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JeffR
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:45 PM Original message |
| ***DUzy Awards for week ending October 19, 2007.*** |
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Edited on Fri Oct-19-07 06:15 PM by JeffR
 Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring effulgent effluence, epigrammatic enlightenment and entrancing egregiousness from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!The surging DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. Now as to that "anal bleaching" thread, well... never mind. On a thread by NYCGirl: McCain: Gore shouldn't have won Nobel Prize "Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain said the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize, announced today, should have gone to someone else other than former Vice President Al Gore. 'I would have liked to see that prize go to the Buddhist monks who are suffering and dying in Burma,' McCain said after a speech this morning in Davenport..." response #8 by chimpsrsmarter: "Bitter---table for one?" response #39 by hatrack: Following in the classy footsteps of Ru9/11dy Giu9/11li9/11an9/11i, I see STFU, Senator Sweatsponge. response #40 by Ikonoklast: Shut up, Grampa John, and get your crotchety 'ol ass back on the porch. No one wants to hear your opinions about anything. I didn't hear you say anything about those monks dying two friggin' weeks ago, but NOW suddenly they're important to you? Go yell at some teenagers. On a thread by BornagainDUer: Bush: "I've done more for human rights than any other president." response #1 by Benhurst: Poor brain-dead boobie. I think he meant to say "to", not "for". OP by rinsd: Hillary Clinton today announced the sky is blue. response #1 by Kurt_and_Hunter: "Under a hazy grey Iowa sky, the junior Senator from New York said..." You'll have to do better than that. Try "To the derision of a skeptical audience, Clinton claimed that the atomic number of Argon is 18." response #4 by Katzenkavalier: Most clouds plan to vote for her. response #5 by musette_sf: in fact, in a national poll of clouds 50% support Senator Clinton. response #7 by Karmadillo: All these polls are bogus. I haven't met a single cloud that supports Hillary. response #13 by PurityOfEssence: Then she reminded us that she had singlehandedly kept the clouds away, whereupon she walked across the surface of the lake and parted it so we could all follow. response #14 by Forkboy: After massive polling to see if that was the right thing to say. ;) response #15 by Perry Logan: George W. Bush said EXACTLY THE SAME THING! There's no difference! response #16 by MGKrebs: Last year she said the sky was gray! Jeez, she is on every side of every issue. OP by asSEENonTV: Gore:Nobel::Bush: _______ hmmmmmm...... response #1 by Mojambo: NoBrain. n/t response #2 by Bjornsdotter: Darwin Award ...he would be the poster child. response #4 by Old Crusoe: Gore - Nobel. Bush -- Dumbbell. response #14 by aaronbees: Gore: Nobel .... Bush: Ignoble response #26 by Katherine Brengle: Gore:Nobel::Bush: Pretzel On a thread by Rage for Order: Venezuela Cancels Chavez Critic's ConcertVenezuela's government has blocked a popular Spanish singer from using a stadium because he criticized President Hugo Chavez three years ago. Higher Education Minister Luis Acuna said Alejandro Sanz would not be allowed to hold his scheduled Nov. 1 concert at the Poliedro — a state-controlled stadium — because of his past criticism of the Chavez and his 'Bolivarian Revolution,' a political movement named after independence hero Simon Bolivar..." response #2 by Bornaginhooligan: The performer was seen leaving on a Peace Train. Baby, I'm grieving. But if he wants to leave, take good care. There's lots of good venues out there. response #28 by ConsAreLiars: He has set up secret prisons where torture and murders are common and monitors all communications Oh, wait, that is someone else.... Yeah, the guy I was thinking of was appointed to office by the oligarchs, not elected. And the singer wasn't just kept from government venues, but banned from the country. That guy murdered a million people and drove down the living standard of the masses. Sorry for the confusion - I'm not sure how I got such obviously different individuals mixed up. GD, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2034931 OP by Jackpine Radical: Al Gore Awarded Second Nobel!! The Nobel Committee in Oslo today announced that Albert Gore, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Prize in Science for his invention of the Internet. GD, October 12, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2028421 OP by Plaid Adder: RUN, YOU BASTARD! RUN!!!!! I mean, uh, congratulations Mr. Gore on your Nobel prize... On a thread by cali: What is your definition of a Police State? response #1 by taterguy: Roxanne would have to be played on every radio station every day response #3 by rzemanfl: FL n/t OP by BelgianMadCow: Breaking : Global warming due to Nobel Peace Prize offset by FreeperFreezing <snip> Scientists confirm that the sudden spikes of heat all over the US and indeed the world will most likely be offset by subzero temperatures in the region known as Freeperland. This has gone so far that the cyst on Rush Limbaugh's behind is said to have left the building, thereby making Rush eligible for military duty in Iraq. Congratulations are streaming in from all over the world. When asked about his comments on the development, the Sole Ice bear On The Shrinking Iceberg said : "I have yet to make a post about this on DU, but Al can come rub my back anytime", after which he gobbled up a large unsuspecting fish. The disappearing species of the American Swallow were last heard saying "this is a victory for the ...aaaaah!". The surviving Nelson Mandelas in Iraq have been heard to cheer on Al to run, albeit with a very strange accent. Childrens all over the world are using the internets to post self-made drawings of Al on a throne, waving a scepter and making all things good again, but unfortunately many drawings have been scrubbed already, due to inclusion of a fecally besmirched primate-looking politician. The news was less favorably received in republican circles, with contenders for the presidency threatening to challenge the decision in the International Criminal Court, only to receive the message "you are not a member yet. Subscribe in three easy steps, 3-day free trial". Fred Thompson specifically was overheard saying "uhmmmm" in a very negative way before his siesta, and behind-the scenes SCOTUS bribery negotiations have been started by VP Dick Cheney at an undisclosed location, that will likely be flooded if Al is right. In a desperate move to reverse the Peace Prizes sobering effect on Americans, the Corporate Media has decided to use only blue icy backgrounds from now on, and to have anchors presenting with a fresh wind blowing through their hair, dressed in polar fleeces. On the economic front, the news provoked mixed reactions. Alan