"My craft room faces the east so when I am scrapbooking I can watch for Jesus."

[Bluebear]

If one wonders what the Palin demographic is...they are out there....and I do mean "they are out there"!


========

Great minds think alike??? !!! My kitty now has a GIANT water and food bowl. My craft room faces the east so when I am scrapbooking I can watch for Jesus. My husband and sister have cancer so I constantly pray that they will stay well for the Rapture which I feel is closer every second. Some days I get so excited I want to run around the house yelling "Soon, soon, soon, but the neighbors would think I am certifiable. Sure is hard to contain all this joy.

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?p=745763#post745763

[AlCzervik]

1. why in the hell does she need scrap books, doesn't stuff get left behind including

crafts?

[Ron Green]

9. I think the scrap books, if they're kitschy enough, get raptured as well.

[AlCzervik]

18. Did the scrap books accept Jesus Christ as their personal lord and saviour?

Is Jesus a new brand of glue that holds the pics in the book?

[nadinbrzezinski]

44. Sadly you could market this to these folks

Jesus glue... for the Rapture.... guaranteed to survive it!

[AlCzervik]

47. i'm still kicking around the "Watch me grow Chasity belt" idea, i know i could sell that.

[Bluebear]

20. They have to have plenty of "rapture" clippings & tasteless angel art, etc.

It's a rule.

[kestrel91316]

31. Probably. I see that someone on that board is praying that her

chihuahua will get raptured with her.

[Bluebear]

36. Sorry, no "Mexican" dogs in heaven for these folks. They may be illegal!!!111

[hemphammock]

She checks out 'certain' books from the library and scraps them?

:shrug:

[yardwork]

109. She's tearing up library books? Isn't that unethical?

I guess she figures she won't be around to pay the library fines...

[The Stranger]

2. That person is just begging to have a DUer dress up in a robe with sandals and a beard, and

to come walking up to that window looking holy and serene . . .

[Bluebear]

3. ----

:spray:

[firedupdem]

8. my stomach hurts from laughing so hard!!!!!!!! that was a good one!

[Sheets of Easter]

11. A manufactured rapture hoax would be incredibly rich!

:D

[dysfunctional press]

35. convince her to go to the roof and leap into the hands of god...

i may have found my calling.

[woo me with science]

48. ROFL! Anyone have access to the FOX News screen crawls?

Add some manufactured video of Grandma flying out of her chimney, and we could have utter panic in the Bible Belt.

This has real potential.

[SammyWinstonJack]

16. ...

:evilgrin:

[sharp_stick]

57. Totally Brilliant Prank

I have to find me a fundie and try that sometime. Beautiful.

[FloridaJudy]

67. This guy might volunteer

[Ghost in the Machine]

75. Ohh!! Let me do it! Let me do it!

[treestar]

83. WINNER!!!!!

:yourock:

[ceile]

96. brilliant!!

ROFL!!!!!

[Bake]

129. He could point to her in the window and just shake his head "No."

That would be SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!

Bake

[Curtland1015]

4. Wow... That is NUTS.

Damn!

[firedupdem]

5. Oh My! n/t

[Sheets of Easter]

6. "but neighbors would think I am certifiable."

As opposed to the potential MILLIONS on the internet?

[GreenPartyVoter]

130. Seriesly!!111!!

[Sebastian Doyle]

7. I'll bet she's going to be pissed off if Jesus comes back somewhere west of her house

"Forgive me Lord!! I built my craft room on the wrong side of the house!! I'm not going to Hell for that, am I?" :rofl:

[Bluebear]

12. The whole damn rapture takes place to the west & there she sits scrapbooking.

Also, her cat weighs 39 pounds.

[OneGrassRoot]

29. LMAO!!!!! Ah, shit. I kid about Depends, but I really think I need them...

now that we've got all these fundie threads going on. LOLOL

[firedupdem]

17. The cat has a giant water bowl? OMG !!!

[ITsec]

37. deleted... dupe

[yardwork]

That's so it doesn't die of thirst and starvation when it gets left behind.

Apparently animals don't get to go with their owners when the Rapture hits town.

[Sebastian Doyle]

87. The animals are sinners?

Does that mean they go to Hell? :evilfrown:

[yardwork]

89. I'm not familiar with all the details, but I think there are some interim steps before hell.

My (admittedly limited) understanding of contemporary rapture theory is that one day God will suck all the righteous up to Heaven, leaving behind non-believers and apparently all animals. Those "left behind" will suffer for a long time (I forget how long), teased by devils, until Jesus returns. At that point, the unbelievers get another chance (maybe this is when the cats and dogs get onboard) to be saved from hellfire. At some point all escape clauses are exhausted and Satan gets the remainders.

