Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

COMPLETE TEXT (clean copy) - Full Video - Great Pic of Colbert

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (01/01/06 through 01/22/2007) Donate to DU
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:02 AM
Original message
COMPLETE TEXT (clean copy) - Full Video - Great Pic of Colbert
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 05:17 AM by autorank

Stephen Colbert Rocks theWhite House Correspondents Dinner



Pic grabbed by DUer truthpusher


Complete Clip Links: Free Video Blog
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E...
http://video.freevideoblog.com/video/C91DDBB4-28AD-4E6F...
DUers blitzen and SwampRat

Text captured by DUers Great CeasarsGhost and tridem
{closed caption transcript of Stephen Colbert}

------------

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.'S out front, could you please move them. They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'S and they need to get out.

Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what; I'm a pretty sound sleeper that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. Will be right over with a cocktail. Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps,

Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and its my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He's no so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brain backs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the fact (police). We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and thats not true. That's but you looked it up in a book.

Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox news, I own the copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists.

My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how The Washington Post" spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, ambassador, welcome, your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least.

And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe its yogurt. But I refuse to believe its not butter. Most of all I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- its important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means its 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldnt drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Folks, my point are that I dont believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie Rocky." The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the 10th round. He's bloodied, his corner man, Mick, who in this case would be the vice president, and hes yelling cut me, dick, cut me, and every time he falls she say stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like rocky he gets back up and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie.

Ok. It doesn't matter. The point is the heart warming story of a man who was repeatedly bunched in the face -- punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it.

I havent. I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, has he stood on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, maam.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this mans beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of fox news.

Fox News gives you sides of every story, the presidents side and the vice presidents side.

>> But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, theyre super depressing.

>> And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. Intelligence, the affect of global warms. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, hes the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

>> Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the white house has personnel changes. Then you write they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

>> Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be to my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday...tonight?

General Mosley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

C'mon. Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but hes going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants.

>> It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

>> Justice Scalias here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir. You look fantastic. How are you?

>>
John McCain is here. John McCain - John McCain. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. There's no predicting him. So wonderful to see you coming back into the republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light.

Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city. Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I would like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center. >> And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a mala march is what Im describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Dezi Arnez. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! >> Oh, what have I said? I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight?

Dodged a bullet.

And we can't forget man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret service name, snow job. What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

>> Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan too say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Cards children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision to quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

(Vodeo Tape by Colbert with Helen Thomas, a must see. Links above for whole speech plus the tape.)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
TheWatcher Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:05 AM
Response to Original message
1. Thanks Autorank!
I posted the links about 2 seconds after you did. :)

Tonight was just brilliant.

There are no other words.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:08 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. Great minds think alike;) This is the best...
I actually enjoyed converting the text. It's so devastating. This is a work of pure genius.
Political art!!!

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:41 AM
Response to Reply #1
38. The last time I felt this amazed by the truth to power from a comedian
Was when Jon Stewart staged his intervention with some no longer remembered guys on a show that was very rapidly cancelled.

That was amazing. This was amazing in the same way.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Babel_17 Donating Member (948 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:11 PM
Response to Reply #38
87. I was thinking along similar lines (nt)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lostexpectation Donating Member (312 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:06 AM
Response to Original message
2. anybody go the 2 bush's transcript...
as
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
radfringe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:08 AM
Response to Original message
3. Just watched the clip
I can see why some people said it didn't go over well - not much 'laughing' from the audience

but it went over GREAT FOR ME... had to pause the video a couple of times to wipe off the coffee from my monitor..

I love the helen sequence!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:09 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. How about that feedback sequence with the press where he loses it?
My God...Stephen was tripping! :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ClintonTyree Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:09 AM
Response to Original message
6. Outstanding.......
I doubt there's anyone else who could so thoroughly tear these people to ribbons without them really knowing it. Colbert is a master, I hope they have the replay on CSPAN today, I wasn't able to watch last night.

Thanks, autorank! :yourock: K&R
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:12 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. My pleasure. and it was great reformatting the text. It is so brilliant.
"misery accomplished..." damn, missed that on the videos.

What a moment. I knew he'd rock this thing when he nailed Kristol. OMf'ingG!

Cheers!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DianaForRussFeingold Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:33 AM
Response to Reply #7
13. "misery accomplished..." hahaha.
:evilgrin: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Jigarotta Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:03 AM
Response to Reply #7
58. I saw him eviscerate Kristol as well.
what a show!
that fricken weasel Kristol seems dumb as a post. in a dangerous way, of course.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:14 AM
Response to Original message
8. K&R. All together in one convenient package!
Thanks, autorank.

The greatest page SHOULD be filled with Colbert threads for a day. The man frickin' earned it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:18 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. Hello and have a great rest of your night.
Time to pull the top down on my coffin...sun light approaches :evilgrin:

Cheers!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:42 AM
Response to Reply #9
14. Good night, sweet Count. May flights of fruitbats see thee to thy rest.
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 05:42 AM by Kurovski
:loveya:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Cooley Hurd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:18 AM
Response to Original message
10. K&R - Thanks Autorank!
:thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:31 PM
Response to Reply #10
64. My pleasure...this will resonate..."The word is more powerful than the
the sword." In this case, the sword is sheathed by the Mandarins and their masters. They don't know
what to do with the truth. They'll have a few days of misleading press and cheap shots and think this
is burried. Then there will be a huge growth in Colbert ratings. Then the words, those amazing words,
will move quickly into the public vocabulary.

You can't stomp out art, you can't erase free speech, and nobody can shut Colbert up. He gave one for
the team...God bless him.

Cheers
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:24 AM
Response to Original message
11. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:46 AM
Response to Reply #11
15. Ahhh...we all uns just got lower standards I guess.
Don't be mean to your lessers, now.

Noblesse oblige, er whatever. :-) :hi:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:56 AM
Response to Reply #11
18. Terrific...
Be sure to comment on them all. Maybe someone from you candidate's district will be running one of those threads. Make a friend or something.

Cheer up, watch the video, read the text. Have a :rofl: It's all good.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ClintonTyree Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:04 AM
Response to Reply #11
19. It was much more than a "wisecrack about Baby Bush"....
it was a total annihilation of everything about his presidency. I feel I have a keen sense of humor and innuendo and Colbert ROCKED! If the Bush White House group didn't walk out of there feeling like total failures and assholes I can't imagine what could spur them to do so. It was magnificent!

Just a difference of opinion I guess, but I thought Colbert lampooned everyone that had it coming in the first place. Stephan had better have all of his i's dotted and t's crossed on his tax forms from now on though!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Pacifist Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:19 AM
Response to Reply #11
32. Different tastes. I saw someone shred the current presidency in total.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:50 AM
Response to Reply #32
40. Don't forget the equally complete shred
of the oh, so, deserving press, with the exception of our own DU hero, Helen Thomas, with whom he shared the comedy spotlight.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:39 PM
Response to Reply #40
65. tavalon, Was this the best line or what...
" I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. "

I mean, my God. Its a great line; its a great line for the finale; its Colert commenting
on the focus of his career and character right now; and its a beautiful "in your face" to
the very people he's talking about. He's humorous and telling truth; in character, yet
speaking through the character. This is the stuff of greatness. Will Rogers is smiling.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Pacifist Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #40
84. I thought that was just beyond awesome.
Neither the press nor the president were given one ounce of quarter.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tavalon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:48 AM
Response to Reply #11
39. The Colbert Report took some getting used to for me
It becomes a lot funnier when you realize he's doing a fine parody of Bill O'Reilly. That said, what Colbert did last night far outranked anything he's ever done on his show and the reason people are going ga-ga about it is because it was pretty damn clear he did his schtick not so much for the laughs but for the truth. That's why I'm comparing it to the Jon Stewart moment on Crossfire. It was the time I knew the guy was in it for the real reason, not just the laugh, and same here.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to put up with this at least for today. We have so few who stand up for us and even fewer who do it as masterfully as Colbert did last night. He deserves his 15 minutes to last a a full 24 hours.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ginnyinWI Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:20 PM
Response to Reply #39
62. I didn't appreciate him until I actually watched Bill O'Reilly once.
Then I understood. This misunderstanding might be why he got the gig in the first place--people had no idea what he was really about.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Pacifist Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:07 PM
Response to Reply #62
83. More's the pity for them.
;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
electropop Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:16 PM
Response to Reply #62
92. "no idea what he was really about"
I think that's it. Colbert's targets weren't laughing because most of them are too stupid to get it. The rest were pissed.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Pacifist Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:07 PM
Response to Reply #39
82. I agree with you.
Last night sealed it for me. It's not just a personna for Colbert. It's a calling.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DianaForRussFeingold Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:27 AM
Response to Original message
12. Thank You! This is Great!You Are Great! DU Is Great! YOU ROCK!
LOL,HaHaHa I Love The DU!Thank You,You are an Angel O8) Stephen Colbert Rocks the White House :rofl: :yourock: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :applause: :applause: :applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:53 AM
Response to Original message
16. "Vodeo tape"? don't you mean "Vodeo-d'oh tape"?
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 06:10 AM by Kurovski
:-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nicknameless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:52 AM
Response to Reply #16
49. Hehe
That's what I thought when I saw it too.

