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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 05:46 PM
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*** DUzy Awards for week ending November 28, 2008 ***

Welcome to the bailout-worthy DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to dixiegrrrrl, CaliforniaPeggy, KarenS, awoke_in_2003, scarletwoman, hootinholler, KamaAina, DinahMoeHum, rosesaylavee, wryter2000, ColbertWatcher, liberaltrucker, northofdenali, Crisco and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

Poll question by faygokid:

      Sarah Palin has done it again. Everybody is talking about her. What's her next stunt?
Don't tell me that Sarah didn't know what was going on behind her. She will do anything to stay in the limelight - anything - and she is succeeding. Her "base" just wishes it was us here at DU being fed into the grinders.

As she grows more and more desperate for attention, what do you think her next live, totally disgusting backdrop will be?

:bluebox: Shark attack at Amity Island

:bluebox: Annual baby seal hunt with clubs

:bluebox: Anvil drops on Wile E. Coyote

:bluebox: Closing bell at the New York Stock Exchange

:bluebox: Joe Paterno's hip replacement operation

:bluebox: A field-dressed Levi Johnston after he tries to dump Bristol

:bluebox: Dick Morris' next appearance on Hannity & Colmes

:bluebox: A screening of "Christmas With The Kranks"

:bluebox: The Detroit Lions' annual Thanksgiving Day game

:bluebox: Other

response #1 by flvegan:

      Rumored liason with K-Fed.

response #2 by ColbertWatcher:

      I'm going to say grand marshall at some Christmas parade, with ...
... a gay couple making out in the background.

response #3 by Javaman:

      accidentally bungee jumping after her foot gets caught in her mic line...
then falling from the bridge.

response #14 by Cleita:

      I think she would have to serve the baby for Thanksgiving to top this one. n/t

response #18 by nevergiveup:

      Strangle an American Bald Eagle
with her bare hands on Inauguration Day. It will be the lead story.

response #18 by Sarah Ibarruri:

      She'll star in The Surreal Life and be Flavor Flav's new girlfriend nt

At press time, "Annual baby seal hunt with clubs" was winning with 54% of the votes.

GD, November 21, 2008:

On a thread by marmar:

      3 men plead not guilty to digging up grave to have sex with dead woman
"LANCASTER, Wis. Three men accused of trying to dig up a grave in Cassville in order to have sex with a dead woman have entered not guilty pleas in Grant County Circuit Court.

The case against twin brothers, Alex and Nicholas Grunke, and Dustin Radke, was reinstated last July by the state Supreme Court. The high court ruled Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies. A lower court earlier ruled nothing in state law banned necrophilia.

Armed with shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, prosecutors say the men went to a cemetery in Cassville in 2006 to remove the body of a 20-year-old woman killed the week before in a motorcycle crash.

All three entered not guilty pleas to party to attempted sexual assault, attempted theft and attempted criminal damage to a cemetery."

response #3 by napoleon_in_rags:

      I'm glad twins were involved, it wasn't quite bizarre enough as is. nt

response #6 by sheeptramp:

"Armed with shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, ......"

Like they were worried about paternity suits?

response #7 by Jackpine Radical:

      NATURALLY it's Wisconsin again. What the fuck's the matter?
They couldn't find a roadkilled deer somewhere?

Gyaghhhh! One of these days I'll crack and start telling all the stories I know from this state that DIDN'T make the papers. One thing about being a forensic psychologist--you get called in on all the really weird cases.

response #26 by JVS:

      What do you mean again? This is the same three who it's always been.

response #18 by foxfeet:

      "What do you mean, dead?
I just thought she was Canadian!"

response #23 by rocknation:

      Haven't they ever heard of
Or mail-order brides?


response #31 by MindPilot:

      I could have just introduced them to my first wife
Roughly the same experience without all the digging.

GD, November 21, 2008:

OP by onehandle:

      OMG! 100% of Obama's Administration have connections to the Clintons!
They were ALL alive in the 1990s! Hundreds of them!

I would bet that the vast majority of them even VOTED FOR BILL CLINTON!

What to do. What to do.

response #7 by Lastlaughin08:

      I warned you - it's a conspiracy
to get this country back on track after 8 years of the most disastrous team in American history.

Next time you'll listen...........

response #8 by Median Democrat:

      Exactly, We Should Hire A Cabinet...
From the members of this survivalist cult in New Mexico that has been living in a bomb shelter since 1990. They have never even heard of the Clintons, thus they are untainted, and represent real change!

The only problem is that we will convert federal budget spreadsheets to Lotus 1-2-3, and explain that folks with blue tooth headsets are not the Borg.

response #9 by Undercurrent:

"... folks with blue tooth headsets are not the Borg."

They aren't?

Whew, that's a relief!

response #20 by Montauk6:

      No WAIT! Did you guys hear the latest???
I just HEARD that Obama and his family will be working and LIVING in the White House! THE SAME PLACE THE CLINTONS RESIDED/WORKED FOR 8 STRAIGHT YEARS!

MY GOD, doesn't this man have an original bone is his body????

response #26 by AndrewP:

      I Know! It's shocking!!!!
I was truly hoping he would get more FDR administrative appointees. I guess it's the whole "they are all dead" thing. Damn it!

response #31 by cliffordu:

      I have an admission;
Bill Clinton drove by me in a motorcade once. I feel so......dirty....

