Pay It Forward

[ls317]

Yesterday evening after work I chose to stop at the local grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner.I picked up less than 8 items just enough to get me thru dinner last night because I really didnt want to spend a bunch of time shopping without my grocery list.
There was a single mother somewhere in the area of mid-20 to early 30's age wise she had a couple of small children with her.She picked up the normal things Diapers ,formula,milk etc just normal items that you would need to care for infant children.At first glance you could tell that the kids had not been really taken care of.... dirty clothes and they started eating candy from the checkout stand.I am guessing that they where hungry as hell and had not eaten in quite sometime.The mother started to put back a few things ...Soup,hamburger milk and formula because she didnt have enough money on her card (FSSA).No big deal she was short less than 7.00 dollars I offered to pick up the difference for her items.And she started to cuss me out and said " I dont need your f ing money"I asked her once again just to check and be sure and she told me " get the fuck out of her face" and she didnt need a handout.
Everyday I try to do one small act of random kindness to help someone.. Lets just say this was a life lession...

[peacebird]

1. sad, it must be totally humiliating to be in her situation but to let her

children do without because of pride?

Thank you for your act of kindness. The world needs more of that these days.

[ls317]

2. Hell it was about trying to help her kids...

[peacebird]

4. exactly, which is what I said - how sad she wouldn't accept it....

[EFerrari]

6. Was it pride? If I was at a checkout counter with two hungry kids

and not enough money, I wouldn't feel pride. I'd be scared.

And then if someone tried to talk to me, they'd be talking to my fear and maybe the kind of anger you feel to escape your fear. Pride would be pretty low on the list, imho. :(

So sad, all the way around.

[peacebird]

7. yes, your description is probably much closer to truth... very sad.

[EFerrari]

15. Or, maybe I don't understand what posters are meaning by "pride".

We seem to use that word to mean, pleasure in something ("I was proud of my kid") but also, to mean, pushing people away defensively ("She was too proud to accept that help.") Maybe the common denominator is some kind of ownership (I own my kid, I own my poverty) and as a piece of that, control over something?

Poor people have precious little control over anything. Been there. It feels like chaos descending on you and you don't have both hands to fend it off.

I agree with Warpy. Sometimes the little space where we can feel like we own something, anything, is what keeps us going in the face of really tough situations and a really mostly (even if unwittingly) clueless community.

I hope we find a better way to make sure that people eat. And that we keep trying to help each other even if sometimes it's awkward and upsetting.

:grouphug:

[Katherine Brengle]

13. Exactly how I saw it. nt

[EstimatedProphet]

3. I'm not sure I get what the lesson was though...

[Warpy]

5. Charity makes some people feel like shit

while others appreciate it deeply. Just recognize it and recognize that the only pride in themselves some folks have left is being able to turn down face to face charity.

Don't stop being kind because someone reacted negatively. Just know where it's coming from and move on.

[hashibabba]

8. Thank you for helping other people who need it. Don't let

one person stop you from your good deeds. That's pretty sad that she was too proud to help her kids.

[BoneDaddy]

9. Some people have no class regardless of their econmomic class

What a piece of shit.

A "no thank you" with a smile would suffice.

[MadAsHell]

10. I have to relate something I saw once, in a movie I believe ....

In a very similar circumstance, a woman in the very embarrassing state of being unable to pay for the items she had brought the check out was helped in a clever and private way. The men next in line discretely dropped a ten or twenty dollar bill under the her feet and pointed it out and remarked that she most have dropped it.

For better or worse people have pride and Charity needs to be private.

[Horse with no Name]

11. So her kids were dirty and hungry

and she was on Federal Assistance but she cussed you out when you tried to help?
Was she driving a cadillac by any chance?

[Katherine Brengle]

12. I think a lot of people are too afraid to ask for/accept help --

she's probably dealt with a lot of crap and not a lot of good in her life, and found it impossible to believe that you were just trying to do something good for her, no strings attached.

I'm sorry, that your kindness was met with such bitterness and that she was too afraid to see it for what it was.

[Bluerthanblue]

14. keep on keeping

on.
And remember that if we give freely- we have NO 'strings' attached- Giving is a two-way street. It is so much easier to be on the giving end. I'm sure you understand that.

Receiving is something that takes far more courage than you'd think- especially if you haven't been desperate yourself.

I believe you are genuine in your desire to make a difference in the lives of others. I hope you will dust yourself off and keep on caring.

I hope you'll take away from this incident, not the feeling of rejection, or frustration that would be so natural and understandable under the circumstances, but instead the sad realization that poverty often goes far deeper than material things. This woman lacked in something much more essential than money. She didn't have the ability to trust in the goodness of strangers, or the self-esteem that would allow her to open herself up to the vunerable reality of her situation, and know that not being able to afford food, didn't mean she was 'less than' you, or I or anyone.

I've been on both sides of this beautiful, painful scenario. And I've learned some agonizing as well as wonderful lessons.

Thank you for caring- and I encourage you not to lose your heart- This woman has a bigger need than your random act could fill. And that IS ok, even if it feels like crap-

:hug: :hug: :hug:

blu

[EFerrari]

16. Right on, blu

:toast: