I've Never Been So Proud to Be Gay

[mondo joe]

For years the gay community has allowed itself to be exploited and used in the most dysfunctional way by thhe religious right.

Beyond the most obvious exploitation of gays as the dangers-to-children-and-all-civilization, there are the secretly gay users, like Mark Foley and Pastor Haggard.

What many hetero DU posters may not understand are the nuances of being "out". It something no hetero has to deal with. Gays may be "out" to some people but not others. They may be "out" virtually everywhere except for one place - let's say work, or family. Even there it's split - they may be out to some at work but not others, they may be out to their immediate family, but not extended family.

For years and years, there has been a PRESUMED PACT among gay people --- "I won't tell you're gay, you don't tell that I am". If you look at any public figures who have been outed, you'll typically find they were KNOWN to be gay in the gay community and even beyond. Mark Foley appeared in public and was photographed with his partner - but it was never publicly acknowledged.

This is the most insidious way the Religious Right has misused the gay community - leveraging political power by demonizing them and at the same time MAKING THEM COMPLICIT IN THEIR OWN OPPRESSION by exploiting a presumption of secrecy.

It's a sick and totally dysfunctional relationship, just like an abused spouse or molested child who denies what is being done to them and even covers up for their abuser. It's worst form of "what happens in the family stays in the family".

Finally gays are standing up to their abusers, and naming them for what they are. After years of being used as a political wedge issue, gays have turned the wedge around. It's political karma, and it's delicious.

To my fellow gays who are turning this around, who are refusing to be complicit in their own abuse, and to thosee who support and encourage it, you make me truly proud.

[terip64]

1. I am proud to know you and grateful to the gay community calling these hypocrites out!

[skooooo]

2. I'm glad to see this too.

The hypocrites are being exposed for what they are. I think the long term effect of all these events over the past year will be to make society more inclusive and accepting.

I wonder if anyone saw an interview of a minister that was on either MSNBC or CNN yesterday? His name was something like "Cobollo" and he advised Clinton during the Lewinsky "scandal." He was very vocal about how the gay community has been maligned and misrepresented by the religious right, and how things needed to change.

Well, he was very eloquent anyway. Maybe someone saw or taped the interview.

[enough]

3. k&r

[Greybnk48]

4. I'm hetero, but I have gay loved ones who have lived, and do live

a life you have described. What's so important about what's happening is that it shatters the claim that homosexuality is a choice, rather than a natural orientation. This is a good thing.

[Freedomofspeech]

5. I am very happy for you and the entire gay community...

it is hard to believe that people just can't accept people for who they are. I am so sick of this pea brain religious right morons.

[IndyOp]

6. Thank you for making clear that what we are seeing is gay power -

The outing of people who have abused the trust of others - that is a demonstration of power. It is very important that we all understand that these revelations are coming from gays, and not from outside. I thought I had been witnessing gays speaking truth to power and I appreciate your post confirming that this is so.

THE TRUTH WILL OUT.

:applause: :applause: :applause:

[VeggieTart]

7. This is not about gay, straight or bi necessarily

It's about calling people out on their sexual hypocrisy. Homosexuality is bad--except when it's a conservative lusting after boys. Having sex with someone not your spouse is evil--except when an evangelical pays for a prostitute (male or female). Or a Republican congressman leaves his wife for another woman (sometimes two or three times in succession). Or a Republican congressman shacking up with another woman and allegedly beating her. Abortion is murder--except when an antichoice activists arranges discreetly for his daughter or mistress to have one.

The conservatives are hypocrites, whether they are gay or straight, and I am thrilled to death to see them being called out on it.

[mondo joe]

9. But it IS about gay, at least in this way: the gay community specifically

has been ABUSED and has been complicit in its own abuse through its silence.

My sense is that gays have had enough and are now making the very instrument of their abuse into their own weapon.

[blossomstar]

21. true that... and it is truly high time..... enough!

[wryter2000]

8. Thanks

As a hetero, I've known that I don't understand outting in my guts, and I've been very conflicted about it. This helps me put it into perspective.