GDP, November 21, 2008:

OP by Jackpine Radical:

      U Dummykrats thin yur so smart
just cas u gradated hgih scool an some of u want to colige an all. Let me tel u u dont have no commin sence about how thins R in the reel whirld. u goin to all that scool wile the rest ov us was out macking an liveng, gess who lurnd whats importent, like the gays want 2 roon meridge 4 the rest ov us and whee dont hav Jobs Bcuz the ileggal alens took tham all to Mixco an now Woll Stret gon 2 claps coz the invirmenist tree hugrs put 2 meny regalatens so the bancks cuden trickel down our mony 2 us. U leetist bastirds driven ur Toyata Priapses maken Furd & Chivvy go out ov biniss mak me want 2 Puk.

response #2 by Jack Rabbit:

      I'll bet you can't use *picayune* in a sentence

response #6 by TahitiNut:

      Noses ...
... I'll picamine and you picayune.


response #8 by Jackpine Radical:

      Ya, sure. Dere vas dis turble clacken an whirrin racket outsida da window
lass nite an Lena she says I bedder make alla da noise stop, so I finely hadda go outside inna dark an picayune bug offa da screen.

So dere.

response #4 by Heidi:

      Wuh ding dang.
I half no ideee whu u jest sed but I no that priapses is a dirty word. I'll be preyin' for u.

response #9 by DearAbby:

      Y ' yu gall dayumed simpole mined idjit!
git yur sef a gall dayumed edukashun,yu mak the rest of us lok lik idjits to. gid on outta heer.

edet: fur spelin

edet twise: fur punksuashun to

response #10 by Nevernose:

      Libruls aint nuthin but edacated idiuts
Theys always walken round talken like theys so smart jus becuz they knows more stuf than me.

You know, if these people's stereotypes about liberals are correct, somewhere there's a gay immigrant being smuggled across the border in the trunk of a Prius, doctoral dissertation written in Arabic in her pocket instead of a Bible, hellbent on replacing that statue of a bull on Wall Street with a statue of Marx made from recyclable materials.

response #13 by scarletwoman:

      And after that, she'll burn a flag and get an abortion.

response #17 by liberalpress:

      after hugging a tree while drinking a latte

response #19 by Dr_eldritch:

      Ok you guys....
Stop picking on my sister!

She finishes her latte before hugging the tree just to make sure she doesn't burn or stain the tree.
She got her 7th abortion first and then burned the flag while the little 'pro-life' girl was holding it outside the clinic.
The car she was smuggled in was driven by a guy with priapism. Her doctorate was written in Satanic verse, and it was on how to turn babies gay in the womb... and it's the Washington monument she wants to replace with a foam-peanut sculpture of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Geez... it's like everyone she talks to has a different version of what she said while she was giving them a lap-dance.


GD, November 22, 2008:

OP by cottonseed:

      This country needs a new Manhattan Project
We need to make funds available now to genetically engineer or by some alternative method produce dozens more, if not hundreds of Dennis Kucinichs to fill available cabinet and agency head positions in Obama's administration.

GDP, November 22, 2008:

OP by styersc :

      Obama's misogynistic slight of Hillary will backfire on him.
It just pisses me off that Obama can look at a talented and educated woman like Senator Clinton and all he can think to do is make her a Secretary!!!!

Talk about stereotypes.

response #12 by TlalocW:

      If you want to talk about stereotypes
What about having a Black man clean up a mess a bunch of Whites made?

GDP, November 22, 2008:

On a thread by Enrique:

      Top 100 singers of all time, per Rolling Stone

response #61 by jobycom:

      Where the Hell is Rick Astley? Roxette? John Ashcroft?
Roseanne Barr?

response #62 by bluesbassman:

      Yeah, and what about William Shatner?

response #66 by prodn2000:

      OMFG a Lounge thread that is worthy of GDP!!!

The Lounge, November 22, 2008:

OP by philboy:

      BREAKING!! Something happened today, somewhere.




The Lounge, November 23, 2008:

On a thread by proud2Blib:

      Couple sues McDonald's over nude photos on Web: Hubby left phone with wife's naked pictures at McDs
"A Bella Vista couple found out the hard way that when a wife sends nude pictures of herself to her husband's cell phone, these pictures can end up on the Internet.

Phillip and Tina Sherman filed a lawsuit Friday against McDonald's Corp.; Mathews Management Co., which owns the McDonald's franchise on Sixth Street in Fayetteville; and Aaron Brummley, a manager of the restaurant.

The Shermans seek more than $ 3 million in damages after nude photos of Tina Sherman were posted on a Web site and she received threatening and harassing text and phone messages, according to the lawsuit.

Phillip Sherman on July 5 left his cell phone in the McDonald's restaurant. His wife had previously sent nude pictures of herself to this cell phone for his own use, according to the complaint..."

response #1 by JoeIsOneOfUs:

      ? um, isn't filing this lawsuit what is really going to eliminate their privacy ? nt

response #2 by Lastlaughin08:

      Were there sesame seeds on her buns?

response #7 by Botany:

      Special Sauce from a 1/4 pounder??????????
McDonald's I'm loving it!

