You're in charge of boosting Shrub's numbers. How?

[jmowreader]

Here's a fun little role-play for all you loyal Democrats.

You run a public relations company, and it's a good one. The White House calls and offers you a brazillion dollars to fix Chimpy's plummeting poll numbers. (They also offer to audit your taxes for the last 25 years if you don't, so you take the job and send the money to Democrats running in weak Republican districts.)

You're given virtual free rein...the only restrictions are:
* Bush won't resign
* Bush won't fly to the Hague and surrender
* Bush won't commit seppuku

Other than that, what would you have him do?

- - - - -

What I'd have him do:

1. Ask for Cheney's resignation. Replace him with either Olympia Snowe or Joe Lieberman. (There's a difference?)
2. Clean White House. Have Karl Rove thrown in prison. Get rid of the rest of the scumbags.
3. Start withdrawing troops from Iraq.
4. Promise to not attack Iran.
5. Convert the "war on terror" from the military action that it is now to the law enforcement action you need to actually catch terrorists.
6. Stop trying to cut taxes on the rich and instead design a tax reduction package that reduces taxes on middle-income people by more than $20 per year.
7. Close the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives.
8. Dump Timothy LaHaye and the Moonies and go to an actual church...and LISTEN TO WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE TELLING YOU!!!!
9. End privatization of the military.
10. Learn to speak English like someone who has a $350,000 education.

[napi21]

1. Fall on his sword. Cry in front of the cameras, and completely

replace his entire administration heads. Every Department, every staffer, every cabinet member, and include his VP. Appologize, and ask for forgivness of the American people for all his has done in the last 6 years.

And....sure, that's all gonna happen!

[Initech]

2. Attend military funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq.

There's one way.

[LiberalEsto]

3. I'd put him on TV

and have him humbly apologize to the American people, to the Iraqi people, and to the world, for the outrageous acts committed during his residency.

Then he should make Halliburton pay back all the money it stole, bring the troops home, and increase benefits and services to all veterans.

He doesn't have to resign, since he was never legally elected. He should admit it and hand over the White House keys to Al Gore, with a huge apology.

Then he should crawl on his hands and knees over a trail of cinders and broken glass, all the way back to Crawford, and stay there.

[Marr]

4. There is no recovering from lying your country into an *unsuccessful* war.

There just isn't.

The only way to improve the idiot's numbers would be to make Iraq a raging success, and I expect that's no longer a possibility. It might've been once- but the Bush Administration had to choose between setting up a functioning infrastructure in Iraq and exploiting the situation for their own enrichment. That was a no-brainer for them.

[Lin]

5. try truth, admit mistakes-show remorse (ha!) begin GOOD works (ala ted k.)

to begin making up for the blood, misery & wreckage on his filthy hands. .....and then I woke up.

[StellaBlue]

6. Love #10

bwhahahaha

[sweetheart]

7. Be a whipping post for losers worldwide

We've gained a 2 years-worth of free whipping post, free rug beating
and free republican kicking.

If you see the balls dangling, kick hard, we all love the expression
on his face when he recognizes responsibility for his own.

[MercutioATC]

8. Break out the kneepads and chapstick..he's gonna be busy for a while.

Short of spending the rest of his career performing fellatio (or kissing ass, whichever image you prefer) I don't think he has any chance of improving his image.

[longship]

9. I don't think it's possible.

However, putting myself in Turdblossom's place, and acting as I think Turdblossom might act.

* Attack the Democrats for leaving the USA vulnerable for high gasoline prices.
* Blame the troops in Iraq for messing everything up, especially those few bad eggs who tortured the prisoners and pissed off the Iraqis.
* Blame the media for lying about the NSA spying thing.
* Blame the Democrats and the liberal media bias for the Plame affair and the other scandals.
* Resurrect "criminalizing politics" mantra.
* Give daily speeches and make sure that the audiences are fully vetted.
* Increase the number of flags behind Chimp when he speaks.
* Continue secretly spying on all political opponents. Find some dirt on them and expose them.
* Make November elections about social issues, exclusively. Ignore calls for coverage of anything else. Make gay marriage and burning flags the top priorities for November.
* Tell Tony Snow that under no circumstances is he to directly answer any of the press's questions.
* Keep drumming these things over and over and over again, to catapult the propaganda.

[lectrobyte]

11. That's a pretty good list. I think all the immigration noise and bird flu

ought to go in there, too.

[jazzjunkysue]

10. Brain translplant.

With a Cocker Spaniel.

[mmonk]

12. Terror, tax cuts, illegals,

rinse and repeat.

[Ksec]

13. Resign in complete disgrace , go to prison for life

Hes committed war atrocities. Hes beyond any damage control.

He lied, thousands died. Unforgivable sin.

[Generic Brad]

14. Can He Ignite Himself?

It is technically not seppuku.

[Berry Cool]

15. Quick fix? Sudden medical crisis.

He is rushed to the hospital and it looks as if something is suddenly and seriously wrong. Other than that, information is kept at a minimum by the White House. All we know is that he is in the hospital and the situation is being monitored.

We go through a few days of not knowing what is really going on.

Suddenly--within moments--the attitude toward him changes to "OK, I don't like the guy and what he's doing at all...but I don't wish DEATH on him."

This becomes the new majority sentiment.

Of course there are extreme lefties who do then actively wish death on him...but they sure as hell don't want a President Cheney. And the fact that Cheney will then be, for the time being at least, acting president is terrifying enough. Even they can't help but wish for their "buffer" back. And of course, if any of them, despite all that, DID express any sort of untoward glee, he would be instantly beaten down as a cold-hearted creep.

As for other lefties, they are stuck in the same conumdrum...sure, I hate Bush, but man...I hate Cheney more...not that there is that huge a difference, but, DAMMIT, BUSH, GET BETTER SOON! PLEASE!!!!

I tell you, it'd work better and faster (and with less planning, fuss and track-covering) than, say, staging another "terra" threat or event.

edited to add: When he is eventually rolled out of the hospital...smiling weakly and waving...Laura his faithful wife by his side...to a street lined with cheering people holding up signs...his numbers will shoot right back up there.

For a while, anyway.

I would be smart...make sure he is given not just a temporary medical problem but one that could "recur" at any time...he's out of the woods now...but it could "come back" later. That way, we can give him a little oomph in the polls whenever the chips are down again.

I would also be sure that it was explained that part of the reason for the direness of his crisis was the strain he had been under from having to serve as president at such a difficult time in our nation's history...a time of terra...a time of war...a time when he was so under fire from so much criticism from so many quarters, when all he really wanted to do is the best job he could as president. That would be sure to guilt his critics into silence, or at least encourage his supporters to help guilt his critics into silence.