'Record 75 Million Americans Now Pretending They Own Their Own Homes'

[Breeze54]

http://www.satirewire.com/news/0106/dream.shtml">RECORD 75 MILLION AMERICANS NOW PRETENDING THEY OWN THEIR OWN HOMES

Low Interest Rates Help Many Fulfill The American (Banker's) Dream

Minneapolis, Minn. (SatireWire.com) —

Showing no ill effects from a weak economy, housing numbers released by the National Association of Realtors today showed that a record 75 million Americans are now participating in the mass self-delusion that they, and not their banks, actually own their homes.

"Home ownership is the fulfillment of the American (banking industry's) dream, and we are proud to announce that more Americans than ever have been able to (help lending institutions) achieve that dream," said NAR President Richard Schicter.

After putting 20 percent down on a $235,000 house yesterday morning, Minneapolis pediatric nurse Stephanie Doogan officially became the 75 millionth American to take part in the widely accepted fantasy.

"Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to (deceive myself into believing I could) be a homeowner," said Doogan, 35. "Well, look at me now! Me, little Stephanie Doogan, I actually have a place I can call 100 percent (minus 80 percent) my own!"

Across the country, other (people in denial concerning their status as) property owners expressed similar satisfaction.

"There's nothing like taking a walk around your (bank-owned) house, then going outside and kneeling down in your (bank-owned) lawn and grabbing a handful of (the bank's) dirt to make you realize how precious (their) land is," said 28-year-old Matt Jackson, who('s bank) bought a $210,000 home on New York's Long Island last year. "It makes me feel as though I really have something that no one can take away from me (unless I miss so much as one mortgage payment)."

Added Devon Knight, who recently thinks he purchased a condominium in Baltimore's Inner Harbor: "When I was renting an apartment, if the furnace went out, I had to get the landlord to fix it. But now, if the furnace goes out, I have to fix it!... hold on, I'm losing the illusion here... why is that good again?"

"Equity," said Jay Harrington, Knight's mortgage broker at First Union. "Just remember, you have equity. And next to the right of every single American (major corporation) to have a say in who gets elected, that's the most sacred thing you can (pretend you) have."

[CoffeeCat]

1. I'm trying to read this to my husband...

...right now, but I'm laughing so hard, I can't even talk.

That's some funny bidness!

It's so true, though!

We're all living the American (lie) Dream!

When we got our mortgage, two years ago, we told the lender we wanted a conventional, fixed-rate mortgage.
She looked at us like we had 10 heads between the two of us. She didn't know how to do that! She actually
had to leave, go get other paperwork and come back. She seemed lost! Lenders were so used to creative
financing, that they (or at least our lender) didn't even know how a conventional mortgage worked! Sad.

[Breeze54]

2. ..........

Happy April Fool's Day! :P

:hug:

[girl gone mad]

3. Our lender tried to talk us out of..

putting 20% down. This was 5 years ago.

And now these fool banks want a bailout? They pushed people into bad loans.

[Warpy]

5. Eleven years ago, I had to pick up all my paperwork

and head for the door to get them to stop talking tommyrot and start talking about a fixed, 30 year mortgage.

The people they seem to have pushed this hardest at were single women like myself, minorities, and poorer people.

[Quantess]

4. Why are people recommending this?

:silly:

[Breeze54]

6. ...........

Because they think it's funny? :shrug:

Or maybe they want to share a chuckle?

:P

[Judi Lynn]

11. Hmmmm. No, that's not it! Nothing from the "Satire wire" could be expected to be amusing.

They've always been so damned dreary, and eaaaaarrrrnnnnnest about everything. Yawn. Why can't they pick up the pace, lighten up?

We've got such an upbeat President. Why can't they take a cue from him? They need to loosen up.

[readmoreoften]

7. Waaait a minute... You can't buy a $210,000 house in Long Island.

Shit, the bank can keep a $210,000 house in Long Island. Then when it falls on my head I can sue them for negligence.

[earth mom]

8. This would be hysterically funny if only it wasn't so damn true and so damn sad.

:(

[Breeze54]

9. It's always been true!

BTW? It's dated 2001. :P

[cutlassmama]

10. SatireWire.com

[Breeze54]

12. Uh...yeah....I know.

:P

[earth mom]

13. I see that it's a joke, but the joke really is on us, isn't it?