I've got two different churches trying to convert me!

[loser_user]

I should have known better but they were friendly and I just want be a nice person so I let them tell me their message, one some guy from some non-denominational evangical church, the other two guys Mormons. Unfortunately I also didn't realize besides spreading their messages they are also looking for conversions...:yoiks:

[poverlay]

1. They are Always looking for conversions. It's why they do it. You should introduce them. Let them

try and convert each other. Not that's comedy...

[malaise]

2. Run from both n/t

[NeedleCast]

4. Terrible Idea

The smart move is to get stuff from both. It's like having two job offers. See which one wants it more.

"I dunno Non-denoms, the Mormons have offered me Godhood, my own planet to be God of and a bevy of wives, plus I get a parking space close to the front door. You're going to have to make a pretty good pitch..."

[malaise]

Nah run! n/t

[CT_Progressive]

14. I like how you think.

:D

[Sanctified]

3. I have a Jehovah Witness lady that stops by once a week.

Really nice lady never asks us to convert or really talks about God. She did leave us some nice literature about different religions that I liked because it gave what I would say is an unbiased synopsis of the practices and belief system of almost every major religion religion including some of the smaller ones like Japanese Shinto.

[L. Coyote]

9. My buds answered the door naked. Their's quit trying after that!!

[alfredo]

45. A meat cleaver and an erection would have been a nice touch.

[TechBear_Seattle]

5. Tell them you will go with the highest bidder

Don't forget to mention that the Mosque down the street has the current bid of 72 virgins. :hi:

[Ilsa]

26. That line will work better if you are a woman. nt

[formerrepuke]

6. Write down what one of them offers.. then go to the other one, see if they can match it.

[loser_user]

13. Good idea!

[L. Coyote]

7. Screw up this one, and you burn in hell for eternity. LOL

This is why my fundie neighbors feign concern for me, they want me to enjoy the afterlife.

They are certain all scientists will suffer eternal fire, and they want me to denounce evolution. LOL It's true :rofl:

[loser_user]

12. LOL

I say this smilie says it best:

:dilemma:

[Touchdown]

8. It's pretty easy to get a mormon boy out of his pants.

all young and firm from bike riding...or so I've been told.:evilgrin:

[Kurovski]

25. I once had twin brother Jehovah's witnesses approach me.

Not in a bar, just the usual.

I told them I was working from home. Genuinely hot were those two.

Might make for an interesting movie.

[Kurovski]

38. OOPS. Makes it sound like something unholy happened.

I told them I worked from home to get rid of them. (A case of "Satan, I cast thine evil temptations adrift from my sacred soul's harbor!")

I should have done a double-check on that post :blush:

[book_worm]

10. Politiely tell them you're not interested. The Mormon's are expected to go door to door

but just smile and say, "Thanks but no Thanks."

[NMMNG]

11. That's the only reason they talk to you

They're not doing it out of the kindness of their hearts.

[wuushew]

15. Never ever give an inch...unless you want them to take a mile.

You have completely the wrong mindset. Stop thinking defensively. How about reciprocating the ideas of reason and logic?

Theism is massively overrepresented in our society. Please join me as a paladin of the enlightenment.

[Momgonepostal]

16. Please just tell them both how you feel

Be polite, but firm. How about, "You're nice people, but I am really not interested in joining any church at this time. If I ever change my mind, I'll give you a call."

I've been an LDS missionary and would rather hear a "no" than be strung along for weeks.

[SidDithers]

17. Can you start some sort of bidding war?...

You might just come out with some good swag!

Sid

[Nikki Stone1]

18. See if you can get one of them to give you a free cappucino maker

Make them compete, dammit. :)

[DemGa]

19. A couple of Mormons on bicycles

started coming by until they caught me at home.

I told them I was spiritual but not religious, and starting questioning them about their religion.

They must have figured me a hard target, because they never returned! LOL

[Kurovski]

20. And don't forget the Gay Agenda,

We're always out there trying to snag all y'all.

[Arugula Latte]

21. You don't see us atheists out bothering people in their homes.

[Kurovski]

24. Have you heard about The Gay Atheist Agenda?

Please allow me a moment of your time...