:D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:47 PM
Response to Reply #16
67. Typos are my "tell," my "signature" -- at least you know its me;)

Autorank, Maximum Leader, RankLand, Milky Way


My Royal Courtesan ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Kurovski Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:09 PM
Response to Reply #67
85. So it's like the royal seal? I see.
The mark of autorank authenticity. :D

They are some of the most unique typos, to be certain. The court is most amused, my liege. :-)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ClintonTyree Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 05:54 AM
Response to Original message
17. The GANNON button!
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Needless to say, Stephan Colbert will NEVER be asked back to another White House Correspondence Dinner! Oh my fucking god, He BURIED them! There were a lot of tight asses in that crowd, Bush being the tightest. You could see him seething, boiling underneath his not so calm exterior.

Greatest White House Press Correspondence Dinner....EVER! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Stephan Colbert, you are a genius! :yourock:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:06 AM
Response to Reply #17
20. What a bunch of dip wads. Uptight is their middle name. They
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 06:07 AM by autorank
probably hyphenate it for status. Jeff U.T. Gannon.

Oh, that tape was a thing of beauty.

You can live your whole like in the DC Metro area and never run into any of this jerks. They're pariahs. Unwelcome, unless they behave. The air of self-importance is just enough to make you throw up.

And...most of them are screw ups...I mean, it's not like things are going that well and they've played a major role in bringing on the 20 foot rise in sea level through their ignorance of climate change science.

They should all be mocked in the town square, Pilgrim style ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Minnesota Libra Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:20 AM
Response to Original message
21. OMG, and to think I missed that, Colbert was ripping on everyone..........
.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Heidi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:22 AM
Response to Original message
22. Thank you, autorank!
Kicked and recommended. :hug:

:thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftchick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:29 AM
Response to Original message
23. autorank...
:yourock:

Thank You!!!!

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:48 PM
Response to Reply #23
68. Welcome!!!
:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
highnooner Donating Member (373 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:33 AM
Response to Original message
24. No one was left standing except Colbert and Thomas
He pummelled everyone in Washington to shreds.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftchick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:49 AM
Response to Original message
25. I was watching the chimp through out the whole thing
well, there were only a few shots of his reaction. HE WAS P I S S E D!!!!!

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:21 AM
Response to Reply #25
33. No kidding - he could barely force a smile.
I'm sure he was thinking about how to get back at him.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:47 PM
Response to Reply #25
102. He was actually there? Cool! (Cant't see the videos :^( )
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Sugar Smack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:53 AM
Response to Original message
26. That was such a joy to read! Thank you.
:rofl: :patriot:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Junkdrawer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:01 AM
Response to Original message
27. Balls.Of.Steel
The Mark Twain of our Age

:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Neoma Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:03 AM
Response to Original message
28. Thank you very much.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:50 PM
Response to Reply #28
69. My pleasure ... and it was!
The closed caption text came first then closed caption w/out #'s then this.

As I reformatted it, I reread so many lines again. Just amazing. This one
has strong legs, it will be around for ever. A work of pure genius and
also patriotism. Talk about speaking truth to power...holy cow!

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
chat_noir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:05 AM
Response to Original message
29. The Moderate Voice review
Colbert's White House Correspondent Dinner Performance Underscores Irony's Power And Delicacy

You could see it if you watched it live (we did): while Colbert got laughs, cutaway shots showed some members of the audience unlaughing or seemingly unamused. If in show biz you measure the success of a comedy set by the duration and volume of laughs, Bush & impersonator were a smash. By THAT standard, Colbert wasn't since he got (with a few exception) mostly softer "titters."

Yet, in terms of content, Colbert's satire was more biting, had a message and was far less playful more akin to what you'd hear in a point-of-view "set" in a comedy club. And irony is always a tougher task.

http://www.themoderatevoice.com/posts/1146380087.shtml
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
jbnow Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:11 AM
Response to Original message
30. Thanks
I am replying to this so I can put reply in my journal so I can always get to your post. (I hope it works that way, it's how I have been using it.)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Octafish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:16 AM
Response to Original message
31. Thanks, Autorank! Much obliged for the big laughs.
PYSCHO NUTJOB

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
progressoid Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:25 AM
Response to Original message
34. Thanks for the link!! - - Love this part
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 08:21 AM by progressoid
So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means its 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldnt drink it. The last third is usually backwash.

