If your significant other was cheating on you...would you want somone to tell you?

[cynatnite]

Add this one to the list of infidelity questions. :)

[Vickers]

1. Of course I would.

And I would hope that someone was super-duper HOT.

:P

[sakabatou]

2. I would want her to tell me straight up

[renie408]

3. This one is an unqualified "Hells yeah!" n/t

[cynatnite]

4. You see...I don't know...

Would I believe whoever was telling me or my husband if he was denying it? Who would I believe? It gets complicated the more I think about it.

[renie408]

9. Think about a friend knowing and NOT telling you. Which feels worse...

That would feel like be doubly betrayed for me.

I think I would have to look at whatever evidence they had, compare it to my knowledge of my husband and our situation and go from there.

THEN I would beat him to death with a baseball bat in his sleep.

[TahitiNut]

18. Yup. Been there. Had that. It is betrayal.

Period.

[TahitiNut]

14. A friend's obligation would be to inform you, not convince you.

Think of it as though you're walking along and about to fall in an open manhole. A withheld warning is malice. Ignoring the warning is stupidity.
:shrug:

[renie408]

16. Yup, present the evidence and let you handle it. n/t

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. I think I would know

but to have confirmation would be good, and the marriage worth saving, if he were the one to tell me.

However, the point is moot--my husband would not cheat on me because he knows it would break my heart.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. not if it was over.

[donco6]

7. Yes . . . my S.O.

But nobody else.

[Libby2]

8. Yes!

[TahitiNut]

10. Absolutely. I terminated a "friendship" when they didn't.

Withholding such information is complicity. It compounds the betrayal.

[B Calm]

11. NO!

[AlCzervik]

12. i'd want to hear it from my spouse.

[rucky]

13. It depends on why she's telling me.

[TahitiNut]

15. No, it doesn't. Blaming the messenger is the act of a fool.

:shrug:

If someone gets pleasure from YOUR pain, that's a completely different issue. It does not obviate the ethical obligation to inform.

[rucky]

22. oops

on edit: I misread the question & thought it was "would you want (the cheater) to tell you?"

[seabeyond]

17. i would want to know and would be mad if friend didnt tell. golden rule doesnt work

do onto other as you would have done onto self

i had a friend tell me she wouldnt want to know. i was shocked SHOCKED i tell you. i didnt/couldnt understand. recently i did a poll on this very thing. a smal percentage didnt want to know. i asked hubby. he told me he would not want to know. again i was shocked. lol lol

so

it is not how i want done which would put me in a quandry knowing there are people that wouldnt want ot know

[kristyt]

19. Leave an Anonymous Note

And now let's find Vicki Iseman.

[ChiciB1]

20. I Would & It Did... I'm Still Standing & Learned A Little More About Life!

BTW, after all the emotional upheaval and even a divorce... time passed and we remarried. We never fight about it and it never comes up. Many of our friends told me how devastated he was that I actually divorced him but I did what I felt necessary. I knew he still loved me, but I was much younger and had many lessons to learn, and I was feisty!

Today I believe a divorce would not have been the best way to go. It's water under the bridge and we SURVIVED!

[johnaries]

21. I can speak from recent experience. She did. They did.

I didn't believe them. I didn't want to believe them. All it did was make me resent my friends. I had to find out on my own.

When she started dating an aquaintance of mine, she was cheating on him, too. I didn't tell him because I knew he wouldn't believe me. He had to find out on his own.

So, no. It does more harm than good to tell a friend if their spouse or SO is cheating on them. I know a lot of people don't want to hear that or believe that, but if you are ever in that situation you will see for yourself that it's true.

[Karenina]

30. Messenger gets the blame!

Did it once. Girlfriend spat tacks at ME. I thought she would WANT to know. :shrug: Since then, I leave it alone. Ain't nobody bidness but THEY OWN.

[underseasurveyor]

23. 20 years ago I would have said yes

Now that I'm older my answer would be, No. As long and he comes home to me safe and sound and with no bugs... no don't tell me.

[Kceres]

25. How would you know s/he doesn't "have bugs?"

That's the thing. It is downright unsafe for a S.O. to have intimate contact with someone else. Isn't that one of the reasons we "settle down" to begin with?

[LisaL]

28. Exactly.

As long as he/she doesn't have bugs-if he or she is sleeping around, how in the world would you know if he or she is not going to bring home the bugs.

[rebel with a cause]

24. Yes!!

I had a friend tell me the one time, and I forgave my then-husband although he never admitted it exactly. (liars always lie) I wish i had someone tell me about the other times that I suspected him of again cheating, because I would never have forgiven the second known time. Heck, I never forgave him for the times that I suspected him of cheating, I just wish I had the proof of them so I could throw them in his face when he whines to our kids about me divorcing him.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

26. Nope. "Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof."

I don't need to go looking for misery.

[LisaL]

27. Yes. No doubt of it.

[Geek_Girl]

29. Nope

I don't think my husband would, but you never know, people have moments of weakness. I would prefer to not know.

[24HRrnr]

31. Nope

Been in that position before.

Took a long time to get past it. In hind sight, I'd just rather not know if it ever happened again.