Late-Night Political Jokes for Dems

[Amy6627]

"President Bush has received a copy of the 96-page Iraq Study Group report. When they gave it to him, President Bush said, 'Don't tell me how it ends.' They said, 'Uh, it doesn't.'" --Jay Leno

The long anticipated Iraq Study Group report was delivered to President Bush this week. He promised to take it just as seriously as all the other Iraq reports stuffed down between his desk and the wall." -- Amy Poehler

"You know the part of the Iraqi report that concerns President Bush the most? Having to read it." --Jay Leno

"Today the House Ethics Committee ... released its report on Mark Foley. ... Well, they found willful ignorance, but no rules were broken. They said the whole thing was proper according to the law. Okay, Cardinal Bernard law. .. Hitting on kids is not a crime? Who was chairing this commission, Michael Jackson." --Jay Leno

"Earlier in the week, NASA announced plans to establish a manned base on the moon. President Bush was quick to point out, 'We're only going to stay on the moon until the moon people are able to govern themselves. ... President Bush also suggested waiting until there was a full moon, so there would be more places to land.'" --Jay Leno

"Vice President Cheney's lesbian daughter, Mary, is pregnant. ... The big guessing game in Washington now is who donated the sperm? I'm guessing Ann Coulter." --Jay Leno

"It is in book form and entitled, 'The Way Forward -- A New Approach,' a stark contrast from the book Bush had been operating from, 'Deeper and Deeper into the Hole That I Myself Have Dug.'" --Jon Stewart, on the Iraq Study Group report

"According to a new study, children figure out the truth about Santa Claus between the ages of three and six. Although the study says that the age is much later for some U.S. presidents." --Conan O'Brien

"NASA's planning to return to the moon. ... NASA says that when we go back this time we're going to have a permanent base, and by 2027 astronauts will be living on the moon year round. ... Here's the thing. NASA gave no cost estimate or design details. That's right, a giant project with no blueprint, no budget perimeters and no timetable. Which means there is only one person who could make this thing work -- Donald Rumsfeld. ... NASA, snap him up. His resume's already been on Monster.com for two weeks." --Stephen Colbert

"Today was the first and only day of confirmation hearings for his replacement Robert Gates. ... The committee immediately confirmed the guy. They really only had one question: Are you now or have you ever been Donald Rumsfeld? He said, 'No.' ... He showed them his driver's license and utility bill, and boom, they confirmed him." --Stephen Colbert

"Now three schools are in the running for the George Bush presidential library. I understand the losing school will get it." --Jay Leno

[sharp_stick]

1. Thanks, lots of fun

I really like the idea of touching down during a full moon so it gives us more places to land.

[Amy6627]

3. That's a good one. And also Anne Coulter being the sperm donor

for Mary Cheney.

[DeSwiss]

2. hahahaha!!!!!!!

Thanks Amy, I love em'

:rofl: