Man , this christmas is depressing , don't read if you're happy rant

[blues90]

It's bad enough that I don't have a job and live off SS now and am broke also my wife is disabled . But that's not the entire problem , we don't have anyone to buy presents for and don't need any ourselves .

We are early boomers or should I say the doomed generation .

My mother passed a year ago in august 2006 and this is the second christmas without her which is still something that has not quite set in until these holidays arrive .

I really don't know the source of the depression , I can't put my finger on it . I do know part is age and no job and no purpose and to find purpose in this day and age leaves me cold because even if I could find a job I have no interest in what's out there these days , most jobs seem well , just jobs . You reach a certain age and no one wants you , can't get the years out of you or if they did provide insurance you are a risk , who knows what it is but anyone looking for works past 60 knows what I'm talking about , lets put that past 50 to be more realistic .

Even with this said this year the holidays seem unbearable to me , not that I'm in a rush for the summer heat to rush in or the summer sun to shine , I'm not .

There is just something missing , perhaps there is a male menopause , perhaps there is a death of spirit in me or brought on by this insane war on christmas and I'm not even religious . Perhaps it's 7 years of bush and these coming to soon debates and the 2008 elections when we just went through 2006 with high hopes crushed like a bug under the carpet .

Perhaps it's all of the above and then some that I am not even aware of . All I do know is this is the worst year of all .

I went out to pickup all the stuff needed so my wife and I can put together her great cooking of christmas dinner . I was in a mood when I did this last thursday , I got gas , 5 gallons and saw the $17 and began yelling obscenities about bush and this occupation and did not care who heard me . The store we use and called lied saying they had turkeys , they had a few for $2.59 per pound so i left that and only got the other stuff , as I walked to the register I yelled again , what a shitty store and did not care what anyone thought of me .

I finally found a cheap bird and went home .

So here I sit in front of this computer which has now become my only contact to the outside world , pathetic I know , I never wanted a computer and never thought this is what I would come to . I never thought this country could become such a macabre of a joke .

So I am depressed as can be this year .

[LoveMyCali]

1. I'm Sorry

I don't really know what else to say but I'm sorry you're so down and hope things get better for you soon.

[JohnnyLib2]

2. Please look at this post, from the DU lounge tonight.

A wise, "been around the block" DU man posted it last year and again.

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=7277169&mesg_id=7277169

[OneGrassRoot]

45. Thanks for posting this... n/t

[LaStrega]

3. oh man can I relate

Worst. Year. Ever.

I'm doing my best to keep my chin up, but it's growing decidedly more difficult.

In fact, I was just outside having a smoke (brrrrrr) and was contemplating posting a list of shit that bugs me, just to get it off my chest. Before I'd even finished my smoke said list was already considerably long.

I think when I get home I'll have a cocktail and type that bitch up.

[Sugar Smack]

9. This year, NONE of my family or friends or I "did Christmas".

And this is like 20 of us. We just said, "no presents, no shopping, etc." WOW. I'm kind of surprised we're not the only ones. Not even a tree. And this was a simultaneous, independent decision.

[LaStrega]

10. that's sad ...

So many in your family and no xmas. All I have is my daughter ... and all she asked for was a yoga DVD and for me to pay her rent.

Humbug-o-rama.

[Sugar Smack]

11. No, it's not, actually. We're all "Zenning it".

And none of us ever consulted any others about it months ago, that's why it's cool. We're celebrating Xmas with each other and just not giving in to the shit around us. I've talked to everyone on my "list" and they're the same way. :D

[LaStrega]

17. oh well that's a horse of a different color ...

here's hoping you all have a blast

[Sugar Smack]

21. Hey, thanks!

Here's to celebrating the way things should be celebrated!

[LaStrega]

23. couldn't agree more

Maybe just maybe I'll shake myself of the holiday season funk and have some fun dammit.

w00t!

:toast:

[proud2BlibKansan]

24. We haven't put a tree up for a couple years

The kids aren't into it anymore and we finally agreed as a family that once we have grandchildren we will go all out for Christmas again.

We still do presents though. Our family war on Christmas doesn't include a moratorium on those! :)

[LaStrega]

29. the last tree I put up ...

was ... erm ... several years ago. It was a dead volunteer maple that I'd cut down, brought into the house, stuck into a box o' hyyy7777777777773222222222222 ( oops one of the babies http://www.flickr.com/photos/amber_lastrega/1481226652/ ) stepped on the keyboard and typed that, honest! nevermind my cocktail) foam and bags o' air and 'twas decorated with wee handgun revolvers and my collection of vintage sunglasses. Said dead tree was spray-painted silver/

Yeah, I've been a big ol' xmas kinda broad fer better than a decade.

Note: I've never baked a cookie. Ever.

The kids were kinda into it ... the revolvers shot wee gunpouder blasts ... Merry Fucking xmas Yay! Don't put an eye out, 'kay? Fuck that. I got lawn darts when I was seven. I'm still sans glasses.

Oh shit, upon preview ... I'm cocktails enough in that I start talking (typing) a'la Yoda.

And my keyboard is currently surrounded by wee black cats who're obstructing my ability to see my monitor.

Note: I will have no recollection of this.

Be gentle?