That's his base - BACKWASH!!!

Edited to add: Scalia seemed to enjoy himself. Wow.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:00 PM
Response to Reply #34
70. Scalia just lives obscene gestures...he was positively gleeful. Amazing.
In ancient Greece, the subjects of the vicious comedies performed would show up,often, and take a bow. Now that's class. They went on their own. Bush and the Mandarins had to be there and they were no gracious. Oh, well Scalia got some good footage too. He's smart enough to know what was going on at that point. He probably thinks the crowd are all idiots too (for different reasons that we do ;)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
W_HAMILTON Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:31 AM
Response to Original message
35. My opinion
I thought it started off slow, and didn't think his jokes were too funny at the start. On the bright side, even if his jokes weren't going over that well to begin with, they were almost more scathing than usual, so that's a positive in my book.

Towards the end, he started getting funnier, and I loved the last skit, even though I thought it went on a bit too long. Helen Thomas doing that slow little walk of her's is a little frightening.

Overall, on a scale of 1-10, I'd probably rate it a 6 or 7 for the comedy. Not his best stuff, but at least he when he wasn't being laugh-out-loud funny, he was lobbing some criticism at someone. I personally was hoping for a mention of Duke, or maybe even Rush, complete with his mock crying. I think that would have good over great!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Pacifist Patriot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:32 AM
Response to Original message
36. Bloody Brilliant!
Loved this part: Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftchick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:38 AM
Response to Original message
37. Pickles looked so confused!
:rofl:

and Colbert was fucking fearless! DAMN!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
itzamirakul Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:10 AM
Response to Original message
41. I missed Colbert's performance last night and this Sunday morning I am
watching a press correspondent on C-Span's Washington Journal, (Byron York of the National Review) and according to him...the Bush routine was "SO MUCH FUNNIER" than Colbert's.

C-Span showed a short selection of Bush's impersonator telling incredibly painful and corny jokes about Cheney shooting the lawyer, etc. Each one was worst than the one before.

Well, thank you for posting the text of Colbert's segment because as all of you have posted in this thread, it IS absolutely brilliant and I do hope they will show this performance on C-Span as a re-run, because I would love to see it! I can't BELIEVE he got away with the complete delivery of the material without being dragged off stage "with the hook!" What I really want to see is the audience reaction to his performance and to each of his "zingers."

Unfortunately, my present computer is so ancient that I am lucky to just get on line, to say nothing of trying to watch a video.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Terran1212 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:06 PM
Response to Reply #41
80. Helen Thomas Video (OMG THAT WAS GREAT!)
I ROFLed on that one so much.

And did you guys see how Colbert pretty much just walked past Bush? Hehe.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
FredStembottom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:30 AM
Response to Original message
42. "And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished."
"And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. Intelligence, the affect of global warm(ing). We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew."

The greatest thing said in 6 years in America! I know that the Bushadmin is bad. Really, really bad..... but I have felt all along that none of this nightmare could have happened - or lasted 5 minutes - if the press hadn't been in collusion with them.

I hope this video gets viewed by reporters in every "news" room in America (I think they just might. Colbert's fearlessness shows the way to freedom for them, too)! They all must be made excruciatingly uncomfortable each and every day. They must becom overwhelmed with the desire to speak freely once again. There must be friction and trouble in "news" rooms all across America. A price-too-dear must be extracted from the conspiratorial owners of the Captive Press - if that's possible.

They press must be moved to the point where the blowback from their collusion is just too strong, too not-worth-it. They must reach the point where hitching their wagons to a rising, angry, democratic American majority outweighs the benefits of collusion with a tiny, utterly failed oligarchy.

If this can be done - change will come to this country literally overnight.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:03 PM
Response to Reply #42
72. "misery accomplished" is the first term to enter the common ussage.
That was just amazing...I went back and found it in the text to make sure it's what I heard. Muchof the speech was so mind blowing you need the text.

