Right-Wing Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

[Bob Geiger]

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

Mr. Byron Steiner writes…

Hi Bob,

There's so much bull going with this Democratic Party. If you go back before the war, they were all gung ho to get Hussein. Now they flipped, and undermine the effort. I used to be a Democrat, I'd never vote for any of them again. Bush has been solid over the last few years, the Democrats are jelly. The media has given the terrorists hope by attacking our troops, and that's why the Terrorist keep on fighting. Let's take away the Terrorists hope...please report the good things coming out of the war!!!

To which I say...

Dear Byron;

While I am 48 years old and no longer smoke marijuana, I will say that previous personal experience leads me to believe that you must have quite a stash.

You say "Bush has been solid over the last few years" but didn't say at what. I'd say he's been solid at lying our nation into a war against another country with no capacity to harm us and no relationship to those who actually did attack us. He's been solid at making a world that embraced America on September 12, 2001, hate our collective guts now.

He's been incredibly solid at taking the biggest budget surplus is U.S. history and turning it into a deficit that will haunt my eight-year-old son's generation. And he's been just peachy at having an administration that violates the Constitution and debases our founding principles in a way that must make Osama bin Laden double over laughing.

As to a statement like "the media has given the terrorists hope by attacking our troops," I'll just assume that you ran out of pot and switched to crack cocaine before that sentence.

Finally, if you "used to be a Democrat," I have a hot date with Angelina Jolie tonight.

* * * * *

Ms. Allison Winters -- obviously referring to how I once criticized the head of the American Legion for swift-boating anti-war protestors -- writes…

Dear Robert,

Without people like Mr. Cadmus and his American Legion. You would have your basic German or Japanese Legion to go to. Now That's Totalitarianism and your little butt would be silent. Yes your right about getting the troops home - just as soon as the job is done. Even if you asked most Military types they would say you are right - Who Likes War? - least of all the people who fought in one. But you go to fight them there - not here. Enjoy your Freedom and Thank A Vet.

NO Fan!!

To which I reply...

Dear Allison;

I am a Vet, but feel uncomfortable thanking myself -- so I'll just accept your warm wishes. And, I have to say that nobody has implied that I have a "little butt" in a really long time and, because of you, I have a little extra spring in my middle-aged step today.

Thank you!

* * * * *

Mr. Randy Peluso obviously read something I once wrote castigating MSNBC's Norah O'Donnell for how overtly right wing she sometimes appears when substituting for Chris Matthews on Hardball and comments...

Hey, Leave Norah O'Donnell alone. She doesn't have to be like, or ask questions like Walter Cronkite, cause she is way prettier than he is!

Dear Randy;

Hey, I'm a guy, so I'm with you on the fact that, on a purely surface level, Ms. O'Donnell is indeed quite fetching. But, for real news, I'd have to take Walter Cronkite any day.

My advice for you, is next time Norah -- or Noron O'Donnell as the wags at Crooks and Liars call her -- is on television, dim the lights and enjoy what she has to offer with some oil and a box of tissues.

That should work for you.

Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at [email protected] and read more from him at Democrats.com.

[BOSSHOG]

1. I'm a Vet so we can thank each other Bob

Yeah, bush has been solid. Like a fucking rock. If bridges are "solid" they collapse. Flexibility results in strength, so of course bush will stay the course, remain inflexible. Although those who support him will let someone else help him stay the course as they cut and run when someone offers them an enlistment contract. And I was so inspired by the swiftboaters in 04, a band of junior officers who were too afraid to return emails of a retired Chief Petty Officer (me) who wanted to take them to the goat locker for a counseling session. Give em hell Bob!

[Vinnie From Indy]

2. A bunch of human Rush Limbaugh tape recorders.

Wind 'em up and listen as they spout all the hate and venom they have been fed by a lying, drug addicted, draft dodging piece of crap. One wonders of there were ever a Rustious Limbaughicus in ancient Rome in the service of the Caesars.

[dorktv]

3. hahahaha, good on you

[ShortnFiery]

4. Too cool!

I enjoyed your witty responses Bob Geiger. Personality wise we share a feisty edge that usually doesn't fail to amuse. :P

BTW in my little world (Kool-aid drinking VA suburb south of the D.C. beltway) Ken Mehlman and his buds at the Republican National Committee (RNC) must have ass-u-med that *we all* are Republicans in these HERE PARTS :P, i.e., we live in snooty upper middle class area well south of Cosmopolitan Fairfax, VA.

I responded to Ken's Survey sans donation to the RNC about one month ago. I thought that they'd smartly trash my input. But --> You know whAT? I was called two days ago by an RNC member thanking me for ALL THE SUPPORT that I've given to the republican party. :wtf: I politely responded, "Although I'm an unabashed Democrat, I felt an obligation to fill out last month's RNC survey because it was sent to me BY NAME." The RNC lady's response = <Crickets Chirping>

IMO Democrats in general have a "healthy sense of humor."

Your post put a smile to my Friday. Thanks and keep up the good writing Mr. Geiger. I look forward to reading your future editions of your "Friday Fruitcakes" mailbag. :applause: :hi:

[benddem]

5. another vet

says thanks. Between your letters and the righties on the Dauo report it strikes me that that righties are in serious denial. Everything we feel apparently is because of our "hatred of George Bush." Gee, did I dream the 8 years of Bill Clinton punching? I don't hate George Bush...he isn't worth my time and energy, I do hate what he has done to this country and wonder if we can ever make this the country our constitution was written for.

[ShortnFiery]

7. Yes, I forgot to mention that I also have Active Duty Honorable Military

Service under my belt.

US Army INSCOM Puke for four years. :-)

Wow, there's at lest three of us Military Veterans who responded to this thread! We can only hope that SOME Right Wingers eventually catch on that it's not just THEM who have (and ARE) serving in the Active Duty US Military.

[warrens]

6. Oooo, I liked that

That was pretty good pimp-slapping.

[gratuitous]

8. Hee, hee, hee

The first letter looks like it was generated by the Republican National Committee blast-o-letter. He hits all the cliché talking points: used to be a Democrat, Bush is rock solid, the media's losing the war for us, why don't you report the good news, blah, blah, blah.

The only new wrinkle is an acknowledgment that yes, liberals have opposed the brutal dictatorship of Saddam Hussein for some time. Why, we were even appalled by Mr. Hussein's regime back when Donald Rumsfeld was selling him arms to use against his neighbors in Iran and his own people. But for some reason, we've gone all squishy soft on Iraq because the steely-eyed Republicans brought out the sledgehammer and the shotgun to rid us of that pesky fly. We should make up our minds! Did we want him out of power or not?

I'd bet Byron Steiner's real initials (though BS is pretty accurate) are JG.