GD, November 24, 2008:

OP by BigBearJohn:

      If Bush is a lame duck, does that make Cheney a lame dick?
(sorry, just had to ask)

GD, November 24, 2008:

If you posted in this thread, you get a DUzy. If you recommended this thread, you get a DUzy. If you read this thread, you get a DUzy. If you're reading this right now, you get a DUzy. If you've ever conversed with anyone in one or more of the above categories, you get a DUzy.

OP by Ichingcarpenter:

      Put Your Favorite Palin anecdote or Photoshop here-We were called out on MSNBC

GD, November 24, 2008:

OP by charlie and algernon:

      if turkey meat is called turkey, and chicken meat is called chicken, why is pig meat called ham?
Do people not want to order a pig club on rye? What do people have against the name pig?

response #2 by Shell Beau:

      Waaay deep dude!
Why do you have one bra and a pair of panties?

response #5 by redqueen:

      Yeah, really...
if anything deserves to be a pair, it's the bra.

response #11 by charlie and algernon:

      and if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

The Lounge, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by ellacott:

      Alan Colmes Leaving Hannity
"FOX News Channels (FNC) Alan Colmes will relinquish his role as co-host of Hannity & Colmes at the end of the year.

In announcing his decision, Colmes said, 'I approached Bill Shine (FNCs Senior Vice President of Programming) earlier this year about wanting to move on after 12 years to develop new and challenging ways to contribute to the growth of the network. Although its bittersweet to leave one of the longest marriages on cable news, Im proud that both Sean (Hannity) and I remained unharmed after sitting side by side, night after night for so many years...'"

FOX News Chairman & Chief Executive Officer Roger Ailes added, 'Alan is one of the key reasons why FOX News has been such a remarkable success. Were sad to see him leave the program but we look forward to his ongoing contributions to the network...'"

response #2 by IanDB1:

      Alan, show me on this doll what Hannity did to you. n/t

response #3 by Patsy Stone:

      "Alan is one of the key reasons why FOX News has been such a remarkable success."
He's proven we CAN keep a Democrat penned up in a small cage and only let him out for a hour a day.

response #8 by zehnkatzen:

      So Long, "Liberal to be named later" ...
Thanks for the stellar job you did at changing FOX from the inside.

Absolutely stellar. Seriously, first rate.

No, really.

response #10 by bobbiejo:

      He's still there? I thought he left 3 years ago.
:shrug: :eyes:

response #16 by Neo:

      now renamed "The Hannity Vanity Masturbatory Hour"
instead of a teleprompter he simply has a mirror by the camera and can't stop staring at it.

response #33 by sofa king:

      I heard he's going to play the butler in the Benny Hill Story.

response #34 by Buzz Clik:

      How hard will it be to find a bucket of sand to replace him?

response #44 by happychatter:

      that's like the Washington Generals leaving the Harlem Globetrotters
it's like a kiss without a squeeze

response #52 by rhett o rick:

      I heard Michael Savage needed a liberal to be sacrificed live on his show. Alan was only one with
experience. The pay is good but the benefits suck.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by cali:

      Police Want to Know Who Left Piano in Massachusetts Forest
"HARWICH, Mass. Harwich police have a musical mystery on their hands: Who left a piano in the middle of the woods? And why?

The Baldwin piano discovered in the Bells Neck woods appears to be in perfect working condition and had a matching bench as if it had recently been played.

The piano was discovered Saturday by a woman walking along a path inside a conservation area at the woods.

Another question police would like to answer is how the piano got to such a remote location. The piano is heavy and it took more than a half dozen men to load it onto a truck to remove it.

Police said they've notified other police departments in the area to see if anyone has reported a missing piano..."

response #3 by rucky:

      If someone leaves a piano in the woods...
and nobody was around to see it, did someone really leave the piano?

response #27 by Peake:

      Conservatory, conservation area, it's close enough.
But what I'd be worried about, is when a naked Harvey Keitel will appear. It's a given.

response #29 by Orrex:

      Damn this illegal ivory trade!

response #41 by FloridaJudy:

      This thread is useless without pictures.
I nominate Ren Magritte.

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

The Lounge (moved from GD), November 24, 2008:

OP by Armstead:

      Obama's great. Obama sucks. You suck if you worship Obama. You suck if you hate him.
Just thought I'd summarize the last week on DU for those who've missed it.


response #2 by onehandle:

      I agree with your subject line. I object to your subject line.
"Let's call the whole thing off."

GDP, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by Boz:

      Hillary Clinton ineligible for SOS under Emolument Clause announcement to come late Friday

response #24 by Mass:

      Was she knighted by the Queen or what?\nt

response #27 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      She received skin care products from a foreign government?
Would that be an emollient emolument?

response #40 by scarletwoman:

      And then proceeded to rub some of them the wrong way...

response #65 by Wednesdays:

      Let's just hope those charges don't stick
Or, that they just won't wash. :evilgrin:

response #30 by prodn2000:

Maybe he wants in on this action? :shrug:

response #33 by QC:

      Gold Bond Lotion ineligible for official White House endorsement under Emollient Clause.
Announcement to come Friday!

response #34 by Juniperx:

      Are you sure that isn't the Unguent clause?
There are differences between emollients and unguents, you know...


response #42 by scarletwoman:

      I think we're heading down a slippery slope here...

response #63 by itsrobert:

      Your Source must be Oscar Mayer
Because it's full of baloney.