[madeline_con]

28. Yep, they stay home and don't bother other people. n/t

[Kurovski]

33. Unless you have a "wide stance".

[madeline_con]

35. No, they're just asking for paper. n/t

[Kurovski]

39. With their feet?

*tap*tap*tap*tap*tap*

[madeline_con]

43. Sure, morse code. n/t

[Kurovski]

48. My faith is shattered.

Time to invite a Jehovah's Witness to tea.

[Javaman]

22. convert you into what? nt

[FreeState]

23. As a former Mormon missionary Ill give you my advice

tell them you will absolutely not convert that you are happy in your spirituality, if they want to be friends thats fine but you do not want to discuss the church or take the discussions from them.


That aught to keep them away. It really is that simple. As a missionary you are required to report your contact numbers and the number of lessons you gave durring a week - motivated missionaries will leave you alone because you are not able to produce numbers for their reports. The slacker missionaries that just want to hang out will still come around however - and believe me there are plenty of missionaries that could care less how many converts they get - they are there for the title "Returned Missionary" - which in BYU language means you are eligible to be married ;0 Its very hard to get a date at BYU if you have not served a mission.

[madeline_con]

27. They're both cults! RUN!!!!! n/t

[SalmonChantedEvening]

29. Tell them I know a guy who's selling an old van...

Oh THAT kinda conversion

:hide:

[hatrack]

30. So, what do the different gift packages look like?

I mean, if I were considering converting to either LDS or non-denominational megachurch, I'd want to consider the options.

For starters, I'd want to know if the LDS plan comes with the sports-option package (including the bra, fog lights and locking lug nuts on the wheels).

As for the NDM, what about vacation cruise packages, frequent flier miles or maybe upgrades on my next flight.

Other than that, I'd probably just go with the color/upholstery package I preferred.

[Canuckistanian]

31. Try to get them to take some Hare Krishna literature

Tell them that their religions are but an earthly illusion.

[Elidor]

32. I wonder if you could spare a couple moments of your time

While I tell you about the First Pastafarian Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and how His Noodly Appendages have touched my life?

[Kurovski]

34. I'm down on bended linguine.

[Elidor]

36. Have you heard of the Penne-dictine Order?

We split from the Friends of Fettucine over the Macaronian Heresy.

[Kurovski]

37. The whole faith really reached the boiling point in that era.

A lot of it was overdone, IMO. Many were Fulminanting dissent needlessly. the fagioli scandal was a case in point.

In my bistro-hopping days I found that no manicotti by me was an island, nor Cannelloni live.

You were a hero back then. I wouldn't put any Lasagna than that.

May he forgive us our transgressions, and these Gassë, Gigli posts.

[lonestarnot]

40. Saucy!

[Kurovski]

41. Say! Weren't you caught canoodling with the anellini back then?

[lonestarnot]

44. You are mistaken, my preference is gigli, it gets jiggy.

http://www.ilovepasta.org/shapes.html

[Occulus]

42. Thanks for kickin' it up a notch

BAM!!

[Kurovski]

49. Is it true that Hillary Clinton is the Macaronian candidate?

[Swamp Rat]

50. Heretic!

:D

[Kurovski]

52. John McCain is the Macaronian candidate.

I shall speak the truth! I shall stand with such saints as Joan D'Ziti!

You shall silence me not! Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Denti di pecora rigati, I fear not.

[The Straight Story]

46. Hell, I get people trying to convert me here daily, or at least telling me my beliefs are wrong

If I only had to put with door to door folks life would be easy :)

[tekisui]

47. Just Say No.

[Jamastiene]

51. I wish I could have gotten to you before that.

I could have warned you. They will go as far as you let them and further in some cases. It's best to walk away slowly as they won't suspect so much and get one zillion times more pushy about it. That's the only way I have found other than cutting them off all at once and hoping like hell I never see them again. Jesus, protect me from your followers. That's a good prayer, believe it or not.

[JoePhilly]

53. Invite them all over ... then have them mud wrestle to the death for your soul!!

If they truly believe, then their God will send them to victory, and get your soul.

Btw ... speedos would be optional ... completely up to you.