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Call Me Wesley

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Sun Sep-21-08 01:32 PM
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DU mascat unknowingly surveilled by WWII-era Japanese fighter plane

By Call Me Wesley
Intrepid DU iWitness Reporter

SOUTHERN SWITZERLAND -- The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger, well-fed mascat of www.democraticunderground.com, sustained nary a scratch just minutes ago as he was surreptitiously surveilled by a World War II-era Japanese fighter plane during his early-evening snack of boiled Alaska sea perch. A nation heaved a sigh of relief. The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger yawned.

Alaska Governor and Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, reached by telephone at her remote compound, expressed no shock at the apparent resurrection of post-Cold War spying.

"I am not at all surprised that a cat in Switzerland would be surveilled by a Japanese fighter plane while eating Alaska sea perch. After all, Japan was practically an ally of Russia during that one war. I think that, like I can, most Americans can see Russia from where they live," Palin said, offering no explanation for the fact that she wears open-toed, wedge sandals with business attire. "This sounds like an aggressive, invasive maneuver to me, and I've instructed First Dude Todd to have the snowmobiles at ready, should we be called upon to protect either Switzerland or Alaska."

Palin, when queried as to the possible reaction of her running mate, Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain, offered only: "I haven't heard from him. It's nap time in Arizona."

Democratic Presidential contender Barack Obama offered more cogent analysis of the situation.

"Listen, Ginger's a scrapper. I have every confidence that he could easily take on an antique Japanese fighter plane and have still have pounce to spare. He's half American, after all," Obama said, adding that his young daughters, Malia and Sasha, believe The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger is the cutest faux-Siamese cat they've ever seen. "I think many of you will agree with me: we've had dogs in the White House for far too long. Ginger, like our campaign, represents change we all can believe in."

Obama offered assurance as the world's nations sat on pins and needles, wondering why Japan might send fighter aircraft to spy on a hungry cat.

"I see no reason to blow this situation out of proportion," Obama said. "It's at times like these that we must proceed with caution -- an approach, Michelle informs me, that Gov. Palin would do well to adapt with that whole open-toed, wedge sandals thing."

In CNN coverage immediately following what could hardly be termed a skirmish with the Japanese fighter plane, wholly unbiased reporter Wolf Blitzer offered typically asinine partisan analysis.

"Whose word will the American people accept? That of our very capable and quite attractive vice-president elect, or that of some Johnny-Come-Lately Agent for Change? Or," he added with a condescending chuckle, "the word of some half-foreign cat who could hardly be bothered to look up from his plate of Alaska sea perch to recognize an imminent threat to our national security?"

DU iWitness news will keep you abreast of the developing situation. Stay tuned.