Greenspan commented "this will mean thong bikini sales will continue strong, but they are no basis for sustainable growth". Pollsters on the other hand are doing overtime to find a large enough sample of naysayers, creating jobs on the fly. Ice saw sales are up in Greenland, with notable conservative Eskigimmemore CEO B. Luefacedguy commenting "we are switching back from rowing boats and suntan lotion". On a less positive note, the Centers for Disease and Crowdcontrol are advocating at least waiting till noon to consume alcoholic beverages, bummer. In case of intoxication, funny dancing all alone is recommended to minimize effects. Rumor has it that infighting in GDP will halt for a day, but this was denied by anonymous sources, in a snarky manner at that. </snip> On a thread by abernste: Anyone see this "joke/cartoon" from House Republicans on SCHIP? response #6 by Indenturedebtor: OMFG I'm starting to wonder if there wasn't a concerted "Drop your baby on its head so the Republic Party has future" campaign a few decades ago. It's like a bunch of beavis and buttheads wearing flag underoos :eyes: On a thread by Snarkturian Clone: 10 "Healthy" Foods That May Kill You response #11 by cuke: In the wrong hands, even a pretzel can be deadly response #20 by Chipper Chat: I guess I'd better say goodbye then dear DUers. I eat Yoplait yogurt EVERY DAY - sometimes twice! I drink three cans of Coca Cola EVERY DAY. I eat wheat bread instead of white. I eat dried fruit - esp. cranberries and raisins. I love Campbell's soups. SKINNER- just a reminder that I want to be cremated. And after I'm gone please UNBLOCK the 3 DUers I have on ignore. Thank you, the slowly-dying Chipper Chat response #40 by wienerdoggie: I'm just going to kick that nasty food habit altogether. I'll live FOREVAH!! response #44 by Buns_of_Fire: Significantly enough, triple-pepperoni pizza is not on the list. Therefore, I can only conclude that triple-pepperoni pizza (AKA "God's Perfect Food") is not only non-harmful, but GOOD for you! Just what I've been saying all along. Thin crust, please. response #55 by Blue-Jay: 500 lbs of cabbage dropped on your head is very dangerous. response #65 by mycritters2: But high in fiber!! nt On a thread by babylonsister: Rush Limbaugh To Challenge Gore Peace Prize Win? response #32 by Kurovski: Rush should start his own award, the "Cysty", Awarded to people who send others off to kill and die. response #33 by bleever: The winners could be enshrined in the Cystine Chapel. Big picture of Rehnquist handing Bush the presidency on the ceiling. :hi: response #34 by Kurovski: And so we await the renaissance of right-wing art! The greatest flowering since the days of Grosse deutsche Kunstausstellung. :hi: OP by Jackpine Radical: George Bush deserves the Nobel Peace Prize and he's gonna bomb Oslo until he gets it. OP by TwilightZone: I'm amazed at how many experts on lying we have at DU. It's incredible, really. Some people on DU are apparently human lie-detector machines and/or mind readers. Examples: If your candidate says something that you agree with, he or she is always telling the truth. Always. Even if he or she is just pandering to a specific audience. If your candidate tells a falsehood or takes a stance that you personally disagree with, he or she was just misinterpreted or misunderstood. We will then be told what the candidate *really* meant. In other words, your candidate always tells the truth, and if he or she is lying, he or she is really telling the truth. If a candidate you don't support says something that you agree with, he or she must be lying. Candidates other than your own *always* lie. Did I say always? I meant always, except for the following: If a candidate you don't support says something that you disagree with, and by extension, something you can use to attack said candidate, he or she is suddenly telling the truth. In other words, all of the other candidates always lie, unless a statement can be used against them. Then, they're telling the truth. Got all that? :) response #1 by Atman: Liar. :hi: On a thread by Zandor: Gore in Democratic race actually helps Clinton "When included in the presidential field, Gore was in second place with 15 percent. But his numbers come from a drop in support for the other Democratic candidates and a dramatic decrease in undecided voters from 25 percent to 5 percent..." http://www.southernpoliticalreport.com/free/2007/October/10-7-07/Gore_In_Democratic_Race_Actually_Helps_Clinton101319632.php response #6 by BleedingHeartPatriot: Yay! polls from southernpoliticalreport.com. The most oracley of all! :bounce: On a thread by Herman Munster: Poll shows Gore entry might help Clinton response #2 by MannyGoldstein: Sweet Jesus The Hillarites are a scream - I can just see what's next, "Sun exploding into a supernova and evaporating all life on Earth will help Hillary" :rofl: response #13 by bemildred: Yeah, my local pizza place is number one in its latest consumer poll too. nt response #15 by jenmito: So if he DOESN'T enter the race that might HURT Hillary. Got it. Thanks. :hi: OP (excerpt) by SoCalDem: Al Gore needs to remain "the best president we never had". We all had a chance to have him as president but his own party did not fight hard enough for him... he "knows" that. he was the smart guy..the details guy..the guy who had the common sense and the work ethic to do the job, but we passed on him..and got ourselves the guy who stands in the street, straddling his bicycle, directing traffic & eating his boogers... On a thread by Katzenkavalier: The thing I don't like about my candidate is __________________. response #4 by Kurovski: ...that he isn't running. :crazy: response #15 by radiclib: He's short, looks like an elf, and his wife is a hottie Therefore, he must be better endowed than me. Son of a bitch! :wtf: response #19 by BleedingHeartPatriot: that my candidate is not an action hero like Sarah Conner or Morpheus or Billy Jack. My candidate does not kick enough serious ass. My candidate is just a human being, damn it! response #25 by Kurt_and_Hunter: He has hair-plugs On a thread by ck4829: Get ready for the War on Christmas of 2007 "Like Christmas music and decorations, rumblings from the Right about a mythical 'war on Christmas' come earlier every year. In the second week of October, we have perhaps the first entrant: the American Family Association — fresh off its success in bombarding newspapers with angry letters demanding they stop running a television ad — is warning its supporters that the web site for a cookie company is not using the word 'Christmas.' As usual, this is translated into an effort to 'offend Christians' and 'ban Christmas': 'Mrs. Fields has become the first company to ban Christmas from their products and promotion for this year. … Mrs. Fields wants the business of Christians who celebrate Christmas, but they don’t mind if they offend Christians...'" response #10 by DefenseLawyer: The War on Christmas is a quagmire We need the Surge on Christmas this year. response #15 by Ikonoklast: Since the