You Cannot Make This Shit Up- "AMERICA'S BEST CHRISTIAN PAINTBALL PARK"

[Orwellian_Ghost]

The Opening Day 2008 BIG GAME is April 19 from 9AM to 5PM!



Famous Dave's Sandwiches
Available for Lunch!

Promised Land Paintball is the Midwest Regional Coordinator
of the Christian Paintball Players Association



http://www.promisedland.com/

Promised Land is a DOD Contractor: DUNS: 027794051. CAGE: 4UX86.



http://www.promisedland.com/paintball/specials-for/Department-of-Defense.html

[hobbit709]

1. Who would Jesus splat?

[mcctatas]

2. training warriors for God's paintball army since 2008

:rofl:

[Speck Tater]

3. Next up: Christians Only Restrooms.

Christians Only Restaurants.
And, of course, Non-Christians must sit in the back of the bus.

[mcctatas]

4. That's Ok...

I wouldn't want to be on a bus with a bunch of fundies if the rapture comes and the bus goes over a cliff;)

[patrice]

5. John 11:35

"And Jesus wept."

[kath]

6. wow. And here in the OKC area we have the "Kicking Christian Soldiers" martial arts academy.

:wtf:

[TlalocW]

12. I'm in Tulsa, and while we have our share of stuff like this

That pretty much takes the cake, but to me that's a little vague. Are they Christian Soldiers who are kicking, or is part of the training to learn how to kick Christian soldiers? :)

TlalocW

[Union Label]

19. I like the second scenario better

:evilgrin:

[MikeNearMcChord]

7. Wait a minute, didn't a group of Muslims get

convicted on terrorism charges in Virginia, because they weere training using paint-balls?

[nebenaube]

8. seems like a

'dominionist' terrorist camp

[msongs]

9. training today's christian kids for paintballs - next, real bullets against non christians? nt

[melody]

10. I didn't realize the gospel even took a stand on the nature of paintball

Let alone parks.

Yea verily ...

Good grief, they have an entire organization of Paintball Christians!
http://www.christianpaintball.com/about_cppa.php

[Initech]

11. Gives new meaning to "praise the lord and pass the ammo" doesn't it?

[jazzjunkysue]

13. They tie homosexuals to the trees and use them for target practice??

What makes is Xtian?

[DadOf2LittleAngels]

21. If its anything like other Christian sport leagues I have seen its

Probably just conduct, language, and gamesmanship. We had no Christians in my Christian Flag Football league but they had to follow the sportsmanship code laid down for all..

[hootinholler]

26. What makes it Christian?

You can't yell God Damnit when you get hit.

-Hoot

[Kingofalldems]

14. Paintball--or as I call it--Hickball

is the dumbest so-called sport ever invented. Nothing compares to it for utter stupidity.

[TlalocW]

15. 10 Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no other paintball parks before me
2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's marker*
3. Thou shalt not wipe**
4. Thou shalt not use ammo thou findest on the ground***
5. Thou shalt keep thy goggles on all the time thou art on the field
6. Thou shalt not take tools onto the playing field
7. Thou shalt learneth the difference between woodsball and speedball
8. Thou shalt use barrel plugs when not on the field
9. Thou shalt chrono**** before the game
10. Thou shalt not read The Whiteboard even though it helped a non-paintballer like TlalocW make this list. Yes, it's about paintball, but it sometimes has naughty words and adult situations (actually, read it, it's good).

TlalocW

* marker = paintball gun
** wiping is when you're hit by a paintball, but the ref doesn't see so you wipe it off to stay in the game.
*** ammo on the ground has probably absorbed moisture and will jam your marker if you try to use it
**** Before a game starts, markers are checked to see at what velocity a paintball is shot

[provis99]

16. Praise the lord and pass the paintball ammunition!

[Ian David]

17. Who Would Jesus Mark? n/t

[Ian David]

18. Lord, bless this thy Holy Paint Grenade, that with it I may mark thy enemies...

[DadOf2LittleAngels]

20. As silly as this sounds

In my younger days I played allot of flag foot ball, I played in two leagues one was a Christian league, the other a regular old league. The difference was astounding..

There were *far fewer* penalties in the Christian league, there was no trash talking of the other teams and, in general there was a spirit of 'lets go out there and have fun'.. Sure we got competitive, and physical, but it never seemed to cross that line where I was ready to haul off on somebody it was pretty much always clean or if someone lost it for a second and gave you a cheapish type shot they would help you up and apologize.

The secular league was just insane, I could not bring my nieces and nephews to games because of the language, deliberate cheap shots, and whatever they could get away with. One game the team was so bad I chastised the ref

"Ref someone is going to get hurt out here if you dont start calling this stuff"

One of the other players actually thought I was threatening them instead of stating the obvious and thusly tried to pick a fight with me.

--

Ive only done paint ball once or twice so I dont know if similar crap happens there..

[backscatter712]

22. Hey, don't knock paintball!

I'll admit it, I've played it once. And, yeah, it's fun!

[CRF450]

23. Yes, please dont bash paintball.

Despite getting some big bruises, its fun as hell! This is the gun I have.

[LibertyLover]

24. Just one more example of the strange parallel

universe that fundamentalist Christians inhabit. Over the years they have developed an entire range of stores, services and other enterprises owned and operated by and for others of their religious persuasion. It's one of the reasons why the Christian yellow pages were started and why some stores display the Christian fish symbol. I rather like that last, so I can choose to patronize or not a Christian establishment. I know that many religious and ethnic groups have done similar things over the years, i.e. the Italian or Jewish deli, the kosher butcher store, the sari store, the halal market, but none to the extent that fundamentalist Christians have. I have read where it is theoretically possible for fundamentalist Christians, if they so choose, to only patronize Christian sources for their housing, transportation, food, schooling (pre-school through graduate and professional schools), medical and dental care, repairs, news or entertainment, thereby reducing the possibility of temptation and making sure that their money, as much as possible, is not given to heathens, heretics or non-believers.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

25. Well, that filtering can work both ways.

And, in my case, it sure as hell does.