GDP, November 24, 2008:

OP by NightWatcher:

      Bush operatives caught ripping copper plumbing out of the walls of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
(file under: Stories I expect to read next month)

Reporters have observed and documented numerous Bushco henchmen loading pipes ripped from the walls and floors of the White House into unmarked trucks destined for scrap metal recycling yards. With copper fetching more than one dollar sixty cents per pound, estimates put the haul near three thousand dollars in this load alone. This story goes hand in hand with recent eBay and Craigslist ads traced back to White House IP addresses offering deals on limousines with some sort of "eagle logo" on the sides. Calls placed to the Government Accounting Office were answered by a breathy female who first demanded that we provide a credit card number before she would provide comment. After five minutes reporters determined that they were not going to get the answers they were looking for and therefore ended the call twenty minutes later.

GD, November 25, 2008:

OP by Stingo:

      Ann Coulter: Dreams DO Come True
Miracles do come true. Ann Coulter will not be talking for a while. The rabid extremist right winger and hatemonger has had her jaw wired shut do to an accident she suffered last month. Please come and comment about this tragic event. Offer your prayers that she loses her voice forever. /

response #2 by Xipe Totec:

      This thread is useless without pictures

response #4 by Stingo:

      You want to blind people?

response #7 by Xipe Totec:

      A black & white photo is fine
black & blue, even better.

response #3 by wryter2000:

      If only they could wire her keyboard shut, too. n/t

response #17 by icnorth:

      Stress fracture...
happened when she tried to bite the end off her mic election night.

response #25 by FVZA_Colonel:

      Unfortunately, we'll still have to deal with her when she talks out of her ass.

response #38 by Joanne98:

      Please God make her wires rust.

Editorials & Other Articles, November 25, 2008:

On a thread by Are_grits_groceries:

      GIVE THANKS!! Ann Coulter's Mouth Wired Shut In Time For Thanksgiving.

response #18 by trotsky:

      She was probably getting a drink of water...
when someone slammed the toilet seat down on her.

response #65 by roguevalley:

      she probably punched herself in the face. If I were her, I would.

response #34 by librechik:

      damn! and I was so sure there is no God
after Obama and this, I now have my doubts...

GD, November 25, 2008:

OP by Sabriel:

      Coulter releases statement regarding health rumors
"Mmmm hhhmmm uuummm hmmmm urrggmmm ghhjhm hhhhhmn. Errrg hhhrrrgh rrrrmmm hhhrrm rrrrm ggrrh."

"Errrjj gjggh."

response #17 by lame54:

      Finally, she makes sense

response #36 by malaise:

:rofl: I don't want to see her after that liquid diet - she'll be invisible sideways. :D

response #39 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Dibbbf ibbnt fummny

response #44 by Contrary1:

      And on a related note:
Sarah Palin offered her condolences. "I understand what you are sayin, Ann. Also, all my fellow citizens, and I speak for most Republicans in the great history of America, are prayin for your speedy and quick recovery, and also that you will be rearin your head on our TV airspace in the near future, if not sooner, also."

response #47 by old mark:

      Saw clip of her this morning. She reminds me of an Irish Setter
a neighbor owned. He was the dumbest animal I have ever met, but had great hair.

GD, November 25, 2008:

OP by hootinholler:

Whereas Project X was such a successful endeavor.

Whereas collectively members of the project have seldom met face to face.

Whereas Nov. 4th was the penultimate event in the realization of the initial plan's objective.

Whereas Jan. 20 will be the ultimate event in the realization of the initial plan's objective.

Be it resolved by the undersigned that in recognition of the project's accomplishments January 20, 2009 will be known as Project Xmas, and in recognition thereof, that nominations of establishments of good cheer in which participants may convene on that date in our Capitol City will be accepted forthwith and subsequently put to a vote.

Merry Project Xmas! See y'all in DC.

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by WilliamPitt:

      What's the view from your window?

response #2 by Peake:

      I can see Russia.

The Lounge, November 26, 2008:

OP excerpt by WilliamPitt:

      Happy Thanksgiving, ya pack of crazy bastids.
I'm going to spend the holiday criticizing fat people at the Olive Garden while smoking a puppy in an SUV I bought from Hillary Clinton.


And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

      Bush Twins Show Obama Girls Fun White House Tricks

response #1 by billybob537:

      Like sneaking in to the Liquor cabinet?

response #4 by IanDB1:

      "... this is where I passed-out on the lawn wearing nothing but flip-flops and a Hello Kitty shirt."

response #10 by alfredo:

      They also showed them how to change the launch codes so they
flush all the toilets instead of launching missiles.

response #14 by Bucky:

      Dubya coaches Obama in how to humiliate employees with preppy nicknames
Laura gives Michelle a quick tour of the medicine cabinet.