Cheers.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ZanZaBar Donating Member (95 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:35 AM
Response to Original message
43. Stephen Colbert, you are a TRUE AMERICAN HERO!
:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
BlueEyedSon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:36 AM
Response to Original message
44. That's "FACT-onistas" ( a play on "fashionistas")
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SupplyConcerns Donating Member (305 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:54 PM
Response to Reply #44
79. Actually a play on the left-wing Sandinistas
Which is why Colbert constantly invokes that conjugation to dismiss his left-wing 'targets'.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Yollam Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:36 AM
Response to Original message
45. Wow. That was harsh.
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 08:43 AM by Yollam
I agree that the laughs were a bit... uncomfortable, but wow. He barely was able to hide his contempt. I wouldn't be able to hide it at all...


Also amazed that Bush sat through it all. That's more dissent than he's been allowed to see and hear than in the rest of his presidency altogether. He must've been PISSED.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
AussieDave Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:41 AM
Response to Original message
46. Wow - he lined up all his ducks then used a sub-machine gun
to mow them all down. He didn't miss anyone, and no wonder some parts didn't get much applause - this routine hit WAY too close to home for many of the "correspondents" at that dinner. Their level of discomfort would have been like sitting there with a carrot firmly lodged in their respected asses.

Stephen Colbert kicks major and serious ass !!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Paradise Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:42 AM
Response to Original message
47. "and they need to get out."
a mosaic of double entendres...

ingenious
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Stephanie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:50 AM
Response to Original message
48. 
absolutely brilliant and very brave
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
RUMMYisFROSTED Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:54 AM
Response to Original message
50. "Backwash."
:wow:

:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
HamiltonHabs32 Donating Member (465 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:17 AM
Response to Original message
51. SFW Video Site
Same idea, just a link to the full speech, however no nudie photos included for those who are at work.

http://throwawayyourtv.com/2006/04/colbert-at-white-hou...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
chat_noir Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:10 PM
Response to Reply #51
76. You Tube - great quality videos!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:30 AM
Response to Original message
52. thanks for the update. it sounded like a fun and pleasant evening
:patriot:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Infomaniac Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:06 AM
Response to Original message
53. Nominated. This is a must-see
Brew some coffee and invite the neighbors in to view it. Brilliant. Absolutely motherf'ing brilliant.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
suffragette Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:23 PM
Response to Reply #53
63. Don't forget to lay down a tarp to catch
all the coffee the neighbors will be spitting out when they're drinking then laughing at the same time.

:spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray:

Colbert didn't pull any punches and all of them landed squarely. Yes, just brilliant.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mdmc Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:12 AM
Response to Original message
54. that was very funny!
thank you so much for the links!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:04 PM
Response to Reply #54
73. Welcome...what a pleasure to read, watch and watch again. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Jack Rabbit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:39 AM
Response to Original message
55. In pre-revolutionary France, it was the Figaro plays by Beaumarchais
Napoleon regarded the Figaro plays as the beginning of the French Revolution.

Is Colbert the Beaumarchais of America before the deluge that will bring down Bush and the neocons?



Yesterday, April 29, 2006, will go down in history as a great day in America.

When do we storm the Bastille?

Liberty Leading the People (1830) by Eugne Delacroix
From the website of the University of Southern California

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:05 PM
Response to Reply #55
74. ...and Napoleon knew what he was talking about. Perfect!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
IChing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:43 AM
Response to Original message
56. Extremely Brave, what guts and funny as hell thank you for the link
What will happen to Colbert after this? He touched all the bases and ran with a home-run right in front of his face.
Courage it took a lot of courage to do this.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Jigarotta Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:00 AM
Response to Original message
57. Thank You! Autorank!
for the transcript.

omg! we were howling with tears and laughter here at my house. dammit, that's got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read!

Just love this line:
""The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday."""
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:15 PM
Response to Reply #57
91. Welcome!!! That line is a classic. So are these...(collection;)


The power of WORDS and IDEAS:


he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this mans beliefs never will.

or this

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, hes the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

or this

This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

or this

I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

or this

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

or this

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, theyre super depressing.

And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

or this



I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Sparkly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:15 PM
Response to Reply #91
118. Great selection of quotes.
One after another -- he hit 'em hard. Out of the park.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Miss Chybil Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:39 AM
Response to Original message
59. Ben Franklin, Mark Twain, Stephen Colbert...
He was ruthless. Bravo!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bleever Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:08 PM
Response to Original message
60. Mind-blowingly brave and funny. It felt like a cultural turning point,
given that it was televised, and all the inside-the-beltway ribbing became a public feast wherein it was painfully obvious that people were laughing at, and not with the pResident.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #60
75. These usually stay inside the beltway...not this time;)
This is a battle cry. If fake reporters (Stewart & Colbert) have have more brains and guts than
the real ones. why do we need MSM. That's one of the truly revolutionary outcomes of the work
they've both offered. Last night was the culmination. Thanks to John Steward for promoting
talent and spotting greatness.

