***DUzy Awards for week ending September 7, 2007.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Sep-07-07 10:14 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring juicy joshing, jovial jeers and jocose jollity from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The dapper DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

This week sees the introduction of a new special award: Milestones in Moderating.

Special thanks to CaliforniaPeggy, hootinholler, stellanoir, eridani, lynnertic, dicksteele, Buzz Clik, AZDemDist6, jazzjunkysue, REACTIVATED IN CT, Mind_your_head, havocmom, eppur_se_muova, scarletwoman, ih8thegop and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. Three or more threads from this week will appear next week; I'm beat, it's late and there's a fatty sitting right next to this keyboard....

On a thread by hisownpetard:

Paging John Walsh and Nancy Grace: Anyone Know Where Condoleeza Rice is?

response #8 by Vickers:

I heard she's having grimace-reducing surgery.
Pretty drastic, but long overdue.

:P

GDP, September 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3491935

On a thread by Kadie:

      The National Coalition of American Nuns calls for impeaching Bush and Cheney

response #1 by spindoctor:

      They also added that they will resort to nun-violence if their demands are not met...

response #30 by Forkboy:

      He even pisses off nuns.
I do that too...but I TRY to. :P

GD, September 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1712492

On a thread by rocknation:

It is with the greatest reluctance
that I give the Best Craig Scandal Snark Award to...Brit Hume of Fox News: �I�m six (feet) seven, and I don�t have a stance that wide!�

response #3 by ftbc:

At least you were reluctant.
I really did not want to think about Brit Hume's stance :(

GD, September 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1710420

On a thread by Judi Lynn:

      Republican event organizer quits, citing 'lies'
"TALLAHASSEE -- A St. Petersburg organizer for a Rudy Giuliani presidential event plans to step down amid revelations of his arrests for allegedly extorting an FSU student in a sex case and his conviction for dealing in stolen state computers.

Barry S. Edwards, 45, told The Miami Herald that the charges against him were 'old news' -- and were 'unfounded' in the student sex case -- but he nevertheless thought it would be best to withdraw from the Pinellas County Republican Party fundraiser because 'I'm not relevant and I shouldn't be the story.'

Edwards said he was not being paid for organizing the Sept. 7 Reagan Day dinner, and had no real connection to the campaign of Giuliani, who is to be the keynote speaker at the Renaissance Vinoy Resort and Golf Club in St. Petersburg..."

response #5 by PSPS:

      HAHA...
I guess any time a republican is trying to fleece money from people could rightfully be called "Reagan Day."

response #7 by mwb970:

      "I'm not relevant"
Were truer words ever spoken by a Republican?

response #11 by gratuitous:

      Boy, these campaigns are having the worst luck
I mean, come on! How many campaign operatives, fundraisers, and so forth will Giuliani, Romney, McCain and the rest run through because of the bad luck that seems to consistently pop up with all of these guys for one reason or another? A casual observer might just conclude that they're all a bunch of liars and crooks, and we know that can't be true, because Giuliani was America's mayor, Romney is so darn good-looking (and I mean that in a chaste, heterosexual way of course), and McCain is such a straight talker, out whichever side of his mouth he happens to be using at any given moment.

response #16 by Orsino:

      Did they can him for having no recent criminal involvement?
The GOP has standards, after all. They've got no time for criminal wannabes.

LBN, September 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2975135

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

GOP Faces Growing Peril In 2008 Races: Senate Prospects Dimming

response #1 by rocknation:

This sounds like a job for the DU "Cry Me A River" String Quartet!
Maybe they DESERVE to have dimming prospects--YA THINK???

:nopity: :nopity: :nopity: :nopity:

GDP, September 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3492416

On a thread by originalpckelly:

One short question: Why is it they can't figure out the food is bad before selling it?

response #1 by BlooInBloo:

Customer guinea pigs are free.

GD, September 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1719986

OP by alcibiades_mystery:

Excerpts of General Petraeus' Report Leaked!!!
From p. 8:

"I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. It's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor. And surviving."

From p. 23:

"We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig, cow after cow, village after village, army after army. And they call me an assassin. What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin?

They lie. They lie and we have to be merciful for those who lie. Those napalms. I hate them. How I hate them..."

From p. 73:

"The Democratic Congress is behaving like errand boys, sent by grocery clerks. To collect the bill."

From p. 194:

"I've seen horrors. Horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that. But you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with the 3rd Army. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God. The genius of that. The genius. The will. To do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men, trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love, but they had the strength - the STRENGTH - to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling, without passion, without judgment. Without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us."

Journalists receiving the leaked report also express puzzlement that about a third of the document seems to be taken up by random citations of T.S. Eliot's poetry, particularly "The Hollow Men."

GD, September 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1720347

On a thread by kpete:

      BUSH: "I'll bet I�ve shed more tears than you can count as president."
"'I�ve been here too long,' Mr. Bush said, according to Mr. Draper. 'Every time I start painting a rosy picture, it gets criticized and then it doesn�t make it on the news.'

In response to Mr. Draper�s observance that Mr. Bush had nobody�s 'shoulder to cry on,' the president said: 'Of course I do, I�ve got God's shoulder to cry on, and I cry a lot.' In what Mr. Draper interpreted as a reference to war casualties, Mr. Bush added, 'I�ll bet I�ve shed more tears than you can count as president.'

response #1 by Finnfan:

      If it's more than 10, it's more than he can count.
Unless he takes off his shoes.

response #2 by Skidmore:

      Poor little man, no one likes his pictures.
Someone take his crayons away.

response #13 by antifaschits:

      there was that ouchie on my bike. another on the segway, another bike,
then I was jogging and I fell. And then the pretzel thingie. that big bad nasty needle for Lymes, yup I've shredded a lots of tear.

response #21 by radfringe:

      ohhh, now I know what the "W" stands for
Weepy

response #26 by peekaloo:

      Tears of an Assclown. nt.

response #47 by Blashyrkh:

      I know that I could conceivably count to at least 1 quadrillion
1,000,000,000,000,000 or 999,999,999,999,999 trillion plus 1.

I call bullshit. In fact, I call uberbullshit. In fact, I call so much bullshit that even bulls would be saying "damn, that's bullshit".

GD, September 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1716891

OP by Midlodemocrat:

      Skinner just told me that DU does not, in fact, exist.
You have all been posting into air as part of an experiment by Homeland Security.

You now have 30 minutes to gather up your belongings so you can be taken to a re-education camp.

Thank you for your assistance.

:patriot:

response #3 by dicksteele:

      If DU doesn't exist, then who sent me that Moderator Warning this morning?

response #4 by Peake:

      But the nice man said there'd be ice cream if I let them put these wires in my head.
Now I know that I've been duped.

response #10 by matcom:

      EarlG just told me SKINNER doesn't exist!
Therefore, you my dear are to be raptured in the next 10 minutes and it is in fact, now known, that you have been praying to a false God.

Heaven help you now!

:P

The Lounge, September 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6891914

OP by ProudDad:

      New Rule: No further discussion of religion or politics on DU
It just causes too much controversy and hard feelings among DU members.

We should all just got on with our main purpose for being here!!!

What was that again????

response #2 by Heaven and Earth:

      Catblogging?
That's pretty much what's left.

response #7 by havocmom:

      My cat is better than your cat
:P

response #10 by Heaven and Eart:

      My cat is cuter
He can sit up like a little person, with his paws in his lap, and his feet sticking out in both directions.