Mrs Biden passes up Lynn Cheney's offer of a special introduction to "how us girls relieve stress when our men are away."

response #39 by nichomachus:

      It's not polite to use "Bush twins" and "tricks" in the same headline n/t

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by bigtree:

      President-elect Obama hands out food on South Side of Chicago

response title #12 by IDemo:

      Now that is how to put food on your family!

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by julialnyc:

      They are about to name host for Meet The Press

response #8 by wyldwolf:

      I've heard Hillary has floated a rumor it is her, forcing NBC to offer it to her
Of course, because of some obscure passage in the Constitution, she may not be qualified for the job.

GDP, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by Cash_thatswhatiwant:

      JUST ASKING (rumor mill) -- TV Host and Co-Host having an affair
WHICH TV host has such good rapport with his fetching female co-host that his wife has correctly guessed they're having an affair?

response #7 by DJ13:

      So THAT'S why Colmes is leaving Hannity!
I knew it!

response #30 by madinmaryland:

      Bill O'reilly and himself.

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by madinmaryland:

      I hate to admit this, but I bag my own groceries, use the self check-out
when available, and return my cart to the cart corral or the front of the store...

response #127 by Bucky:

      You're creating jobs for computer repairmen whenever you use the self check out
I usually kick them, jam up their paper receipts, or scratch the glass surfaces, just to help the job market grow.

GD, November 27, 2008:

On a thread by DCBob:

      I suspect there are alot of Repubs thinking what if the India attacks had happened 1 month earlier.
I wonder how that would have played out. I am sure McCain would have tried to make political hay out of it, but I doubt it would have made any difference.

response #2 by CitizenPatriot:

      after someone informed Palin where Mumbai was
she would have gone on international TV saber-rattling the Indians. She'd never apologize for having gotten it wrong, either, just say "and there, too, with them wanting the democracy following there the people who are desiring of their government to put aside there and get movin in the not looking at which side you're on or whether someone got the name of the terrorists right because we're all terrorists there and again, as I've said, just gettin in there and helpin'..."

and POOOOOOF bright flash all gone

response #11 by onetwo:

      Not a single "also?"

response #13 by CitizenPatriot:

      so right
edited to add:

"also the american people just really desiring of putting forth their, in the way, and again, we're just gettin in there and findin out who did what and who we can, again, not to throw blame around...and also the media, there, has been a source of ..not gettin things right also. but again, the public just wantin it and sayin hey, also...It's not mean spirited, again. It's findin out who I spend time with, also, when the public deserves to know, just askin those questions, also that John the Public Librarian wants to know, there. Also...havin a super time."

Cue the slaughter in the BG.

response #16 by rug:

      He would have suspended his campaign and condemned the violence in Indiana.

GDP, November 27, 2008:

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

      2,700-year-old marijuana stash found
"Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.

The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly 'cultivated for psychoactive purposes,' rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.

The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.

The extremely dry conditions and alkaline soil acted as preservatives, allowing a team of scientists to carefully analyze the stash, which still looked green though it had lost its distinctive odour..."

response #2 by mitchtv:

      I lost some over there a while back
I forget when

response #36 by Hissyspit:

      Incidentally, the discovery during the excavation occurred precisely at 4:20 p.m.

response #40 by AsahinaKimi:

      I smell another Indiana Jones Adventure in the works...
The Legend of the Lost Bong of Turpan...

response #54 by impeachdubya:

      Well, obviously it's a dangerous substance, easily worth the $40 Billion a yr we spend fighting it.
I mean, look-- whoever was smoking it is DEAD NOW! See what pot does, kids?

response #63 by Ezlivin:

      The Dude abides

response #64 by Orrex:

      Archaeologists confirm that Dave was not there, man.

response #66 by MineralMan:

      This was left out of the story
"Although the scientists were unable to germinate any of the seeds found in this stash, Professor Wang Chung said, 'We found that the case of Hostess Twinkies found next to the bag of marijuana was still quite edible.'"

response #67 by machI:

      In his statement to the police, the dead, light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man said,
"Its not mine man. I tell you I was only holding it for a friend. It's not mine!"

response #78 by scarletwoman:

      See, man, this is what I'm talking about. You know, the long historical -- it's like this, uh, thing
like a line -- no wait, it's like a fractal... like a holographic fractal... Oh man... See, that's the beauty of it, you know? It's the connection, man. This is, like, so heavy! So, when you see the pattern, that long historical... you know like a telescope looking back through time... and there's mirrors so it's not a straight line, and then you're looking at yourself, too... Yeah, man, and then, you know, there are no corners, just a big round circle... or like a spiral... And there it is, it's all so fucking clear... we're just spinning through this spiral thing, you know... We're all stardust... and then there's the music and the art and the free spirits... and good things to eat... like chocolate chip cookies...

Oh, wait -- what were we talking about?

response #121 by fla nocount:

      Have you ever looked at your thumbs man.....
I mean, really LOOKED at them?

response #79 by Lasher:

      If memory serves, this would date back to the Bhang Dynasty.

response #86 by DBoon:

      They found John McCain's stash!
I knew he was hiding something from the press!

response #141 by jpak:

      The inscription on the tomb read...
"He Bogarted"


response #142 by Pluvious:

      The original BC bud (coff coff)

LBN, November 27, 2008:

OP by abernste:

      Obama had turkey for Thanksgiving. They served turkey during the Clinton Administration!!
That's not change!!!!

response #1 by scheming daemons:

      Not only that... he didn't eat any ham!!!!!11!!!!!! Obviously, he's a muslim....

response #2 by Whisp:

      did he masticate in front of his black children again?

