Our God (R-Heaven) is an awesome God!

[StraightDope]

He tortures people in Heaven above.
He smites the gays that incur His wrath.
Bloodshed is His favorite way to relax.
He hates liberals.
His Son Jesus was a liberal, so God hates him.
He loves nothing more than war and chaos.
He commands his followers to start wars.
He rubs his hands together with glee when a child is raped.
He will Rapture us to spare us the suffering of the Godless sodomites.


Can anyone think of other attributes of God (R-Heaven)?

[TwentyFive]

1. He killed the harmless animals during the big flood.

Why did god kill all the sparrows? Any god that kills songbirds, is no god of mine.

[jrw14125]

2. um, you forgot one thing...

...Jesus and God are one and the same. Or, they're part of the hooooolllllly trinity, along with the hooooollllllly spirit. Or, he's God's only begotten son, who talked with God - so, right, they must be separate. Or, god and Jesus are one and the same, and God/Jesus talks to himself. Maybe God has SPD and requires medication... But then, Jesus is supposed to be seated at the right hand of God, his father, so they must be separate. Or, maybe God is "beside himself," so maybe they are one and the same. Maybe God's just trying to find himself. And since he's beside himself, he can't see himself because he has tunnel vision?

Sorry, I know this wasn't very inciteful, but I had fun.

[Poppyseedman]

3. He smites people who write insipid posts about him

[htuttle]

4. I dare him

Right here, right now. Smite me.

For that matter, I make the same dare to any 'devil' down there, or any other god of any religion -- show me what you got, suckas! You want a piece of me deity? Come down here and get some!

[Poppyseedman]

6. Sometimes you need to be careful what you ask for.

You aren't the first person to challenge God and get an answer you were not expecting.

[htuttle]

7. No problem. I'll wait

(tap, tap, tapping foot...)

[n2doc]

5. When Johnua went into Canaan after Moses died

God ordered that Joshua kill a soldier that had taken some loot from Jericho (where the walls fell down). But he didn't stop there. He had Joshua kill the Soldier's wife, and children, as well. Some god.

[StraightDope]

8. That's God (R-Heaven) for you...

[n2doc]

9. God (R-Heaven) is Old Testament

God (L-Love) New Testament. Guess which one the fundies love most?