Surge on Christmas is failing It has been decided to declare New Years Day an official sponsor of state terrorism. response #18 by DefenseLawyer: At least Salvation Army is in its last throes Just a few dead-enders ringing bells response #22 by Ikonoklast: I heard that we got their #2 man yesterday, again, That's the fourteenth Salvation Army Major done in. You'd think they'd be running out of volunteers for that fatal '#2' spot. In other news, fruitcakes smuggled in from 'foreign agitators' have been increasingly spotted in circulation, giving credence to the fear of WMD's being used in the conflict. Such escalation is certain to bring out retaliation in the form of re-gifting crappy sweaters in hideous shades of green to the parties responsible. Where will it end. response #12 by TahitiNut: Can Christmas surrender? Or does it just turn the other cheek? How much territory does it have? Any natural resources? :silly: :dunce: response #14 by tularetom: shit, if Christmas had oil Cheney would've already bombed it off the face of the earth. response #21 by Sparkly: Pssst... ...Working on plan to ambush Thanksgiving... Who's in? Shhh... response #24 by riverdale: Mrs. Fields has fired the first shot of the battle of 2007 Godspeed to you ma'am. I hope we can finally defeat Christmas this time, with the help of your snacks. On a thread by ProSense: Durbin: No Immunity For Telecoms ‘Until We Understand What The Program Has Been About’ response #6 by sfexpat2000: I feel like I'm living in a Douglas Adams' novel. Like it would be a good idea to get a neck brace to prevent my head from spinning right off. GD, October 13, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2039052 On a thread by machiado: Freep this S-Chip poll response #7 by Yael: I 'freeped' it fer ya. Putted my check by 'expand'. Did I done good? OP by Elrond Hubbard: So I went to see the Lipizzaner Stallions perform tonight and saw an obnoxious patriotic display First, it was 'America the Beautiful,' then the National Anthem, and THEN 'God Bless America'...come ON... :puke: That was serious overload. All that was missing was Lee Greenwood riding out on a Clydesdale blaring 'God Bless the USA' while shooting off six-guns. Meanwhile, one of the stallions was trotting around the arena, its rider proudly waving the American flag. How obnoxious. Don't bring the horses into this, bro! response #19 by cigsandcoffee: I saw them a while back. I was kind of hoping they'd be shooting them out of cannons or something. Instead, they just ran around. response #6 by tandot: Nice post, Hitler . . . . . . . . . :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: response #13 by sfexpat2000: Is there a short history of posts by Hitler somewhere? I'm sort of afraid to ask. :scared: response #22 by tandot: I don't really know how the whole thing started...probably in a smoking thread :evilgrin: response #24 by sfexpat2000: Nice explanation, Stalin. response #26 by chimpsrsmarter: good snark there Pol Pot. :D response #31 by Elrond Hubbard: nice lameassedness, Idi Amin. response #34 by chimpsrsmarter: excellent PR there Goebbels. :D On a thread by tailwind: Former astronaut says we've had alien visitors. "The aliens have landed. Thus declared Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell on Saturday to a crowd of more than 200 admirers. 'A few insiders know the truth . . . and are studying the bodies that have been discovered,' said Mitchell, who was the sixth man to walk on the moon. Mitchell, who landed on the moon with Alan B. Shepard, said a 'cabal' of insiders stopped briefing presidents about extraterrestrials after President Kennedy..." response #2 by HypnoToad: Riiiiiiiiiiight. And they gave us Pauly Shore too... Wait, that'd almost make sense... response #3 by Tierra_y_Libertad: He should've have cut down on the Tang Daquiris. response #23 by LibInTexas: The government can't release the information, the fundies heads would explode. response #103 by tinrobot: So, aliens took down WTC7 ? Is that why is this in the 9/11 forum? Or is there a causal connection between believing in aliens and believing in planted explosives? On a poll by Zynx: Which Republican candidate do you despise the most? response #4 by lurky: It's like choosing your least favorite child. They're all so despicable in their own special way. response #9 by DuaneBidoux: Mike Huckabee and Sam Brownback are sweet useful idiots (they don't accept evolution) That shows a streak that discounts reality that could be disastrous in an actual presidency (you know, something like we have now). On a thread by FLDem5: This Week: Why do they allow George Will to spew anti-global warming nonsense EVERY SINGLE time they discuss the issue... response #4 by Wetzelbill: Because he is an acknowledged expert with an environmental science background who has impartially studied this issue for decades. Oh wait... nevermind. On a thread by Bluebear: "Recently, a thought captivated my mind that proves that the theory of evolution is a big hoax." response #2 by Marr: I love it when ignorant schmucks fire up their "common sense". I can't even tell you how many times I've had exchanges with people like this, and they say things that are just too intensely stupid to even acknowledge, thinking they've really come up with some new angle, some unassailable bit of proof. Anyone who could think their arguments sound logical or convincing is just too damn stupid to waste words on anyway. My personal favorite remains the guy who thinks bananas are proof of intelligent design. "Hey! They fit perfectly in my hand", he says, "god clearly intended me to eat them!". Well, they fit perfectly up your ASS, too-- but I don't think that's proof that god is a pervert. response #3 by Bluebear: When they pull out their bananas, so to speak, I counter with a pineapple . . . :) response #6 by Marr: I demand that public schools teach Perverted Design. I noticed that my wang fits perfectly in my hand. That's God for ya. GD, October 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2042778 On a thread by fedupfisherman: Good for Pelosi! House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Sunday that she intends to move ahead with a vote on a resolution that labels the deaths of more than a million Armenians during World War I as genocide... response #2 by Atman: Yeah. Good for her. Whoop-de-do. It's about time we told the Ottoman empire what we think! Nancy doesn't mess around. I hear she's already writing into her will a provision asking her great grandchildren to consider impeaching Bush. response #17 by scarletwoman: This gives me great hope that she will also call out the odious Hapsburg dynasty! (nt) response #30 by proud2Blib: I heard she is going to lay a wreath at The Alamo too but I think she is just pandering to the anti-Mexican voters. On a thread by budibudinski: Student Suspended over Pat Robertson Tattoo "A Regent University law student who posted an unflattering photo of Regent president Pat Robertson on his Facebook page has been indefinitely suspended