:applause:

[FlaGranny]

10. I understand what you are saying

and I agree completely. The fellow that outed Haggard put himself at legal risk to get out the truth and that took courage and conviction.

[gully]

11. So well said. Mike Jones is a hero as are those who went before him.

BRAVA!

[Jade Fox]

12. When I was in college....

I ran into a teacher of mine, an older man, leaving a gay bar with another man. The look of utter terror I saw on this teacher's face is something I will never forget. And, as part of the post-Stonewall generation, it was an insight for me into the lives of gay people who had gone before the ones I knew. I felt so sorry for him, and wished I could just say, "Look, it's not like that anymore. You don't have to be scared all the time of someone like me. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you." At least that's what I believed then, before the current crop of hate-mongers.

[The Backlash Cometh]

13. Double lives hurt more than just the person hiding in the closet.

Th sooner we can bring legitimacy to alternate lifestyles the better it will be for everyone. Alternate, not alternative, right?

[mondo joe]

17. "Life" not "lifestyle".

But you're in the right direction. :-)

[Richard Steele]

14. Very well put, Joe. K&R!

[KittyWampus]

15. Very insightful post. Should be on front page of DU, IMO> Recommended

[tavalon]

16. Actually, there are a few heteros out there who do know all of those nuances

Those of us who are poly know. I have certain people I'm out to, many I'm not and I don't particularly worry about it online. Weird, huh? But it works. My coworkers at my new job have no idea and I doubt they ever will - it's a bit of a religious group there. We don't out ourselves to our child's teachers and luckily since he has autism, neither does he. My partners' parents all know and blessedly are all cool with it. One of my partners' dad just chalks it up to M. marching to the beat of a different drummer. Anyway,the point is, I'm hetero and I know exactly what you're talking about.

[sandnsea]

18. Standing up to the abusers, yes

I'm not gay and haven't had to deal with all the nuances of being 'out'. But I do understand demonization of people and it's sick that it's done and it's even more sick when it's done for no other purpose except political power. That's exactly how I've seen this outing, as exposing the abusers for what they are. It's hard to put it into words, it's more than hypocrisy and it certainly isn't to disgrace anybody. The point is that there wouldn't be any disgrace if they hadn't done the demonizing in the first place.

Anyway, really great post!!

:applause:

[dsc]

19. I am more than a little ambivalent

I think the other major outing of the last couple of days may be more telling as to the direction outing appears to be heading. Neal Patrick Harris wasn't hypocritical but outed he was. I am glad he seems happy about that but it doesn't seem all that fair to me.

[mondo joe]

22. DSC, I was CERTAINLY talking about the politicall outings, not

Neal Patrick Harris. I don't even know that he was outed at all.

As to NPH, in a country in which the marriages, dates and minutae of celebrities are fair game I don't see why he should be treated differently.

[dsc]

28. So then you in point of fact were Ok with it

You are consistently for outing which is your perogative. I happen not to be. I think that gays may well rue the day this genie got out of the bottle.

[mondo joe]

34. It wasn't what I was talking about. Different issue entirely. n/t

[dsc]

35. No it isn't

Once you out people in group a people in groups b,c,d,e, and f become legit targets for outing.

[mondo joe]

36. To the contrary: I posted about an oppressed group striking back

at their abusers - not about actors.

How you could confuse what is fair game with political figures with private citizens is a mystery. As you should well know, political figures are already game for scrutiny that would never be expected (or accepted) for private citizens.

[davidinalameda]

32. I don't think he was really outed

the Canadian news service said that he got his boyfriend a job-it was his publicist that created the controversy by stating that he wasn't gay

[dsc]

37. a blogger has been on a one year campaign to out the man

admittedly it was monumentally stupid to get his boyfriend a job given that campaign if he wanted to stay closeted but the campaign existed.

[AnnInLa]

20. Thanks for your explanation

"My sense is that gays have had enough and are now making the very instrument of their abuse into their own weapon."