So THERE! :silly:

response #6 by rocknation:

      But that only leaves sex.

response #8 by TomInTib:

      And to that, I say, "Bring it on!" eom

response #12 by cmd:

      Finally! Someone I don't have to put on 'ignore'!
Now let's get down to serious business - should I wear the pink or the black? Do you think the pink makes me look fat? ;-)

response #35 by ProudDad:

      Maybe (n/t)

response #27 by BerryBush:

      Damn. Now what am I gonna do
with all these "GOD FOR PRESIDENT" bumper stickers?

response #37 by NanceGreggs:

      DU's main purpose?
I thought I'd ask the experts:

"I don't recall." A. Gonzales

"We've gotta post 'em over there, so we don't have to post 'em here." G.W. Bush

"You go to General Discussion with the threads you have, not the threads you want." D. Rumsfeld

"I believe the memo was entitled 'Bin Laden Determined to Strike in The Lounge'." C. Rice

"DU is headed for massive membership losses; I have the math." K. Rove

"The answer could come in the form of a mushroom cloud." D. Cheney

response #44 by ProudDad:

      Some other favorites
"A vote for DU is a vote for the terrorists." -- D. Cheney (again)

"DU must not be deprived of the purity of essence of its bodily fluids" -- Gen. Jack D. Ripper

"In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by DU. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will

persist." -- D. Eisenhower

and the ALL-TIME Fave:

"We have a secret plan for peace on DU" -- R. Nixon/H. Kissinger...

response #40 by JohnnyLib2:

      We are here to finally answer the serious questions of life.
--the matter of stance (asexually speaking)
--whether Ulysses' lack-of-caring post is/is not the way to go
--the real message from Miss Carolina
--Can Katie stay perky in Iraq?
--What is the correct diagnosis for the Current Occupant
--is the DUzy selection process fair and balanced

GDP, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3495104

OP by elshiva:

I AM NOT GAY!!!
(I am bi. so there!)

response #1 by 6000eliot:

I'M ALSO NOT GAY!
Oh wait, I am. Nevermind.

The Lounge, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6893415

OP by Tom Joad:

Needed: Locksmith to change locks. Please report to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, DC
Must hurry before unlawful tenant returns.

Reward:
Saved Planet.

See below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

The Lounge, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6893415

On a thread by ashling:

      Nancy Grace is coming over for dinner tonight
what should I serve her?

response #1 by The Straight Story:

      papers
:rofl:

response #5 by adsosletter:

      questionable shellfish...

response #8 by EstimatedProphet:

      Peanut butter - it should shut her up for a good 15 minutes

The Lounge, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6893478

On a thread by MaineDem:

      Bush makes surprise visit to Iraq

response #4 by displacedtexan:

      Dust off the plastic turkey!

response #11 by Drifter:

      Is that ...
a plastic turkey in your hands Mr. pResident ?
or are you just here to exploit me again ?

response #25 by onehandle:

      Is he finally going to serve his military service?
Good for him!

Issue that man a codpiece and send him out on patrol.

response #29 by paparush:

      Bush: Iraq is Free. Pony up my $50B. Now watch this drive....

response #67 by shayes51:

      Just shows how far a Republican will go
to keep from celebrating Labor Day!

LBN, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2975980

On a thread by Hieronymus:

Jon Voight on CNN to discuss his pro-war stance. Coming up.

response #7 by DuStrange:

Is it a wide stance? n/t
No text--stop reading this!

The Lounge, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6894575

OP by Hissyspit:

Hey, everyone. So I decided to take a vacation to the Catskills
...back in December 2004.

Driving up I-87 and taking Highway 28 deep into the mountains, I decided to detour onto some of the back roads. Bad decision, as it became apparent from the distant sound of thunder that a major thunderstorm was brewing. I pulled off to the side of the road, walked into the woods to find a place to wee before the expected weather event, did so; then, deciding to do some momentary orienteering to see from which way the clouds were coming, I headed a little further into the trees. Immediately, I met up with some strange dudes whom I took at first glance to be musicians, members of a band, maybe - wondering to myself if they were making a pilgrimage to Woodstock or Bearsville or Big Pink or some such thing, as they seemed to have set up camp. Judging their appearance, coiffure (or lack thereof) and dress, I couldn't quite make out whether they might be listening to Phish, Dylan, Anti-Flag or early 17th-century sea shanties (hard to explain it now). They offered me a beer (really good one) and asked me if I wanted to go bowling. For some reason, I decided to take a nap instead.