[Sugar Smack]

36. OMG!! I love you.

:rofl: :spray: :loveya: :patriot:

[radfringe]

64. haven't done a tree for the past 7 years

mainly because we don't have family or any company over the holidays. My family is out in Minnesota, my partner is jewish and her family is in New York and Florida

the only place in the house to put a tree is in the livingroom, and in the winter it's a cold room unless we jack up the heat and turn the rest of the house into a sauna - consequently we don't spend time in the livingroom. So after finding a tree, bringing it home, dragging it into the house, go through all the fuss decorating it - we turn on the lights and say 'ohhhhhhh" then turn off the lights and go into the warm part of the house. after new year, it's undecorate the tree, pack away the decorations, drag the tree outside and spend the next few month vacuuming up needles.

but I hear you, it's been a hellava year for us too.

[Lorien]

43. Very few people I know are "doing Christmas" this year

They are either too broke or just not in the mood. I put a wreath on the door, but that's as far as the decorations go. Sent out about 50 cards and only got a few in return (not that it matters that much). People are just in a darker mood this year, I guess. :shrug:

[MrMickeysMom]

67. I can't wait!

In fact, me thinks THIS will be a most interesting Christmas Eve....

[sandnsea]

4. It's hard

Acceptance that this is it, this is your life. Finding the good in it, the good in yourself that just "is", the "celebration" of it all. It's not easy when you're getting older. My highlight this year was when my 21 year old son called a while ago and wanted to know what we were doing for Christmas Eve. Huh?? I thought he was going to go to a party with some friends or something. Nope, he wants to bring his girlfriend over and spend the evening, even though we're having Christmas breakfast together too. Well I'll be dang. Luckily I have a roast in the freezer, so it's not a big deal to plan a dinner. It'll be great to have them over, but I'm more pleased about the fact that he actually wants to be here. I've had to learn how to find joy in the little things as I get older and accept that some of the big things just aren't going to be coming. Hope you feel better tomorrow. There's lots of great movies on, maybe you and your wife can make some hot chocolate and just watch corny movies and snuggle all day.

[K Gardner]

5. I hear your anger and your rage, that sense of helplessness that there is

absolutely nothing you can do that will make a difference. Not one more ounce of happiness or joy you can wring out of your life. Sometimes, it's OK to grieve for your life, the loss of youth, the loss of a job.. the loss of your country. It's OK to feel down and seek comfort with others. I have no magic words or balms, no ointments. It sounds like you are grieving many things and healing is a long process. Holidays are especially painful. Believe that things will get better and never give up Hope. Take comfort in the little things, find a moment of happiness and laughter wherever you can. If you read the beautiful post at the link from the Lounge, read it over and over, until it makes sense. It really does help to volunteer to feed the hungry. Just one hour, and you'll see. Sometimes it just helps to cry and get it all out.

Anyway, I'm just rambling but I want you to know you're not alone. I've been there. Probably, we all have. My thoughts will be with you. Thank you for sharing your pain and for letting us share with you. Be well..

[Mr_Jefferson_24]

6. I don't know if this will help, but it's something I try to remember...

...when I feel so bad I just don't even want to get out of bed. I was watching someone interview Christopher Reeves, I guess about 2 or 3 years before he died, and the interviewer ask him how he dealt with feelings of depression. He said "I get my mind off myself."

I try to do this when I feel depressed, usually by just finding something to do that will require my full mental and maybe physical attention. Not very original, I know.

Best to you and your wife. I hope 2008 brings you both new hope and long lasting happiness.

[pansypoo53219]

7. getting old REALLY sucks.

it just does. be happy for your SO. it's something to hold on for now.
youth is cetainly wasted on the young.

[madrchsod]

8. i understand just what you mean

pretty much the same as you. 61 bad health and no jobs where i live..ya who`s going to hire me. my wife works and she`s finally realized i`m never going to make good money anymore. i feel like crap cause i do`t contribute anything to the family,well i take care of the house...wow. ya it really sucks to know that 7 years of bush has basically destroyed our generation when it comes to jobs and a decent retirement. the only thing i have is my family to keep me going and the hope that things do get better soon. hang in there,i heard once there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

[Sugar Smack]

13. .

:hug: Then you and your wife can celebrate with each other, and no commercial intervention.

[Bobbieo]

14. I think '7 years of Bush' is the answer to most everyone's

depression, these days.

Remember how happy we all were when the Dems took over Congress - or did they. What the hell happened?

Anyway, try to go one day at at time and try to make each new day better than the one before. You can do it!!!

[mdmc]

12. peace and low stress my friend

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers...
peace out

[spacelady]

15. Can I tell you how sucky my life is now? I don't care if you read this

because we moved to Alabama in 1997 because my husband had a great environmental engineering job at Ciba-Geigy. The MINUTE fucking chimpy DUBYA floated into the Whitehouse was the minute my husband got laid off. Many weirdo jobs later for him and myself we come to the last one and one half year - husband diagnosed with colorectal cancer stage III - had surgery with a cure prognonsis. He was laid off right in the middle of chemo. Then he had complications from the incision which prompted another surgery to correct in June. He recovered from that and had exactly ONE MONTH of feeling almost normal and was felled by a rare genetic form of reactive arthritis which has basically rendered him into the capabilities of crippled 80 year- old. I can hardly tell you how much I don't care about anything. But life goes on yadda yadda.

Edit: On second thought, it is not about how sucky my life is so much as how watching how sucky my beloved husband's life has become. Yes, at least I still have him here with me.