GDP, November 28, 2008:

OP by Bucky:

      Gay marriage will destroy Christmas for our troops praying in school
Now quit burning those flags before you socialize the healthcare from my cold dead fingers, you Nascar-hating elitist.

response #1 by nxylas:

      Shit! Busted!
The Real Americans are onto us, comrades. Quick, put more fluoride in the water supply!

response #2 by yardwork:

      I can't understand you. I only speak Spanish.

response #4 by FloridaJudy:

      Oh crud!
You startled me so much I spilled my latte all over my porn and my Birkenstocks.

GD, November 28, 2008:

OP by AspieGrrl:

      Circumcised vegans breastfeeding at the Olive Garden.
While listening to Laura Branigan and eating cornflake chicken.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

response #11 by Commie Pinko Dirtbag:

Religion is wrong! If you don't use compact fluorescent bulbs you're raping the Earth! Strippers are workers worthy of respect! Gays are ruining the party! America is a Christian nation! Evolution is not a theory! Michael Jackson is obviously guilty! Christians are stupid! Christians are persecuted! The red states are all idiots! Downloading songs is theft! No, copyright is theft! All drugs should be legal! They murdered Terri Schiavo! Olive Garden is the best Italian restaurant there is! Bush won fair and square! PETA are terrorists! John Edwards' House! He's FINISHED! Musicals are idiotic! What's wrong with women in burqas teaching kindergarten? Breading chicken with crushed cornflakes is an abomination! No, fried turkey is! Dean would not have done any better in the 2004 election! Strippers are whores! Oasis is way better than the Beatles! Tookie was a monster! What's wrong with the word "bitch?" U2 sucks! Reggie White deserves respect! Joe Lieberman is a great Democrat! Compact fluorescent bulbs are useless! A vote for Nader is a vote for Bush! Rep. McKinney belongs in jail! If you have a SUV you're a pro-Bush hillbilly! Shoot all illegal immigrants! Smoking in public should land you in prison! Israel is wrong! Horse racing is barbaric! Auto racing rapes the environment! The new Pope is a Nazi! Don't support the troops! Laura Brannigan was the best singer evah! Massachusetts is more racist than Georgia, you anti-South bigot! Using the auto-checkout is oppression of workers! The smoking ban is great, I can breathe in bars again! Ban all guns! Eminem is a genius! No, Woody Allen is! Scientology is a religion like any other! Tookie should have won the Nobel Peace Prize! Michael Jackson is obviously not guilty! Goodbye Daddy! 9/11 was not a conspiracy! Graffiti is art! No, it's vandalism! Boycott Everything! There's no point voting anymore because of BBV! Abortion is murder! Pitbulls are docile! Boycotts are futile! Wow, check these hot babes! LIHOP! MIHOP! The Minutemen are heroes! Publishing Michelle Malkin's address was wrong! Chemtrails! The death penalty is barbaric! Nuclear power is good for the environment! Affirmative action is reverse racism! Women should breastfeed in public! No they should not! Circumcision should be outlawed! Terri Schiavo was already dead! All Muslims commit crimes against women! No they don't! Enough with the cat threads already, dammit! Marijuana users are criminals and belong in jail! Nancy Pelosi is doing nothing! The UN is useless! Outdoors cats kill songbirds! No, wind farms do! A lap dance is not sex! Do you eat murdered animals? I eat veal and foie gras, you veganazi! Atheism is a religion! No it's not! Kerry let us all down! Tom Cruise is gay! If you don't like me smoking you're a nanny-state Nazi! We'll have no choice but to vote for a Third Party! I knew that story about racism could only have come from the South! I hate it when stupid parents let their stupid kids run around the restaurant when I am trying to enjoy myself! Nuclear power should be banned! Hillary is a DINO! No, she's a Fat Actress! Forbidding smoking anywhere is a civil rights violation! The USA is using napalm in Iraq! No it's not! Obama sold out! Damn hippies! Discrimination against gays is not illegal! Prince Charles and Camilla are ugly morons! No, Diana was! Why do you worry about animal abuse and not human abuse? I agree with Kyl-Lieberman! Female circumcision is no worse than male circumcision! Ban pitbulls! I'm going to Canada! If you leave the country you are a traitor! NASCAR is only for white-trash Republicans! Hugo Chavez is a dictator! Obama has betrayed the progressive movement! PETA rocks! Do you want Sharia law in America? Laura Branigan sucks! Hiroshima was a war crime! Linux is as insecure as Windows! Macs are better than either! Fat people are that way because they're irresponsible! Porn demeans women! Democrat Party!

The DU Universal Flamebait is 2004-2008 Commie Pinko Dirtbag. All rights reserved.

The Lounge (moved from GD), November 28, 2008:

On a thread by warrior1:

      Accused Attacker Beaten With Candy Cane
"A man who allegedly threatened neighbors with a knife on Thanksgiving was beaten with a large decorative candy cane wielded by a bystander, Sacramento police said.

The incident began in Del Paso Heights when Donald Kercell, 49, became drunk and then got angry, Sgt. Norm Leong said.


Leong said Kercell swung the knife and went after some people, adding that some of those being chased suffered minor injuries.

A bystander picked up a 2-foot-long candy cane decoration, smacked Kercell with it and disarmed him, Leong said..."

response #3 by Turbineguy:

      Never bring a knife
to a candy cane fight!

response #8 by IDemo:

      I'm glad he was able to do that before Obama takes away everyone's candy canes

response #12 by Johnyawl:

      When candy canes are outlawed...
...only outlaws will have candy canes!

GD, November 28, 2008:

And don't miss this:

OP by grantcart:

      Geoge Bush's favorite painting - A charge to Keep

GDP, November 24, 2008:

On a locked poll:

      Anyone here think we have a bit of over zealousness in thread locking--??

response #9 by cbayer:

Do you believe in self-fulfilling prophecies?


DU Moderator

GD, November 25, 2008

OP by thincaboutit:

      RARE Group pic!!!

GDP, November 22, 2008:

OP by Are_grits_groceries:

      Before they were famous...

GD, November 22, 2008:

OP by David Ippolito:

      A suggested job for Lieberman at The White House

response #2 by NewJeffCT

response #5 by hlthe2b

GDP, November 23, 2008:

OP by SallyMander:

      Whaaa???? (rofl)

response #8 by DS1

response #48 by mondo joe

response #59 by Edweird

response #19 by Neo

response #31 by rasputin5

response #23 by Gidney N Cloyd

response #33 by InternalDialogue

response #34 by Turbineguy

response #40 by chimpsrsmarter

response #41 by Chorophyll

response #51 by sufrommich

response #52 by SallyMander

response #53 by NeedleCast

response #56 by lunatica

response #61 by Gregorian

GD, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by DogPoundPup:

      Report: Government prepared to lend $7.4 trillion

response #1 by SpiralHawk

response #12 by tomeboy

response #19 by balantz

response #27 by mopinko

response #39 by bvar22

LBN, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by ellacott:

      Alan Colmes Leaving Hannity

response #22 by Sentinel Chicken

GD, November 24, 2008:

On a thread by cali:

      Police Want to Know Who Left Piano in Massachusetts Forest

response #9 by DS1

response #10 by Botany

response #39 by Greyskye

The Lounge (moved from GD), November 24, 2008:

OP by Bucky:

      OMG! Is this that girl that got "attacked" by "Obama supporters"?

response #7 by Teaser

GDP, November 25, 2008:

On a thread by charlie:

      Shocking news from Florida

response #21 by DefenseLawyer

GD, November 25, 2008:

On a thread by Junkdrawer:

      We do Obama no favors with our silence...

response #111 by bushmeat

GDP, November 25, 2008:

OP by PAVet4Murtha:

      caption this

response #1 by rurallib

response #2 by DireStrike

response #3 by Lastlaughin08

response #4 by Fridays Child

response #5 by rug

response #7 by IDemo

response #12 by DearAbby

response #13 by TripleKatPad

response #15 by Incitatus

response #16 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by WilliamPitt:

      Happy Thanksgiving, ya pack of crazy bastids.

response #25 by Swamp Rat

GP, November 26, 2008:

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Bush Will Miss Airforce One, White House Cooking

response #5 by Swamp Rat

GD, November 27, 2008:

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flvegan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 05:52 PM
Response to Original message
1. K&R! Thanks JeffR!
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 06:09 PM
Response to Original message
2. Hilarious!
Thanks, Jeff!


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wryter2000 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 06:22 PM
Response to Original message
3. K&R
Great stuff, all! Thanks for the DUzy. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. R.
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 06:38 PM
Response to Original message
4. k&r -- What a treat, you posted them early today! And I won FOUR DUzys this week! Woohoo!
My best multiple winnings in months! If only Kurovski were here to see this, I know he'd be so proud of me... :cry:

Gotta run -- I've realized that I need to stock up on two-foot candy canes.

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zeemike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:06 PM
Response to Original message
5. I love these DUzy awards.
I can get mu laughs all in one place.
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jazzjunkysue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:12 PM
Response to Original message
6. Nice Thanksgiving touch to grant the public Duzy to anyone who viewed the Palin

Well played. Good form.

Bravo, all. An especially brilliant week! :toast: :yourock:
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Stardust Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:10 PM
Response to Reply #6
14. Wow, I won four on that one! I am truly blessed. Thanks, JeffR...
you're the DUziest of all.
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Bucky Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:15 PM
Response to Original message
7. Jeff, thank you for providing this valuable public service
It's good to see some of our best laughs collected like this... always a heartwarmer
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Taverner Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:18 PM
Response to Original message
8. I feel gipped - my dog into prostitution response was not represented
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SalmonChantedEvening Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:23 PM
Response to Original message
9. Holy bahjaybus thank you.
To any and all of the Academy, and you JeffR as well, for the weekly feast of BAHA bound material. To participate as a reader only is wonderful. To be included in the cast is, and always will be, Grade A flabbergast fuel. :blush:

:toast: :yourock: :pals:
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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:31 PM
Response to Original message
10. Several laughs-out-loud later, I say thanks for this batch and
for the weekly DUzys, JeffR.

