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AD 2008 - The diary of an intercontinental flight

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mtnester Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 04:47 PM
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AD 2008 - The diary of an intercontinental flight
My flight leaves today for London/Heathrow from the heartland at 0710 hours. The lines from the long range shuttle terminal will be long, so I arrive at Outparking at 0300 hours. My car is inspected and searched as I pull into the first stop lot, the dogs take their time sniffing through everything. I am eventually cleared through to Outparking.

Once parked in my assigned spot, I unload my new clear suitcases and baggage. The security attendant scans my driver's license and passport with his new handheld RFID scanner. I hand over my keys to the security attendant, who catalogs them and secures then with an on the spot RFID tag for easy retrieval once I return.

I am directed to the Outparking shuttle bay. We are still about 2 miles from the airport, and this is where the real security checks happen. Each passenger reports to a secure room, where their bags are opened and inspected, dog checked, and sprayed with a new explosives if explosives are detected, clear if not. Small RFID pearls are placed within each bag as they are loaded on a separate conveyor belt to be taken to a secure vehicle armed with TSA agents.

Each person, once separated from their bags, are then required to remove all of their outer clothing, place them in a a clear plastic bag, and then are scanned with a sophisticated system that will show if you have items in any body cavity. Once completed, you are then issued a set of paper scrubs and shoes, and your clothing is placed inside one of your bags and sent off to the secure baggage vehicle.

A nurse arrives in the room, preparing your IV cocktail for the trip. Since all food, water and personal items have been banned from flights, intravenous supplements are provided for the trip. Once the IV is in place, a solution of 0.9 saline and various nutrients are attached to the IV. The nurse discusses any medication you are on. You produce your prescription drugs, with a notarized document, complete with verifiable RFID chips, from your doctor, authorizing your medicine use, and describing the dosage. The nurse takes your medicines and places them in a secure, RFID container to be delivered to the on-board pharmacy/medical staff.

You then board the Outparking shuttle, and are taken to your terminal and gate. Inside the gate, you have a little while to enjoy some refreshments, and down a nicotine power drink, if necessary. You flight is called, and each person lines up and is verified through RFID scan of passport and Driver's license. Once on board, you are then visited by the on board medical staff, who issues you one Halcion, and, if you are a smoker, one Ativan. Once you wash down your medication with your paper cup of water, you are then instructed to use the restroom, and get comfortable...the flight will be leaving within the hour. You hang your IV fluid bag from the provided hook, settle in, and prepare for your journey.

During the flight, medical staff monitor all passengers, dispensing any prescription medication as needed. Halcion and Ativan are issued as needed, depending on the duration of the flight. Your vital signs are continually monitored through the new Smart Seats.

Once you land, you are directed and escorted by your on board medical staff to a processing area for IV removal. Once accomplished, you are taken to waiting shuttles, which have been ordered ahead of time based upon your destination and hotel accommodations. If you have any prescription medications, they are returned to you at that time. You are placed on the shuttle, and delivered to your hotel. Hotel security staff check you in with RFID scanners, and you are delivered to your room to recover for whatever time you need. Your bags will arrive from the airport within the next several hours. You drop into the bed to sleep off the last few hours of the Halcion and recover from jet lag. While you sleep, hotel security deliver your baggage to your room, and place them inside the door, and if prescription medication was indicated, medical staff will stop by to administer.

Repeat in 7 days.
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Jeroen Donating Member (608 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 04:59 PM
Response to Original message
1. Nice read, Jules! Thanks
I guess the terrorists should start medical school now! ;-)
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:00 PM
Response to Original message
2. Wow. You're optimistic about the level of customer service
and care people are going to get. :)
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mtnester Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 08:05 PM
Response to Reply #2
5. Smarty pants!
Although I found your post very funny...cracked a smile and a giggle...thanks!
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 08:23 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. I aim to please.
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readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:05 PM
Response to Original message
3. Hell, what makes you think they're going to do anything to help smokers.
I think it will be exactly like that, except we'll ear cloth scrubs provided by the airlines, and we'll be allowed to eat the foods they prepare for us.
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ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Aug-10-06 05:30 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. They won't do jack shit to help people with medical needs.
Instead they will strongly recommend that we not fly.

They will make baggage handling so much more convoluted that even more luggage will get lost, especially luggage with anything important or valuable in it because there will be more opportunities for more stuff to get stolen.

And we'll all have to sign wavers stating that the airlines are not responsible for any of this.
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