Sexual abuse/assault as a child, teenager-did you tell

[uppityperson]

Poll question: Sexual abuse/assault as a child, teenager-did you tell

Edited to say I just realized there might be 2 possible answers for some, since you didn't tell THEN, but told LATER. So, sorry to you 3 people who voted "didn't tell THEN", I am deleting this one since this means you told LATER. (first choice will remain, was "Didn't tell THEN" but will be blank). Sorry and thanks for participating.
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Were you molested in any way when you were a child, a teenager, before you became a fully functioning emotionally mature adult (assuming you are that now) or even let's say before graduating high school, to pick a random point? Did you tell anyone who could do anything about it? Did you tell perhaps your friends but not a parent, a teacher, someone who could do anything about it? Did you tell an adult who could help you do something about it, then or later?

Myself, I was walking down a sidewalk in my neighborhood when grabbed and groped by a young man when I was in middle school but was too embarassed to tell anyone, adult or non-adult, for 20 yrs.
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Edited again to add another poll link. "if you told, did you get help?"
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x2292326

[uppityperson]

1. a kick to keep up on page, thanks all for participating

[emdee]

2. My personal experience was no abuse - but....

I have a very dear friend - we'd been friends since first grade, an over 40-year friendship. I thought that we had always confided in each other about everything. But, just a few years ago, I found out that she had been molested at about the age of 12-13 years old. She never told anyone and even when she told me a few years ago, she made me promise to keep it quiet. It has preyed on her mind all these years with no one to open up to about it. She was scared because she said that just before she turned 18, he whispered in her ear that he couldn't wait until she was 18. I couldn't stand to think about what she had suffered through all alone. I like to think that if she had told me at the time, I would have told my parents - but who knows. At 12 years old, she may have been able to talk me into keeping quiet.

So, in the poll I voted for myself - no abuse. But, I do know someone who never told until much later in life and then didn't want to address it with the perpetrator.

emdee

[Bucky]

3. Touchy subject. Wish there was a way folks could post anonymously - PM OP?

I appreciate the poll data, but it would be helpful to know the human stories behind the numbers. I'm in the last category, but I've known many people, male and female, who've been abused and the problem is far worse than what you ever see walking out in the daylight.

[uppityperson]

5. if you want to PM me, I'll copy/post anonymously

Will check in in a bit

[Bucky]

9. Again, I have no story to tell, I've never been abused. But I have known..

... so many people who have and I think they deserve to have their anonymity preserved. But at the same time, the silence is making it hard to come to grips with how we as a society can slay this monster. My suggestion is that others who have been victims might consider PMing the OP, get the stories FROM our online community out to those IN our online community.

It's just a thought, and this idea may just be showing how ignorant I am about how hard it is for people to speak about, and confront, these types of experiences.

[emcguffie]

4. But you didn't ask if the help was forthcoming. NT

[uppityperson]

6. good point, will do another poll, link here

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x2292326

[WildClarySage]

7. I was assaulted by the father of a "friend"

because there was alcohol involved, I convinced myself that it was my fault and never talked about it until much later when I realized that whatever condition *I* was in, an adult made a choice to take advantage of the situation and abuse me. It took about 15 years before I could talk about it.

[Red State Rebel]

8. Told an Adult then, but They Did Nothing

Later told my sister and she told my Mom - all hell broke loose then.

[Withywindle]

10. And by "later," I mean, when I was 25 and living 800 miles away.

In neither case did I think anyone would believe me...and in both cases I thought it would cause more trouble than it was worth to bring it up.

The first time, the worst assault, because it was a pack of girls around my own age and not the stereotypical creepy-old-man, I think I managed to convince myself it wasn't what it definitely was--a form of gang-rape. (I'm female, BTW)

The second time, it was a doctor, and although by then I was 13 and old enough to know that what he was doing sure as hell had NOTHING to do with treating allergies, I also knew he was a specialist I'd probably only ever have to see once because my parents couldn't really afford him. I was a quiet bookish kid. Hated to make a scene.

[mntleo2]

11. In My Day, They Blamed The Victim

...But this was 40 years ago. I told, but my parents and the "professionals" blamed me. Parents tried to bring statutory rape charges against the man. They made me talk to a prosecutor who made me say in detail (and I mean DETAIL) what happened. This was him and me all alone in a room, a strange man after all I had been through. Nothing ever came of it, so it was more a punishment and embarrassment I suspect, from my parents. Let me say they meant well and were from another era and were trying to be good parents, they just did not know what to do when an elephant is suddenly pointed out in the living room, I think.

This is important to talk about and it is imperative to me to tell the truth because maybe it will help someone else.

Unless you've been through something like that, you have no idea what it does to a person's life and while I will take responsibility for the bad choices I made after 18, I was one very confused woman until well over the age of 30. Until that age, I did not even understand I WAS assaulted, I took full responsibility for it, when I was 15 and the man was 27 ~ I babysat for him.

I want to say something here that saved me and it could have been a whole lot worse if it weren't for this woman. The man's wife. She kicked him out and then she sat me down and told me it wasn't my fault. Guess what? She wasn't an American, she was a Swedish woman and she saved me from a whole lot worse, since my parents did not think as she did. Swedes were so much more enlightened than we are about sex! Because of her, yeah I had some problems, but I never became a drug addict or an alcoholic and I stayed out of trouble.

She told me it wasn't my fault and she was the only one. It took me years to believe her, but I remember feeling so relieved that she "forgave" me! If I knew where she was I would tell her how grateful I am because maybe she saved my life from being a whole lot worse than it could have been.

Cat In Seattle

[uppityperson]

12. Good for her, glad you are doing ok

[uppityperson]

13. 1 kick to put by other poll for the day crew.