I'm not sure this is correct but it's my impression.

[Curtland1015]

19. ...and there stands Jesus, knocking like MAD on the west side of her house!

Jesus: Hello? You THERE or what? I don't have all armageddon ya know!

[Bluebear]

"I don't have all armageddon ya know!"

LOOOOOOOLOLLLLLOOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ITsec]

10. Certifiable?

Just reading her post convinces me she is.

[EOTE]

13. What an idiot!

Everyone knows that Jesus will come from the South. Chawin' on some Copenhagen, drinking a silver bullet and with a shotgun on the gun rack in his F-150. Oh, and who could forget the "God is my co-pilot" bumper sticker and bobble head featuring his likeness.

[DS1]

14. If you slip JUST ONCE and get caught masturbating during the Rapture

Do ya still get to go?

[EOTE]

21. Only if you didn't enjoy it. NT

[firedupdem]

23. You guys are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

[ITsec]

24. Only if you're facing north. n/t

[EstimatedProphet]

25. No, but you get to come!

[vanderBeth]

15. ...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[spinbaby]

22. Jesus comes from Mecca?

Who knew.

[MadrasT]

26. Oh, this will keep me fascinated for quite some time

egad :crazy:

[Bluebear]

28. 'My wife is ' "inventing" some kinda food dispenser for dogs so they can eat after the rapture"

http://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=57533&page=5

[OneGrassRoot]

32. Damn, we seriously should create a whole product line...

targeted to these people.

At the very least, I want to be sure to get dibbs on all their stuff when they go *poof.*


:evilgrin:

[prayin4rain]

46. hahaha really though.... n/t

[dixiegrrrrl]

53. If I had a dollar for every idea I ignored

I'd be rich.

Seriously.

I designed a hidden cat liter box container that looks like a coffee table, Mr. D. made it,
it is gorgeous, removable top, no smell.
Year later in the Pet catalogs, there it is.

I am going to work on fundie gifts.

A rapture clock, maybe.

anyone got ideas????

[OneGrassRoot]

69. This could be a beautiful thing. We should ponder. ;) LOL n/t

[SammyWinstonJack]

82. They'll die of old age before they go "poof" and they'll never figure it out.

Complete Morans! :silly:

[SharonAnn]

123. Best bumper sticker I've seen: "Come the Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?"

I think it was in answer to the bumper sticker: "Come the Rapture, This Car Will Be Driverless"

[dysfunctional press]

41. why not work on a device to open the door and let them out...?

sooner or later, the food dispenser is going to run out of kibble.

[yardwork]

45. Don't dogs get to come too?

[yardwork]

52. I think that this poster may be toying with them...

Oddly enough, for the last few weeks I've been thinking about my boys. Sander is a big white poodle we took in in June. Buddy is a little buff cocker spaniel who's just 6 months old on Sunday.

I keep thinking, oh gee, they'll bark and the neighbors will hear them. But my neighbors are all Christians too. Weird to be annoyed that most you know are going with you. And when I think of someone who isn't (I don't think) a Christian, I am convicted to witness and get them to come along too.

So, the only solution, to appease my guilt about leaving Sander the separation anxiety guy, and Buddy the baby is that Jesus will just have to take them too.

Got that God? Add them to the passenger manifest please.

[Lorien]

58. There was someone on Craig's list who was offering "after the rapture pet

care". They required a $50 deposit and said that since they were an atheist they could assure clients that they would be around to take care of Fido or Fluffy after the rapture. Hey, I've gotta get in on that line of work!

[OneGrassRoot]

68. OMG, that's friggin brilliant!!!! n/t

[crispini]

74. I am SO doing that.

Brilliant!

[SammyWinstonJack]

126. hehehe.

:evilgrin:

[Sebastian Doyle]

88. Must be pretty big to hold enough dog food for 7 years?

Because that's how long the Tribulation lasts, and they won't be able to come back from Heaven and feed the dogs until then.

And I assume the Antichrist isn't going to feed them, cause he's a big meanie and all.

[yardwork]

95. So the interim period is seven years? Why that number, exactly?

I've become fascinated by this group exercise in delusion. It reminds me of the Salem witch trials, in more ways than one. That too was a redistribution of wealth from individuals to the religously-obsessed power hungry.

[Sebastian Doyle]

104. They use a number of scriptures from the books of Daniel and Revelation

The Tribulation seems to be divided in half. The first three and a half years won't be too bad. The Antichrist comes to power right away and consolidates his power in a one world government, but he's mostly viewed as a "man of peace" by most of those "left behind" during this time. There are some significant natural disasters, earthquakes and plagues and such, but AC is apparently praised for his leadership in handling such situations.