I woke up the other day - boy did I need a shave - and made my way back to "civilization" and a computer. I have noticed that in my absence, someone, probably one of my cats, worked out my democraticunderground.com password and has been posting under my user name.

Anyway, it turns out that everyone here is saying that we're still in Iraq and George W. Bush and Dick Cheney have not been impeached.

My immediate response, I have to say, is...

You're shitting me, right?

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1732955

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

Craig a No-Show As Senate Reconvenes

response #1 by Benhurst:

Did they check the Capitol men's room?
:rofl:

LBN, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2977617

On a thread by IndianaGreen:

Levy: Electronic voting machines not ready for '08

response #2 by Lobster Martini:

So have the election in 2009. It'll give Thompson more time.
Really, he could spend the extra year deciding whether to wear black or brown shoes.

GDP, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3495957

On a thread by RGBolen:

      Can anyone give me a good reason why the US has not converted to the Metric System?

response #3 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Because better dead then red.
Commie.

response #5 by StopThePendulum:

      Americans have a stubborn streak a mile wide
and just about as much deep.

OOPS! I forgot to mention the rampant xenophobia in much of the United States, which manifests itself as a perverse ignorance (I'm-dumb-and-proud-of-it mentality) just to piss off smart people.

response #31 by NCevilDUer:

      That's 1.6 kilometers wide, thank you. nt

response #12 by D-Sooner:

      The same reason we don't embrace soccer
and refuse to abolish the death penalty--to piss off Europe.

response #20 by Maribelle:

      We couldn't get the cows to go along with it
And don't go getting pesky with them; they can only think in pints, quarts, gallons, and evenly divisible numbers thereof.

response #21 by Marr:

      Because we haven't had a national ad campaign that says clearly to men that
6 inches = 15 centimeters.

FIFTEEN sounds alot bigger than six, doesn't it?

response #26 by HereSince1628:

      Cuz it's anti-old testament AND devised mostly by the FRENCH!
To accept the meter as a standard measure you must accept that the world is spherical.

As volume and weight are derived from this distance measure they are equally evil being created by those devilish FRENCH!

response #71 by TahitiNut:

      If Gawd wanted us to be metric, She wouldn't have measured the ark in cubits.
:dunce:

response #138 by rucky:

      If it weren't for our system of measurement...
we'd all be speaking Latin by now.

Other immeasurably good responses in the thread...

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1730160

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Starbucks to source coffee from China
"Starbucks has been working with coffee farmers in China's southwestern Yunnan province to help them meet sourcing standards and has sent coffee shipments to the United States for testing, Starbucks China President Wang Jinlong said at the Reuters China Century Summit on Tuesday.

'China does produce some quality coffee,' Wang said at the summit, held at the Reuters office in Shanghai..."

response #3 by Akoto:

      I'll have the antifreezuchino with some lead cream on top. n/t

response #10 by Cobalt Violet:

      How many shots of human hair soy sauce do you want in that today? n/t

response #15 by mycritters2:

      Would you like the wheat gluten with that? nt

response #22 by Nevernose:

      Do they really identify the country of origin?
I've wondered about that before. I mean, they're technically all "blends," whatever that means, right? And if I buy that dark "blend" from Africa, does that mean that it can be 51% African and 49% Vietnamese or wherever and still be technically African?

To be perfectly honest, I don't go to Starbucks often, usually with friends or something. My conversations usually go something like, "I'd like a large coffee, please."

"You mean a venti?"

"A venti? No, I don't want that, sorry, but I'd like a large coffee if you could."

"Oh, well, 'venti' means 'large' in Italian."

"Oh. Well. Since I neither speak Italian nor live in Italy, could I just have a large coffee, please?"

To be fair: most of my coffee is made at home or at work, mail-order fair-trade, or bought from 7-11 (the quality these days is just as good as Starbuck's), or if someone REALLY wants a doublefrappawhatchathingee, from a local joint that's not as crowded.