pending a psychiatric evaluation. Adam M. Key was told by a dean in an e-mail Friday that he was concerned about Key's 'emotional well-being and that several students have recently expressed concern about Key's interpersonal behavior...'" response #2 by Yael: Pat. Robertson. Tattoo. Please tell me this is a repost from Onion. Some poor, deluded person paid money to have a permanent image of PAT ROBERTSON tattoo'd on his body? Dear me. Mental health counseling simply won't be enough. OP by yurbud: After Nobel snub, Bush hopes to be judged by the HagueAfter a terrifying temper tantrum when he heard that his one time political opponent Al Gore had won the Nobel Prize, President George W. Bush was consoled when he heard the judges at the Hague would be far more likely to vote for him. When President George W. Bush heard that Al Gore won the Nobel Prize, he terrified White House staff by smashing vases, slapping and kicking any servants that crossed his path and demanding to know why they hadn't bought the prize for him, drinking two bottles of cooking sherry, and refusing to take his psychiatric medications. By Saturday, his handlers were able to calm him somewhat by sending him on a bike ride and promising he could watch ESPN the rest of the day when he returned. Bush was enjoying his ride until he stopped to let Secret Service agents dab a bead of sweat from his brow and rehydrate him. Two anti-war protesters jumped from the bushes and shouted, "You should be the first American president judged by the Hague! You're a war---"... GD, October 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2046652 On a thread by book_worm: Lucille Ball tells of Ronnie and Nancy Reagan claiming to see UFO "We were very social at the that time. We loved to go to parties and have people in...One night we went to Bill Holden's for dinner, and it was fun at first, but we couldn't eat until two of the other guests arrived, and they were almost an hour late. The tardy two were Ron and Nancy Reagan. Desi had time for a few extra cocktails, and was sailing by the time the Reagans arrived. They were all out of breath and so excited and said they couldn't help being late because of what happened. Are you ready? They saw a UFO and stopped to watch it. After he was elected president, I kept wondering if he'd have still won if he told everybody he'd seen a flying saucer..." response #1 by alittlelark: The aliens took his brain...sad, but true We spent 8 years w/ a brainless president. We are approaching that benchmark again. response #26 by Tierra_y_Libertad: The aliens would have abducted them but they were looking for intelligent life. response #36 by Joe Bacon: Holy Roy Thinnes, Batman! So that's why President Pruneface and Evita never bent their pinkies in public! GD, October 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2042626 On a thread by Bicoastal: GD has gotten SO dumb lately.... You guys are flaming away over an ASSUMPTION! Arguing at the top of your lungs about something that hasn't even HAPPENED yet! "You are SO going to get banned!" "Go ahead and BAN me, then!" Here's a prediction: no one's going to get banned because it's October 2007, and the general election isn't for more than a year. Anything said regarding voting/not voting comes across as a laughably hollow threat at this juncture... response #1 by cuke: It's my fault. I'm sorry I've only been here for about 36 hours and already the avg IQ of DU has dropped by 30 points. I'd explain how that works, but I'm not too good at math response #4 by ruiner4u: oh I thought you were talking about SmokeWar 10-07 response #6 by Perseid: lately? response #7 by WillyT: *In Chorus* - "How Dumb Is It ???" response #8 by devilgrrl: You approve of smoking? You sick bastard! :silly: On a thread by robertpaulsen: New suspicion over Kelly death - MP "New evidence surrounding the death of MoD scientist Dr David Kelly has added to suspicions that he was murdered, an MP has claimed. Liberal Democrat Norman Baker revealed no fingerprints were found on the penknife Dr Kelly apparently used to kill himself..." response #11 by realpolitik: Shoe drops from great height, strikes ** administration on head Pictures at 11. response #42 by Dr_eldritch: "Pen Knife"?!?!?! Lemme guess... he used it to stab himself between the shoulder blades. Of course. OP by Writer: Important question about Al Gore and Hillary Clinton. At 5:00pm, Al Gore started sprinting from Nashville to Washington, DC, traveling at an average rate of 56 mph. An hour later, Hillary Clinton started sprinting from Iowa to Washington, DC, on the same incredibly long jogging trail, traveling at an average rate of 50 mph. If they were initially 215 miles apart, at what time do Al Gore and Hillary Clinton pass each other? On a thread by Lone_Star_Dem: Huge new dinosaur species found in Argentina "The herbivorous Futalognkosaurus dukei measured between 105 and 112 feet from head to tail..." response #1 by soothsayer: Shoot, I thought you meant....ALIVE!!! Still cool tho. response #3 by Lasher: No, today's only living dinosaurs are Republicans. response #6 by Mz Pip: It's a trick planted by Satan! Check carefully for the "Made in Hell" registered trademark. response #5 by yellowcanine: Gonna create more problems for the Noah's Ark logistics calculations - dang scientists always confusing things with new data. response #8 by antifaschits: 2 bits, 4 bits, Cubits, a dollar all creationists, stand up and hollar! response #13 by Bicoastal: I think that name could be abbreviated to Funkosaurus... ...and we'd all be happier for it. response #28 by jgraz: Farfegnügensaurus was already taken On a thread by eppur_se_muova: 60 grams of fat for breakfast! (AP/CNN) "The people who brought you the Monster Thickburger and the 1,100-calorie salad are at it again -- this time for breakfast. Hardee's on Monday rolled out its new Country Breakfast Burrito -- two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy, all wrapped inside a flour tortilla. The burrito contains 920 calories and 60 grams of fat. Brad Haley, marketing chief for the St. Louis-based fast-food chain, said the burrito offers the sort of big breakfast item normally found in sit-down restaurants with an added advantage..." response #6 by azmouse: Damn! I think my ass grew wider just reading about that! response #7 by kestrel91316: The REALLY horrible part of this is....... I could so eat that. response #53 by bobbolink: Exactly what I was thinking. But I figured I'd get blasted for it. Thanks for walking out on that limb, and paving the way for me to follow. :hi: response #28 by Ezlivin: Don't forget to try the deep fat fried lard balls! They melt in your mouth and then head straight for your heart. response #54 by Robeson: You know, in our society, I've got to think a cardiac specialist.... ...would be a recession proof profession. response #81 by Commie Pinko Dirtbag: It would, if people could pay for it. -nt OP by Elrond Hubbard: HOLY CRAP! Who would eat this damn thing?? http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/diet.fitness/10/15/big.breakfast.burrito.ap/index.html