[Sugar Smack]

16. Oh, for God's sake, I am so sorry.

Yeah, who on earth can subscribe to the freakish chaos around us these days when there's real life to be lived. :hug:

[spacelady]

19. Thank you Sugar Smack, we really do just need a hug.

We get by with a little help from our friends.:grouphug:

[sjdnb]

18. You're not alone...I lost my mom just before my 18th BD

and my dad on Christmas Eve. Life can throw a lot of stuff at you, and it's even worse when you think your own country/government is screwing you over. But, guess what? You have something that none of their billions will ever buy?

Friends, neighbors, compatriots - the 2% they pander to is nothing compared to our numbers. People who will fight, with you, until their last breath/nickel to see that justice is served and the country our fore fathers envisioned, is brought to fruition.

And, some day, our time will come. Keep the faith.

[Stargazer99]

20. I'm there with ya....

Section 8 is not accepting new applications. The last time I tried Section 8 I never heard from them for 5 years. Washington State's Older Employment Program has no openings for years. After 40 "those that own the means of production" don't want to hire you. Health insurance is beyond one's financial capabilities even if you have Medicare they still want co-pays. Dental care? what's that? That jerk in the WH cut grants for helping people with heating. I'm not sure if my electric will be turned off. It is enough to make a person sell drugs to meet basic human needs. Those who are not suffering from this Republican/Conservative administration don't really know how difficult it is. I've thought maybe we'd have to live in a garage like when I was 5 years old. I still remember the openings in the slats by the bed....and our father was working. Full employment doesn't mean a damn thing if you don't get paid enough to meet basic needs.

[Withywindle]

22. Hugs to you and everyone on this thread who's hurting.

:hug:

I hear ya. I broke down crying when I told my parents I couldn't get them any presents this year. They totally understand and weren't upset at all, but I was. I used to be able to. I used to love the hunt, y'know.

Meanwhile I've been feeling lightheaded and dizzy because the new cheapass "insurance" company my deteriorating employers went with is denying me coverage for my antidepressants and I have to pay full price. I'm rationing them so they last longer and getting a bit of withdrawal symptoms (including, big surprise, depression).

I have been feeling dispirited too. I know I need to find another job (I have two right now and still not quite making ends meet) but I'm not able to make myself believe there's much of anything good out there.

I know it could be worse. I know there are so many people worse off than me. This doesn't cheer me up--quite the opposite.

I donated some stuff to a charity food drive and then wondered if the people are supposed to magically not be hungry anymore in March when no businesses are capitalizing on the feel-good thing.

[Swamp Rat]

25. .

:hug:

[gateley]

26. All my love to you.

:hug:

[Raine]

27. I'm in a mood too

my mother died 10 years ago a couple days after Christmas and my father is so ill now that if he even makes it thru the whole holiday I know it will be his last. I put up a tree for him (he lives with me) but I still haven't finished decorating it, I just don't have the heart or energy to do it. Every year is hard but this year is the worst of all. You're in my thoughts cause I truly feel your pain. :hug:

[shireen]

28. It's hard, really really hard.

But just remember one thing; don't take your rage out on other people. When I read about you walking to the register and yelling, my first reaction was concern for the cashier. He or she may have felt scared, or become upset by it.

Anger, sadness, frustration are contagious. Yelling in the earshot of someone who is already feeling bad will just make him/her feel even worse, whether or not the yelling was directed at that person.

But don't stop ranting and yelling at DU. We get it ....

[blues90]

51. I didn't yell at the cashier , just as I was moving through the store

I was in a real bad mood and was expressing my rage away for others , everyone was to busy to even notice as if they even cared , not around here they don't . Perhaps I expressed what others were feeling in this store who knows , I can only take so many lies and this store lied .

[shireen]

60. hang in there ....

you've got a wife for support, and she has you. That's a good thing. Some of us here are on our own, or may not have spouses or family for emotional support. It may not be the same situation as yours, but many of us also have demons gnawing away inside us. You're very fortunate to have your wife. She's a treasure. Enjoy your Christmas meal, and stay focused on her and the good things in your life. At least for one day. :)

[earth mom]

30. Sorry for all you're going through.

From reading this thread it sounds like there are lot of people feeling down this Christmas.... :grouphug:

Myself, I was feeling neutral about Christmas this year. It's a smaller one with most of the gifts going to the kid. I've also been extremely worried about the economy but was trying to put it to the back of my mind for the holidays. And I was okay with it all until last weekend when I heard my favorite singer Dan Fogelberg died. It was like all the air went out of me. Like all the color has gone from the world.... :cry:

[Cronus Protagonist]

31. Visualize Prosperity. Only speak towards your prosperity. Peace out. n/t

[Xenotime]

32. We understand your suffering...* makes us all feel that way.

[TalkingDog]

33. This may sound flip, but you are SAD: GET SOME SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

I suffer from a dire case of SAD (seasonally affected disorder) and your post has all the hall marks of a classic case.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195

I really don't know the source of the depression , I can't put my finger on it .

Even with this said this year the holidays seem unbearable to me...

There is just something missing...

And God, do I understand that last one. It is like a physical ACHE, that empty hole. It's like you are tired and exhausted, but so tired you are restless and can't settle down.

Nothing satisfies you.

And the other events in your life are adding to the burden that was probably there all along, but you just didn't know it.

