Digest Number 1577 Anger management by piratejohn2

[Omaha Steve]

<HumourList> Digest Number 1577 Anger management by piratejohn2

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone
you don't know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!'

and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had
accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and
hung
up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my

desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd

call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' and

hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some

guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the
horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored
me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his
number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.


I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow
ranch
style house and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem; I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, "Stop calling me,'

I said, 'Make me,'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow ranch

style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'


Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34
Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd
in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each

other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded
by
a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--PirateJohn--
http://pyratejohn.blogspot.com/ (the *NEW* blog)
http://www.PirateJohn.com (my website)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HumourList/ (the infamous joke list)

Enjoy!


Please do NOT send me copyrighted material; the HumourList will not
knowingly use copyrighted material without permission.

One last word: Enjoy life (and these jokes); you only go 'round once.

Original material copyrighted (1998-2005) by Buccaneer Press, Inc.
Permission is granted to distribute freely as long as [email protected] is
credited. (This is a change in terms as of 12/25/2004)

[grannie4peace]

1. all that

sounds really sick to me... i think you might need some classes in anger management. if someone harassed you like that --i'm afraid of what you would do.... "vengeance is mine" sayeth the Lord.( or however it is written in the Bible. ) are you really that unhappy with your life? i think i would try to simplify it so there wouldn't be so much stress to drive you to such extreme acts. what goes around does come around-- so keep your peepers open. & i hope you can find so peace in your life....

[grannie4peace]

2. omg

i usually read your posts with glee.... i was surprised when i posted my comment & noticed you had written this one... is it a joke? i apologize if i offended you, i just can't see torturing who are creeps.

[grannie4peace]

3. i am an idiot

i'm so sorry omahasteve-- i can't read--i missed the FACT you were relaying another's post... i beg you forgiveness--

[Omaha Steve]

6. No problem

I've had worse misunderstandings over a lot less. :-)

[JNelson6563]

4. Funny.

Of course I figured it was fictional but some are literalists so be prepared for some self-righteous replies as demostrated in response #1 (complete with scripture quotes!).


I swear I don't know how the humorless souls among us survive without going mad.

Julie

[malaise]

5. LOL

:rofl:

[fasttense]

7. Very funny,

I repeated it to my spouse then we both laughed.

But when I came back to see what other's posted here, I thought I was on an AOL board with grannie4peace's posts. AOL posters alway quote scripture to justify ignoring it. The only thing missing from grannie4peace posts are insults and the horrible liberal label.

:rofl: