"Hayden Laments Politics of Intelligence" (spoof)

[Sparkly]

Hayden Laments Politics of Intelligence

WASHINGTON - In a statement prepared for his Senate confirmation hearing this morning, President Bush's CIA director-nominee, Gen. Michael Hayden, complained that intelligence-gathering has become "football in American political discourse."

"What's all this fuss about intelligence? For the past few years, a so-called 'intelligence community' has been developed. We cannot allow elitist rhetoric about 'intelligence' to sway politics in this country," Hayden said.

His reception by the Senate Intelligence Committee on Thursday was contentious. "Why do we even need an Intelligence Committee?" he ask. "Because intelligence has become a wedge issue plotted by the enemies of freedom, that's why. Six years ago, Vice President Al Gore's intelligence, compared with that of George W. Bush, was made into a political issue. More recently, we saw the trend continue with Senator John Kerry showing off his intelligence in presidential debates. There are many different kinds of intelligence, you know. And it's high time the politics of intelligence ended."

Senate Intelligence Committee Chairman Pat Roberts, R-Kan., interjected: "But, sir - "

"We can't fight a war on terror while we're spending all our time and energy arguing about intelligence!"

Democratic Sen. Carl Levin retorted, "Sir, what we're discussing is - "

"I know what we're discussing, Senator," replied Hayden. "Do you think you're the only ones with intelligence?"

The committee recessed, and Senator Roberts drew Hayden aside for a few moments. Reporters overheard Hayden remark loudly, "Oh! That's very different. Nevermind."

[Supersedeas]

1. whoa...kind of like General Jack D. Ripper's obsession with 'water'

Talk about not being on the same page.

[Sparkly]

2. Okay, I'm just gonna shamelessly kick this for the night crowd.

The subject/title was a real one (Yahoo/AP) -- I just saw it and laughed at the "politics of intelligence."

(The day crowd ignored the dry title, so I added the word "spoof!")