This thing is a heart attack in a tortilla. This thing is death served up hot. This thing is an abomination before god and man. This thing has more grease than John Travolta's hair. This thing has more fat than Rush Limbaugh's ass. This thing has more cholestorel than a tub of deep-fried lard. This thing is part of what is wrong with America, a breakfast so disgustingly unhealthy and decadant, that only a depraved fool would partake of it. They don't hate us for our freedoms, they hate us for our vile meat-filled breakfast death burritos. I would dare someone to eat this monstrosity, but I don't want to be responsible for the death of another Du'er. response #8 by jgraz: The sausage gravy is truly a stroke of brilliance I stand in awe of whoever thought up that monstrous packet of calories. And for only $2.69! You could buy two for the price of a Venti Caramel Macchiato. response #9 by Captain Angry: If there were a Hardees within 500 miles of me... I'd have one within 24 hours. response #10 by evlbstrd: I'll take the Combo. What the hell. response #18 by krispos42: I'd eat it. I'd have to be in the mood, though. Stuff like this is why I don't usually eat breakfast! Now, if this was being sold at the Minnesota State Fair, it would be batter-dipped, deep-fried, sprinked with powdered sugar, and drizzled with Pepsi syrup. On a stick! :rofl: Hmmm... is there a heart-attack smiley? response #26 by anarch: what the hell? there's no steak in there??? doesn't seem to have enough heft, if you ask me. OP by Southpawkicker: So I Hear The Lounge Is Going Non-Smoking... :shrug: No more lighting up one in the back corner I guess :rofl: :rofl: :hide: response #6 by matcom: over my dead body :grr: response #8 by Southpawkicker: that is being discussed i hear too :P :rofl: On a thread by Truth Hurts A Lot: On The View, Whoopi asked Clinton to list her 1st three tasks upon winning the Presidency: Her exact answer: 1. Begin a careful withdrawal of the troops in Iraq 2. End the era of cowboy diplomacy/begin working with other countries 3. Rebuild a prosperous middle class in this country Is anyone thinking what I'm thinking? :scared: response #8 by cynatnite: Okay...I'll try to guess what you're thinking... 1)Invade South Korea 2)Start an era of Klingon Diplomacy 3)Suck the life out of puppies and kittens. Am I close? On a thread by Adenoid_Hynkel: Coultergeist's new book is a flop response #2 by impeachdubya: I think the phenomenon can be best visualized as a venn diagram. One circle, Group "A", contains all the people she has directly insulted, threatened, or otherwise flung her special brand of hate-filled, rhetorical poo at. The other circle, Group "B", contains all the people who find it 'refreshing' and 'hysterical' and 'witty' when she blurts out her foul crap about Group A. Trouble is, she can't keep spewing the same garbage over and over again. It gets old. So she has to find new people to insult, making group A bigger. But group B correspondingly shrinks. And she has to throw out fouler and worse crap to keep her knuckle-dragger fans interested, to prove she hasn't lost her "edge". Like Ozzy Ozbourne, she bit the head off a bat onstage, now she needs to bite the head off a chicken. Next week it will be a moose. But that has a tendency to alienate, not bring in, new fans. So group B continues to shrink. The meth eating her brain probably doesn't help, either. On a thread by question everything: What was Clinton showing at the back of her head? Several days ago I came at the end of a clip where she was standing in front of an audience and was bending her head forward showing the back of her head, or her hair? response #1 by CJCRANE: Her microchip n/t On a thread by hiaasenrocks: Well, I guess we were wrong about Larry Craig. That incident in the Minneapolis bathroom? Just a misunderstanding. Kicked out of the National Guard for being gay? Just a misunderstanding. Accused of "cruising" a guy in a department store? Just a misunderstanding. Accused of soliciting sex in a train station bathroom? Just a misunderstanding... response #9 by peekaloo: What's So Funny 'bout Peace, Love and just a Misunderstanding? Oh-Oh. On a thread by Scurrilous: Giuliani sends sharp warning on Iran "Republican Rudolph Giuliani on Tuesday bluntly guaranteed that if he is the next US president, Iran will not get nuclear weapons, even if it takes a military strike to stop it. The former New York mayor's hawkish warning came as the 2008 election campaign raced towards first party nominating contests in less than three months, and the US nuclear showdown with Iran emerged as a premier foreign policy issue. 'We have seen what Iran will do with ordinary weapons,' Giuliani told a forum of presidential candidates organized by the Republican Jewish Coalition..." response #2 by jayfish: ...umm What exactly has Iran done with ordinary weapons again? response #13 by Jeff In Milwaukee: I'm sure Iran is trembling... because the former Mayor of New York is rattling his sabre. Not to be outdone, the current 4th Ward Alderman in Des Moines, IA is treatening to invade! OP by WCGreen: New Hampshire set to name the date for the 2012 primary.... The new date will be the first Tuesday after the inauguration in 2009... Iowa will caucus on January 6, 2009.... OP by Bucky: BREAKING: New Hampshire moves its primary up to last week In a bold move, designed to secure for itself the status of first-in-the-nation primary, the state of New Hampshire last week moved its 2008 presidential primary up to last week. While results are still coming in, this sudden change in the national primary calendar has firmly tipped the balance in the race for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. In response to New Hampshire's move, the state of Michigan has declared that its primary will be moved up to last year, resulting in the state's Democratic delegates being split between Mark Warner and Evan Bayh. The Democratic National Committee has responded to Michigan's move by demanding that all Democratic candidates for the nomination cease campaigning in Michigan and pledge to bomb the state once elected. OP by MrScorpio: Warts on Democratic candidates They all have them. Sure some are bigger than others... But all in all, when you eat the pot pie, you get the chicken. Pissing contests over those warts are small and petty potatoes. I want the whole enchilada, Baby! This metaphor laden post was brought to you by The MrScorpio Coalition For Peace Between Feuding Democrats: JOIN IT! response #5 by Sparkly: Any metaphor that combines warts, pissing, pot pies and enchiladas is kind of too gross to get past. On a thread by rodeodance: Brownback to pitch proposal apologizing for slavery response #1 by Buzz Clik: Well, that's a new twist for Brownback to admit that he owned slaves. That should boost him greatly in the eyes of the GOP base. response #3 by Virginia Dare: Maybe he's trying to appear "Jeffersonian"?...n/t response #7 by Onlooker: Good for Brownback I hope he