LBN, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2977632

OP by renie408:

      Do you agree with Edwards MANDATORY expensive haircuts???
I read right here on the DU that John Edwards is going to try to force Americans to get mandatory expensive haircuts. I think we should have a 254 post thread arguing about this!!

response #1 by sailor65:

      Can we include a poll????
PLEASE, PLEASE?
:rofl:

response #4 by xchrom:

      i do -- i'm sick of all the bad haircuts -- and trent lott is first.

response #7 by BOSSHOG:

      I'm follicly challenged and I take offense
I'm not going to spend a lot of money to make the sides of my head look cool.

And is that mandatory expensive or mandatory haircuts?

response #21 by yardwork:

      I will now attack you viciously for what I think the first three words of your post intend
I have not read your entire post nor the OP nor the link - nor do I intend to do so. Instead, I will post at great length on MY OPINION of this matter, including WHAT I BELIEVE the various posts and links contain, and sprinkle a few personal attacks here and there. This will become a lengthy subthread filled with PAs that will eventually be trimmed by the mods but only after several hours, lots of hurt feelings, and a complete obfuscation of the OP.

response #22 by renie408:

      Ha! I will respond with baseless 'facts', which I will repeat over and over without
offering any proof or links. Eventually, I will have said these 'facts' often enough that other people will quote them to their friends, adding, "I read it on the internet."

See how you like them apples!!

response #20 by CJCRANE:

      I heard *
has now put forward his own policy of free haircuts to the rich.
This apparently will stimulate the diversity of hairstyles across the nation.

;)

The Lounge (moved from GD), September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6897017

On a thread by JFN1:

      Toilet Paper: As Precious As Gold
So my wife and I were at Kmart today, stocking up on household items - cleaners, detergents, toilet paper and paper towels, sos pads, etc. We got to the checkout, paid the $67 for our stuff, and left.

As we were driving home, my wife was perusing the receipt. "Hmmm..." she said a couple of times, indicating i should take an interest in her thoughts, which I did. She said, "I couldn't figure out why it cost so much today. Then I saw how much our toilet paper was." She shook the receipt and looked at me. "Do you know how much it cost?"

I don't usually pay attention to these things, as my wife runs our day-to-day finances - I get an "allowance," and I'm quite happy with the arrangement - I don't have the headaches.

So I gave my typical answer, "I don't know - five bucks?" which seemed reasonable to me for a 12-pack of toilet paper.

"Nope," she replied, "Try $12.99."

...

We rode the rest of the way home in silence, both of us seething.

Toilet paper is, apparently as precious as gold.

When I think about what this signifies, I don't get as angry about it as I thought I would - I find I am more fatigued.

I AM FATIGUED BECAUSE I AM SO VERY TIRED OF BEING USED TO MAKE OBSCENELY RICH PEOPLE EVEN RICHER...

response #1 by XemaSab:

      Wiping your a** is a PRIVILEGE,
not a right. :hide:

response #7 by DS1:

      Sheryl Crow would like to have a word with you

response #14 by mentalsolstice:

      Well, Larry Craig *was* picking it up from the bathroom floor eom

response #17 by Buns_of_Fire:

      Sheeezzz... The solution is quite simple: STOP GOING TO THE BATHROOM!!!
Or stop wiping, your choice. Or start rinsing the TP off and reusing it. Or buy a bidet. Or use a handful of sand. Or just scoot around on the carpet like Fido does when he's got worms.

To paraphrase an old Buick ad: "This isn't your grandfather's bowel movement anymore!"

On edit: Or was that an Oldsmobile? Or was that my father? No matter, I suppose: I didn't dare crap in either of them...

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1731385

On a thread by Flabbergasted:

      Bush: "I wouldn't be president if I kept drinking. You get sloppy, can't make decisions, it clouds
"'...your reason absolutely...