In the middle of the tribulation the Antichrist is "killed" but miraculously rises from the dead three days later, counterfeiting the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The fundies believe at this point that AC's own human soul will be dead, and his body will be literally possessed by Satan, so the second half of the Tribulation will be the worst, with the Devil Himself literally in charge, and bringing Hell on earth literally down on all who would oppose him.

Sounds a lot like Cheney, doesn't he? :evilgrin:

[yardwork]

108. Hm. Maybe we've been going through the Tribulation during the past 7 years?

Maybe Osama bin Laden was the A/C? He's supposedly "died" and then returned via video numerous times. He looks like a different person each time, too. Could this be part of the prophesy?

Or, I see your point. Cheney or chimpy could be the A/C. Cheney's supposedly had a lot of heart attacks. Back from the dead? Maybe the chimp's miraculous recovery from the pretzel choking episode was a resurrection? Or the 2004 election?

Things have definitely gotten worse in the last 3 years or so.

So what happens now?

[Sebastian Doyle]

116. If the last 7 years have been the Tribulation, then Jesus would come back tomorrow

Assuming 9-11-01 was the day the Tribulation started, that is.

So if Jesus doesn't show up Thursday, that unfortunately means Chimp/Cheney weren't the Antichrist.

The other hole in that theory, is I don't know anyone who was "raptured" before that event.

[yardwork]

124. I figured that nobody was good enough to get Raptured....

Anyway, if Jesus shows up tomorrow, that would be great!

[arcadian]

27. Jesus will be clawing his way to the surface from his subterranean chamber

It's way I have barbed wire strung throughout the crawlspace under my house.

[Solly Mack]

30. That comment hurt my head ... RR comments usually don't

usually they tickle my funny bone....but that one? Damn.

[Bluebear]

33. She doesn't want her loved ones cancer cured, just so they can hold on for the rapture.

What twisted train of thought is this?

[yardwork]

43. She can hardly stand all the joy she's feeling...as her closest relatives die of a terrible disease.

Marx was right. Religion really is an opiate for a lot of people. They are literally drugged out of their minds.

[Solly Mack]

84. Yes...that really bothered me

well enough for the rapture...it's ok they're sick and dying because jesus is coming anyway....but she would like them to be - well enough at least

she worries her neighbors might think her certifiable if she talks to herself....yet being - well enough - for the rapture is normal processing?

using messiah ready feng shui while scrap-booking is sane?

[Sebastian Doyle]

91. Well, I think I'd take being healed by Jesus over chemo myself

But only if I was 100% sure of the day He was going to show up.

[yardwork]

34. This post explains Republican fiscal planning:

Originally Posted by Hurricane54 View Post
It's funny, but when people say things like "in ten years..." or "I'm saving for my retirement..." or "I've just signed a 15 year contract with ABC Company..." I can't help but think that a lot of us won't be here. This feeling gets stronger and stronger with every passing day.

[Bluebear]

38. Absolutely, yardwork. Who needs Social Security? Who cares what the deficit is?

[yardwork]

39. Suddenly it all makes sense!

[treestar]

85. And their attitude towards the environment

There is no need to preserve it!

[yardwork]

90. Exactly. Suddenly the entire Republican platform makes sense.

[OneGrassRoot]

113. In case people think this is in jest, given this hilarious thread....

it's a fact. That IS how these people think; no need to conserve ANYTHING. They make it known that's what they believe.

:scared:

[yardwork]

117. I know. They also don't take care of themselves.

Some people think that there is no need to do anything about their obesity, diabetes, hypertension, etc. because they believe that the Rapture is coming soon and they will be thin and healthy in heaven any day now.

This is considered an actual barrier to reaching people with serious health issues in many communities. It's delusional thinking on a massive scale.

[OneGrassRoot]

120. I'm glad Palin exposed this mass delusion; so many had no idea.... n/t

[valerief]

40. And some people wonder why people from other countries hate Americans.

:rofl:

[LynzM]

42. Wow.

Um, usually I have something snarky to say, but the more RR stuff I read, the more I just want to... I dunno, cry for humanity?

[kimmylavin]

72. Me too.

I'm finding myself unable to laugh at this stuff.
The... I don't know, delusion?

Just sitting there, waiting for the world to end.
And the "kind gestures" of leaving Bibles and CDs of Christian music to comfort those of us who will be "left behind".
Making plans for their pets to not starve for a few days after their owners are raptured away.