sweeps the far right black vote in the Republican Party. That should help him a lot in Iowa! On a thread by Bluebear: Bush "hasn't considered apocalypse": Rapture Ready board outraged "Come on brother, its not like the man isnt leading the charge to split Jerusalam in half. At what point do you call a spade a spade? What did the Lord say about the folks that Burdon themselfs with this very situation? I dont mean to over step any boundries, but come on man." ===== "His boss is God, it's to advance God's plain. We are just to wait and watch it unfold before our very eyes. Those that don't believe can't see it. Don't worry God is in control. His plain is perfect, man is powerless to CHANGE or STOP IT.." ===== response #5 by Contrary1: Will there be spell check in Paradise? n/t On a thread by RamboLiberal: Jon Elliott apologizes for faulty report of NYC mugging of Randi Rhodes "'I shouldn't have speculated based on hearsay that Randi Rhodes had been mugged and that it may have been an attack from a right wing hate machine. I apologize for jumping to conclusions based on an emotional reaction,' he said in a written statement..." response #1 by BuyingThyme: What exactly is speculation based on hearsay? response #6 by lateo: The Nightly News On a thread by BlueDogDemocratNH: MoveOn is not a part of the Democratic Party response #2 by Skinner: I take it you're not a fan. I don't get the point of this post. On a thread by npincus: Larry Craig to Lauer: "I've never used the Internet"... oh really? response #16 by KurtNYC: Lauer said HE did not know what "cruising" was For those who missed the interview (as I did), here is my approximation of what took place: ML: Senator Craig, welcome to NBC. LC: NBC? what's that? Something gay ??! ML: Someone said you were cruising...whatever THAT is. LC: I don't know what it is either. Why are you asking ME? ML: Well I thought you might know because I sure don't. LC: (flustered) Why would I know what cruising is?! ML: (blushing) well.. me neither! I'm a naive virgin. LC: Me too! I don't even know what the internet is! ML: Well don't look at me... I don't go near websites. I'm afraid of spiders. LC: I have never seen another human being naked. ML: I have never seen MYSELF naked. LC: I have never BEEN naked. ML: I'm wearing two sets of clothing right now just to make sure that I am never naked. LC: Only 2 sets? How risque! I'm wearing 2 sets of clothing plus a wetsuit. ML: I'm as neutered as a GI Joe doll. LC: Did you just tap your foot? ML: Absolutely not. I had the stage manager glue my shoes to the floor before you came out. LC: What !?! I have not yet "come out" ! ML: But you're sitting right here. LC: That's not what I meant. In fact, I don't know what I meant by that statement.... response #38 by sheeptramp: Sure. We're like that here in Idaho. I've never used a telephone. We still have to shoot ducks to get quills so we can write letters. OP by 11 Bravo: Did anyone else think that Matt Lauer was going to just go ahead and blow Larry Craig? "I apologize for having to ask this, Senator." "You've previously been accused of 'cruising' whatever that means." And let's not forget the comfy living room setting, complete with the little woman sitting dutifully at Craig's side. Hell, it made me nostalgic for Katie Couric's hard hitting sit-downs with Martha Stewart. On a thread by undergroundpanther: In 1965 Hillary was a Young Republican... response #12 by Kurovski: And now she's an old Republican. Kidding, KIDDING! :-) OP title by Kurt_and_Hunter: McCain smears Romney with Dick Swett "Chuck Douglas, the former New Hampshire Republican congressman serving as McCain's vice chair, derided Romney's claim over the weekend that he made a political contribution 15 years ago to N.H. Democrat Dick Swett out of a personal friendship..." response #6 by Az: Who the hell names their kid Dick Swett? I mean come on!! What sort of hell must his childhood have been like? response #14 by robertpaulsen: Someone lost his seat to Dick Swett in '92? Anyone with a picture of that? Can we show that on DU? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: response #25 by Kurt_and_Hunter: Sounds like a folksy southern saying. "That boy couldn't beat dick sweat..." OP title by IdaBriggs: If Impeachment is a Waste of Time, BITE ME! On a thread by flordehinojos: bush (whether george bush, jeb, their poppy, or their mommy) = life depleting name response #1 by bryant69: That's why I've renamed all my bushes, "Freedom Shrubs" You can't be too careful. On a thread by jefferson_dem: Lynne Cheney: Uncomfortable With Hillary ("likes politicians that are more in the Dick Cheney mold") "'I'm certainly not going to be a supporter of Mrs. Clinton's and I have been troubled by the fact that you can't know what sort of president she would be, particularly on national security,' Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, said in an interview with The Associated Press Wednesday. 'It makes me uncomfortable,' she said. 'I kind of like politicians that are more in the Dick Cheney mold, who say what they mean and mean what they say...'" response #4 by laststeamtrain: "Dick Cheney mold". Yuck. There ain't no mold like Dick Cheney mold. response #6 by DS1: One "soulless fucking bastard" coming right up! /short order cook btw, would you like your flavor shot in the face, or on the side? response #7 by wtmusic: I'm uncomfortable with Lynne's eyeliner nt response #19 by kineneb: makeup by Captain Jack Sparrow? -nt response #21 by wtmusic: A collaborative effort with Harriet Miers nt response #9 by havocmom: yeah, dick mold is somthing to look for. Do they have shots for that? On a thread by Rage for Order: Man's Parrot Alerts Him To Burglar - Burglar Shot & Killed response #9 by C_U_L8R: He's not dead. he's just resting. probably pining for the fjords. response #11 by GrpCaptMandrake: "When parrots are outlawed only outlaws will have parrots." Somebody call the NPA (National Parrot Association) response #22 by Rincewind: How did the parrot get a gun? nt response #23 by Buzz Clik: He wasn't the trigger man ... bird ... he was the snitch. His actions directly and knowingly led to the death of the intruder. He should be held accountable. That bird should be behind bars. Errr... OP by stlsaxman: Democratic Lord's Prayer (Sax 20:07) Our DLC who art in Warshington |
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| The Straight Story
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:48 PM Response to Original message |
| 1. I didn't win one so I won't kick your thread this week |
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| JeffR
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:49 PM Response to Reply #1 |
| 2. Thanks! |
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| graywarrior
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:50 PM Response to Reply #2 |
| 3. Me, neither. |
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:52 PM Response to Reply #3 |
| 4. Why I oughta... |
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| graywarrior