I still remember the feeling of a hangover, even though I haven't had a drink in twenty years.' He said he ate chocolate in the evenings after he swore off booze, because his body missed the sugar..."

response #8 by mitchum:

      "Hello, My name is George and I'm a bloodthirsty sociopath"

response #9 by spenbax:

      "You get sloppy, can't make decisions, it clouds your reason"
He just proved our case - he's still drinking.

response #19 by Garbo 2004:

      This is a man who was allegedly felled by a pretzel. n/t

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1733169

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

      Underwhelming? Fred Thompson's first TV ad

response #4 by tularetom:

      I'd be afraid to support him even if I agreed with him
Dude looks like he's gonna croak before the election.

BTW, I checked and I'm one year older than Freddie. I'm pretty ugly but I look a lot better than THAT.

response #8 by Hulk:

      This old fart needs a pitchfork and a bloodhound at his feet....
This is a laughable event. freddie come lately is a joke. Watch how many times they catch the dumb ass snoring between speeches. Honest to God, if this is the best the repugs can do, it isn't worth a general election. Just let the Democratic Convention give us our next president and Vice President, and save the country a few million for election costs.

response #11 by MADem:

      Make up!!!! Make UP!!!!! The drunken shar pei looks like a cadaver... nt

response #14 by bluestateguy:

      Wow. That was Reaganesque. It changed my life.

response #15 by bleever:

      The Great Communicator
he ain't.

If he told me to apply Head-On directly to my forehead, I wouldn't be sure if that was really what I should do.

response #17 by Conscious Confucius:

      Hey kids, it's the star from Law and Order
No, not Sam Waterston.
No, not Jerry Orbach.
No, not Chris Noth.
No, not even that guy from The Deer Hunter.

It's Fred Thompson. Judging by that video, are we sure that Thompson didn't die instead of Orbach? With all due respect, of course....

to Jerry Orbach.

Political Videos, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x52166

OP by Oeditpus Rex:

Clinton just said 'recalcitrant' on Letterman
Bush, watching in the White House Bowling Alley, ran to look it up, but then realized he doesn't know how to spell 'r'.

The Lounge, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6898992

On a thread by rodeodance:

Lindsey Graham speeching on floor of Senate now---steaming. cspan2

response #3 by Buzz Clik:

What's Goober's problem today? Somebody drive away without paying for their gas?
Is there a skunk under his porch? Somebody said somethin bad about his momma?

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1736975

On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      "She can be my date," the president said, reaching out his left hand to touch Rice's arm...

response #8 by philosophie_en_rose:

      Uh oh. Camilla Rice, Duchess of Stonewall.
Look out, Laura.

response #13 by 48percenter:

      Is Laura still residing at the Hay-Adams?
She should do herself a favor and cut that asshole loose.

Oh, but wait, he's gonna clean up on the lecture circuit reading My Pet Goat. :D

GDP, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3498681

On a thread by chimpsrsmarter:

      Game on *****Official republican debate thread 2*********

response #23 by Blackhatjack:

      Anybody know how to get the smell out of your tv after it has been on the Fox News Channel?

response #30 by TahitiNut:

      I use Windex to wipe the brown off the screen and canned air to blow out the insides.
:shrug:

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1741822

On a thread by Amerigo Vespucci:

      TPM: "If Craig reconsiders & steps all over Petraeus� week of surge, Kristol�s head will explode"
"If Sen. Larry Craig reconsiders and steps all over Gen. Petraeus� week of surge, Bill Kristol�s head will explode. That Pentagon media war room they set up will be useless in the face of this cable TV zoo..."

response #1 by Major Hogwash:

      That might be worth watching.
I might even buy the DVD.

response #5 by Major Hogwash:

      This is a made-for-tv-movie in the making - starring Craig T. Nelson as Senator Craig.
With Rosie O'Donnell as Mrs. Craig.
Fred Savage as the Minneapolis police officer.
Danny Bonaduce as his experienced partner and confidant.
Wilford Brimley as the crusty ol' Captain in charge of the precinct of this division.
Tim Matheson as the hardnosed prosecutor for the state.
And the crypt keeper character from The Tales From The Crypt as Senator Specter.