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dixiegrrrrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:38 PM
Response to Original message
11.  "Put Your Favorite Palin anecdote or Photoshop here"
Jeff's tossing Duzys like Mardi Gras beads.
" as God is my witness, I thought Duzys could fly"

It is a great post tho.
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MineralMan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 07:57 PM
Response to Original message
12. I'm not worthy.
Two DUzys in two consecutive weeks. And I just bought new hats last week. :dunce:
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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:05 PM
Response to Original message
13. The DUzys and JeffR: Two more reasons we are thankful.
Edited on Fri Nov-28-08 08:13 PM by Patsy Stone
Here's to another great week of laughs. :toast:

On a personal note, I am thankful my long DUzy drought is over -- although it makes that grammatical error I noticed too late to edit even more regrettable.

Thanks! :fistbump:
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:22 PM
Response to Reply #13
16. Okay, maybe it's because I'm stoned, but I've re-read your prize-winning entry twice,
and I still can't figure out what the grammatical error is. (Unlike the one *I* just committed, of ending a sentence with a preposition.)

However, I'm delighted that your drought is over, I miss how we used to party in the old days. :D

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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:40 PM
Response to Reply #16
19. Puff, puff, give!
How are ya, woman? :loveya:

Ah, yes... to the miserable (but hilarious) salad days. :toast:

p.s. I should have written an hour.
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #19
22. D'oh! (facepalm) Now I'm really embarrassed! Heh.
"Puff, puff, give!" -- that's like, just too far out! Up to now, the only person I've known who ever used that phrase was an old friend from Texas. Must be a Southern woman thing. :D (says the Northern woman)

Gladly would I share my stash with you any day! It's fun to be on a DUzy thread with you again.

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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #13
18. Should have caught that myselves.
Edited on Fri Nov-28-08 08:28 PM by JeffR
Consider it a oversight on my part.


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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:45 PM
Response to Reply #18
20. You are too kind.
Edited on Fri Nov-28-08 08:45 PM by Patsy Stone
Hey, how's Zen doing? He must be eating you out of house and home by now.

Oh, and don't miss this.
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JeffR Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:55 PM
Response to Reply #20
21. His appetite is boundless. Thanks for asking!
And thanks for the link. I'd seen some discussion about it earlier, but hadn't had the chance to check it out. Nice to know that despite the financial meltdown, Rick's bank balance is going to be OK. Too bad he couldn't get the bartender from the original video to appear with him.

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annabanana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:20 PM
Response to Original message
15. kickety kick!. . .
DAMN we are one funny crowd...
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bluesbassman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 08:27 PM
Response to Original message
17. Thanks JeffR. My first DUzy!
And to think, I had to slam the extrordinary vocal talents of Mr. William Shatner to get it. I feel so tawdry.
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proud patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 09:10 PM
Response to Original message
23. Wonderful , Thanks
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CitizenPatriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-28-08 09:26 PM
Response to Original message
24. Thanks, JeffR!
I'm no longer a Duzy virgin and it didn't even hurt.

Plus, I got two, which is kind of daring of me on my first venture out. I knew Palin would do something for me someday. Also :-)

Hey, so, where does a girl get her Duzy thingy?

I love being able to read the funnies all compressed. It's the perfect way to relax mit bevvie.
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krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 12:50 AM
Response to Original message
25. Kickity-kick
Glad to see cbayer got some recognition for her hard work during the Great Copycat Thread Attack of Thanksgiving 2008!

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Breeze54 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 02:56 AM
Response to Original message
26. Congratulations to all this weeks winners!
Great job, Jeff !

:kick: & Recommended
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Faygo Kid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 09:03 AM
Response to Original message
27. Honored to lead off
Thank you, Sarah Palin, you never-ending source of DUzy material.
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Buzz Clik Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 10:29 AM
Response to Original message
28. I made the big mistake. I clicked the link to Shatner's interpretation of Rocket Man.
I couldn't watch past him saying, "I'll be .... high". It was shockingly embarrassing.
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 12:57 PM
Response to Original message
29. Late Saturday morning kick, because the DUzys give meaning to our small, miserable lives.
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yardwork Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-29-08 03:11 PM
Response to Original message
30. I love the DUzys. Thank you as always, Jeff!
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malaise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-30-08 02:12 PM
Response to Original message
31. I can't believe I missed the DUzys
and I won one to boot. Rethug creepy women bring out the best in me. :rofl:

Great laughs here. :D

Thanks JeffR and all other hard-working DUers.
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scarletwoman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-30-08 07:54 PM
Response to Reply #31
33. Congrats, malaise! I'm glad you showed up to bask in your glory!

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Initech Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-30-08 02:20 PM
Response to Original message
32. Damn! I go away for a week and I miss some insanely funny threads.
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MilesColtrane Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Dec-01-08 09:23 AM
Response to Original message
34. Thanks to JeffR and his punchline posse.
He separates the white meat from the giblets so we don't have to.
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