The thing that gets me is that it is impossible to KNOW what happens after we die.
We all just believe different things.
What we KNOW, though, is that we're alive right now.
We get this life, however much or little of it there is.
Why spend all of your time planning for when it ends? (And not in a sensible, fiscal, take-care-of-the-family way, but in a fire-and-brimstone-Biblical-way...)

What's wrong with enjoying it now?
Being a good person for the sake of being a good person, and not for the promise of heaven or the threat of hell?

These people with their perfect faith, just trusting to Jesus to take care of their finances and their illnesses and everything else... seems an awful waste of the free will that humanity was supposedly given.

[orleans]

49. ewww. what the heck are you doing on that website??? it's too creepy. n/t

[Bluebear]

55. Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/latestcomments.aspx?archive=1

[orleans]

70. yes, well...forget it! i'm not clicking that link. (i'd probably catch a disease--

the fundy disease!)

[Lucy Goosey]

50. Jeebus, is that for real? Seriously, I'm new to the Rapture Ready...

and I'm not yet convinced that it isn't some kind of parody site, like The Onion.

Really??

[Bluebear]

54. Really.

[LibertyLover]

81. Sadly

no - it isn't a parody site.

[Kitty Herder]

98. They're for real.

I registered for an account there once, just so I could mess with their heads. I finally lost it on one of them and blew my cover, though.

[ramapo]

51. Also amazing

It is really difficult, make that impossible, to imagine my brain working like that. It is like your body is manufacturing a constant stream of LSD that has you hallucinating constantly, thinking it is reality.

[Vinca]

56. So this is the part I don't get.

Doesn't the rapture whisk everyone except us heathens off to heaven? Maybe I'm missing something. Why isn't she elated her husband and sister have cancer and will soon be going to heaven, too?

[yardwork]

110. I think that people who are already dead when Rapture arrives have to wait.

My understanding is very hazy, I admit, but isn't there something about the dead rising on Judgment Day? That doesn't come until much later.

[yardwork]

59. I started clicking around on that site and found this sign line:

I asked Jesus, "How much do You love me?" He answered, "This much." And He stretched out His arms and died.

[Bluebear]

61. ---

I see something on velvet coming out with that on it.

[Curtland1015]

63. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm sorry but... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[yardwork]

77. That was pretty much my reaction too.

[Mari3333]

60. reading that made me kind of sad

she has people in her family with cancer, she is hoping for some way to be relieved of the emotional pain she is in, so she is embracing a fantasy. sort of sad, really.

[yardwork]

65. It's heartbreaking. And the fantasists are taking the country down with them.

Every one of these people will vote Republican no matter what. They're a 100% reliable voting bloc. Doesn't matter what the Republicans do or who they run.

I'm sad for them but I'm also angry with them. Their delusions are taking the country down with them.

[TheCowsCameHome]

62. Face the stove instead - He usually appears in grilled cheese sandwiches.

[Kitty Herder]

99. LOL

:rofl:

[sinkingfeeling]

64. These people are really extreme. Some aren't worried about not having jobs and one won't see

a dentist because the Rapture is so very near. But here's my favorite:

"I've prayed that God would Rapture my Chihuahua when the time comes."

[yardwork]

71. Every single one of them appear to have animals they love, yet they think their God will kill them.

Says a lot about their religion.

[DS1]

106. GOD HATES LITTERBOXES

.com

[yardwork]

111. That's a good point. Nobody wants heaven to be littered with cat boxes.

And where will people curb their dogs if all the streets are made of gold?

[undeterred]

73. I wish GOD would rapture all these people by November 3

And their animals can go too.

[Kitty Herder]

101. If God were truly merciful, he would rapture them soon.

If they'd get raptured already, the rest of us in this country could get to work on some serious issues like the environment, ending the war in Iraq, the deficit, etc., without these asshats interfering.

[OneGrassRoot]

115. No shit. I find myself praying for the Rapture every single day. Oy. n/t

[TlalocW]

66. This isn't the first time Rapture craze has infected Americans

In the 1840s, a minister told his flock that he had gone through the entire Bible and figured out the code and had calculated that the end of the world was nigh. As the deadline approached, people quit tilling their fields, opening their stores, etc. On the day of ascension, people climbed trees to get a head start on others; women carried parasols to help with their ascending or tied themselves to luggage filled with things they wanted to take to Heaven with them. The more well-to-do also separated themselves from the poorer members of the congregation so they wouldn't enter Heaven so close to the riff-raff.

Nothing happened of course so the minister shut himself off for a few days and the next Sunday apologized to his congregation that he had made a math error, and the new ascension date was in 3 months, and the whole routine played out again.