GDP, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3498726

On a thread by yasmina27:

      It's Keith OLbermann - you moron!
Does anyone else run into people who, when you mention KO, pronounce his last name Obermann (not pronouncing the L)...?

response #1 by valerief:

      Nukular. nt

response #3 by 4MoronicYears:

      Keith who?? I'm sorry I was picking up some toilet paper when
you posted. :)

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1741023

On a thread by napi21:

So what kind of explosion do you create with hydrogen peroxide?

response #3 by underpants:

a BLOND BOMBSHELL!!!
Oh man I had that in my head since I heard this story...

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1737544

On a thread by prolesunited:

      So, how will you be spending World War III?

response #2 by LaraMN:

      I'll let my mom plan that one; she's already bummed that Y2K
was such a let-down.
I bet she still has a lot of rice in her basement.

response #4 by darkstar:

      I'm going to stock up on gasoline, keep my car in garage
and make a killing in the assisted suicide market that's sure to pop.

response #14 by triguy46:

      Scratching out an existence on the farm. OOPS, thought this was the retirement thread.

The Lounge, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6902074

OP by DeposeTheBoyKing:

Help! My spouse is lying!
And he's not even a Republican! :evilgrin:

The Lounge, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6905412

On a thread by Rick Myers:

      The Repukes 'brilliant' plan for a boycott!!! LOL!!!
"Supporters of Sen. Larry Craig with the American Land Rights Association are calling for a boycott of the Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport..."

response #8 by wryter2000:

      I think they should boycott wings
And landing gear and baggage carts.

No, wait! They should boycott bathrooms. Nothing good ever comes of using a toilet.

response #9 by flvegan:

      Boycott air! And water!
Air = planes fly through

Water = if not for water, there would be no bathroom!

response #11 by wryter2000:

      Don't even get me started on air
Wind beneath my wings, my ass.

GDP, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3501141

On a thread by BlooInBloo:

      Mel Gibson Makes Church In Own Image: Requires Women To Wear Veils And Skirts.

response #10 by uppityperson:

      Do they enter the church through his nostrils?
If it is made in his image I mean, unless it is bigger than just a bust, in which case, oh, probably better not post more

response #11 by BlooInBloo:

      Whoa. Hardcore.

GD, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1751766

On a thread by Junkdrawer:

      BREAKING: Bin Laden reportedly to release video on 9/11

response #4 by Junkdrawer:

      Thanks to digital technology, they're resurrecting Young Osama...
He had WAY better ratings...

response #12 by Fridays Child:

      Maybe he'll sing a duet with today's Osama, like when Natalie and Nat King Cole sang Unforgettable.

response #6 by Island Blue:

      Hope he doesn't wear white in this video.
That would be so tacky after Labor Day.

response #7 by american_typeculture:

      He's booked the same studio they used for the fake moon landings.

response #20 by IanDB1:

      No Play For Mister Gray! n/t

response #30 by graywarrior:

      Jeez. It's bad enough they report non-news, now it's future non-news.

GD, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1749290

OP by Me.:

      Why Has Osama Dyed His Beard?
We're told that recent pictures show a dark beard rather than the grey it used to be. Does that sound like him? Worldly and interested in his looks? Did he go insane watching In-style while holed up in the mountains of Pakistan? Is a mullet next? Is it really Osama jr. we'll be seeing? Or are we being handed another pig in a poke?

response #2 by blogslut:

      He went to Lou Dobb's hairdresser
;)

response #23 by musette_sf:

      does he... or doesn't he?
only his SCAREdresser knows for sure...

(personally my money is on "Pretty Beaver" being the couleur de jour....)

response #11 by malaise:

      Because
dead men dye their hair.

response #36 by scarletwoman:

      Ah! His "Just For Men -- Mustache, Beard & Sideburn" hair color finally arrived!
Takes a long time to get through those mountains with a laden mule.

