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Sat May-02-09 06:11 PM Response to Original message |
| 26. dalaigh lllama: "Freedom isn't Free. You have to Pay Attention" |
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| pacalo
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Sat May-02-09 07:31 PM Response to Original message |
| 27. So many great wits here! "Where will the next 'Pug convention be?" "In a van down by the river." |
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