What I'm suggesting won't fix all the things that are wrong, but trust me, when you don't absolutely hate the thought of doing anything or seeing anybody, life gets a little more bearable. And when it gets more bearable, colors look a little brighter, food tastes a little better. You feel like: Yes, I've got problems, but they aren't insurmountable.

A minimum of 20 minutes of sun directly on your face every day. In the simplest way of discussing it, the eyes are the only part of the brain in direct contact with the world. There is a reason for that. Light is very important for our health and we don't get nearly enough.

Sunlight helps us produce all kinds of neurochemicals (serotonin = feel good) and hormonal precursors (Vit. D = strong endochrine system). Some people need that more than others. People with dark skin, people whose direct ancestors spent a lot of time outdoors (in my case farmers and Native Americans). Your Swedes and Finns, not so much.

I ended up getting a "Happy Light". The change was amazing. Just don't use it too late at night, it'll throw your circadian rhythms off.

Fish Oil is a big help too. (yes, there are lots of studies that show this) I take 3 a day. I know a fellow who is seriously Bi-Polar (hospitalized several times for it) who can keep his depression meds to a minimum with 5 a day.
http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20021018/fish-oil-eases-depression

Get some fish oil. Take a walk in the sun.

They are tiny simple steps that will amaze you.

Good Luck. PM if you have other questions.



My Favorite Master Artist: Karen Parker GhostWoman Studios

[fed-up]

34. depression doesn't always need a trigger & irritability/rage is a symptom-

I am still waiting for SSI approval and have a stack of unpaid bills in front of me. I was on the verge of taking all my meds at once when a friend of a friend put me in contact with an small-time almond grower.

I spent the last 4 days on the side of the road selling almonds in 40 degree weather. Went to bed in horrible pain from having to sit/stand in the cold so long. I will go back out again today.

First two days only sold five bags and almost got a ticket. I have now learned where the city/county boundary lines are..The cop was an aide to our local congressman for five years and it seems the most important thing for him is to harrass people trying to honestly make some money. Why the hell wasn't he out stopping thieves or red light runners??? Priorities are skewed in this messed up world.

Luckily I made enough so far to pay my water, PG&E and car insurance which are all past due. I don't have heat as PG&E broke the on/off thingy and I can't afford it anyway. I have learned that heating my rice sock in the microwave before bed works as a great bed warmer. Only one more month of really cold weather to get through. I am getting a wee bit of a perverse sense of satisfaction from not adding to PG&E's bottom line.

I don't know how I am supposed to survive until I get approval which may take a few years especially since I am 9 months shy of 50 years old, have a college education and speak English all which count against me.

There is NO safety net for those of us waiting for disability approval except for food stamps...and I still haven't figured out how to get out of my "meth house".

I think we should have an "unXmas" celebration! For all those that are not celebrating this year.

[shireen]

63. Sorry to hear about your situation

That's really tough. It makes me so angry that you and so many other people have to live this way, while the crooks and liars bask in their McMansions which they bought with our money.

[Vinca]

35. I understand completely how you feel. Does your mood change

dramatically when January 2 arrives? Mine does. Not like I'm dancing in the streets, but I can somehow see past the piles of snow and know that in a couple of months I'll be planting my garden. Our income is way down, too - husband's job (self employed) is connected to the real estate market - and we're barely paying the bills. I know we're better off than many people, but you're right that when you hit a certain age the only job you can get is Walmart greeter or grocery store clerk. We've always been entrepreneurial so we're trying to think of another business we could start on the cheap. (Anyone know what a Hedgehog cookie is? LOL.) The things that make me feel better are appreciating things in nature, snuggling with my cats, playing Beatles music, planning my garden, bitching about politics, watching "chef" shows on television (Iron Chef, Hell's Kitchen, etc.), making a good "find" (I sell antiques and collectibles in a group shop and on ebay)that I know will pay some bills and coming to the DU several times a day. I avoid family photos (almost all relatives dead)and anything that brings back strong memories. I try to ignore Christmas as much as possible because it reminds me of my long gone Gram's giant extravaganzas and is too much to bear. Take care and remember you won't always feel like this. It does pass.:hug:

[Sugar Smack]

37. You are NOT alone, babe.

I offer you a little love from a distance. I'm working today. 2 days ago at work (retail) I had a full-blown panic attack that lasted a half hour.

The Xmas trappings simply don't exist over here. :hug:

[Breeze54]

38. This time last year, you told me

that you were waiting for SS benefits. I'm glad that has changed and that you were approved!!

That's a good thing!! :D I'm glad to hear you at least have that income!

Turkey's are $2.59 a pound there??? :wtf: They're about .89 cents a pound here.
I'm sorry you can't find a cheaper one. We're not having turkey this year.

I really haven't decided if I'll even cook dinner actually.
We might just get a pre-cooked chicken for $5.00 at the local grocery store.
My son suggested Boston Market Turkey TV dinners, 2 for $5.00! ;)

I hope you can find some peace this holiday, blues90!

Put on some rock & roll music and just relax! Enjoy each others company!

None of us can solve all the world's problems by ourselves... just a little at a time maybe.

I wish you and your wife a Happy New Year!

:hug:

[donsu]

39. me too - angry and tense

not looking forward to '08 during which various kinds of shit will happen. from climate damage to neo con damage.

voting has become a laugh and a half.

murderous threats lay over the land.

and I don't even do xmas; haven't for more then 30 yrs.