You would think that would be the death knell for that particular sect but no. They're now known as the 7Th Day Adventists.

TlalocW

[JVS]

76. Ohhh boy. This is going to be my new talking point when negotiating rents.

"Well, I don't know about that extra $30/month. The window faces West and I do like being able to watch for Jesus"

[Curtland1015]

78. I just had a fantastic idea!

Let's convince all the RRs that Jesus will have no choice but to start the rapture early if Obama is elected! You know, what with Obama being "evil" and "Muslim" and all! He wouldn't be able to put it off any longer!

Then all the Godrones will march to the polls and vote for Obama in '08!

[flvegan]

79. Crap, I hope Jesus can clear a 6 foot privacy fence or I'm screwn.

[angrycarpenter]

80. according to the bible I read.

Holding on to material things is not the way to get to heaven. If this woman is so sure that the rapture is so close she should sell everything she owns and give it freely to the poor.

[yardwork]

92. It sounds like many of the posters on that site have already lost everything but their cats and dogs

And their scrapbooking materials, of course.

[treestar]

128. Exactly, and in fact she would do it anyway

Realizing that no one knows when the Lord is coming (which is what it says in the Bible, but what fundie pays attention to that???)

[Obamanaut]

86. My fundie sister in law sends out daily email "devotions" and the

one yesterday spoke about the old Johnny Mathis song "...wonderful, wonderful oh how wonderful my love..." and she said that is how she thinks of her love for god.

I suggested to my wife that she tell her sister if she listens to too much Johnny Mathis she might catch "the gay." I got an eye roll. Wife is not fundie, and doesn't know how her sister got that way.

[yardwork]

93. Your SIL would probably be alarmed to learn that Johnny is "like that."

[FLAprogressive]

94. I feel sorry for that kitty

S/he deserves better than that fundie nutbag.

[Javaman]

97. This just in!! GOP polling high on the delusional vote! nt

[Arugula Latte]

100. Flashforward to the year 7008

Xtian fundies still waiting ... and waiting ... Jeebus gonna come back ... aaaaaany day now ...

[VOX]

102. If my cats can't go, then I won't go! Remember the Twilight Zone episode...

Where an old backwoods guy and his dog both die -- then they're walking down a country road, and come upon a bland-looking fellow who, over the split-rail fence, tells the old man to come on in, but the dog is not allowed. The old man says if his dog can't come in, then he's not coming in, either.

They proceed down the road a bit farther, and come to another place where both man and beast are welcome. The better place, as it were.

These are not easy times to live in (for anyone), and it's understandable that certain hardcore fundies would like to have a fast-track outta here. If only they didn't do so much damage by voting in, time and again, those candidates who **appear** to be down with all the holy-rolling stuff, and who, when safely ensconsed in office, then ridicule their base.

[yardwork]

112. Yeah, I remember that. The first place was hell disguised as heaven.

The old man, having passed the dog-loyalty test, gets into heaven after giving hell a miss.

[Kitty Herder]

122. That reminds me of the tale of Kukkuripa.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/33/story_3310_1.html

[ladyVet]

103. I laugh so I don't cry.

Imagine being married to one of those. I'm thankful everyday for no-fault divorce. And it only cost me $125.

[Retrograde]

105. mine faces north so I can watch for Santa

I think this person is one of the 30% who'll vote GOP no matter who or what the issues.

[crimsonblue]

107. I wonder is all the hoopla over McCain isn't quite similar

Would it be all that different to hear anybody on DU exclaim about the supposed news in the pike as "Soon, soon, soon, but the neighbors would think I'm certifiable. Sure is hard to contain all this joy." Kettle, meet pot.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

114. Wait a minute. If her God is "the author of all things" where did the cancer come from?

And, if she's devoted to said God, does she think He's (undoubtedly a HE), made a mistake?

[yardwork]

118. Tsk. That's been covered. God is testing them!

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

121. Under the No Idiot Left Behind program?

[OneGrassRoot]

119. How do we greet potential wingnuts to see just HOW wingnutty they are?

Do we say, "So, are you Rapture Ready?

or

"Do you believe in the Rapture?"


What's the appropriate way to greet these aliens in our country?

:smoke:

[Rosa Luxemburg]

125. I thought one would have to be a the gate in Jerusalem

he will come riding a donkey throught the gate!

[Orsino]

127. He comes down the chimney, I'm pretty sure.

That's the way we always heard it.

[Dukkha]

131. why don't they just kill themselves already?

if they're so anxious to leave then just blow your fucking brains out and be done with it!