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A Halloween Tale. With Rethugs.

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TayTay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 10:43 PM
Original message
A Halloween Tale. With Rethugs.
He was working in the lab, late one night, when his eye beheld an eerie sight. Karl Rove took the soft flannel wipe out of his jacket pocket, wiped his special goggles with it and replaced them on his head. The sight was much less eerie now. Sometimes, there was blow-back in this place from all the slime and it got on the glasses.

"Gillespie, Mehlman, get in here," Rove yelled. The two unctuous Republicans quickly strode into the lab.

"Yes Master," the two toadies said in unison. "How can we serve you?" The two Rethugs, wearing their white RNC issued lab coats with the little "Evil Geniuses" insignia that Halliburton had insisted on putting on all their clothing, glanced adoringly at the slightly porcine figure of Rove.

"Open the Smear Cabinet. I need some more ingredients for this one. The last batch wasn't potent enough," Rove snarled at them.

"Right away Master, I'll do it," Gillespie fawned as he made a dash for the dreaded Smear Cabinet. Unfortunately, he collided with Mehlman and the two knocked heads and wound up on the floor in a heap in front of the massive Smear door. Rove sighed deeply and thought to himself, "Minions. Why can't I find decent minions. Do I have to do every smear myself?"

"You idiots. Get up and open that door." Mehlman and Gillespie haltingly got up and glanced at each other. The Smear Cabinet was nothing to fool around with. All the deadliest smears in the Rethug arsenal were contained in it's air-tight interior. The two henchmen drew out their keys and, in a ritual they had performed many times, entered a code into the security panel, put one key into the slot and turned it right, then the other and turned it right as well. Far, far to the right. They heard a faint click and slowly turned the handle and opened the door.

Whatever Rove was working on had started to smoke a little bit and was emitting a greenish smoke into the dank lab air. Without glancing up, he ordered his henchmen to grab some specific vials and bring them to him.

Gillespie and Mehlman slowly entered the Smear Cabinet and looked around. "Look at that, it's pure fear juice, lethal in it's pure form," Gillespie whispered. "I wasn't around when the Master first learned how to use that, but I heard it was in '88."

"Whatever you do, don't spill it. The fumes alone are enough to curl you up in terror. I once got a whiff of that stuff and I couldn't go into my closet at home for a week. Ah, not that I'm in the closet a lot normally, but, ahm, well, it's fear juice, you know what I mean." Mehlman pushed past Gillespie and reached for another of the vials Rove had requested.

"Wow, Bashing Juice. The Master is cooking up something really evil tonight." The two minions grabbed the deadly vials, left the Cabinet and carefully locked it back up. They approached Rove slowly and waited for further instructions.

"Put the damn vials down and step back, you fools. Now watch and try and learn how this is done. I'm working on something for George Allen in Virginia. The stuff I worked up before wasn't good enough. We need something really potent." Rove laughed evilly. Both henchmen giggled a bit, grabbed gas masks and leaned in for a better view of what Rove was doing.

Rove took the smoking green mixture and poured it into a larger bowl. He then picked up the vial of Fear Juice and uncorked it. He actually paused a moment and inhaled the vile fumes. They didn't seem to affect him, like it did ordinary humans. If anything, he found the aroma of pure fear intoxicating. He tipped the vial ever so carefully and let a few drops of it fall into the bowl.

Rove incanted, "Argumentum in terrorem" as the bowl lit up in flames for a second. He smiled evilly again and then decanted a couple of drops from the other vial, and said, "Argumentum ad baculum!" The mixture in the bowl burst into flames again, this time even higher.

"It's alive! It's alive. My smear is alive!," Rove shouted. "Mehlman, quick get the Allen campaign manager on the phone, tell him I got his smear all ready for him."

Mehlman and Gillespie smiled. The Master had done it again. This potent mixture of fear and the threat of bashing was perfect for that oaf Allen. Just perfect. Let the Democrats try and fend this one off. They'll be in knots for weeks.

"You're a genius Master," Gillespie sighed. "A genius," Mehlman echoed and shot Rove a look of longing.

"Yes, I know," Rove said. "Now, get this to Virginia right away. I got a back order from Tennessee and the order is late. It's going to be a long night boys, we have a lot of work to do, and a lot more smears to concoct. Let's get back to work."

Mehlman looked at Gillespie and sighed, "I'll call for pizza, you call maintenance and tell them it's going to be on of THOSE nights again. Sigh. Thank Gawd for petty cash and moisty wipes." The wo minions exited the room, leaving Rove alone at the work table. Long night indeed.

The end

For KarenDC. Cuz it's Halloween.

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NotGivingUp Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:05 PM
Response to Original message
1. fluff right now. our democracy is under attack.
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MH1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:15 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Aw, LTFU. n/t
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TayTay Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 07:46 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. Well, I did try and interest my daughter in voting
Edited on Tue Oct-31-06 07:50 AM by TayTay
by telling her that massive death, destruction, tyranny and corruption were bearing down on humanity at break neck pace and that nothing that we do has any ultimate meaning. I told her that I would work for change, but that odds were against us, the fight was probably doomed and that the only real solution was to get drunk without ceasing and try and find a corner to hide in until the Apocalypse came and we spotted the 'rough beast' moving down Main Street.

Oddly enough, this didn't work as a motivating factor. So, I tried humor. It helped a little she perked up, told a few friends that they ought to vote. A few more votes is a good thing.

You go your way, and I'll go mine.
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MH1 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Oct-30-06 11:16 PM
Response to Original message
3. "Smear cabinet"
heh heh.

Gonna need a lot of those moist wipes!

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qnr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
4. Thanks, that was entertaining :) n/t
Edited on Tue Oct-31-06 12:15 AM by qnr
Edit: looking at two threads at once, had to delete something that didn't apply.
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beachmom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Oct-31-06 07:49 AM
Response to Original message
6. Kicking in the spirit of Halloween - may our nightmare end soon! n/t
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