[Subdivisions]

40. "I never wanted a computer..."

But now that you do have a computer, you also have us, your DU family.

"and never thought this is what I would come to."

What you have come to is that you are now an integral part of the DU family. Your views and comments on the world which you have the ability to view through your computer will remain a part of recorded world history. This very essay you posted records the mood of an individual, YOU, at a pivotal point in the history of this nation and the world. It is a small, important reflection of the times we live in. You are certianly not alone.

I sinserely hope you find peace and happiness. Much love.

[lunatica]

41. After my divorced a decade ago

I was grieving too and so depressed that I could barely move. I felt paralyzed. I had no job and no skills because I had been a housewife. The thought of working as a waitress serving people to the point of daily exhaustion just made the depression unbearably worse. I knew that I was dying inside which was why I ended my soul killing marriage. But when the sudden thought that I could escape the unbearable misery by committing suicide actually cheered me up enough to feel a surge of warm energy I realized I better get busy living or just keep dying inside. I decided that my problem was that I had never recovered from the thousands of wounds I had received in my life, and especially in my childhood, and that on the path of life I had taken chunks of myself and left them on the side of the road as compromises for the sake of relationships and security and to be acceptable enough to be loved. Housewives tend to end up being shells because their lives are always for the benefit of their families.

I decided that I had made myself sick by my actions, no matter how well meaning they were and that meant I could make myself well too. I knew there were things in my life that I could never say out loud (bad childhood crap), but I could write them in all their painful detail if I did it to send the pain to Creator or God or Great Spirit (whatever you believe in) and burn the notebooks I used as a form of ritual cleansing. I gave myself a year, and I swear there were weeks on end when I wrote for 5 to 8 hours a day, filling notebooks so rapidly that it still astounds me. It wasn't that I had so many different things to say as much as that I felt the need to write them over and over again until I had no more need or desire to do so because the issue was solved, or cured, or whatever it is that happens when you can let it go and it just doesn't hurt anymore. I made one promise to myself. Every single word I wrote was to be the truth. If I felt murderous rage I wrote it in agonizing detail, even if it was against people I loved dearly, because no one was ever going to read it ever because it wasn't how I really felt, it was the detritus of slimy crap that needed to be excised and destroyed. I burned every last notebook and I actually healed myself. I walked figuratively back on that Life Path and I picked up every single piece of myself that I had sacrificed and I re-incorporated it all into myself where it had always belonged. I still keep a daily journal but it's strictly for maintenance now. And I still burn them without re-reading them. Who wants to wade through that cesspool again?

That was 13 years ago, and the last decade has been the happiest in my life, in the sense that after a lifetime of suffering from depression it hasn't bothered me since. Not because things are going great on the outside, but because I know I will survive well when I put myself into my very own capable hands. And my healing has lifted everyone else around me. It's funny how that works.

:grouphug: :pals: :hug:

edited for clarity

[Whisp]

47. very touching post.

thanks for sharing your personal story - makes for hope.

and to all in this thread or reading... I hear you.
We all hear each other and there is a lot of care and concern out there so we should jsut keep on speaking out.

[shireen]

62. i'm glad things worked out for you

But your formula isn't for everyone. We all deal with pain in different ways. We try to heal in different ways. We try to take control in different ways.

[Marrah_G]

42. I'm so sorry- I wish I could make you feel better

The holidays bring out the extremes in our emotions.

[sendero]

44. I don't really know how to help..

... you, but I will say this.

Grief is as much a part of life as joy. Nobody wants to be in grief, but we'll all spend some time there, admittedly some more than others.

I have always found that the best way to defeat grief is to feel it. Feeling it is sowing the seeds for the next time you feel good and can find things about life that make it worth living, and we both know there are plenty.

If this feeling persists for too long, more than a few weeks say, you probably should seek medical help, or at least consider it.

Merry Christmas to you, in time things will get better, you will feel better, I just know it.

[The River]

46. I Understand How You Feel

I just lost my Mother early this morning.

[lunatica]

48. I'm so sorry!

What a loss for you! You have friends here.

[sandnsea]

49. I'm so sorry

:hug: I know there's nothing that can be said really comfort you. Just hang in there, it will get easier with time.

[The River]

50. Thank You

I just visited her yesterday along with my daughter, sister and niece.
She's been in a nursing home because of Altzhiemers.
She went knowing she was loved and cared for.
She had a nearly perfect life so there isn't much to be sorry about.

[Lars39]

53. My condolances, TR.

:hug: My dad died right before Thanksgiving. :(

[graywarrior]

52. Know that you have a few people here feeling the same way.

Mr. Gray and I are getting together with his sister tonight and tomorrow to celebrate our depression over Xmas. We're watching horror movies and talking about our alcoholic parents. Should be a good time.

[fed-up]

76. I don't know why but the image of trying to "celebrate our depression over Xmas" made me smile!

I think that is the attitude I will try to hold thoughout the day.

I think it is so absurd/contradictory it is hilarious.

In fact I may start a thread in your honor over in GD for those of us that are in a different sort of holiday mood.

thanks for giving me a new outlook on XMAS :)

[shanine]

77. Fantastic idea!

I wish I could have implemented something like this . this year.
Next year for sure. Thanks.

[OhioChick]

54. Hang in There, Blues.

:hug:

[blues90]

55. I just now looked and am surprised at the response

I at least know I'm not alone and this does help . I really wish those who feel like I do could all find a way to meet and get through this .

I am not looking forward to 2008 , I can't believe this year went so fast , 2008 seems like it will be worse from what I can tell from all I've read and these elections , my god , this is going to be a blood bath . I just wish this were over .

Yes I do have the computer to at least contct the outside world and be on this forum and that is the only benefit other than streaming a few liberal radio shows which helps , like Malloy , at least he does the yelling for me .

[MrMickeysMom]

58. Please take my advice.. hey, it's free!

I know we haven't met, so- Hi. Do you mind if I ask you to have to have a little leap of faith? This is sort of like the others may have already advised, with a personal note. In my view, the more you say you DON'T look forward to something, the more likely circumstances will make you deal with something that you have to learn. I'm not saying it's fair, only that my circumstances tend to may ME pay attention to whatever experience I must need to experience (for what reason, we both don't know).

I'm a baby boomer who misses her departed mom. She passed away this spring and this will be the first Christmas without her. My husband and I both miss her.

2006 happened not to be a good one- not as shitty as yours, I'm sure, however, due to a job that was killing me, I had to face some things. So, I decided to go gently into that questionable night, head up and not giving up. I gave them 2/5 months notice and made some decisions. I had to sort of do this for my mom, who I knew was passing away. I confidently told her the message I really had to start carrying with me after she was gone. It became sort of an affirmation. Yes, visions of Stuart Smiley looking in the mirror, but I'm serious. I told myself over and over, "the right job comes to me". I wasn't sure how the change in my field (happens to be medical, and can be quite depressing- respiratory therapy) would come. It did, but it didn't right away. Now, I make far less money doing what I do, but I AM finding that I'm doing the right work. My internal environment had to change, which was not as hard as I first thought. I surprised myself by going back and taking some basic training to prepare me for it. I wasn't sure what I would find during that earlier process, but JUST THE FACT that I put action into motion after "affirming" I would do this started me on a new path.

I'm not trying to so much be esoteric and spiritual in saying this, but it DOES begin in YOUR MIND. So much is the case that something HAS to change and quite often i takes a shift in attitude. Your action both at the pump and at the grocery store sounds like you are so burnt out and I believe you did NOT want it get to that level, but you DID and now it's over, and you are reaching out to US, and we are reaching back to YOU.

It took me the entire year of 2006, culminating with the loss of my mom this May to decide that I needed to change (some things) and begin anew. Know, I know I'm not as bad off as you currently are, but I am willing to bet that your friends (you do have friends here) plus your wife's ability to cook a special dinner (yes, this may be THE MOST special dinner for you two) will bring such nourishment, that you will begin anew.

Repeat this to yourself- "from this time forward into 2008, I find the right situation for happiness.

:hug: MMM

[samplegirl]

56. Know that your not alone

thats for sure. I'm certain there are pleanty of D.U.ers in the same boat. It has not only been a bad year but it has been bad ever since Bush took office with very little glimpses of hope and then nothing great.
Remember "SOMETHING HAS GOT TO CHANGE" have the power to sustain
by repeating these words.
I took for granted the years that I could spend like a drunken sailor on the holidays but for the last few years it has been humbling to actually know first hand how many people this way all year long.

[truedelphi]

57. Well first of all we had to sell the cat, :nopity: :nopity: who was one of my favorite little guys

In order to have the money for the Christmas Bird.

Then Mark realized we didn't have the money to buy the rum I like in the holiday egg nog so now we are sitting here with these egg nog AntiFreeze concoctions (Kids - don't try this at home)
and we got slooshed enough on all that that I burned the cookies. The traditional melt in your mouth almond crescents.

Mark is now saying that he googled AntiFreeze and found out it is poisonous so we only have about fifty five more minutes to LIVE. Not that it is living, what with Bush still being the great Dictator, Decider type person OverLord Creep.

But Damn. The timing of this tragedy.

A friend had sent me some great Sherlock Holmes DVD's with Jeremy Brett as Sherlock and I was hoping we would at least get through those before we friggin' DIED.

Well, since time is short, may I say Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! And Asta LaViegro!

I have assembled a photo montage at this URL as the AntiFreeze has interfered with my ability to actually insert it into this post. (As anyone who reads my posts knows, I am HTLM or whatever illiterate and my typying spelling thing sucks too!)
But it may provide a laugh or chortle or too.

http://tinyurl.com/3ay4vc



And blues 90 I think if you had a different user name you might friggin well CHEER UP!

At least your nog ain't poisoned with glycol ethers!

But if you can't cheer up, it ain't your fault. As someone who has been told to her face during job interviews that My recent history, what with my husband going blind and me being a nervous wreck fighting the insurance scam people and the hospital scam people and the doctors who don't believe in pain meds etc, THAT I WOULD BE A LOUSY JOB CHOICE I understand you blues90 BRO, I really do.

If there were a few meaningful available jobs for us fifty to sixty somethings, the world and the Holiday Season would be a better place. And it is not just about money but about doing something meaningful!

If I live I might change my name to Blues91...


:nopity: :nopity:

[blues90]

65. The job thing is really bad

I tried and applied to every car dealership within a reasonable distance and was positive and have alot of experience but not one called me back , I called a few back and each decided to hire someone younger to train which made no sense to me . I had the last job for 12 years and never looked into the job situation , i didn't realize things were so bad out there .

