Small time pirates get the sniper treatment while big time pirates get taxpayer bailouts....

[Postman]

something stinks.

[nichomachus]

1. "The big crooks hang the little crooks"

Always has been the case.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

2. Small enough to fail.

:cringe:

[JackRiddler]

3. MEANWHILE, IN SOMALIA:

PIRATE 1 (Hijacker): "If this mission fails, I'll be losing a billion dollars in potential booty and ransom! -- Actually, I just pulled that figure out of my ass and sprinkled some fancy-sounding formulas on it. But it sounds like a great number to have!"

Pirate 2 (Hijack Insurer): "In exchange for your monthly premium, I hereby agree by contract to cover the sum of your potential loss for you. That is, in case, by some impossible quirk of fate, your mission should fail. Which is impossible, because everyone knows the iron law of economics: Oil tankers get bigger and easier to hijack every year! They've never gotten smaller! -- And while I'm at it, my good friend -- thanks for the kickback, by the way -- do you have any friends of yours who want to bet against your mission too? They don't actually have to be IN the mission, they only have to pay the premium, and I'll promise to cover them as well! It's a CONTRACT!"

Gasp! The mission -- to hijack a big ship that happened to be a Pentagon decoy full of special forces -- FAILS! Life is so unfair! No one could have foreseen this! It's a BLACK SWAN (tm)!

But wait, think of the chain reaction, if the Hijack Insurer should fail. All the hijackers will end up out of business! This cannot be allowed.

We need the government to step in and HONOR THAT CONTRACT!

---

Unfortunately for the Somalis, the last part does not apply to them. The problem is, they DIDN'T STEAL ENOUGH. If only they had stolen, say, 10 percent of the world, and if they had given .00001 percent of that to politicians in bribes and "campaign contributions," then the government would have given them the trillions they needed to purchase the rest of the world at depressed prices.

Clearly, it was a failure of imagination on their part to steal just a few ships. They should have read more Milton Friedman. (Like the great genius Larry Summers, who is the most indispensable and important person in the world, life is simply unimaginable without his counsel).

---

To clarify:

The banksters who suddenly discovered the sanctity of agreements (amid the mountains of their own frauds) had no contracts with the government! They made contracts with each other, for whatever fictional values they felt like specifying.

For example:

Purchaser of credit-default swap from AIG: "I say this piece of toxic shit I'm betting against (which I don't even own) is worth a billion dollars. The ratings agency agrees, they rated it AAA. So if it fails you'll pay me a billion, right?"

AIG Guy in London (Who Today No Longer Recalls This Conversation): "I'll agree, even though I don't have enough billions to pay you and the many others making the same bet. But I like your premiums! Even more than that, I like the outrageous bonuses I get for landing more premiums! Apres moi, le deluge!"

Thus Is the Holy Contract Sealed!

And then, when the piece of toxic shit fails, the US government steps in to "honor" the contract that the banksters made up out of their own fantasy. The taxpayer dollars are paid literally in exchange for fiction. Not bad, eh? Who hasn't wished they could just write any number they fancy and have it turn into real cash?

Tha-at's all folks!

[pnorman]

4. This was the "First Test" that the Karl Roves confidently predicted that O'Bama would FAIL!

But ("no drama") O'Bama did NOT, and handled it in a manner that won over quite a few of his opponents. The rabid right is FURIOUS!

"Taken out with surgical precision" is the cover story that has been used to justify many truly EVIL things in recent years. But unless there is convincing evidence to the contrary, it was both justified and necessary!

pnorman

[stray cat]

5. Glad the big time pirates haven't kidnapped me and threatened to kill me

if they don't get a bail out.

[Duke Newcombe]

6. Mr. Mor L. Equivalency, your table is waiting. n/t

[WeDidIt]

7. click

[doctor jazz]

8. Well, we can a) legalize piracy or b) go after the 'big' ones.

I'm going with option b.

[TBF]

9. The thing is, the big-time piracy is not illegal. Thousands of loopholes,

you just need the right lawyers. And a little extra cash to grease some palms. But yes it sucks to be a small-time pirate.