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And now, from New Orleans, a message from our President

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Harry Monroe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Aug-30-06 07:16 PM
Original message
And now, from New Orleans, a message from our President
Warning: Satire to follow.

HURRICANE KATRINA ANNIVERSARY: PRESIDENT TRUMPETS MIRACULOUS TRANSFORMATION OF DEVASTATED GULF COAST INTO FABULOUS REAL ESTATE OPPORTUNITIES
Remarks by the President

THE PRESIDENT: Ummmmm... (Shuffles papers in front of a podium.)

Shit. This place is a D-U-M-P. I mean, at least last year it looked like God had curb-stomped everything. But I don't think God's been back here since then. You call these refrigerator boxes houses? Who scored this construction contract? Fucking Maytag? I'm depressed. Somebody get me a Dr. Pepper. And if one more skeeter bites Mr. President, Mr. President is going to punch somebody in the tits. Use the Delay homebrew spray that death juice everywhere. I want a halo of death wherever I walk, y'hear?

Why Trent Lott loves this coast, I'll never know. Stupid backstabbing faggot. His hairpiece drools, you know that? It's so greasy...

(Personal aide whispers into President's ear; lightly taps microphone; loud feedback is heard.)

Yes. Right. Good afternoon.

They say "let bygones be bygones." Take our utterly righteous invasion of Iraq: sure, maybe we didn't find any nukular-tipped intercontinental ballistic missiles, or chemical weapons, or even Osama Bin Laden. But we're there. Can't just cut and run. Nope. We will stay the course, even if it means the total and utter destruction of my administration, its legacy, the conservative movement, and, uh... Western Civilization?

http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/082906.asp
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