I tried everything I could think of that had to do with customer service since that was what I did at a large dealership and did it well but I never was called back even though I got interviews . The last year I have not got one interview for anything .

This along with my mother passing away during that time was what brough the anxiety and panic attacks I have suffered with for years back into attacks worst than ever before , bad enough that even going to the store I am on the cell to my wife just to get through it and the meds now have little effect .

Now I'm disabled and live on little and this is a huge worry .

I sold everything sellable just to pay bills and we have cut back to bare necessities , like one lamp to none on at night , we use a candle at times , we use heat only when it's to cold for the cats .

I found I don't miss of care about all the crap I thought I needed , I don't miss any of it . I thought a few times we should buy an old useable motor home and this would be a place to live cheap , my wife is not into this idea at all , not that I blame her .

I wanted to see DC and NYC and find someplace we both would like to live and then go from there .

I always felt a new view is the ticket , it always worked in the past .

I moved from Chicago to southern Florida in 1976 which was a huge mistake , family told me it was great there . then after a divorce at 31 I lost everything and took a job installing cable TV and this is where I met my wife in 1980 and since she was from southern calif we took a year and I worked and we lived in a back room at her parents home and we saved for the move while I re-did their home for living there , it took a year . We have struggled since we moved here but it was ok , we were in our 30's and jobs were available and it was a new experience , now it's crowded and hell on earth here .

It was better in the late 90's then here comes 2000 and bush and everything went to hell real quick . I was erased as a worker .

I got one job , driving my car beating it to death working for a messenger service and I paid gas , it was the worst job of my life and this ended with a massive panic attack in some huge office building and I got lost trying to find my way out , I was treated like garbage by all the office people ; like garbage , they looked this old guy handing them packages as a loser ,as a nothing .

I lost my younger brother in 2001 just before 9/11 due to liver cancer and I still have not gotten over this . I have an older and younger sister left and they are in their own world far removed from mine , I was always the black sheep , the guitar player musician with grand plans and a life long distain for authority figures .

I have a long string of jobs from a bell telephone installer /repairman to a postal worker with a slew of crappy factory jobs and the son of a carpenter who always wanted me to take over his business where I and he built custom homes and we never got along . I never found a job that I liked but was good and worked hard all my life . I always had hard manual labor jobs until I became a manager in 1998 then I delt with pissed off customers but I was good at this and lost it to a management change and that wonderful at will employment clause , if you are white and male there is nothing you can do if they decide they want you out .

It does not matter how good you are , what matters is who is your buddy and who you know and how old you are . I am just one grain of sand in this world of billions . I am grateful I have my wife , she is all there is to keep me going through each day , if not for her I would be gone .

[truedelphi]

69. Everything you say is so true.

I hope you don't take my attempt at humor to mean that I don't believe in your life and struggle or that I don't care about it. Really and truly, blue, are lives are very similar.

You and I are in the same place. I have to go back into humor though, as it is the only thing that helps. Three years ago husband and I were the average American couple, and though our lives did not entail anything out of the ordinary, we had groceries, and new clothes and shoes when needed and nights out on the town and a steadily climbing retirement fund. We still pinched pennies but we never worried about things like whether we would or wouldn't have food in two or three days.

Then Mark lost his job. About two weeks later we moved out into the country, which was sort of a planned move. And we figured we would travel and see some sights. For instance, I have never seen the Grand Canyon. And he has never stayed in Boulder.

But then before we hit the road, he started behaving strangely. He was thirsty a lot, losing weight and peeing several times an hour. I knew this was diabetes. I got him to the hospital.

They ran thousands of dollars of tests and said, "No you are wrong. He is fine. Stressed or something but fine." Long story short: he did have diabetes and it was several months before they got him on the right insulin. His body couldn't handle the wrong type of insulin that was initially prescribed, and he developed cataracts overnight (Six months earlier, his eyes had been examined by a top specialist, given the clean bill of health, and I was the one the doctor said might be developing cataracts soon.) Finally he's had the surgery to get his eyesight back and for that we are both grateful.

Now between our ages, and our credit history (which is probably something like a negative 1550) and our health history, we don't get called back for jobs. So we are inventing our own jobs using the internet. Whether it will be enough to save us soon enough, I do not know. But I am learning a lot about how to grow a business on the internet. I just hope it pays off in time to get us caught up on the rent.

Meanwhile I plan an internet site for those in their late forties to sixties who are being used, abused and then told to take care of themselves. If we can take care of entire families who come here from other places and help them with housing vouchers, food stamps, assistance to work programs, why can't those of us who were born here have help?

[blues90]

71. No worry , I know you have good intentions and a heart

Other wise you would not have responded at all . I saw the humor it just does not show well in my state .

[shireen]

74. time to think outside the box?

Brainstorm with your wife. Toss around ideas. Dream about a business you would enjoy creating, if you had a bit of seed money to get you started. Then go to the SCORE website, read what they have there, and if you want to seriously explore it, talk to a counselor. You may be able to get leads for grants or low-interest startup loans.

http://www.score.org/index.html

Dream a little .... ;-)

[Dawggie]

59. You're not alone.

Throw walking pneumonia into the mix and I'm there with you.

It's just another day. Don't feel bad that you can't buy all your loved ones new cars. That's not what it's about anyway.