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:56 PM Response to Reply #4 |
| 6. Just for that..... |
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| Vanje
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Fri Oct-19-07 05:54 PM Response to Original message |
| 5. Kick!! |
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| malaise
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:00 PM Response to Original message |
| 7. I didn't win one either but |
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| SoCalDem
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:04 PM Response to Reply #7 |
| 8. yes you will ...I didn't think I said anything DUzy-worthy this week |
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:07 PM Response to Reply #8 |
| 11. I never thought I said anything DUzy-worthy |
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| Richard Steele
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:05 PM Response to Original message |
| 9. K&R, and CONGRATS to all this week's DUzy winners! nm |
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| applegrove
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:06 PM Response to Original message |
| 10. What a great round up. A huge one too. |
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| SoCalDem
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:08 PM Response to Reply #10 |
| 12. um.. don't you mean HUGH!!!!!!1111!!11 |
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:12 PM Response to Reply #12 |
| 13. LOL! |
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| Berry Cool
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:12 PM Response to Original message |
| 14. I am SO glad the Giuliani Currency Overhaul made it. |
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| Cabcere
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:23 PM Response to Reply #14 |
| 28. That was some SERIES!!1!!111!!! brilliance. |
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| NV Whino
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:45 PM Response to Reply #14 |
| 32. The last two posts |
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| Patsy Stone
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:31 PM Response to Original message |
| 15. Hey! |
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| KitchenWitch
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:32 PM Response to Original message |
| 16. A hearty kick from one of the nominating committee! |
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| NanceGreggs
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:33 PM Response to Original message |
| 17. If "that boy couldn't beat dick sweat" isn't ... |
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| SeattleGirl
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:35 PM Response to Original message |
| 18. Laugh out loud funny! |
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| BleedingHeartPatriot
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:41 PM Response to Original message |
| 19. K & R! |
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| JeffR
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:45 PM Response to Reply #19 |
| 20. Actually your second & third (1st was Aug.21) |
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| BleedingHeartPatriot
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:56 PM Response to Reply #20 |
| 22. I think I'm |
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| Ellen Forradalom
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:56 PM Response to Original message |
| 21. But what about the anal bleaching thread?!? |
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:22 PM Response to Reply #21 |
| 37. Well, since you asked... |
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:58 PM Response to Original message |
| 23. I'd like to thank the academy... |
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Fri Oct-19-07 06:58 PM Response to Original message |
| 24. Kick! |
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:12 PM Response to Original message |
| 25. I am still laughing...especially about MonkeyFunk's... |
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| Rincewind
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:15 PM Response to Original message |
| 26. I won a DUzy !! |
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| Solon
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:18 PM Response to Original message |
| 27. Holy Shit, I got my first DUzy! |
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| SoCalDem
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:58 PM Response to Reply #27 |
| 41. That makes you a big ole |
 |
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:27 PM Response to Original message |
| 29. K&R! |
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| Lautremont
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:29 PM Response to Original message |
| 30. Two weeks in a row for me! That's a first. |
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| musette_sf
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:34 PM Response to Original message |
| 31. thank you Jeff |
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Fri Oct-19-07 07:56 PM Response to Original message |
| 33. Thanks, Jeff. Would have missed the flaming squirrel thread if not for you! |
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:08 PM Response to Original message |
| 34. Rec'd as always |
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| JeffR
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:11 PM Response to Reply #34 |
| 35. You hate me, you really hate me |
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:40 PM Response to Reply #35 |
| 38. What. . .? Now to point out the mere fact that you are quoting a formerly flying nun |
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:45 PM Response to Reply #38 |
| 39. It's bashing, trashing, jealousy, misogynism, hating... um... uh... |
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Fri Oct-19-07 09:08 PM Response to Reply #39 |
| 42. Hey silly |
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| JeffR
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Sat Oct-20-07 12:06 AM Response to Reply #42 |
| 48. Well, now you're just splitting hairs |
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| bleever
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:14 PM Response to Original message |
| 36. I'm still relevant! |
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| SoCalDem
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Fri Oct-19-07 08:57 PM Response to Reply #36 |
| 40. Yup.. at least 24% of us agree |
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| bleever
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Sat Oct-20-07 01:44 PM Response to Reply #40 |
| 70. I'm willing to bet |
|
that when * sees "24%", he thinks "hey, that's 48 proof!"