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
benny05 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:09 PM
Response to Original message
61. The Freepers haven't said a word about it
They are too concerned about Condi breaking ranks with * about the national anthem.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
readmoreoften Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 01:45 PM
Response to Original message
66. Stephen Colbert for Head of the DNC.
He's a one man opposition party.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
understandinglife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:00 PM
Response to Original message
71. Thank you! Recommended.
Peace.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #71
77. It's all good...but not for the quislings and mandarins.
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 02:12 PM by autorank
They've had the veil pulled away and we're seeing The Picture of Dorian Bush in all of
its horrific vulgarity. Last night was the epitome of all that's been building for so long.
As a nation, we are living out a B-movie horror show script written by fools and performed by
incompetents. Last night was not just a political statement and profound comedic art, it was
reality based reporting.

Cheers
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
understandinglife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #77
86. "... it was reality based reporting." Most definitely, And, today they ...
... all get to read Savage in the Globe!

Greenwald's has some excellent comments on Savage and I posted a link to them:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

They've got no where to hide ...


Peace.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tomreedtoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 02:37 PM
Response to Original message
78. This is why you should defy the copyright laws!
If you don't know what Bittorrent is, for God's sake get off your butt and find out. Find out how to use it. Find places on the Internet that will allow you to share this video. Download it. Burn it to DVD.

Yes, I know I'm asking a lot of you nontechnicals out there, but you own computers, you should learn how to use them to their fullest. You paid a fortune for them, didn't you? Try doing something to make them worthwile.

Anyway, get the video, burn it to DVD, make copies, give it to friends. This is the most important video of the year, and nobody but us "pirates" will distribute it as it needs to be distributed. Leave it up to the five megacorporations who own the media, and their fraudulent copyright laws, and this will be buried. So take it on yourself to spread the word.

This is exactly the kind of attack the Democratic Party should be making, or would, if the Democratic Party cared more for this country than for their likeability factors and their consultants.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:25 PM
Response to Reply #78
94. Recommended: Bit Torrent...last frontier of freedom. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 03:07 PM
Response to Original message
81. Colbert moves to the head of the class.
nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Synnical Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 06:50 PM
Response to Original message
88. Wicked Good.
Thanks for posting. The Helen Thomas skit was terrific.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nicknameless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:03 PM
Response to Original message
89. NOW do they get that he's lampooning them?
Thanks for this, Auto! :yourock:

Vodeo-doh :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:27 PM
Response to Reply #89
95. Welcome!!! It is such a great read, the man "stood tall" and spoke
truth to power. It was like those characters Gary Cooper played. One man against the mob.

What struck me was the Andy Kaufman zone he was in. He's so edgy on the show because he's so deep
into the character. We say history.

Now watch it seep into the political culture.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nicknameless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:43 PM
Response to Reply #95
101. And he delivered that skewering just a few feet from dimson!
Awesome courage!

:wow: :patriot:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
renate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:04 PM
Response to Original message
90. thank you SO MUCH for the transcript
My computer always freezes whenever I try to watch videos, so this was a huge treat.

:yourock:

And Stephen, I :loveya: you.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:30 PM
Response to Reply #90
97. Words have power...you're welcome. Here's something for you:)


The power of WORDS and IDEAS:


he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this mans beliefs never will.

or this

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The president makes decisions, hes the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know fiction.

or this

This ships not sinking.

This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on The Hindenburg...

or this

I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don't let them retire. C'mon, we've got a stop loss program; let's use it on these guys. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle.

or this

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us; we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

or this

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. Wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, theyre super depressing.

And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

or this



I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
renate Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:42 PM
Response to Reply #97
100. "some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating"
Since nobody tells him bad news, I wonder whether this was the first time Bush has heard how low it is. Ouch. :nopity:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Cha Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:19 PM
Response to Original message
93. Brilliant, thanks autorank!
I can't get enough of this stuff!

"yada yada yada...But I just have one beef, maam.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen. What's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this mans beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of fox news.

Fox News gives you sides of every story, the presidents side and the vice presidents side."

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:31 PM
Response to Reply #93
98. ...so perfect. He's the "decider" not the "reader" damn it....
...get it straight ;)

It just gets better the more I look at it.

