ABC News Poll: Number One Issue Facing Americans Is Lipstick (satire)

[CLG_News]

ABC News Poll: Number One Issue Facing Americans Is Lipstick Satire by R J Shulman 11 Sep 2008

NEW YORK (PTSD News) - Win the lipstick wars and win the Presidency - that seems to be what the latest polls are indicating. A new ABC News poll shows that Americans are so concerned with this issue, that whichever Presidential ticket has the best solution to the lipstick crisis will win in November.

"I am the real candidate who can bring change and hope to the lipstick problem," John McCain told a crown in Flint, Michigan a key swing state. Meanwhile, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is trying to overcome rumors that she attempted to get her former brother-in-law, Scott Wooten fired from the Alaska State Police because he had criticized Palin's sister's use of lipstick. The McCain campaign has been heavily critical of the media’s focus on the lipstick use in the Palin family. "It is none of America's business whether the lipstick was used by Sarah Palin or her daughter or whether Sarah Palin's religious beliefs prevented her teenage daughter from taking the proper precautions before using lipstick," said Rick Davis, McCain campaign manager.

Barack Obama is set to rush release his new book called The Audacity of Lipstick in which he states that he has always been opposed to the excessive use of lipstick and sets forth his a plan to solve this crisis, a plan he hopes with be on the minds and lips of the American voter come November. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is attempting to answer criticism leveled at him from the McCain camp that he is woefully out of touch with the American voter as he is the only candidate who has not even mentioned lipstick once. Biden finally addressed the issue, telling reporters, "we have to stop our dependence on foreign lipstick, especially our dependence on the French."

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Condoleezza Rice just back from her trip to the Middle East said that the terrorist are planning attacks on American because, "they hate us for our lipstick." President (sic) Bush commented, "I am well in the awareness of a lipstick crisis, because whenever I try and speechicate to the American people, my lips stick on the big words, like nucular."

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[54anickel]

1. My nephew's Facebook minifeed says he's "putting lipstick on pigs instead of paying the mortgage".

The kid gets it.

[CLG_News]

2. Good one! n/t