My friend and I were talking about this very issue this morning....was the "outing" of Foley, Crist and others choreographed/helped-along by the gay community? Choreographed is, I guess, too strong a word. But, is there some kind of over-all community realization that you have had enough and aren't going to take it anymore? If so, I applaud your "community." And, if not, I also applaud you, individually.

Revenge is very underrated.

[AnnInLa]

23. The post that I think is the profound-est

"Like many on the Left, I hope that someday gay Americans like Ted Haggard can live their lives without being harassed by the likes of, well… Ted Haggard." From a poster on another board.

[kdpeters]

24. Great post!!!! *but one little nitpick :)

What many hetero DU posters may not understand are the nuances of being "out". It something no hetero has to deal with.

Years ago I had a wonderful friend who was 1st generation American from India. Her boyfriend was white and she'd been hiding it from her family and community for years. We commiserated often because we both could relate to what the other was going through. Heteros don't have to come out as straight, but there are myriad parallel experiences that can help people understand our similarities and differences to the extent we can. I'll never understand what it's like to be deaf, but I strongly identify with some of the challenges they face because of my experience growing up gay.

Gays may be "out" to some people but not others. They may be "out" virtually everywhere except for one place - let's say work, or family. Even there it's split - they may be out to some at work but not others, they may be out to their immediate family, but not extended family.

I'd lived in San Francisco several years until one day I noticed I no longer thought about being gay because no ever found it remarkable in itself. I remember thinking, "So this is how straight people feel." It's been a long time since I've had to explicitly comes out because it tends to be revealed in response to innocuous questions like, "What'd you do this weekend?" or "Who's that in the picture?" Not really different from the way straight folk reveal their relationships.

But just this week, a new co-worker asked me if I was married. I felt that old familiar pause, caught my breath, and for just a moment, hesitated as if I might avoid coming out. It was the first time I'd had to explicitly tell someone "I am gay. We're not allowed." in years. It totally caught me off guard. I'd thought I was rid of all that baggage. Maybe we'll always carry a little bit.

I guess coming out will be a lifelong process.

[Jamastiene]

25. Wow, what an interesting story.

I still live in the Bible Belt and it's very uncomfortable to always be asked when am I going to get married. I have to resist the urge to say, "when the government legalizes it." I know I can be hurt seriously if I say that around these parts.

Seeing your post put a new dream in my collection of dreams. To be able to think "So this is how straight people feel." Wow.

Great post. Thanks.

[xchrom]

26. yes, i come from a part of the world that to be out

could get the shit kicked out of you.

and now i live in the bay area -- and it's heaven in that regard.

[Binka]

27. I'm Glad You Are In A Good Place Baby

A have a new story for you, Ben and Evans went to Bethesda to visit Hinkhouse (Evans and Ben were badly wounded in Ramadi as was Hink, but Hink lost a leg above the knee and is STILL in the hospital) anyway they took Hink out for some drinks in DC and they ran into Ian (Ben's younger bro) and his boyfriend Sayeed.

Ian and Sayeed were in the capital sightseeing that weekend, (how weird is it that Ben from CA and Ian from Virginia would be in DC the same day anyway I digress), Ian was worried because here was his bro with two other Marines and he wasn't sure how Ben would handle introducing Sayeed.

Ben was cool as a cuke and said "Hey guys this is my little brother Ian and this is his LOVER & PARTNER Sayeed."

It was totally cool. Evans and Hink invited Ian and Sayeed for drinks and they all got hammered!

Isn't that nice? :loveya:

But Ian's father still insists Ian has a girlfriend even though he has never dated a woman in his life. Such denial. Oy!

[xchrom]

30. lol -- great story!

we often don't give men enough credit -- and this is a wonderful example of just that.

kudos to ben for dropping pretence.

hi binka! -- i think of you often and hope all is well in your world.:hi:

[dsc]

29. Great story

I would love to be in a similar position someday. Currently I am not really there yet.

[orpupilofnature57]

31. I'm not Gay ,but alot of my Heroes are.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Milk

[King Coal]

33. You should be ashamed to say that!!

LOL! Just kidding.