[EFerrari]

61. Today, I'm grateful I can feed my animals.

There's no lights or candles or trees or presents here but still, my guys are safe. Unlike more than a few of my neighbors who are on the street and trying to just stay warm and fed somehow.

My best to your family. Stay together. Be safe. Know you aren't alone in any way.

I'm not sure what I'll eat tomorrow and it won't be on the order of dinners I've cooked in past years. But, I know I will eat and so will everyone else.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Blue_Tires]

66. all i can say is i know of which you speak

[symbolman]

68. I hope this doesnt come off as too flip, but I don't feel as bad now..

I thought WE were having the worst Xmas ever, until I read here about my poor, suffering friends, esp you Blue... Migod but my heart goes out to you all..

I thought I've had it worse before, but things must be worse all around, I blame Herr Bush for depressing the economy and Minds.. At 54 I am looking down the barrel of Life's Gun, some of my future has been laid bare here by my DU friends..

We've been watching the money dribble away to nothing, I'm stretching pain Meds myself, had Arthritis of the Spine for ten years now and its progressing quickly. Lots of arguing over money while our precious three year old looks on, stricken (we pick him up and love him to death lots too, and love each other despite arguments), wondering when the foreclosure will kick in, behind in all payments, power may be off soon too..

Now we are all sick with a virus that resembles food poisoning, nearly decorating our sparse tree with vomit, no money for a turkey, eating months old frozen chicken parts.

After nearly a 7 Year run, battling the Bush admin, we are just about ready to try and sell off Takebackthemedia.com, if there were takers, don't even know that - donations have dried up, we spent most of the mortgage, a few Hundred Thousand dollars fighting for this country, now they've got a half a Trillion in pals pockets and WE have basically NOTHING but my bad health dragging us down..

Can't even sell the house in this market, partially saving our credit, to go take a little time and hang in Mexico, where its CHEAP, until maybe things turn around..

But like I said, I feel like we're not as bad off as so many of our suffering friends here. I'll be thinking of all of you this Christmas and hoping things get better for YOU, THAT would make ME feel better. So sorry for the losses too, I can't begin to imagine that pain.

If you get a chance check out the Mike Myers/Deepak Chopra "Iconoclasts" that was shown on Sundance lately - its Online, amazing and illuminating. Both Very Spiritual Men.

Austin Powers, Godhead, if you can believe it :)

[blues90]

70. I heard your call on Malloys show the other day

I would have never guessed you too were in trouble , I guess none of us are in any sort of home free condition , sorry to hear you are going through this .

This just never ends while the people who are in control just seem to go on untouched , hopefully someday soon they will find themselves hit and hit hard .

I think about bush and his crime family sitting in luxury however I would rather be me than one of them no matter what .

[lonestarnot]

78. Merry Christmas symbolman!

:hug:

[symbolman]

80. same backatcha lonestarnot

and everyone else here. Today we are Family :)

[Sultana]

72. ...

Hang in there. :hug:

I hope the New Year brings you and your family stability.

[Work4Peace]

73. You need to watch a good comedy- like Idiocracy

and eat chocolate.....

hang in there- clearly you are not alone...

[Liberty Belle]

75. Christmas isn't about money or buying gifts.

Whenever times have been hard for me, I've always looked at people who were worse off, and tried to help them if only just a little bit. Today I gave a $20 bill to a homeless woman. Some years I've worked in a soup kitchen, or saved up all those free soaps and shampoos from hotels through the year (back when I traveled for business) plus a free turkey a local market was giving away, and gave them to a battered women's shelter.

One year I had a bad accident a month before Christmas, couldn't work, was disabled for a while, and had no money for gifts (or almost none). So I scoured garage sales, found a few treasures, and made a few homemade gifts. Some of my kids' favorite items were the stocking stuffers that were really other people's cast-offs: a carved Indonesian "treasure box", costume jewelry, and an entire shoebox full of baseball cards that a collector's widow sold me for $10. We've sometimes traded "services" - ie, offer to chauffeur an elderly relative for a day, or do yardwork for a friend.

For those who are fed up with commercialism, but have friends/family accustomed to giving more generous gifts, suggest an organization like Heifer; a friend of mine is asking her family to chip in on a $250 water buffalo - enough to support a family in Africa for a full year. They also do chickens, rabbits, llamas, etc - or sell "portions" of the animal for those with only a little bit to spare.

A friend of mine was going through the same sort of depression this year; his girlfriend has terminal cancer and refused to even put up a Christmas tree. He's always been sort of a humbug spirit at Christmas, having been raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and not celebrated holidays as a child, so he remains uncomfortable. But yesterday he attended an African American church with a mutual friend, and came away moved by the sheer joy of the people--and the season.

Peace --

[blues90]

79. For me christmas has never been about the presents

I've always hated the hype part of this time of the year . I have always given what we had to homeless people even if it were just $5 to someone sitting alone against the wall of a building who I knew had nothing .

That is the spirit I like . This year we gave what little we could because we don't have much at all and we have avoided going out this year for personal reasons we deal with and to avoid the false shopper madness , people rushing out filling malls to bring home crap as if this will better their families lifes while the rest of the year is never this thoughtful .

I realized another change this year , there is not one radio station playing christmas music of any sort , at least not here when this at one time was all they played . It's all about the bottom line for stores and this is the truth that has finally boiled to the surface for anyone aware to see . What's tomarrow ,Black Wed ?