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The 7 Dumbest Things Ever Done by Airport Security

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Are_grits_groceries Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:33 PM
Original message
The 7 Dumbest Things Ever Done by Airport Security
#7.Terrorist Breasts Safely Disarmed with Pliers

Just Another Day In Line:

Mandi Hamlin was just trying to grab a flight from Lubbock, TX. She made it through the main security scanners and her various metal piercings hadn't set off any alarms. Then she was wanded by a female TSA employee and discovered that, without her knowledge, her breasts had joined Al Qaeda.


Apparently figuring that the metal nipple rings were there to disguise some kind of implanted boob lasers, Hamlin was forced to remove both of her piercings
One came out with no problem, but the other had to be removed using pliers. This was done behind a screen, while (according to Hamlin) male agents stood nearby laughing at her.

Here's what the Transportation Security Administration had to say for itself:

"TSA supports the thoroughness of the officers involved as they were acting to protect the passengers and crews of the flights departing Lubbock that day... In the future, TSA will inform passengers that they have the option to resolve the alarm through a visual inspection of the article in lieu of removing the item in question."

We suppose the visual inspection beats the hands on approach. Though it's just a matter of time until Al Qaeda develops some kind of poisonous nanodarts that can fire out from those piercings and kill everyone on board. Or at least that's what keeps happening in that dream we dare not tell the therapist about.

To Make Things Worse...

Before the Hamlin incident, the TSA saw fit to feel up dozens of women, forcing them to take off their shirts in public while a female TSA agent felt all around the bra. Don't worry, ladies, after enough complaints rolled in the TSA promised to exclude your boobs from the pat-down.

Unless the metal detector goes off...

#4."All We Need to Take the Plane is a Butter Knife. And the Pilot."

Just Another Day In Line:

Anybody protecting our safety on airlines obviously isn't going to let somebody bring a knife on board. And, of course, the TSA plays things safe by confiscating thousands of Swiss Army knives and others that could make damn fine weapons in the hand of a trained nutjob.

We're not going to complain about that, are we?


Well, there's the case of Patrick Smith, who got stopped with a butter knife. A butter knife from the plane. It was one of the knives they give you with your in-flight meal.

But what was this crazy man doing trying to sneak airplane issued silverware through security anyway? Why couldn't he have just waited to get one with his meal, like a normal person?

Well, the airline issued it to him. Because he works for them. As a pilot. And all of this happened while he was standing there in full pilot uniform.

Wrap your mind around that. If this man was a terrorist and intended to fly a plane into a building, he doesn't need a knife to get into the cockpit. They pay him to sit there.

To Make Things Worse...

With such stringent standards, they catch every dangerous knife, right? Well, there was somebody who got through a security checkpoint with a four-inch knife blade after getting his apparently far more dangerous pudding confiscated.As for all those knives they do confiscate, you might be wondering what happens to them. After all, some of these knives are cherished possessions of the owners, or beloved heirlooms! So, of course, there's a process to get them back. They call it eBay.

Sigh......There's more.
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Shiver Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:43 PM
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1. The threat posed by pudding is no laughing matter!
I sat and watched in horror as a bowl of chocolate/vanilla swirl pulled a gun on my best friend and stole his cat... we must be vigilant!

:grr: :rofl:
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liberal N proud Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 12:51 PM
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2. I sat in the airport waiting for my flight on Friday and ...
watched TSA remove a mans personal belonging from his carry on at the gate. He had already cleared security and was about to board the flight.
They boarded everyone else while his belonging were thrown on the floor as they passed. The plane was delayed waiting for this impromptu search and destroy procedure by the TSA.

When finished they just walked off with smirks on their faces.
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hendo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 01:27 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. As someone who flies almost weekly
I can tell you, that happens far more often than it should.
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hendo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 01:35 PM
Response to Original message
4. Thanks for the link
I'm surprised that the list didn't bring up the guy who wasn't let through security in England because of his transformers shirt. Then again this was about TSA stupidity.

Not to self: Never wear my Kamikazi shirt in an airport. They may not like it.
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jasmeel Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:37 PM
Response to Original message
5. they took my lip gloss...fuckers!n/t
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uppityperson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:46 PM
Response to Original message
6. Needing to x-ray the tiny batteries for my hearing aids.
Edited on Mon Dec-08-08 07:51 PM by uppityperson
I showed them the aids, showed them the extra batteries (new, sealed in a case clearly marked "hearing aid batteries") and asked to walk them thru since x-ray thingie makes them go dead. No, we have to x-ray them. And gave me "The Look". I politely asked for supervisor, offered to take them out of the cardboard package if he wanted. Had to send them thru the scanner because you never know what might be in that little bit of cardboard, couldn't take them out of package since then you never know what I might use them for.

Now I put them in my pocket and walk thru.

I bought a batch of little pocket knives off ebay that were confiscated, made a good x-mas present for the family's emergency packs.
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Ikonoklast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-08-08 07:47 PM
Response to Original message
7. My son has two titanium plates and twelve screws in his arm
Wicked ass scar on the outside to boot.

And every single damn time he flies they give him shit about it, so he just brings along a copy of the X-ray to show them that yes, there actually is a ton of metal in his left forearm.
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