What fun.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:28 PM
Response to Original message
96. thank you! I saved this all day so I could read & watch.
How invigorating!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 07:33 PM
Response to Reply #96
99. You will not be disappointed. MSM should all just resign.
They won't but they should. Just all quit, go help the folks in NOLA, give their ill gotten gains
to charity, and self flagelate every January 6th (Patriots Day).

Enjoy!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Phrogman Donating Member (940 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:42 PM
Response to Original message
103. His skit with Helen was not aimed at any "press secretary"
I think the question he had of her asking for the "real reason you went to war" was the question she had asked Chimpnuts personally.
And the routine of being chased down by the elderly woman and unable to excape was something he wanted to have stick in that bastards little mind, like a nightmare scenario.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:47 PM
Response to Reply #103
113. You got it. That's so devastating. She was obviously a bit slow
and, bless her huge heart, she was laughing through the entire bit.

Bush scared by an 80 plus reporter ... it was aimed at him. Just like the line at the end:

"I have total contempt for these people. I know how to handle them." The first sentence was spoken by
the Colbert character AND in by Colbert in behalf of all us. The second, in behalf of the Colbert Faux news personality and as a commentary on how Colbert was treating the press and the truth of his tape, which was shown right after this.

This is one deep performance. We'll be talking about it for a long time. It will be taught in college classes, it lives forever on the internet.

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lovuian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:47 PM
Response to Original message
104. COLBERT ROCKS!!! The TRUTH HURTS!!!
:applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
goforit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:48 PM
Response to Original message
105. He brought reality inside the glass castle........... Brassy all the way!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Eric J in MN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:50 PM
Response to Original message
106. Thank you (nt)
nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
goforit Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:53 PM
Response to Original message
107. Thanks Autorank!!!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
robertpaulsen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 08:57 PM
Response to Original message
108. In truthiness, I'm glad to make this a 5 star thread with the 80th rec!
Way to go Colbert!

:yourock:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
109. Like I said in another thread, he is our Juvenal.
He confronted the emporer at court, right in front of the royalty... panem et circense et Stevius Colberus vitam impendere vero-iness! :D


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:31 PM
Response to Reply #109
111. There must be hope for the stenographers because
THEY BOOKED HIM.

:thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:49 PM
Response to Reply #109
114. Great statement. Multi layered icons--devastating! Thank YOU!!! n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
stevedeshazer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:27 PM
Response to Original message
110. Yeah, Buddy!
Don't you love it? :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:51 PM
Response to Reply #110
115. I love it so much, I'm gonna take it home;)
Entirely too much. Talk about speaking truth to power. He spoke for many of us last night and he
was amazing. The guy didn't crack a sweat. He wasn't bothered by the lack of response, he knew
they wouldn't laught. They're dumb but not brain dead. And they had to take it...haha

:evilgrin:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Octafish Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:46 PM
Response to Original message
112. A ''The stomach has more nerve endings than the brain'' kick.
Bush is an idiot and a coward and little more than a know-nothing crazy monkey.

And the tape shows it.

Hmm. Who'd a thought it took a comedian to stand up the great bully?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Swamp Rat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 09:56 PM
Response to Reply #112
116. LOL!
I love that line!!! :D

"Ob panem et circense ibi Stevius Colberus vitam impendere vero-iness!"


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MaggieSwanson Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:12 PM
Response to Original message
117. Thanks for the transcript, autorank!
I've been trying to watch the clips, but my ancient computer is no match. Can anyone post a description of the "audition tape"?

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #117
123. You're welcome. What a moment. He spoke for 68% of the country.
The "dissapprovals" who never get their day in court. Well they got they night, and it
was devastating.

Words have power, they live on. This was/is history.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
electron_blue Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:29 PM
Response to Original message
119. Colbert, the Stealth Court Jester
That's what I kept thinking - he is playing the role of royal court jester, daring to say what no one else is, all because he's making a joke of it the whole time (or appearing to be).

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Backwash" !! I love it. Finally, an explanation for the 32%

"Misery accomplished"

Two great phrases that will live on, I tell you.

I do wonder if Bush is left wondering wth is going on out there. Since we know he gets all news extremely filtered.

Also - THIS (communication about Colbert's triumph) is why the govt wants control of the Internet.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:18 PM
Response to Reply #119
124. A must, controlling the internet..but they will fail. Court Jester-perfect
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
katinmn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:33 PM
Response to Original message
120. Thanks for the transcript! Bookmarking to save
print, pass around, enjoy. :)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:18 PM
Response to Reply #120
125. You are very welcome;)
Pass it far and wide. Feel free to further clean up the format.

:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Sparkly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:36 PM
Response to Original message
121. "The last third is usually backwash."
A great term for the 33% who still approve of Chimpy: "Backwash!!" :rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 11:19 PM
Response to Reply #121
126. I'll bet a) Clark watched it and b) he got it just like we did. I'm
positive... :evilgrin:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
PatrioticLeftie Donating Member (909 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Apr-30-06 10:54 PM
Response to Original message
122. How awesome is Stephen Colbert?
Edited on Sun Apr-30-06 10:54 PM by PatrioticLeftie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SheWhoMustBeObeyed Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-01-06 11:12 AM
Response to Original message
127. Your thread is linked on today's Salon 5-1
Edited on Mon May-01-06 11:14 AM by SheWhoMustBeObeyed
in their "The Fix" section:

http://www.salon.com/ent/col/fix/2006/05/01/mon /

Congrats!

The full video (divided in two parts) is linked in Salon's "Video Dog" section along with a scathing critique of mainstream reaction to it in "War Room."





Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
myrna minx Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-01-06 12:52 PM
Response to Original message
128. Thank you so much for this!
:yourock:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 01:08 AM
Response to Reply #128
130. You are most welcome!!! :) n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
romulusnr Donating Member (186 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 12:13 AM
Response to Original message
129. Something other than conservative bias?
While I agree that the omission of Colbert from media coverage of the correspondent's dinner is a big dent in any AM radio pundit's "liberal media" routine, I venture another reason why Colbert's screed didn't get picked up.

Colbert didn't just attack the president in his speech, he also levied extra vitriol at the Washington press corps and American "professional" journalists en masse. And, I'm sorry, but from my experience, a lot of mainstream journalists are snobby, jealous, and self-important. Attack journalists in general, and in general journalists will respond by completely ignoring you, and deriding you in the meantime.

Colbert might have actually got some blips on the network news radar, if he hadn't made jabs at them at the same time. (And they deserve it, no doubt.)

Also, don't forget, Daily Show cast members, seen as pseudo-journalists by the mainstream media (and, they admittedly are, but what the more self-important of journalists forget is that this doesn't make them irrelevant), are already trivialized by the media, much for the same reasons as above.

Why is it that independent journalists, or even often the stories they cover, are so often ignored by the mainstream media? Is it really because the stories aren't important, or even interesting? Or is there a certain jealousy or snobbery towards those "fake journalists" who don't work for the Man or dress nice for work?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 01:12 AM
Response to Reply #129
131. They can dish it out but they sure can't take it. Punks
"You (MSM) can't stand the truth." Jack Nicholson

They can't kill these amazing words. They're all here, with some further editing needed, and they
won't go away. Too bad for the Munchkin Stream Media...their crimes will live on and their
infamy will be known to all now and forever.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dutchjingles Donating Member (2 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 06:58 AM
Response to Original message
132. downloadable videos
Over here two downloadable clips of Steven Colbert Whitehouse correspondents:

http://files.ww.com/download.html?id=13903 (16 min / 26 Mb Quicktime)
http://files.ww.com/download.html?id=13904 (15 min / 10 Mb WindowsMedia)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nicknameless Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 08:32 AM
Response to Reply #132
133. Thanks for posting that!
Welcome to DU, dutchjingles :toast:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
autorank Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-02-06 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #132
134. Right, I second those thanks. Great stuff. Fun to get it out there...
...who needs MSM..haha
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
sarabethg Donating Member (1 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-03-06 10:21 AM
Response to Original message
135. Cleaned-up version of the Colbert transcript
Edited on Wed May-03-06 10:39 AM by sarabethg
Posting a full transcript was a brilliant idea. Many thanks!

You inspired me to take your transcript and do a massive clean-up. There was a large number of small bits missing here and there, and quite a few errors too. The cleaned up version is posted at http://www.1115.org/colbert-at-the-white-house-correspo... /

Feel free to use that version to update what you have here (or to use it in any way you like).
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Junkdrawer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-03-06 11:02 AM
Response to Original message
136. Let's keep this kicked for the few who haven't seen it yet...
:kick:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
trekbiker Donating Member (724 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed May-03-06 12:28 PM
Response to Original message
137. awesome.. Colbert has more courage than the entire press corp
and more integrity
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Fri Jun 23rd 2017, 05:29 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (01/01/06 through 01/22/2007) Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC