Just in - Congress votes to outsource Presidency

[frogcycle]

(from an email I just received - I think this is going to get a lot of circulation!)

Washington , DC (AP)
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 15, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has incurred during the last 7 years. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The savings will be huge." stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain ompetitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay." Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of July 15, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem, as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 per week unemployment for 13 weeks.

Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

[napi21]

1. I almost wish we could really do that! n/t

[frogcycle]

2. oh come on!

does NOBODY find this amusing?

I just loved "Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime."

[hootinholler]

3. Funny enough to rec. n/t

[Lone_Star_Dem]

4. You should have put seabass in the title

Then you'd be raking in the hits. ;)

Oh, and I think it's hilarious!

[frogcycle]

5. probably not

i think roughly 95% of DU has me on "ignore"
:)