HUMOR: Bush and the hot stove

[StraightDope]

Let us consider kitchens.

(Bush is in the kitchen, heating water in the microwave. He forgets that the glass measuring cup is hot as well, and scalds himself.)
Bush: AAAGH! Ah! Ah! Hot! DAMMIT, that hurts! (points over at stove) You. Stove. I'm watching you. Don't YOU get any ideas.
Stove: (silence, because it is a stove and cannot talk)
Bush: Don't you give me the silent treatment. I'm warning you: you're either with me or against me.
Stove: (silence)
Bush: That's it, stove. You asked for it. (punches stovetop) AAH OW OW OW METAL HARD OW! Okay, then. I know what to do to soften up that metal.
(Bush now turns the stove on low. The stove glows red.)
Bush: Ah ha! I have softened you and now you will embrace me in my War On Heat. Let's shake on it. (places hand firmly on stove) AAAAGH! Son of a BIATCH! You've been invaded by heat! No matter, I can fix that.
(Bush, instead of turning the stove off, accidentally turns it to medium)
Bush: Now then. You're nice and cool, right? (places hand on stove) YAGH! GODDAMMIT! Let's try this again.
(Bush, now not even looking at which way he's turning the stove, turns it to high)
Bush: Surely you're free of heat now. (places hand on stove) AAAAAAOWOWOWOWOWOW MY HAND IS TURNING RED! It's time to bust out my secret weapon.
(Bush turns the stove to 'light'. The stove lights, and Bush sees the resulting blue flames.)
Bush: There we go. Blue means cold. That wasn't so hard, was it? Let me kiss you, stove.
(Bush places lips on stove)
Bush: (many, many garbled words and groans that would get me banned if transcribed) Okay, clearly, CLEARLY the fire is now part of the heatist plot. I shall defeat it with my own bare hands!
(Bush punches the heated, flaming stove repeatedly, burning himself more with every punch.)
Bush: I don't care how long it takes, you will be defeated, evil fire!
Microwave (thinking, because it is an unusually intelligent microwave): Wow. He never did take the water out of me, did he?

From an e-mail a friend sent me.