 |
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Fri Oct-19-07 09:18 PM Response to Original message |
| 43. Some real belly busters in there, Jeffy. |
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| cuke
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Fri Oct-19-07 09:42 PM Response to Original message |
| 44. Woot! I won two DUzy's!! |
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| mmonk
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Fri Oct-19-07 10:08 PM Response to Original message |
| 45. I didn't win one this week so I'll kick this thread with no embarrassment. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 04:08 PM Response to Reply #45 |
| 72. Lol. |
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Fri Oct-19-07 10:10 PM Response to Original message |
| 46. Nice post, Augustus. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 12:10 AM Response to Reply #46 |
| 49. Hot dang, that's nice! |
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| EFerrari
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Sat Oct-20-07 12:22 AM Response to Reply #49 |
| 51. You are the first DUer to ever be called Augustus. |
|
Take your laurel and like it.
 :rofl: |
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Sat Oct-20-07 04:33 AM Response to Reply #51 |
| 55. And here I thought he was simply honoring Sheila Jackson-Lee. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 04:57 AM Response to Reply #49 |
| 56. OK, Clemens would have given his left sac to write like that. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 10:00 AM Response to Reply #56 |
| 65. I think Clemens is doing OK for himself, if he could figure out this |
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Sat Oct-20-07 07:52 PM Response to Reply #65 |
| 74. I think Dick Swett is only available in six-packs. |
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| AlCzervik
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Sat Oct-20-07 07:55 PM Response to Reply #46 |
| 75. Congratulations Pinochet! |
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Fri Oct-19-07 11:10 PM Response to Original message |
| 47. As usual, the funniest stuff I read anywhere all week. Bravo. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 12:10 AM Response to Original message |
| 50. OOOOWEEEE. I won a DUzy again. I thought I'd never make a comeback. |
|
"Max! Max!"
 Thanks. I always look forward to the DUzys. Deep & real belly laughs. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 01:41 AM Response to Original message |
| 52. Nice work as usual, JeffR! |
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Sat Oct-20-07 02:21 AM Response to Original message |
| 53. Hey! I got three!!!! |
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Sat Oct-20-07 09:42 AM Response to Reply #53 |
| 63. Sadly locked. |
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Sat Oct-20-07 03:01 AM Response to Original message |
| 54. Skinner won a DUzy? I'm so proud! |
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Sat Oct-20-07 05:12 AM Response to Reply #54 |
| 57. Hello, |
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Sat Oct-20-07 05:42 AM Response to Original message |
| 58. Mr. JeffR, a question: RE "BREAKING: Dennis Hastert resigning!!" |
|
Is this the visual by Swamp Rat you were refering to? It's #32.
 :D |
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Sat Oct-20-07 09:52 AM Response to Reply #58 |
| 64. Yes, that's technically true |
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| Kurovski
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Sat Oct-20-07 04:16 PM Response to Reply #64 |
| 73. Oh. |
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| Contrary1
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Sat Oct-20-07 05:47 AM Response to Original message |
| 59. I humbly accept my II Two Dos Zwei Due Deux twee DUzys |
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| Heidi
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Sat Oct-20-07 06:51 AM Response to Original message |
| 60. Waaaaaaaaah-hooooooooooo! |
|
Edited on Sat Oct-20-07 06:55 AM by Heidi
 (Thank you, JeffR!) :kick: |
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| Yael
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Sat Oct-20-07 07:12 AM Response to Reply #60 |
| 61. w00t!! |
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| soothsayer
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Sat Oct-20-07 09:29 AM Response to Original message |
| 62. Who needs a Nobel when you can have a DUzy? |
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| Breeze54
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Sat Oct-20-07 10:09 AM Response to Original message |
| 66. Thanks for the laughs to all the winners !! |
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| Chipper Chat
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Sat Oct-20-07 12:28 PM Response to Original message |
| 67. Gracias for my third Duzy. |
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| Laurab
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Sat Oct-20-07 01:12 PM Response to Original message |
| 68. K&R I love the DUzy's! n/t |
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| Cetacea
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Sat Oct-20-07 01:16 PM Response to Original message |
| 69. Great compilation! K+R |
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| BelgianMadCow
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Sat Oct-20-07 02:39 PM Response to Original message |
| 71. I'm really flattered :-) |
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| Danger Mouse
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Sat Oct-20-07 10:41 PM Response to Original message |
| 76. Wow, two of my OP's? |
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| SalmonChantedEvening
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Sun Oct-21-07 08:22 AM Response to Original message |
| 77. Too many absolute gems to pick even 10 favorites from |
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| Kurovski
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Sun Oct-21-07 12:03 PM Response to Original message |
| 78. Again, stlsaxman |
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