Even just placing the order was a pain. All those courier relays down the mountain, until Osama's shopping list finally made it into the hands of Tiny Tim in Islamabad who ran off to the local market to see if he could find it.

Off course he couldn't find the product there, so he had to head over to an internet cafe and got online

Well, thanks to his Al Qaeda, Inc. company credit card (he'd NEVER dream of misusing it -- THAT'S a oneway ticket to "martyrdom": "You are a very naughty Tiny Tim, the only way you can make it up is to drive a truck bomb into a Baghdad market."), he can make the order online. Shipping costs are a bit steep, and concerned that someone higher up might get pissed off at the extravagance, he opts for ocean freight instead of FedEx. Bad move -- that's why Tiny Tim was reduced to his sum molecules, scattered under the sheltering sky in Iraq, sometime back in early 2006.

Meanwhile, a replacement for Tiny Tim was found, who was solely tasked with watching for the ship to come in (no credit card access), and then run his ass off to tell Mohammed about it. Mohammed informed his superior who then collected the package and delivered it to a certain address. Insh'Allah, this part came off with no hitch.

Once delivered to the certain address, the package is added to the next mule shipment headed into the mountains.

Well, it's a long rough journey, of course. And for security reasons, no one mule driver is entrusted with the entire route -- like the journey down the mountain, the journey back up is conducted in relays. Packages passed off from one hand to another in select villages along the route.

So I think that it's perfectly reasonable to assume that the sudden appearance of a non-greybeareded Osama after all the years of a greybearded Osama is perfectly logical. It just took a really, really long time for that package of "Just For Men -- Mustache, Beard & Sideburn" men's hair color to make it up to his cave.

Please put away your tinfoil hats!

GD, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1749685

On a locked thread by Commie Pinko Dirtbag:

I am happy to inform that Sanskrit is a DEAD language! DEAD!

Thread locking by The Magistrate:

All Good Things Must Come To An End, My Friends
"You don't need pants for the victory dance
'Cause Baboon's better than Weasel"

GD, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1727419

On a thread by Tom Joad:

      Needed: Locksmith to change locks. Please report to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, DC

response #5 by CGowen

GD, September 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1725005

On a thread by partylessinOhio:

      Photo calling for Caption. Pic.

response #1 by Lastlaughin08

response #9 by nykym

response #12 by berni_mccoy

response #15 by shain from kane

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1730800

OP by ironflange:

      You know that nauseating "Pray for Peace" pic? Here's what's really going on. . .

The Lounge, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6895685

On a thread by zulchzulu:

      Hey everybody! It's Caption Time!

response #2 by chimpsrsmarter

response #4 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #6 by Rick Myers

response #10 by FLDem5

response #12 by MN Against Bush

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1733210

On a thread by CatWoman:

      You photoshoppers have been pretty lax around here

response #8 by paxmusa

response #16 by dicksteele

response #21 by NV Whino

response #10 by FLDem5

response #12 by MN Against Bush

GD, September 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1729410

OP by NYC Liberal:

      CAPTION: So just what were Condi and George doing on AF1?

response #2 by CaliforniaPeggy

response #4 by ocelot

response #7 by SoCalDem

response #9 by Enrique

response #10 by lumberjack_jeff

response #11 by SoCalDem

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1740799

OP by CaliforniaPeggy:

      Got something rather amusing in the mail today...

GDP, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3499608

OP by NYC Amerigo Vespucci:

      PHOTO: Fred Thompson's Al Qaeda strategy: Punch the everloving crap out of them, two fists at a time

response #1 by C_U_L8R

response #4 by Mojambo

response #5 by merh

response #6 by chimpsrsmarter

response #10 by Vickers

GDP, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3500000

On a thread by SoCalDem:

      They're Saaaaailinggggg..

response #1 by wienerdoggie

GD, September 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1740817

On a thread by Stephanie:

      Dignitude, Dude! ---pix--->>>

response #12 by Ezlivin

GD, September 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1744750